Well he’s here and he’s perfect :). He was born October 5 on my late grandfather’s birthday. My mom’s dad. A few weeks ago my mother mentioned that she thinks he’ll be born on the 5th. We all laughed but she totally called it. We also ended up naming him what I wanted to name him and I couldn’t be happier. His name is very similar to his brother’s though so we muddle them up sometimes.
He’s already a month old! and I wanted to write his birth story down before I forget all the details. So here we go.
My final ultrasound went as planned. Confirmed that placenta didn’t go anywhere so the doctor said we’ll want to get him out sooner rather than later so we settled on Monday October 5th at 7:30am. I had a few more appointments to take care of first. Consent form signing with the operating surgeon on the Thursday and Pre-op testing and covid testing on Friday. Pre-op testing was just urine and blood and more form signing and they gave me an anti septic body wash for Sunday night and Monday morning. The covid test wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was 5 seconds of awkward pain that made my eyes water. It felt like I snorted water and the burn lasted for about 15minutes but that was all. And I got the negative result later that evening.
Saturday was supposed to be a busy, cleaning the house and making freezer meals kinda day but I couldn’t be bothered with anything except cuddling my little boy all day. The guilt was starting to creep in. He would leave the next evening with his grandmother and I would only see him the following Thursday and his whole world would be upside down. By Sunday I was a weepy mess but I really did have to clean the house so that kept me busy. We took him for a later afternoon walk down to the water and watched him throw rocks in the river for at least an hour. When we got home we spoiled him with some dessert and bags of chips and then Grandma came to get him. He was beside himself. I think he really had the best day. I cried when he left but I had lots to do around the house still so it wasn’t the worst.
Before bed we watched a few episodes of Schitts Creek and tried to soak up our last night as parents of one little boy. It was a quiet night. I woke up at 3 (after a terrible night’s sleep) to get in my last shower and get all the bags ready. N woke up at 4ish. We left the house just before 5 to get a very quiet hospital at 5:30.
The maternity ward was really quiet as well. We learned that we were the first and possibly only c-section that day. We met our first 2 nurses. C would be with us in surgery and the other one was helping. Again we ran through all the millions of questions and then after I suited up, C put in the first IV in my left hand. OUCH. While everyone was hustling and bustling around us and we were chatting we mentioned to the nurses how horrible and traumatic our first c-section was and how scared/nervous we were this time around. They were very kind and answered all our questions and kept assuring us that this time would be better.
We then got to rest and take everything in while waiting for the anesthesiologist and the surgeon to come and talk to us. Eventually the anesthesiologist came in. I’m hitting a blank on his name now which is frustrating because he was the best human being and my hero throughout this whole process. In fact our anesthesiologist with Lucky’s birth was an absolute hero as well. They’re really great. Probably why they get paid the big bucks. Anyway, he was mildly funny at first, cracking cheesy jokes and everything. He told me that he had to put in a second IV. Because of the previa I needed the second one in case I needed blood. The first one really hurt so he mentioned that I could have a lidocaine shot. Nurse C said that she never uses lidocaine and then he said okay we’ll skip it. So I interjected and asked if I get a say because I would very much like to have some lidocaine. They all chuckled and agreed to get me some. I guess the nurses don’t have it on hand so they usually don’t offer it.
So he left to get the good stuff and when he came back his tone had completely changed. He sat on the bed next to me and took my hand and looked me in the eyes and in a low tone said that he’d heard we had a traumatic go around with our son and he was incredibly sorry that that happened to us and he assured me that he personally will take good care of me and will make sure that this birth will be everything I wanted. He said that he will let me know what’s going on every step of the way and if I feel lost at anytime to just let him know.
I felt the tears pricking my eyes and managed to squeak out a tiny thank you before he gave my hand a tiny squeeze and went back to being cheesy, jovial doctor. The lidocaine? Amazing. If you ever need an IV, please ask for lidocaine. It stings going in but it’s just the best. And a good thing I got it too because the first IV spot he tried was a fail. The second was perfect.
We got a few more minutes of rest time before the surgeon came in to say hi and talk about the procedure. We spoke about a gentle c-section before hand and she said that they didn’t have the clear sheet but they would drop the cloth once he was ready to come out so I could see and they would do skin to skin once he was out and all the other fun stuff.
