Dandelion

Yikes! I thought I’d posted something since egg retrieval. Oops. Anyway, it’s good news :).

Of the 8 they retrieved, 7 were mature and 4 fertilised normally.

This time I was prepared for no news for at least 5 days. Day 5 was two Sundays ago on the 10th Nov. Of course I heard nothing. I was a mess because I was set to write the GRE test on the 11th and I couldn’t really concentrate on studying. Truth be told I only started looking at the test on the 9th. I was certain I was going to do terribly.

Well the 11th came. I was sure I would have the email in my inbox after the test. I finished the test and there was no email. I didn’t do too badly in the test at least, so I’m glad that that stress is over.

By 5pm on the 11th I was deflated. I realised that we either had at least one day 7 embryo, or nothing. I was sad.

By the time I got to work on the 12th I think I was okay with everything. I figured that the wait would be over soon and we could relax and enjoy the holidays and regroup. I just wanted it to be over. The email came at 9am.

“…we want to let you know that we have been able to freeze 2 embryos…”

I was relieved. But I was also sad that we now had two day 7 embryos. I felt like it would just be the same like last cycle. I swore that if, by some miracle, both were okay, I would ask dr P to transfer both.

I spent the next 7 days as we all do. Filled with hope one day and drowning in despair the next.

He called this past Wednesday (Nov 20) but I MISSED THE DAMNED CALL!! Gah! I’m still mad about this. I’m not going to lie, before I listened to the voice note, I knew that we had one good one. And I was right! One happy normal little embryo.

He said to call him back so we could start the process of the transfer. It took a bit of doing to get a hold of him but we eventually spoke yesterday. And I got a bit of surprise news. The embryo is a beautiful, DAY SIX embryo!! The other little guy was a day 7 and had extra chromosomes 16 and 22. I’m so happy and relieved and excited and hopeful!

So we’ll start again with my next period. We’ll be going home for Christmas (YAY!) so I’ll have to start birth control while we’re there. And then if all goes well, we’ll transfer the first week of February, I’d say.

I’m so glad it’s over. I’m so incredibly grateful that we could do this again. I’m grateful for my doctor and the clinic and all my friends and family for going through this with us and I’m grateful to all of you for you unending support. But man I’m glad this part is over.

Now I can focus all my stress on cooking my first turkey next week!! Gah!

Oh and we named this one Dandelion after a character in a book series we’re both listening to. It’s a good unisex name because Dandelion is a male character.

Cheers to Dandelion!

xxx

No Hotcakes For You

IVF ROUND 7

DAY 7 – Monitoring Day
(Sunday Oct 27)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur
Notes: estrogen=196.1; LH=2.91; lining=6.1mm; Left Ovary=10.8mm, 8.4mm; Right Ovary=10.5mm, 9.0mm, 8.5mm, 7.9mm, 8.5mm

So my right ovary is on a roll right now. As you know, she’s usually the slacker. And the tech had trouble finding the left one too which is new.

The tech was great, as usual, (it’s the same one who watches Game of Thrones) and she helped pick up my mood. She first read my name completely wrong and kept giggling about it throughout the scan. I’ll have to write more legibly next time. And then we talked about tiling woes. We’re both doing tiling jobs right now. I felt good after the scan even though it was really painful. I think my left ovary is directly above my uterus (I think. It feels like it) and she was pushing really hard to see it. I hope this won’t be a problem come retrieval time. It’s never been an issue though.

After these weekend monitoring appointments I usually stop by the McDonalds (I know, I know) after for big breakfasts for us. Unfortunately, this time they FORGOT THE HOTCAKES!!! It was so disappointing but probably the universe telling me to stick to better food choices.

Anyway, back on Tuesday for another scan. Still no Ganirelix added. I’m trying to figure out when retrieval will be. At first I thought Friday but now I’m thinking Sunday or Monday. But only time will tell!

Emotional: Having a good day today despite the lack of hotcakes.
Physic: Feeling sharp pains in the abdomen and I’m bloaty.
Food: Hotcake-less McD’s breakfast and I’m going to make beef stew for dinner on this rainy day.

Ladybug Sighting

IVF ROUND 7

DAY 5 – Monitoring Day
(Friday Oct 25)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur
Notes: estrogen=64.44; LH=6.12; progesterone=0.387; lining=5.4mm; Left Ovary=11.8mm; Right Ovary=12mm

I had a rough-ish day emotionally. I ate crap and work was taxing. There are only 2 lonely follicles right now. They seem pretty big for this early but my estrogen seems lowish for this early. But the nurse was happy with progress. I’m just falling into comparison land again and I hate it. Someone needs to take my phone away and delete and bock me from my instagram and blog. But the damage is done.

I did make it to training after skipping all exercise days this week. So that felt good. While we were chatting in between sets his wife (my tap instructor) came down to say hi and she pointed to the ceiling to two ladybugs who were touching butts. They’d been there all week doing who knows what :). That made me smile and I took it as a good sign for the day. Two ladybugs. Two follicles. Two drops of hope.

Onwards and upwards. Next appointment on Sunday.

Emotional: Rollercoaster!!!
Physical: Feeling good after a training session.
Food: Leftover Chinese food.

Ho Hum

IVF ROUND 7

DAY 2-4
(Tuesday Oct 22 – Thursday Oct 24)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur

Days 2 and 3 were anti climactic as usual. I haven’t done shots yet today but I believe I’m feeling some bloat sitting here with my legs curled under me. Either it’s IVF bloat or it’s the giant mountain of Chinese food I just ate.

