Today Was a Good Day

I’m having a good day today. In case the title of the post wasn’t clear.

First, food. The school’s culinary department has a healthy eating program. For $50 you get 3 meals a day and a snack for 5 days. So I ordered 2 for both of us and the order came in today. This may seem like nothing but food makes me excited. Especially when I didn’t cook it. I love cooking but I love eating more and I was really excited about this week’s menu. scallops Mozambique with cauliflower rice. vegetarian lo mein with asian bbq chicken and caprese stuffed chicken breasts with roasted broccoli for the dinners. Even writing this is making me excited.

Second, PICSI. The RE called this morning to tell me that he had a meeting with the embryology department and they’re going to do everything they can for us to do PICSI our next round. He said that he can’t guarantee that things will be ready in time but I told him that we decided to start in July so he sounded more positive. I guess they need specialized equipment and a specialist to come in and help them. I’m so excited! I know that PICSI isn’t going to be the missing puzzle piece but I’m just happy that Dr G is going the extra mile.

Third, and most importantly, insurance. You guessed it. After 5 months of fighting to get my claim reimbursed, these punks finally approved my claim and I should get my money in a few weeks. Granted I had to throw a tantrum on the phone because the guy told me the claim was denied. But damn it, they approved! I really hate raising my voice and I was very shaken up after the phone call but I’m glad I did and I’m glad it’s sorted out. I just sent in my second claim yesterday but hopefully this won’t be as big of a nightmare since I know exactly what to send in now.

Bonus fourth. It’s pay day tomorrow!!!

This upcoming weekend is going to be hard. Saturday, my father-in-law’s memorial service and Sunday, Mimi’s baby shower (I deleted the post I wrote about her but maybe some of you will remember). I hear there’s going to be a bar at the shower so that’ll help. I know I am not obligated to go but I’ve been in a good head space wrt pregnancies and stuff and I’ll get to see some other friends who I miss so I don’t think it will be bad.

I’m glad to be able to share some good news from my camp with you guys. I know it hasn’t been sunshine and roses over here but that’s how this journey goes right?

I’m about to go dig into one my dinners. No, I think I’m going to make grilled cheese and a glass of wine wile Ice Cube breaks it down for me.

xxx

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Updates Updates Updates

I went to the wtf appointment by myself yesterday. We had words about it but whatev’s, I’m over it now. I was doing really well when the doctor came to get me. We were chit chatting about the weather and stuff but when I sat down he got really serious and quiet and apologised for the negative and he can’t imagine the toll this is taking on us, blah blah blah. I was fine up until then, then I had to blink away tears and make an awkward joke. I can’t even remember what it was.

So he said a few things. It could be my lining so we’re going to do an endometrial biopsy and another hysteroscopy at the same time. Thankfully we’ll do this with the next cycle while I’m on bcp’s so there’ll not be a delay. Yay! He said it could also still be other genetic issues with the embryos that they can’t pick up in PGS. Bleh. We’ll try this next round with the biopsy and go from there. He keeps saying that all his translocation patients have to work a little harder and have to do more rounds than any other couple would so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for a long road.

I asked if there’s a chance I could have endometriosis and he said that from what he has on file and what I’ve told him that it’s not likely and if I did that it wouldn’t be worse than stage 1 or 2 and he wouldn’t want to do a laparoscopy out since it’s invasive. 20 bucks says by round 5 I’ll be booked for one, stat :).

What else did he say? Oh, I asked about egg quality and he checked his notes and said that the folks in the lab commented that they weren’t the prettiest and they weren’t jumping up and down about them but also that in his experience he’s seen women with the same comments go one to have successful pregnancies and we’re getting fertilization and blastocysts so he’s not worried about that.

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As for protocol, my first round I was on a 75iu Menopur and Gonal F  and we slowly increased and triggered with HCG in the butt. I ended up with 14 eggs, 13 mature. The second I was on 150iu Menopur and Gonal F (I believe) and we slowly increased and triggered with HCG in the tummy. I ended up with 12 eggs, 7 mature. So he decided to do a mix of both rounds and use a Lupron trigger next time. So we’re doing 75iu Menopur and 150 Gonal F and we’ll go from there. Also, the clinic has switched from Ganirelix to Cetrotide for insurance purposes. Yay for no more blunt needles!

I also got to meet the new nurse D. He was really sweet. I feel bad for being mean to him now. But all in all it was a good appointment I think. I always forget to ask questions. But I think I covered everything. Whatever, can we just start? If my body plays along, we should be ready to kick things off in 16 days. Whoop! Let’s go!

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And some shitty insurance news of course… Because what IVF cycle would be complete without insurance woes. So they still haven’t paid my claim for the genetics testing. I called about a month ago and the young lady said that the claim was there but that it takes about 40 days. Okay, fine. It’s now been 2 months and I called again (I really should have called sooner) only to find out that some genius tagged the claim as Fitness & Wellness and not Medical so no one’s looked at it…for 2 months… 2 months.

