Blogging A – Z Challenge

a-to-z HEADER [2017] - april

If you follow me on Instagram you’ll know my shitty track record with these monthly challenges. But I need something to help me through the upcoming two week wait (if I’m so lucky. I keep forgetting that my embryo still has to survive the thaw).

If you’re not familiar with this challenge and would like to play, check out the website to  find all the badges and the rules.

The basic jist is that you do a post everyday except Sunday during the month of April. Each day’s post title will start with a letter of the alphabet and by the end of the month you’ll have finished the whole alphabet. Here’s the calendar for this year.

Letter dates rev

I hope I can finish this one. I already know what I want to write about on Saturday but it doesn’t start with A lol.

I’m a little excited about it. I’m going try to blog about some things other than infertility as well.

I hope some of you will want to play along.

P.S. 8 more sleeps until I see my little Lucky!

On This Day

This month marks the 4th year of us trying to become parents. This number still shocks me because it seems long. We’ve only been in the IVF game for 2.5 years so perhaps that’s why but 4 years ago I stopped birth control. and maybe 6 months after that I started lifting my legs in the air after sex. 1 month after that I started temping and tracking in earnest. 3 months later I found an at home semen test for N to take. It didn’t go well. We assumed a faulty test but for shits and giggles I had him do a serious test at a clinic I found online. We got those dismal results back and filed the letter away. Then I made an appointment with my OB to test myself. He said I wasn’t ovulating. That, coupled with my husband’s results did not bode well. He said that he could do IUI’s at his office and we could come in for a consult or we could go to an IVF clinic. (Side note: this OB was wrong about me not ovulating and I’ve since found a new one.)

We were reeling a bit and didn’t want to face reality so we stopped everything for a while to breathe and do some research. Eventually I fished out the letter from the clinic and read the diagnosis again. What is oligoasthenoteratozoospermia? What is IVF? What is ICSI? What does all of this mean?

I called the number on the letter and made an appointment and the rest, of course, is history.

We went from kinda trying, to trying a little bit, to fucking IVF with ICSI and PGD testing in the blink of an eye so the fact we’ve technically been in this game for this long is something that will always shock me.

But the point of today’s post is a status update I shared on FB in the middle of March around the time I stopped birth control. An innocent post filled with hope, that when I re-read it filled me with a little bit of sadness and longing for that hopeful innocence from four years ago. I’ve shared it below and you may have read it before and if not, I hope that it doesn’t make you sad like it does me. I hope it makes you hopeful.

I think what makes me sad is what I said about it. I’m still waiting for onnne day.

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Change

It’s not my favourite thing in the world. But it does happen and we do have to roll with it.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned before that my clinic is merging with another one. I had heard that the other clinic was going to close and move into our clinic. Even that change made me uncomfortable. Like when you hear you’ll be getting new roommates that you didn’t sign up for.

This morning I found out, unceremoniously, that my clinic is the one closing and moving. No psychiatrists on hand to help with the transition. No hugs. Just a lousy piece of paper from the nurse before she stabs my arm. A perfect metaphor, if you ask me.

Granted it’s only one exit further and (from a very extensive Google maps stalk) the building looks bigger, but still. No hand holding. No group sessions.

They’ll be doing appointments, blood work, ultrasounds and IUI’s at the new location and all transfers and retrievals will be done at the clinic that we merged with. That means that my little embryo is going on its first road trip without me. Again, this location is about 2 exits closer so it’s really not a big deal and from what I’ve read, they move embryos and samples between the two locations all the time so our “precious cargo will be in good hands”.

I had my last blood draw at my clinic this morning and I was gobsmacked I didn’t get a chance to come to terms with it and I have to go back on Saturday to the new clinic. I’m not mad, I just feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I need preparation and coddling for these things. Maybe some signs on the walls to give us fair warning. Maybe a referendum so we have some choice in the matter. But nope… just a piece of paper and a fcuk you.

Anyway, I’d like to thank you all for stopping by and reading this week’s dramatic performance by yours truly. I’m fine now. I just needed to whine a bit.

15 more sleeps!

Phase II

The hysteroscopy was all clear. I won’t bore you with the painful details but it was a fun morning actually. My friend, B, drove me there. The Valium made me whoozy and didn’t really take the pain away but, for future reference for myself, the whole thing lasted, litereally,10 seconds. I counted. So I felt very sheepish for yelling and begging him to stop. Our RE did the procedure so I was able to touch base with him again and go over the cycle which was nice.

I also met with my nurse and mentioned to her that my butt was itchy from the progesterone shots and I had welts and was still not 100% a few weeks after the fact. She said that that’s absolutely not normal and that she would put in another order for progesterone in ethyl oleate instead. I’d already ordered 3 new sesame oils so that was a waste. And Insurance doesn’t cover the ethyl oleate one so that was even more fun. It was only $50 a pop so not the end of the world. I have the vials now and the liquid is nice and thin and the needles are thinner so I’m happy with the change. I just hope I don’t get a reaction to this.

My baseline scan was on Friday. Everything is hunky dory and I started phase 2 (estrace and asprin) on Friday after work. I checked my calendar and my transfer date looks to be April 5th. I’ll confirm on Tuesday when I go in for my next blood work appointment.

It’s been an awesome weekend (despite the period from hell) and I’m very excited about this cycle. I can’t believe it’s going so quickly. On Friday we went to see The Lion King finally. It’s been on my bucket list for years and I shed a mini tear during the opening song.