Little Lucky is staying over at his grandma’s tonight because he goes with me to school and I don’t want to have to wake him up at the ass crack of dawn to go with me for the 2hr journey and I also am not too keen on bringing a child with me to my IVF clinic. I’m extremely grateful that I have someone to watch him during this time. I know not everyone is this lucky. I wonder now about all those women who I side-eyed at the clinic who brought their kids to appointments. I’m sure most of them felt tortured about being “that person”. I wonder if most of them simply had no choice. I’m just grateful that I have a choice with this.

It’s shots and bed time soon. Can’t believe tomorrow will pretty much be half way.

Emotional: Just taking it one day at a time
Physical: Haven’t been to training all week and skipped dance today. So, bleh-ish
Food: Mountain of Chinese food.

Better Odds Than a Scratch Ticket

Wise words from my husband when I was complaining about how our little embryo had almost no chance of being normal and how the odds are so very stacked against it. We had a cycle already where we sent one for testing and it came back abnormal. But N remained adamant that this little dude embryo had beaten all the odds thus far and why wouldn’t it be normal?

Well, I won’t keep you in suspense much longer. Our embryo is a champion. A beautiful AA grade normal/balanced day 7 superhero! I could not be more proud and relieved. I can’t believe it!

The day was pretty busy yesterday. I didn’t have time to dwell on negative thoughts, thankfully. Dr P called at 6pm and my heart dropped when I saw “Private Number”. I tried to sense the tone of the phone call by the way the phone rang. I tried to sense the tone of his voice when I picked up but as usual he was impossible to read. And then he said “I have great news…” and I just melted.

N walked in halfway through the call and I just gave him a thumbs up and his face lit up. Lucky was next to me smashing his dinner into the table.

Of course, in this game, all good news comes with scary stats. These are new stats are quite scary. Since it’s a day 7 embryo, the odds of pregnancy being successful drop from 60ish% (if it were day 5 or 6) to 30%. But I’m trying to remember that day 7 embryos are a new thing and the sample of data they’re extrapolating from is small. I’m also trying to remember that Seven (the name I’m giving this embryo) is an absolute death defying superhero and it scoffs at shitty odds. So bring it!

Next steps are to call with my next period (Around June 11) and we’ll follow the same FET protocol as we did with Lucky. So a million weeks of birth control and Lupron and then estrogen and progesterone and a transfer around about the 23rd of July. We have a trip planned on the 25th so the timing will be interesting. But he did say we have wiggle room with the length of time for BC which is good.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe we got this far. Wow. I’m so relieved. Thank you all so much for the prayers and positive vibes. We have another big ol’ mountain to climb but at least we can rest and take in the view for about 3 more weeks.

xx

I Would Like a Drink

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 11
(Friday May 3)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur, 0.25mg Cetrotide
Notes: estrogen=1603; LH=2.98; progesterone=0.633; lining=9.5mm; Left Ovary=21.6, 19.5, 13.5, 10.6; Right Ovary=21.6, 19.5

Can I just say that I forgot how awesome the ultrasound techs are. This morning I had A again and the first thing she said to me was “You don’t watch Game of Thrones do you?”. Uhh, instant best friends!!! Shit, that reminds me she pointed me to some youtube videos I should watch about each character and their development over the season.

I know some people don’t understand the obsession with TV shows and Movies but I am all about it and I love that it brings people together. My friends and I have whatsapp groups for movies and tv shows and I just got into a GoT fb group with some people from work so it’s opened up some lines of communication with some colleagues. And for someone who’s navigating living with social anxiety, it really helps to have something to talk about when you’re battling fight or flight responses to simply being in the same room with someone you don’t know that well.

But I digress.

6 little follicles trying their utmost. Come on little monkeys! I told my boss that we’re pretty much done with appointments and I’ll probably do retrieval on Monday and that it’s not looking good. He said “What about being positive?!” I said I was trying but I know how this works. He’s nice.

I don’t know. Maybe I should be more positive? Maybe tomorrow. I wish I could speak to Dr P directly. I want to know how he’s feeling about the cycle. I mean he has a million patients and I’m sure he’s barely glanced at my numbers, but I like to imagine him sitting at his desk with his head in his hands puzzling and puzzling about how he’s going to help us have another baby.

I just got the call with the information now and I have to do another night of shots and go in tomorrow for monitoring. That will be day 12 and hopefully the last day. I’m a little bummed because I have a long awaited hair appointment that I have to move again. Argh, so many greys! I need them gone! And I want to try a new summery colour too.

Alright. I’ve gabbed enough. Hopefully everyone has a fantastic Friday. Please have a glass of wine for me. Thank you.

Emotional: Ready to get these eggs outta here!
Physical: Headache is back. Geez.
Food: Seafood chowder!

Hitting the Wall

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 7 – Monitoring Day
(Monday April 29)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur, 25iu Cetrotide

Notes: estrogen=467.9; LH=4.39; progesterone=n/a; lining=8.8mm; Left Ovary=13.1, 13.6, 9.4; Right Ovary=14.4

Man, these results are frustrating me. Still only 4 follicles and they’re getting too big for more to catch up, in my opinion, but my estrogen is only up 200ish. I’m having a hard time reminding myself that every cycle is different. Maybe my body isn’t used to the barrage of hormones after this long of a break.

We added Cetrotide last night. I don’t remember the needle being that long. It drew a lot of blood.

I’m not liking this cycle so far. It started off good but now I’m not so sure. N was trying to be reassuring yesterday but I’m just meh.  I know it’s still very early in the game but I don’t have a good feeling. And I’m already stressed about next cycle. I think we’re at max medication doses. What else could we do?

Emotional: Woe is me

Physical: Tired. I don’t like talking about CM but it’s there and it’s a lot. Sorry.

Food: I don’t remember lunch. Short ribs and cauliflower mash for dinner.