Mind the Gap

Well, I’m in an FET cycle so it’s definitely time for an update I think! We’re actually at the almost end of this FET cycle. Transfer is set for Friday! Let me just catch you all and myself up.

I started my period on Sunday, June 16th. I went if for a baseline blood test on Tuesday the 18th and all was good to go.

Started birth control that that evening for what seemed like forever.

I finally added Lupron 20units on July 9th along with the birth control. And I finished the birth control on July 15th but continued the Lupron.

On Friday, July 19th we did another baseline. Endo lining was 3.5, No cysts and 10 antral follicles. Blood test results: Progesterone – 0.324; LH – 0.966; Estradiol – 9.49.

On the 19th I dropped Lupron down to 10 and added Estrogen 2 pills twice a day.

On the 23rd we did another Estradiol check (68.69). I would increase Estrogen pills to 2pills 3 times a day on the 28th.

On the 25th, Me, N and Lucky went on our first overseas family trip for a friend reunion of sorts. Two of my bestest friends, one lives in the UK and one in Switzerland. So we all decided to meet in Gatwick at UK friend’s house, I haven’t seen her in 15 yrs and the visit was just awesome. We did a good amount of touristy things, so my feet are still kinda toast lol. We ate a lot of great food. And drank a lot. I think I’m officially a gin and tonic girl now. I wish we had more time to explore more and see more but I think it was perfect for a first trip. We did Brighton, a castle, a lot of shopping and a day and a bit in London. London is too big to do in that short amount of time but it was great, nevertheless.

The flights however were pretty traumatic. Lucky was really tough on the way there. We flew at night and got there in the morning and he only slept for 1hr. The rest of the time he was whiney and busy. We had all the snacks and all the toys and nothing worked. At one point, I was holding him and he yanked the mask off the sleeping lady next to me! She was really nice though, she said that he was an angel and that she’s done it before by herself with 2 little ones. I don’t know, we were pretty traumatized.

But he was a champ on the trip itself. Well, kinda. His dad had to carry him around most times because he didn’t like the stroller (push car, buggy, etc.) but we were able to trick him into it during nap times while we were out and about. And he was about 5hrs off his sleeping schedule. Eventually we just let him sleep whenever he wanted to (Usually around 11 or midnight). It was a holiday after all.

The flight back was even more traumatic. What started out as him being a bit warm and fussy at the house, quickly descended into the very stressful flight with his fever spiking between 103 and 104 periodically for 6hrs. We’d never dealt with it that high for that long before and I only brought tylenol with me. He slept most of the way home and was just a lethargic mess. We felt helpless up there. When we landed we rushed off the plane and had someone rush us through customs so we could get him to the dr. They called the EMT to take a look at him and at the point his fever was down a bit but he was just laying on his dad. They offered us an ambulance to get through Boston traffic but we declined, since our friend was already there to pick us up. He cried most of the way home but by the time we got home we thought the worst was over. Unfortunately on Saturday it started again and we eventually took him to the ER where his fever was at 105. Eventually, they gave us meds and ran all the tests and gave him an antibiotic and after about 5hrs there they discharged us and things got better from then on out. He still has some diarrhea but the fever never came back. They think it was just a tummy bug.

He’s fine now. Yesterday I bought him an ice cream sundae after his follow up with the paediatrician. He’d been through so much. Chest x-ray, Blood draw, 3 intramuscular injections. My poor boy. I’m just glad it’s over.

I had to squeeze in a monitoring appointment during all of this baby drama on Saturday morning. My lining was at 8.1 and I had 2 follicles. My progesterone was at 0.278, LH at 1.23 and Estradiol at 145.1.

With that I was given the go ahead to stop Lupron that night and then next day to start Progesterone shots that Sunday (August 5th) at 9am.

