Well I survived the holidays and I’m relatively back in the swing of things. I had a bout of homesickness and a wave of irritation and I think I’ve reset my body to where it was before we left, where I have that constant feeling that I’ve forgotten something important. Not to worry, it’s a state of being that I’ve come to terms with and one that I keep promising myself, I’ll sort out when the weekend comes.

The trip was magnificent as usual. Having Lucky meet his cousins and uncles and aunts and all his baby friends and my friends was… I don’t think I can articulate that feeling. We had his 2nd birthday party there. Again, I am speechless. I’d say it was like a warm shower/bath after coming in from being out in icy rain. Like everything is right with the world. I had thought that this feeling would make it impossible to leave but Lucky kept us so occupied on the flight that I barely had time to get depressed. The only down side was that Lucky got pneumonia a few days before we left. It was the worst but he was thankfully well enough to fly. He also got another upper respiratory infection while we were there. My nephew and nieces also all had some sort of infection. It was awful. But we all survived.

Let’s see if I can quickly break the holiday down, for posterity :). Feel free to skip over. Important thoughts are at the end.

Saturday 14th: Land in Cape Town at 7am. Try to stay awake and catch up with everyone but fail miserably. Some friends come to visit but mostly just resting and family time.

Sunday 15th: Everyone comes to visit for lunch. My bestie from Switzerland comes over as well and she and I stay up drinking and catching up until 4am.

Monday 16th: My brother, N and I go to a shooting range of N’s Christmas present. I’ll take this opportunity to say that I hate guns. They make me very uncomfortable and hence, I am the best wife there ever was. He shot a few rounds of different killing machines and then the 3 of us each did one round with a 50cal cannon. It was frightening and I’ll happily never do that again. But N was happy and that makes me happy.

Tuesday 17th: Spent the afternoon with my parents at various wine farms and then had a lovely dinner and visit at my friend V’s house. She’s one of my staunchest IVF supporters so I was really excited to have her meet Lucky and her second son was born just before I got pregnant and it was a dream come true to see them fight with each other play together.

Wednesday 18th: Lucky’s 2nd birthday. A much needed rest day. We just did a cake and some lunch at home.

Thursday 19th: Last day in Cape Town. My bestie L and I got matching musical note tattoo’s. Yay! We umm’d and ahh’d about it for a few days because of the price but ended up just peeing into the wind. I’m glad we did. I love her. Big pre-christmas dinner at home with friends. My other bestie flew in from Jo’burg. We stayed up late having drinks. I wish we’d gone out that night but we had to be up at 4am for the road trip. We also did a secret santa swap with a few friends and kids.

Friday 20th: My brother and SIL and niece and nephews and my parents and the three of us drove (7+hrs) to Port Elizabeth (my home town) for the 2nd half of the trip. Arrive safely to my eldest brother’s house and rest.

Saturday 21st: My nephew T’s blessing. All our friends are there. It was lovely seeing everyone. Lots of drinking and catching up. That night we did a ladies night. All of us went to a club for a 90’s party.  The best! I think we got home around 1ish?

Sunday 22nd: Lucky’s birthday party! We had a jumping castle (bouncy house) a little bike track where kids could ride their bikes and a jungle gym. It was outdoors and it was a beautiful, cloudless, breezy day. We had a little dinosaur egg hunt for the kiddos, ate some food, sang happy birthday, fought off ants and caught up with each other. The food was good (ish). Everyone had a blast (I hope). I certainly did. I saw everyone I’d hoped to see. It was just perfect.

Monday 23rd: I took Lucky and N to the beach front so we could walk on the pier and grab some lunch and spend a little bit of time just the 3 of us. I think this was the time when I felt the most in love home and when I realised how difficult it would be to say goodbye this time around.

Tuesday 24th: Christmas Eve. My family (parents, brothers, wives, kids) went to a restaurant for quick lunch. It turned out to be the best bit of family time. We usually all go to midnight mass but I had an interesting discussion with my mother about where she, a ‘staunch’ Christian, stands with the church now. Long story short, I didn’t have to go to midnight mass and she almost opted out too because she was tired lol. We went to our friends’ annual stoep party (stoop party). Met up with some other friends I wouldn’t have otherwise seen. Lucky stayed with my dad. We stayed pretty late, I think we got home around 2am. Another one of the best nights.