Then yesterday B took me to a butcher. It might not sound exciting but I was telling her how I miss some obscure food from home that I can’t seem to find at the super markets (leg of lamb, oxtail, tongue, tripe and trotters) so she took me to the Portuguese market and I found everything besides the leg of lamb. I found a boneless leg of lamb at another market. I was so happy. So so happy. We then kept driving around the hood and went to a bakery to get some meat pies and cannolis. Then we went to the mall and we each ended up buying a pair of diamond earrings at a Sears closing down sale. They were 95% off so a decent bargain but we probably still over paid. We consoled ourselves by saying that our husbands each bought the Nintendo Switch so we deserved this. Such a fun day.

I should wrap this up since I have the leg of lamb and some other stuff going in the oven. So today I’m excited about the cycle. I should probably start prepping my body and stuff. Eeek!!

Happy Sunday everyone.

Friends1

 

 

One Lovely Blog Award

one-lovely-blog-award

I’ve been nominated by Marixsa from The Endo Zone for the One Lovely Blog Award! You should definitely check out her site if you haven’t already. She’s been through quite a journey and speaks very candidly and honestly and I love it. An especially great read if you suffer from endometriosis. Thank you for the nomination my friend, I’m so sorry for doing this so late.

Here are the Rules:

rules-one-lovely-blog-award

  1. Thank the person that nominated you and leave a link to their blog
  2. Post about the award
  3. Share seven facts about yourself
  4. Nominate other people (15 at most)
  5. Tell your nominees the good news!

Okay, 7 things about me… Oh dear:

  1. I really love MS Excel. The more I use it the more I love it. And I should be ashamed of this but I work with older colleagues who aren’t as efficient with it as I am and whenever I send them reports with simple Excel tricks they always call me on the phone to praise me and I love it. {embarrassed face}
  2. My newest obsession is Twitter. I mostly follow SA and US news and politics stuff and some funny ones to keep my sanity. I get stuck in Twitter wormholes for hours and some of the crap on there is frightening but I can’t seem to stop. Frightening.
  3. I have a confession. I’ve been trying to get back into reading. I was such and avid reader growing up but I’m struggling. Nothing seems to grab me lately. I’m trying “When breath becomes air” and it is draaaagging. Ughhhh. I hope it gets better because I’m almost half way.
  4. My favourite thing in the world to do is to make people laugh. That’s all.
  5. Since my father-in-law passed, we’ve been to 3 mediums and I really enjoy the experience every time. Even if we don’t get a reading I enjoy watching  other people find a bit of peace. I don’t know yet if I believe it but if they can communicate with the dead, that’s crazy and if they can’t it’s even crazier how they know stuff.
  6. My husband and I watch entirely too many TV shows. Toooo many.
  7. On good days something will annoy me and I’ll say something to myself like, wow I’m really lucky that the biggest problem in my life is that my hair dryer doesn’t work properly anymore. And then I say, oh wait, we can’t have kids naturally, and then I’ll laugh at myself as I throw my hairdryer in the freezer… Those are good days.

 

nominations-one-lovely-blog-award

Okay, I’m going to nominate a few blogs that I’ve recently started following. Have fun ladies, if you decide to join in.

  1. Lady Part Adventures
  2. A Life Without Peas
  3. Single Gene Me
  4. The Upside of Infertility
  5. Wonky Genes

ERA results

Someone I follow on Instagram is at the same clinic as me and with my RE and she cycled about a week before me. She also did her ERA a week before me. Her results came in last week and they were inconclusive. So of course I was worried that mine would be as well. When the NP did the 2 biopsies she said that the 2nd one was way better than the first. She’d gotten a better sample. So I started wondering if she’d sent the better sample for the ERA and if not, did they have enough to test? Would I have to do it again if it was inconclusive? etc. etc. You know how one’s mind can get away with itself.

Thankfully, we did get a result. Unfortunately, the doctor didn’t use the words pre or post-receptive so I’m hoping I don’t get this wrong. He said that my lining would be receptive with 12 more hours of progesterone support. So my understanding is that I’m pre-receptive. How they know this down to the hour is fascinating to me.

The doctor said that this is very good news and the reason the last 2 transfers didn’t work is probably because we were transferring too early. When I told one of my friends he jokingly (at least I think he was joking) said that I should sue my previous doctor for negligence haha.

As for the other biopsy they did. Those results came back negative for infection as well, so that’s good.

All that’s left is the dreaded SHG next Wednesday. I have requested Valium and should get that before the appointment. I stand to be corrected but I think Valium is just for the anxiety though so my guess is I’ll still feel a lot of pain, I just won’t care. I still don’t want to do this horrid test, though.

Okay, back to work I go. Happy Ash Wednesday to those of you who observe!

Let’s See

Last night I started BCP’s for this FET cycle. I’m a little shocked that it’s already go time. Granted this is going to be a very long cycle it feels like it’s happening quickly again.

My feelings are the same. Waxing and waning. Excited and Ugh what’s the point. Today I woke up with a beautiful sore throat that has me in quite a mood. The one year I get the flu shot I get sick twice. I know the flu shot only attempts to prevent the flu but I’m just annoyed that I was proactive in my not wanting to get sick this year and now look at me.

So today is an Ugh day. Truthfully I’m still skeptical. I was talking to my friend about it and even with my RE giving us all these good odds I still find myself self saying let’s see doc. Let’s just see.

This post doesn’t really have a point. Just wanted to mark the beginning of my 3rd transfer cycle.

Third transfer of yet another PGD tested normal embryo.

Different doctor.

Different protocol.

Same scenario.

Let’s see.