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Thankfully, the guy (another D.. his name is D. Not D as in, well, you know), gave me his email address and he said he’d have them expedite the claim and he’d get it sorted out asap. Yaaaa…What?  Nope, D found another issue. Apparently, I’d sent the wrong bill. It didn’t have any of the codes that were needed.

Captain-Picard-Facepalm

But again, D said to just call the genetics lab and have them send over the correct bill and to forward to him directly so that we can get it fixed up real quick. Great. I quickly hopped on the line with the genetics lab and very nice yet somewhat unsure-of-herself older woman told me that they should send me an itemized bill in about 5 business days. I have a feeling I’m going to have to follow up on this but for now we’ll leave it up to the infertility gods.

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Anyway, that’s all I have for now. Life is going to be dull again for the next 16 days but I’ll find some stuff to blog about.

Time to catch up on what’s going on in your lives.

xx

The End is Nigh

Well, I did it. I am unstoppable! Haha. Took the shot in my car outside the clinic before the sun had come up. I felt like I was doing something shady and illegal. But I did it!

I’m to head back there tomorrow and hopefully that’ll be the last of it. They said I could potentially trigger tomorrow. Just in time. I’m actually okay with a trigger tomorrow or Thursday because if it’s tomorrow, I’ll get the day off on Friday. If it’s Thursday it’ll give my right ovary a bit more time to catch up. Still only 2 measurable follies.

They’re also lowering my dose for tonight’s shots. Part of me is like noooo! My right follie needs more love! But I must trust that they know what they’re doing. The doctor was also  talking about a Lupron trigger this time? I did an HCG trigger last time. Does anyone have any stories about a Lupron trigger, perhaps? I read that they use a Lupron trigger if you’re at risk for OHSS. My E2 is 2500+. Doesn’t seem risky to me yet but again. Trust. But yeah, if you have a Lupron story please share.

Here’s to my righty catching up! Come on girly!

Day 10, IVF 2:
200iu Gonal F
75iu Menopur
1 syringe Ganirelix

E2: 2500+
LH: Not given
Lefty: 8 the biggest is at 18.5
Righty: 2 fighters 12.5mm and 15mm

Physical:
Sore boobs today.
Nausea was at fever pitch this morning.

Emotional:
Nerves are kicking in. What if’s are everywhere. Sigh.

Food:
left over cottage pie

Moment of Zen:

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Let’s Get Going!

I don’t have anything exciting to report today. These meds are officially kicking my ass. I’m so tired I’m going right to bed after this. And I was so sick last night. I woke up in the middle of the night with violent motion sickness. It felt like I spent all day slamming Jack Daniels in the sun. Ew.

Tomorrow is my first monitoring appointment. Time to kick this cycle into 2nd gear finally.

Day 4, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Really tired.
All day nausea. A cosmic joke?

Emotional:
Blah

Food:
Leftovers from yesterday.

Moment of Zen:
Edit: Actually going to link this entire Buzzfeed article. So funny!
27 Vines That Will 100% Make You Laugh

The Play Room

When I was younger, maybe 4th grade, we lived in San Francisco for a year while my father did his Masters. I remember them having a lot of younger couple friends but there was one couple who had the best house in the whole world. You walk into the house and they had a sunken living room that was converted into a play room. It was amazing!

They had legos and books and all the board games you can imagine and every time we came they seemed to have a new one for the three of us to play. The best part was the puzzles and gadgets. It was like a touch-and-learn area in a museum of science.

They had the plasma globe and an another globe that was suspended between two magnets that looked like magic. There was a doohickey the rolled on a track from side to side and never stopped (more magnet wizardry) and I remember a tonne of 3d puzzles. 3d puzzles are the best! Anyway, you get the point. A nerdy child’s dream.

We weren’t over there often but everytime was the best day ever. I loved it so much that I always swore that I would have a playroom exactly like that when I grew up. For my kids and my brothers’ kids and everyone’s kids. I knew I wanted have the house that every child wanted to be at just because being in that house brought me so much joy. And the couple were the best people as well. They really spoiled us everytime we visited.

I never forgot that playroom and I actually started collecting 3d puzzles and gadgets. I had a plasma globe and lava lamp too. I have quite a collection in SA. I’ll have to start again unfortunately because most of the cool electronic stuff won’t work here. Sorry plasma globe.

Recently, this couple popped in my mind for whatever reason one day when I was driving home and it dawned on me that they didn’t have any kids. My parents have since lost contact with them so I don’t know if they ended up having kids or if they’re still childless. I wonder if they’re childless by choice or if their playroom was meant for children they didn’t have at the time. I wonder if seeing us in their playroom made them sad if they couldn’t have kids or if they were just the type of people who loved seeing everyone happy. That’s how I remembered them.

I was very excited about creating my own playroom growing up. I’ve had a million ideas but of course in my current situation I keep wondering if my playroom will be for my kids or for my friends’ kids and my husband’s family’s kids.

Not to be a downer but there’s always the possibility that my playroom won’t have any of my children to play in it and that makes me a little sad, but then I remember how awesome the original playroom was and how much joy it brought me when I was there. And I know that the couple loved having us there since they always had new toys for us when we visited and they played with us sometimes. I can only imagine that seeing joy in any child’s eyes is enough, no matter what your situation is and I’m very excited to be able to bring that kind of joy.