Wednesday 25th: Christmas. We had lunch at home. Again, just our family and a little bit of extended family. Guys, I love Christmas. I love it!! I got a picture of Lucky and all his cousins and I almost exploded right then and there. After lunch all the married ones went to visit their in-laws. My cousins came to visit and one brought her fiance who is lovely. Then afterwards we all went to my SIL’s sister’s house to do another secret santa in our friends group and the kids again. And then just hung out for a while. This was the best and worst night because Christmas! but also because it was ending soon.

Thursday 26th: In retaliation for ladies night, the boys did a boys day. Us ladies decided to spend the day at L’s house with the kids to swim and have our tequila prawn day. This is something I started years ago with my friend S. We just bought a bottle of tequila and a kilogram of prawns and ate and got drunk. It evolved into something that I do every time I visit. There’s not much else to it than that, except now with the kids we couldn’t get blackout drunk. And this time instead of shots of tequila we made grown up margaritas that were sipped them responsibly. We ended up leaving around 9pm to fetch the boys.

Friday 27th: Last day :(. 6 of us in the girls group went to get another group tattoo. We all got the Friends logo on our forearms. This is what my friend L wrote about it, in case you’re wondering why we would get a tattoo about a tv show, which I believe is problematic now, depending on how woke you are.

Afterwards, we all went to lunch and then N and I had to rush home so we said a very teary goodbye to everyone at the restaurant. At home my brothers and their families were there to say goodbye as well. I’m getting teary just thinking about it. My parents drove us back to Cape Town and we slept over half way in Mosselbay at my parents’ holiday house. Amidst my sadness I was reveling in getting spend another day or so with just my parents.

Saturday 28th: We made it to Cape Town around lunchtime. Enough time to pack and buy a few more last minute gifts and food items for home. We had lunch with my parents at the airport and at 3pm and said our final goodbyes. It was teary but I think I held it together okay. The flight back home was uneventful and we made it back into our warm house at 5pm on Sunday the 29th.

It was perfect.

I do have one regret though. Just one.

One of my close friends back home is going through some fertility struggles. They’ll be embarking on a second IUI soon. And I deeply regret not engaging with her properly about it. We’ve spoken briefly about it on group chats and I reached out once or twice privately to let her know that I was around if she wanted to talk. But further than that I didn’t know what else to say. How is that possible? And I wish I could say I never had alone time with her but there were opportunities. I could’ve asked how she was holding up and if she wanted to vent. If I’m being honest with myself it’s because it was too hard for me to be face to face with infertility, I think. This is the first person who’s close to me who I know and saw in real life who can relate and I felt extra fragile around her like everything I’d had neatly locked away was coming to the surface. One of the nights she touched my pineapple necklace. As soon as she mentioned it my eyes started prickling with tears and I quickly changed the subject. I changed the subject! This was probably her moment where she wanted to talk and I couldn’t do it. I froze and I choked and I couldn’t be there for her. What. The. Fuck. The truth is every time I saw her I wanted to cry with her and hold her and but I felt like I needed to be strong for her and since I have Lucky, it wasn’t my turn to cry and be sad. It’s my turn to be supportive and strong.

I don’t know. I feel like I owe her an apology. This isn’t about me, it’s about her journey now and I know how isolating it can be and I don’t want that for her. I need to fix it. About the necklace. I had wanted to buy her one and take it with me but I ran out of time and, I think subconsciously I couldn’t do it because I knew I would break down if I gave it to her. On our last day when we were getting our tattoos, while she was getting hers I quickly ran away with another friend to look for a pineapple charm somewhere but couldn’t find one anywhere. I have bought her one now in addition to a few other things in a care package that I’m going to send her with a note (or a letter) with my feelings expressed a little better. Maybe I should just link her to this blog too. I just want her to know that I love her and I get it and I’m here.

Infertility sucks y’all. But you already know that.

I hope you all had a good Christmas and New year. I hope 2020 is going to make all our dreams come true. and I want you all to know that I love you and I get it an I’m here.

I’m too tired to re-read and check this for errors. So good luck reading :).

