When This is Over

I’m missing one of my bestest friend’s wedding today. It was a choice I made consciously to put my pursuit of a family first. But today I’m feeling like a shitty friend and I wish I’d been there. I even painted my nails blue today to match the rest of the bridesmaids even though nail polish is bad for fertility. lol.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff I’ve had to put on hold during this journey. I’m not bitter about these things generally but today I’m feeling the full weight of these choices. So here’s a list of things I want to do when this is over. They’re mostly self-indulgent and most likely unnecessary but they will make me happy, even if for a short while.

When this is over:

I’m going to order a large pizza from Pizza Hut and a giant shamrock shake from Mcdonald’s and eat it all by myself. No splitsees! (This gross meal changes weekly but it’s going to be big and gross and all for me)

I’m going to host a dinner party and I’m going to cook everything myself. 5 courses minimum.

I’m going to apply for citizenship.

We’re going to go to Switzerland and London to visit my best friends!

I’m going to buy a pair of Jimmy Choo’s

I’m going to order everything on my wish list on Amazon.

I’m going to resubscribe to all my subscription boxes and get the 3 more I’ve had my eye on.

I’m not going to miss anymore fucking weddings!!!

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14 thoughts on “When This is Over

  1. I’m sorry you’re missing the wedding. What a complete bummer. I am with you on the pizza and the shamrock shake. I so wanted a shamrock shake this year, but alas, no dairy. Is there even dairy in those shakes though? Lol. Anyway, hopefully next year we can both have one!

  2. Hey, I just wanted to say hi. I started reading your blog a little while back as I have a BT, my husband has sperm issues and I’m 38, so we’re battling infertility too. We’ve just had a failed FET of a PGS/PGD tested embryo (this is our 3rd IVF) and I’m struggling to come to terms with it so I’ve decided to start a blog. You can find it at: https://wonkygenes.wordpress.com/
    I’ve missed so many things in the last year in particular due to IVF, and expect to miss quite a few more, so I know exactly what you mean. After this failure I went to get my haircut, and am planning to spoil myself over the next few weeks before the next FET. I love your list, and think I will be making my own on my blog soon…

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