So my placenta didn’t move enough. Apparently it’s still a bit too close to the edge of my cervix and vaginal delivery is not recommended. They did offer me one last hail mary ultrasound on Wednesday to see if it’s moved but the likelihood is that we’ll do a repeat c-section some time next week (37 weeks).

This all happened at my appointment last Thursday. I’d been silently hoping to be booked off work early because the drive in was becoming unbearable as far as back spasms was concerned. I’ve also not been sleeping well. I was wracked with guilt about being in pain and being weak. I don’t understand why working until your due is a thing. I’d planned on taking leave a week before my due date. But I was hoping the doctor would agree to me stopping 2 weeks early. So, I was really happy when she told me we’d likely be having the baby 3 weeks early and she’s more than happy to have me stop work right away to quarantine before the surgery.

The next day (last Friday) I broke the news to my boss and HR and got all my ducks in a row wrt to short term disability paperwork and wrapping up my work. I had so much other cleaning up stuff to do in our system to help make my boss’s job a bit easier but I didn’t have the time and of course I’m feeling guilty about that too but I keep reminding myself that if my water had broken early I wouldn’t have been able to do any of the wrapping up I did. I got to say goodbye to everyone and tie up loose ends. I think by the time I left, I felt okay. But yes, I did check my work email this morning.

So today is my first day of maternity leave. It’s just me and Lucky over here watching cartoons. I’m making lists of things I need to get done and doing some grocery shopping online.

And guess what?!! We still don’t have a name for Dandelion!!! Well, I have a name. It was the name I chose before our transfer but N isn’t really on board and I’d like for him to not hate his child’s name. We’ve decided to wait until we see what he looks like. My brother took 2 weeks to decide on my nephew’s name after he was born. So, while I’m anxious, I’m not too too worried. I mean he’ll have a name eventually.

So how am I feeling about doing another c-section? I think I’m okay. Everyone who I spoke to who had a 2nd c-section says it’s the best thing they ever did. Sure I’m a little bummed about not getting a shot at vaginal birth again but I’m not as distraught as I was last time. I think the idea of no more back pain is just the icing on the cake. And I’m starting to get really excited to meet this little boy who keeps dancing on my ribs.

I don’t remember my pregnancy with Lucky being this hard in the 3rd tri. I’m sure it was. I remember being in pain while driving to work but not my back, more my left side. I remember cramping because of an irritable uterus. I’m having so many cramps with this one too. round ligament pain. stretching pain. braxton hicks. pressure down below. Just a lot of pain all day.

I feel like this week is going to really drag even though we have loads to do still. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that we’ll probably be a family of 4 next week. I’m trying to enjoy to painful kicks and rolls because this is the last time I’ll feel them. I’m really finding myself in a different headspace knowing that this pregnancy is almost over and it won’t happen again so even though I’m in pain I’m reveling in it a bit.

This is so strange. He’ll be here soon.