I don’t know why but I was thinking about this chap the other day and I decided to write about my worst date ever since it’s Friday and we could all do with a little distraction after yesterday’s news. Please know that no one was harmed in this story but we’ll change the names of parties involved to respect their privacy. Please also note that traffic laws in South Africa are very different to here and had this played out in America the story would have ended with a lot more arrests and definite jail time. It would be better if you read this with an open mind.

So I was, for lack of a better description, newly single and ready to mingle when I moved to Cape Town from Johannesburg. Excited to dip my toes in the dating pool. I went with my friends to a club one Saturday night where I met a cute but somewhat dim barman. Joe.

We flirted for most of the night and when it was time to leave we swapped numbers. We subsequently texted back and forth for a few days and eventually decided to go on a date the following Saturday. Nothing serious. Just pizza.

At around 7 on the night in question he picked me up in his red Fiat Uno. He was sweet. He even opened the car door for me.

Conversation at the pizza place was fine. He was very chatty, a little braggy and he knew the servers at the place so he was talking to them mostly and introducing me. He did seem fidgety though but I just chalked it up to first date jitters. I decided to get some tequilas to maybe help us rekindle to easy flirtiness from the previous weekend. Once our inhibitions were a bit lowered I learned that he had a little child and that he and the mother had a terrible break up. I don’t think he was over the break up. He didn’t have much nice to say about her and mentioned that the relationship is strained and that made seeing his child difficult. I sympathized but I checked out. The relationship I had just gotten out of was with a fellow who had a child and I really had no interest in baby daddy drama again. So I figured we’ll just have some fun tonight and keep it moving. In hindsight, I should have just had him take me home at that point.

After we finished the pizza we decided to move to another pub in my hood to be in my comfort zone. On the drive over he casually mentioned that his ex actually worked at the pizza place we just left but she wasn’t working that night. He seemed disappointed. So he took me there for what? To be a pawn in some game? Hmm.

I was a little aggravated and decided to text my friend at the next spot to come save me if need be. I also decided that we should get drunk because fuck it. Please note at this stage we’d only had 2 tequilas each. At the new place I ordered two jager’s and a beer for myself and we talked some more. He was loose jawed at this stage and was more free with information on this previous relationship that I had no interest in hearing about but was ultimately subjected to anyway. I ordered another round of jagers and it was like a light switch. He.was.trashed. After four shots? Really? While heavily slurring he proceeded to tell me that things were bad with his ex because he did something bad. I don’t remember details but there was an altercation with someone (perhaps a new love interest with the ex? I can’t remember) and he ended spending time in jail for assault. Like maximum security prison. Well, that was a first for me. He also told me that now that he’s out he was actively trying to make the right choices. He got a job. He scrounged and hustled to buy the car so that he can see his child more often and be a better father. While he was telling me about his time in jail and his new lease on life I was furiously texting my friend, Lexi, for a bail out. Incidentally, she was just down the road at another pub on a date as well. Thank goodness.

I told him to let’s pack it up and move on. Again, I should have left him there and left but he was quite drunk and it didn’t feel right. Stupidly, I let him drive down the road to where my friend was. Luckily, it was literally one block down but he was in no shape to be driving.

At the next place he had become that annoying drunk. No personal space and just whining and apologizing for being so drunk and trying to dance. Four shots guys. I was incensed. Lexi just laughed. We stayed a while longer and he ended up passing out in a booth. Lexi told me she and her date we going to another bar. I wanted to go with them but Drunky McDrunkerson wasn’t going to make that possible. I had to leave.  I grabbed his keys and managed to get him up and buddy walked him out of the bar and tossed him into the car. Four shots.

I realized that there is no way this guy could get himself home and there was no way I was going to let him stay at my place. I decided I would leave him in the car outside of my house and leave him a message on his phone.

As I was driving mister opens the door and starts violently throwing up out of the car. I quickly pulled over and wondered how this date could possibly get any worse. Ha.

I’ll stop here for a second to give some insight on traffic laws in South Africa. In SA we have a high rate of smash and grabs and carjackings. A smash and grab is when you’re sitting a traffic light and someone smashes your window (driver or passenger side) and steals whatever they can really quickly and runs away. Chances are you’ll be stuck in traffic and can’t really run or drive after a thief. So the rule is 1. That you never leave anything important in sight and you never talk on your phone at red light and 2. At night, if you don’t feel safe at a red traffic light, it’s okay for you run the light, essentially. Obviously you have to make sure it’s clear but you generally wouldn’t get into trouble if you were caught doing this. It’s common practice.