So I’m going to continue my collection and our next house is going to have the most epic playroom. Yes, there will be a giant tropical fish tank. And yes, you’re all invited to bring your kids (even if you don’t have kids… there’ll be a plasma globe. No one can resist a plasma globe).

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source: wikipedia

 

Coconut Twist

So much for blogging every day, huh? So much to working on my time management too, huh?  *shaking my head*

We had a pretty busy weekend and a fun one for once. Fun because it involved zero working on the house. Well, I shouldn’t complain, the shitty part of the reno is over. The shitty part being the incessant mudding and sanding. It never seemed to end. The best part of the weekend was when I had to work for 4 hours on Saturday while hub did the final mud and sand while I was away. Hooray!

I picked a paint colour as well. We’re going with something called coconut twist. Which is actually just white-ish but not as white as the white the ceiling will be. That’s the extent of my colour selecting prowess. I’ve never seen that many shades of white in my life. I really hope I chose the right one.

Saturday evening we had dinner with our friends. It was the first time any of us had been out in a while so we really took advantage of the situation. We ordered way too much sushi, had 2 cocktails a piece that were difficult to handle and we ended up staying until the restaurant closed like any group of married folks would do.

And just like any other couple of married folks we were promptly in bed by midnight. I really had a blast though. We hadn’t seen them in a while and I think I needed human interaction after being cooped up in the house for that long.

Hmm, I realize now that this post doesn’t have any point. I guess just an update on my rip roaring social life. It’s back to the hermit hole now until the dreaded room is complete.

So with that I’ll leave you with this clip from a Chris Rock show. The first 2ish minutes reminded me of how our double date went. I lol’d.

In IVF news… I’m on day 4 of bcp’s and they are kicking my ass. It’s never been this bad before. So dizzy. So sleepy.

Imagine a Protective Bubble, If You Will…

So I think before I mentioned that I’m really superstitious. But I tend to invent my own superstitions based on my past.

Firstly, I don’t write my husband’s name or me new last name when I’m doodling. The reason is that in the past as soon as I’ve lovingly doodled the name of whomever I’m dating, the relationship came to an end very shortly afterwards. Within days… it’s clearly linked to me writing their name on a piece of paper. I haven’t written my husband’s name once and look how far we’ve come… Just sayin’…

I also don’t save my husband’s name under a pet name on my phone. Again, any written confirmation of a relationship spells doom. I always did this in the past and noticed that my brother didn’t do it with his wife and their relationship is perfect. The only reason they’ve been together for over 10 years is because of this fact :).

And lastly and I’m not even sure if this qualifies as a superstition… I don’t tell anyone about when big tests come up where I have the potential to fail. I’m sure this isn’t that weird though but it’s rung true for me for a long time. So much so that my friends have adopted this one when I tell them to. I passed my drivers license test on the first try after not telling anyone except Mum because she paid and after my friend failed her driver’s test 5 times I told her to tell no one the 6th time  and she got it after that. 3 of my friends since then have passed their driver’s test on this theory so I believe in this one wholeheartedly.

I’ve also applied this to job interviews. I was unemployed for a year and a half when I got here and after countless failures when I came to this final interview I told no one except my husband and I was a shoe in.

And again, before that with regards to getting my green card. I told no one about my interview to get the 2 year green card which went off without a hitch. But then when I applied for my 10 year green card I told everyone and we got an RFE. That’s when they send you a letter to insinuate  that they think you’re lying about something on your application and they need more evidence to prove you’re not. I eventually got the green card after this but I was upset that I hadn’t stuck to my guns.

Of course, there’s not scientific evidence to prove any correlation but I think, practically, it has to do with the fact that the less people who know the less pressure you’re under. Whatever the reason, it seems to have worked in my life thus far.

I’m sure you know where this is going… We’ve decided to keep the FET process between just the 2 of us. Partly because of my superstition and partly because I’ve been very open about everything thus far with my friends and family and N and I haven’t really had much privacy throughout and while I’m okay with it, I think he would appreciate it.

I’ve also been going through a dark time as well, hence no real blogging and I hate to say this but I’ve had to unfollow some of my favourite blogs. Not unfollow, unfollow, but I’ve set it so that I don’t get instant emails anymore. Just until I can get a handle on my emotions. I’m feeling impatient and irritable and I need to go into protection mode for a while I think. I am also feeling not so confident about this FET and it’s exacerbating everything. My acupuncturist keeps repeating that I have to be as stress free and calm throughout this process as possible so I’m trying to follow that as best as I can.

Of course that means I won’t be blogging about the FET when it happens. I’ve said some things on my instagram account but I’m going to take an instagram break as well… if I can.

I think what I’m going to do is blog as we go along because I want to record it but I’ll start posting the blogs after we have the result.

Please know that I’m very happy for all the BFP’s but it’s hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would and it’s becoming a bit overwhelming. I’ll catch up on all the stories when I feel stronger.

Wishing everyone continued success. I hope we’ll be joining you soon. I love you guys and I know you get it :).