And then at 7:40ish it was time to get the party started. I kissed N and left him behind to put his uniform on and I walked with my two nurses to the OR. That’s when I started to hear my breathing and my heart racing in my ears. I remember asking them to stop because I had another bad cramp. My last cramp. When I walked in, I started freaking out about the spinal but there was a lot going on in the brightly lit room and I started definitely feel dizzy. I was greeted by the anesthesiologist (let’s call him Dr Smiles) and another anesthesiologist who’s first day it was. Two more nurses introduced themselves and one said her name a few times and said that it was okay for me to name the baby after her (I forgot to mention that everyone kept asking us the baby’s name and we had to repeatedly say that he was nameless for now. It’s funny how many people you meet and how many times you have to answer the same questions. Yes we’re nervous… It’s a boy… No, no name yet).
I climbed up onto the OR table. It felt like I was moving in slow motion and everyone else around me was on fast forward. Nurse C stood in front of me and grabbed my arms and started explaining that the spinal was going to happen and he was going to inject me twice. It would feel like a bee sting and then tingling. My breathing started becoming shallow. She was so close to me forcing eye contact. Then she said okay here it comes. It hurt. Not as much as I thought it would but I let out a weird scream and she starting laughing at me. Then I told them that my sister in law said that it’s almost impossible to paralyze a patient from a spinal so that made me feel better. She belly laughed at me again and said I’m so funny while her vice grip on my upper arms got tighter. I don’t know if she was just trying to put me at ease. I hadn’t said anything funny. Is it easy to paralyze a patient? Lordy.
The second bee sting wasn’t as bad but it just lasted long. And then another minute or so while I assume he was doing the actual spinal and then I started feeling pins and needles down my legs. It was strange and not at all fun.
They then laid me down on my back and things started really ramping up. A third anesthesiologist came in (I forgot his name as well). My line of sight was limited and people kept popping their masked faces in front of me to say something then they would disappear. It was really comical. Or it would have been if I wasn’t having such an awful time with the pins and needles. I wanted to get up and walk it off. There was too much going on in the room and too many people talking to me and each other.
Everytime someone did something someone would pop their face in front of me to tell me what was happening and then disappear again. At one point I heard someone say okay we’re sterile then nurse C popped in an said okay they rubbed the sterile solution on my stomach so don’t move. Then I reached over and had to scratch my shoulder then new anesthesiologist popped in and said okay please don’t move you’re sterile.
Then the stars of the show, the 2 surgeons came in Dr C who was my OB and Dr H would I had heard wonderful things about. Both young female surgeons one of whom was a WOC. I loved it. Dr H put some music on and asked me what I would like to listen to. I requested Journey because my friend and I were talking about them the previous week. When Don’t Stop Believing started I felt a teensy bit more relaxed but only a little.
Then the feeling in the room became a bit more clinical and serious and hushed. The surgeons were giving instructions and medical jargon was being thrown around. Dr Smiles popped in and told me that we’re about to begin because they just poked me with a sharp instrument and I didn’t feel anything and the sharp instrument that poked me popped into my line of sight and clicked a few times then both disappeared.
They finally ushered N in and I breathed a sigh of relief. I really felt so much better when he walked in and held my hand because I really was not enjoying being there. It was a lot for my senses and I couldn’t center myself.
Finally they started cutting. It felt like they were cutting just under my boobs which was a really strange sensation. I just tried to focus on the music and tried to get N to talk to me about anything random. The pins and needles in my legs was becoming unbearable. It seemed like they were cutting forever. And then Dr C said “Okay we’re ready. Dad do you have your phone ready?”. She said he should stand up and start recording. So he stood up and started. They didn’t put the curtain down and real talk, I was relieved. I was really over the whole process at this time. I wanted my son out and I wanted to get out of here. I was sick of waiting.
Dr H started pushing on my belly really hard. Dr Smiles said you’ll be feeling a lot of pressure mom. Like no shit dude. Damn. Then there was a big pop and a collective Awww around the room and out he came. N was able to take a picture and then he sat down again. There was maybe 10 seconds and someone brought him over to me for some skin to skin.