It was around 1 or 2am and Joe had emptied his tummy and was now fully reclined in the passenger seat in snooze town. Off we went. We came to a red light and there was a car behind me. I did the necessary checks to make sure the coast was clear and proceeded to drive through the red light.

Out of nowhere a small white ford pickup truck comes plowing up the hill from the left and slams into the front of the Uno. Hard. It happened in slow motion. The car spun around for what felt like hours. I vividly remember screaming and grabbing Joe’s shirt by the chest and looking over at his peaceful sleeping body. We finally came to a stop in the middle of the intersection. I gathered myself a bit and started panicking. I shook Joe with all my might but he was dead to the world. I was yelling at him to wake up. How is it possible that he slept through that?

There was a knock on my door. It was the driver of the ford. A youngster. He too, was panicky. He asked if I was okay. I was. I asked the same of him and he was too. He opened the door for me but I was still trying to wake this punk up. Eventually, he started stirring and grudgingly open his eyes and sat up.

I was like “Dude, we were in a car accident. Are you okay?”. He started moaning. Not because he was hurt but because his car was trashed. Can you imaging waking up to that out of a drunken stupor? I didn’t have time to feel terrible just yet because I was still a bit confused. I looked over at the ford. It was ruined as well. It came to a standstill at the opposite end of intersection, the front left wheel completely bent. The young chap was on the phone with, I assumed, the authorities.

Joe and I got out of the car and my knee started throbbing. We checked each other out but we were, for all intents and purposes, okay. The lady in the car behind us was in hysterics though. Her husband was on the phone with the police and he had us sit on the curb. She was shouting incoherently about how that guy came out of nowhere but why did I drive through the red light.

I found my phone and called, Lexi. She came right as the cops came. At this point Joe was distraught. I remember him standing over the wreck with his head in his hands then pacing up and down muttering to himself. I started to feel really awful. Poor guy. first his girlfriend breaks up with him, then he goes to jail and when he gets out a strange girl wrecks his car.

2 police officers came. They were mulling over the wreckage and speaking to hysterical wife. For what reason I have no idea. I think she took over the situation. The problem was that she was telling them that I ran a red light. She didn’t mention that I had stopped and looked first or that the other driver thought he was in the Fast and Furious. I had to get up and give my side of the story. Then the strangest thing happened.

I glanced over at the ford where the youngy was on the phone. He wasn’t there. I stood up to see where he had gone and quick as a flash another white car pulled up in front of the ford. I see Youngy run jump into the car and off they go. He just left the scene of an accident. He just did a hit and run. Literally. The cops didn’t see it. I told Lexi and she said to tell the cops. I spoke to the lady cop and said that the driver of the other vehicle just drove off.

She sighed and chuckled and said, “Well that’s good for you then”. I was shocked.

I was giving the rest of my statement when another fancy car pulled up. A very concerned mother and her son walked over. He seemed in his early 20s. A very rich looking mother and son. It turns out the ford belonged to the son and his friend had taken the car for a quick drive. They came to exchange insurance info, I think and maybe squash this whole thing.

I took them over to were Joe was laying on the curb with his arms over his face, smoking a cigarette. He didn’t have insurance. They asked what they can do. He said nothing, the car was junk. And that was that. I think mom and son just wanted to get the hell out of there. They didn’t stick around long.

Eventually, once tow trucks were organized, Lexi said I should call my brother. Ugh, I was so embarrassed. Thankfully my heavily pregnant sister-in-law was awake and the two of them came to pick me and Joe up. I wish the world would have swallowed me up. I’m a little scared of my brother. He’s like my father sometimes. So you can imagine me telling him I’d just been in a car accident with a guy I just met. I still have to ask him what he thought of that night. I know he was concerned but I also imagine he was just shaking his head in disappointment en route to picking his crazy sister up.

AND he had to give Joe a lift home too. A still very drunk, highly depressed Joe.