9am shot means that I would have to find someone to help me do the shots at work. Since school is closed the nurses wouldn’t be there. And I don’t really have anyone close enough that I trust but I took the leap. I got a colleague to agree but then I realised we have nursing teachers who were likely in the building. I asked one and she actually declined. She said she’s not employed as a nurse and didn’t want to risk anything. I’m writing this matter of factly but at the time I realised that I’d have to do the shot myself and I was in a flat panic (yes, I cried). The colleague who said she’d help disappeared just before 9 (ugh) so I rushed to the bathroom and attempted it myself. It was awful. I got it in the first time and pulled back all the blood so I had to pull it out and blood was pouring out. I didn’t have an extra needle so I just had to do it again. I was shaking so badly and getting dizzy. All I kept thinking was if I fainted and bumped my head and bled out I hoped that lady would be happy. Eventually, I stuck it in again and didn’t hit any blood vessels and pushed everything in while the other wound was still dripping blood on the floor. What a mess. But I did it! I don’t need anyone!!

I’m proud of myself but still salty that she didn’t want to help me. I hope I never see her again.

That being said, today’s shot was textbook. No pain, no blood, perfect. I really don’t need anyone.

Anyway, this has gone on long enough. I’ll try to post again before Friday. Just to get thoughts and feelings before go time. I really haven’t had time to process this whole cycle. I think that’s a good thing, though. But I’d hate to have a nervous breakdown on the drive up to the clinic. Thankfully, I have a therapy appointment on Thursday. That’ll help.

 

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Fertilization Report

Four eggs were mature and two fertilized normally.

I’m wondering if it’s self preservation that has me disregarding these two already. I was mentally writing down what questions I’ll ask about moving forward when we go to our follow-up appointment. I’ve pretty much already given up on them.

I won’t hear anything from the clinic until Friday but I’ve already prepared for neither of them to make it biopsy. The thought of one or even both making it to Friday has not crossed my mind. And then after that, the chances of one or both passing PGD testing is completely out of the realm of possibility for me.

I really appreciate that everyone around me (yourselves included) are able to be positive and hopeful. That’s what this is all about, right? Rallying.

Anyway, I definitely think I’m self-preserving. I’ll need all this energy to get up and go again if I have to. I don’t have time to fight between hope and despair.

I hope I’m not coming off flippant or ungrateful. Let’s just say if, by some miracle, we beat all the odds and we happen to have a healthy baby from this cycle, you can be damned sure that child will be the most spoiled child on the planet so that I can make up for essentially turning my back on it today.

 

Miracles Needed

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 9
(Wednesday May 1)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur, 25iu Cetrotide
Notes: estrogen=834.2; LH=2.03; progesterone=0.537; lining=9.5mm; Left Ovary=15.5, 16.6, 10.8, 8.2; Right Ovary=16.2

I really hope these 5 follicles are the best 5 follicles there ever were. These low counts are just not compatible with our history of shitty fertilization and dismal PGD testing results.

It’s miracle time, guys.

tenor

Emotional: Meh
Physical: Meh
Food: Chinese

Hitting the Wall

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 7 – Monitoring Day
(Monday April 29)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur, 25iu Cetrotide

Notes: estrogen=467.9; LH=4.39; progesterone=n/a; lining=8.8mm; Left Ovary=13.1, 13.6, 9.4; Right Ovary=14.4

Man, these results are frustrating me. Still only 4 follicles and they’re getting too big for more to catch up, in my opinion, but my estrogen is only up 200ish. I’m having a hard time reminding myself that every cycle is different. Maybe my body isn’t used to the barrage of hormones after this long of a break.

We added Cetrotide last night. I don’t remember the needle being that long. It drew a lot of blood.

I’m not liking this cycle so far. It started off good but now I’m not so sure. N was trying to be reassuring yesterday but I’m just meh.  I know it’s still very early in the game but I don’t have a good feeling. And I’m already stressed about next cycle. I think we’re at max medication doses. What else could we do?

Emotional: Woe is me

Physical: Tired. I don’t like talking about CM but it’s there and it’s a lot. Sorry.

Food: I don’t remember lunch. Short ribs and cauliflower mash for dinner.