Oh my goodness. I remember the heat of his skin on mine. I remember how incredibly soft he felt. He still had a good amount of vernix on him and I remember feeling it while I was rubbing his little calf. It’s an awkward hold. A squishy baby who weighs nothing. I couldn’t get a good hold on him but I just remember that he felt great and he was just beautiful and perfect. I just kept saying hi little guy. hi my little angel. He was perfect.
But then the annoyance crept up again. I wanted to get off this table and take my kid and leave. I asked N or someone to take him. They took him to clean him up a bit more and then she brought him back all swaddled and cute. I held him for a bit longer and tried to enjoy the moment but I couldn’t get a good hold and my legs were irritating me. I know there were pictures of us being taken at some point too. Then I heard a male voice (I think it was Dr Smiles) ask someone for a hemorrhage kit and the nurse quickly came to take the baby and tell me that I was bleeding. I quickly looked over at N and both our eyes widened. But thankfully it didn’t seem like too big of a deal. It was just a tense few seconds.
Eventually N and the baby had to leave and I had to stick around while the sewed me up. This was the worst part. With Lucky this whole thing seemed like it was over quickly. This time it was taking forever and ever and I couldn’t move. Dr Smiles was talking to his colleagues too loudly. Dr H and C were having an equally loud conversation about their kids. The nurses were chatting amongst themselves. I seemed to have disappeared into the distance. I just had Dr Smiles pop his face in and ask how I was doing every few minutes. It felt like an hour I was there before the drape finally came down.
The nurses started cleaning me up and that’s when I started feeling terribly dizzy. Dr Smiles gave me some medicine right before everything ended and I think I had a bad reaction to it. I started feeling really loopy. I remember being moved to the other bed and being wheeled down the hall and wanting to throw up because it was too much.
Back in recovery, I couldn’t really hold the baby. I tried drinking water and throwing up everything.
This part of the birth was a blur because I was so sick. I remember trying skin to skin again and Dandelion actually crawled his way to my nipple and latched but I couldn’t enjoy it because I was so out of it. N held him for most of the day. I was in and out of consciousness all day I don’t remember leaving recovery but I remember being in our room. I tried to stay awake but I just kept throwing up. I was just nervous that Dandelion hadn’t fed and I felt terrible for not trying but eventually a nurse came in and told me to rest and that he didn’t realy need to eat at all the first day. After I heard that I closed my eyes and only woke up around 9pm and started feeling a little more human. I tried some food and a little baby cuddle and then back to sleep.
By breakfast time the following morning I’d started feeling much better. I was in a moderate amount of pain but I stayed up on the pain meds so it was manageable. I just remember wanting all of the tubes out of me. That night the catheter came out and I was able to shuffle around. The following morning the IV port things came out of my hands and I was free! That really was the best feeling.
The rest of the stay was uneventful. Dandy had a tongue-tie which they clipped and he had his circ the morning of the day we left. The nurses and lactation consultants were amazing as always. Breastfeeding was rough. I couldn’t remember anything about it and I feel like I was calling the LC every few hours to help. He was a lazy feeder (still is) and it was just frustrating. But we got it by the time we left, I think.
So all-in-all it was a completely different experience to Lucky’s. I felt way more taken care of but the actual surgery was better last time. Isn’t that interesting? If I were to give anyone advice I wouldn’t recommend either. I feel like I bonded with Dandy quicker this time around but I much prefer not being so compos mentis while someone is cutting you open.
But at the end of the day, here I am. Mom of two. Me. I never in a million years thought it was possible. I never lost hope. Okay, I did a few times, but here I am. And I couldn’t have done it without this blog and without the support of everyone I’ve met on this journey.
I don’t know if this is the end for the blog. It’s an infertility blog and for all intents and purposes, I don’t think we’ll be pursuing anymore treatments. So our IVF journey has for sure come to an end. I’m so thankful that it’s a very happy end. The happiest end.
I’ve made so many friends on this journey so I’ll keep reading blogs and my instagram (@doit4babym) is relatively active and I’m still very much interested in all your lives so I’m not going anywhere. I just won’t be posting as much, if at all.
But oh my gosh, Thank you! Thank you for reading this far, for one. Thank you for being there in the lowest of lows and thank you for crying with us. Thank you for celebrating with us. Thank you for sharing your stories. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your love.