I wish there was more to the accident story. But honestly, the other driver wasn’t there to give his side of the story and no one was hurt. So once the tow trucks fetched the cars we were all fine to be on our way.

The car ride to Joe’s was awfully quiet. When he got out of the car he turned to me and said he would call me in the morning.

The following day poor Joe had to take a taxi to my place and I drove him to the police station to get a police report. We were both very apologetic. Him for losing the plot and making me drive and me for, you know, ruining his life.

After walking out of the police station I offered to take him home and he said no he’d just take another taxi. He turned away and walked up the street and I watched a broken man walk off into the distance.

We never spoke again after that. I heard through the grapevine a few years on that he was dating someone so I hope that everything turned out okay for him.

As for me, I went on to experience many a terrible date. But none came close to this story.

Have you had any bad dates that you can laugh about now?

I realise my last post was very Debbie Downer (or Betty Bad Luck where I come from). I’m still in the middle of my funk. It’s a combination of PMS, extreme homesickness and the fact that I’m having to work during the xmas break but I think it’s getting better. Chocolate helps. Chocolate always helps!

For my last post of 2015 I want to do a round up of my favourites for the year. I want to do it monthly but we all know my track record with planned posts. Anyway, without further ado… Here are my favourites for 2015. Let’s start with the normal stuff.

FAVOURITE MOVIE:
This was a tough on and I’ve decided it’s a tie.
Jurassic World – I was worried they’d mess this up but man, what a great movie. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. The fact that xxx spent the entire movie running in heels didn’t phase me. And, of course, let’s please take a moment to appreciate the beauty that is Chris Pratt.

The Martian – I vowed to read this book before going to see the movie but I ended up watching it when I was in the middle of the book and it motivated me to finish because the beginning of the book is slow. So awesome. I think I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I always wanted to work at NASA. After this movie I actually went to the website to see if they had openings haha. It was amazing. The amount of geniuses working there and what they went through to get to try to save him. Amazing. And they didn’t really stray too far from the book in my opinion which is always a big plus. I hope my kid(s) knows I’m going to force them to study something to get them into NASA. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t force my child(ren) succeed where I had failed? And this brings me to my second favourite.

FAVOURITE BOOK:
The Martian – Again, it started off slow but once they switched to Earth it was non-stop action. The technical language was fascinating and I was in awe of how smart these people are. If you’re into space travel, suspense and sarcastic humour, this book is for you.

FAVOURITE FOOD:
All things truffle – For some reason everything has truffle oil in it and I, for one, am very happy about this. I go to restaurants and I know if I see truffle fries or truffle mac & cheese, I know it’s going to be a winner. There’s a bar in providence we went to that had truffle tator tots. I died and went to heaven. I’m so glad truffle mac & cheese is a thing. It’s amazing. I read a comment on an article somewhere saying that some (probably most) truffle oils are actually toxic because it’s not flavoured with real truffles and blah blah cancer blah blah blah. It’s delicious.

FAVOURITE DRINK:
Moscow Mule – One of my dear friends who I met on this journey helped me fall in love with moscow mules. I’m in love with it. In love!

FAVOURITE SONG:
What do you mean by Justin Bieber – It brings me no joy to admit this. But I really do turn the volume up when this song comes on the radio. I can’t help it! Don’t look at me! I’m ashamed!!!

FAVOURITE TV SHOW:
This was a tough one because there are so many but
Shameless – My brother and sister-in-law brother us on to this and we blew through 5 seasons within 2 months easily. If you’re not watching this and don’t get offended easily, this is a must see.
Honourable mention: The Affair, Blackish, Flesh & Bone, The Nick, New Girl,  Arrrgh! so much good tv out there lately.

FAVOURITE MOMENT:
We’re headed out for the night and I’m not ready yet so I have to make this quick and I can’t think of any other categories. Soooo. Another tie.
My eldest brother’s wedding – I was so happy to be home for this. Sad that hubby couldn’t be there but this was a great 3 weeks home. I was popped in as bridesmaid at the last moment and I was sooo happy to be included. I love weddings!!!

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Going to Washington DC with hubby – We didn’t travel together much this year but this was needed and so so awesome. Love my bubbles.

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Anyway, there you have it. What was your favourite for 2015?? I hope you all have a great last night of 2015… Chat next year!

<3<3