Quickie Update

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 6 
(Sunday April 28)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur

Notes: estrogen=209.7; LH=1.63; progesterone=0.251; lining=5.4mm; Left Ovary=9.9, 9.4, 6.8; Right Ovary=9.9

Nothing exciting. Again, writing yesterday’s post this morning and I had a not so good monitoring appointment this morning. I’ll update again once I get all the results from today’s test.

Last night was same old same old.

Emotional: Game of Thrones… that is all.

Physical: Still really so very tired. And crampy in the uterus. My pants is current unbuttoned.

Food: Hot dogs for lunch. Shrimp stir fry for dinner.

Bittersweet

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 5 – Monitoring Day
(Monday April 27)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur

Notes: estrogen=209.7; LH=1.63; progesterone=0.251; lining=5.4mm; Left Ovary=9.9, 9.4, 6.8; Right Ovary=9.9

The ultrasound tech who showed us Lucky for the first time did my monitoring appointment this morning. I asked if she remembered me and she said she remembered my name. And we had a good little chat. Turns out she also did IVF and has 25yr old twin girls. She’s really lovely. I was nice to chat with her but I was sad that the scan was over really quickly because I noticed that she didn’t count that many black circles. I only saw 3 that she measured.

There was a period of time, when we were deep in our cycles, when I’d resolved to go back to school to become an embryologist so that I could give back. The furthest I’d gotten in this venture was to ask an embryologist about what I would need to study and how long it would take. They were really nice about it but did say that you’re pretty much on call 24/7 because embryo’s don’t take weekends off. I still think it’s an incredibly awesome job and one that I think would bring my great fulfillment but I don’t know if I’m cut out. Anyway, my point was that I think it’s cool that the ultrasound tech is working there after going through infertility. I also have a friend who had triplets who were born at 26 weeks and she is now a nicu nurse after being an architect and I think that is just awesome!

I’m more than a little bummed with these low follie counts this morning. Only 4 on day 5. But my estrogen is still low at 209 and the nurse on the phone did say the results are excellent. So I guess everything is going well. Slow and steady right?

I went on a massive unnecessary but necessary shopping spree with friends B and K and Lucky today. There was a lot of walking and I had a lot of sharp pains in my ovary area. So I’m just laying on the couch now resting to the max. I would like to get a pedicure tomorrow. If not then more couch resting is in store.

Hope everyone’s having a good weekend so far!

Emotional: Trying to keep my chin up about the low follicle count Slow and steady dude!

Physical: Lots of sharp pains in my lower belly. Headache. Dizzy.

Food: Tuna melts for lunch, Ribs from Chili’s for dinner.

Success!

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 3
(Thursday April 25)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur 

Notes: estrogen=13.30; LH=9.30; progesterone=0.228; lining=3.7mm; antral follicles=16 

Let the record show that I can do shots anywhere now :). Let the record also show that reclining seats at the movies is a great invention.

The movie was at 6:30. N was next to a single gentleman on his left and I was next to a young lady with her partner on my right. I’m sure she snuck alcohol into the theatre but that’s neither here nor there. At first I was worried about how I would hide whate I was doing from her but the seats were big enough and she was far enough away so it wasn’t an issue.

I got myself comfortable as soon as the movie started laying on my left side facing N, undid my jeans buttons and had my handbag and jacket make like a ring of protection around my tummy area.

It really wasn’t a big deal when it came to injection time at 8:30. It was dark enough to be discrete and light enough for me to see what I was doing. Easy peasy. I’d pre-mixed everything at home so it really was just point an click at that point. I did chuckle at myself when I went to stab in the Gonal-F and it would NOT go in. I tried 3 times. I panicked and told N the needle was too blunt! Then I realised that I’d forgotten to take the second smaller cap off the gonal-f needle. Lol. What a relief.

So yeah, all-in-all a good experience. Next I’ll try somewhere more challenging like evening rock climbing. HAHA.

Emotional: Saddish about random things. Not sure if related to hormones.

Physical: Still headachey but last night started feeling bubbles and pops in my ovary area so I think things are happening.

Food: Last night. Burger and fries (Lord I need to eat better) and popcorn.