Miss Antsy Pants

Haven’t written in a while. Mostly because a whole lot of nothing has been going on. We did have our Genetics Counsellor appointment last Tuesday. Nothing overly exciting to report. They basically just explained the chromosome stuff to us. I can’t remember if I said what was going on. But in a nutshell, hubby is a carrier for CF (cystic fibrosis) and also has a balanced reciprocal translocation between chromosomes 16 and 18. That means that a piece of a chromosome swapped places with another piece of a chromosome. There’s nothing wrong with him but this type of translocation can cause miscarriages. The appointment was informative, at least, and they gave us some pamphlets and told us that they’d send a full report back to our RE’s office and we’ll go from there. So it looks like we’ll be adding another set of letters our baby journey. We’re now doing IVF with ICSI with PGD… The PGD stands for pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. Which basically just means after they inject one of his sperm into my egg they wait a few days for it to fertilize and stuff then remove a cell from the embryo and test it for any issues and then only implant the ones that will potentially survive. I think it’s simply amazing that they can do these kinds of things. The whole process blows my mind.

So yeah… now we wait… again. The bane of my existence is waiting for something I really want. I can’t stand it. I know that it’s something I have to work on but it’s so hard. But alas, there’s nothing I can do except wait. So I have to keep the tantrum throwing 3 year old in my head occupied somehow.

So, I started knitting but I’m not very good just yet. I tried to make a potholder (on the left) but got bored half way and now it’s a potholder for someone really really small… Or just another toy for the kitties. The thing on the left is my first attempt at a cable stitch. Don’t worry, the projects will get better. The yarn, however, may not. I bought 2 balls of the red so whatever I make is going to be red. hehe.

6-20-2014 3-48-45 PMWhat else can I do to keep myself occupied? I’m in a book club that is taking up my downtime which I love. It’s an online book club since all my girls are scattered all over the world. But I love it!! Maybe I should do book reviews on here too, to pass the time.

And finally I’m trying another 21 day cleanse but I’m going to take it day by day. That way if I fail I won’t hate myself too much. But I’ve been eating horribly recently and my irritable bowel found me at work one morning and complained. It really complained. It complained so much it created a bit of a scene in the toilet at my office. I was crouched down in the stall and I had to call my bestie (Shout out to you, S! I know you’re reading lol) to come and help me, who then called our manager. It was a huge production. I was in so much agony and I swear I didn’t know what was going on. I thought maybe it was the HSG messing with my uterus. My hero, S, had to drive me to the walk-in down the road. There were x-rays and urine tests and even an internal exam. I was completely mortified when she showed me my x-ray and told me to stop being a baby and get some gas-x. I don’t know how I showed my face at the office the next day having to explain how a few stuck farts knocked me off my feet.

That was what I call rock-bottom. Something in my diet has to change. I don’t know how but I have to get my act together, man. The other day I noticed the inner thighs of my favourite jeans had worn through from all the constant rubbing together… What have I become?!

I don’t know how I’m going to do this though. I hope taking it one day at a time will work and I’m hoping it’ll take my mind off IVF for a while until we have enough money in the bank. Good luck to me… and anyone else in IVF limbo… or any other limbo for that matter.

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More needles…

I’m really happy about how quickly the blood test results got back to me. Not so happy about the actual results. Turns out my prolactin and tsh levels were a problem and they wanted me to go back this morning to get more blood. *sob*

I think this is the universe prepping me for what’s to come. I know I have to “man up” because this is only the tip of the iceberg but it hurts *whiiiine*.

In other news… If anyone’s keeping score, I’m officially out of the 21 day challenge at the office. I had a clam cake… and I regret nothing. Here’s my name on the white board of shame.

[edit: picture removed for anonymity]

Aaaand… I stopped doing Insanity for a while too. I’ve been suffering from some crazy headaches over the past few weeks. They’ve since gotten way better but doing hardcore workouts was not helping at all. I’ll pick it up again soon. Either that or I’ll just revert back to my old couch potato ways. Only time will tell.

A quick update…

K, so I’m on week 3 of insanity. I actually made it through 3 weeks of something. And don’t be fooled, it’s not because I’m enjoying it. The only part I enjoy is maybe 15 minutes in I feel like I’m accomplishing something. That feeling promptly disappears after the workout is over, however, and I have yet to feel the euphoria of a workout well done.

So why am I pushing through? I don’t know guys… I don’t know. But what I do love about these videos is that the people in the background are real. They fall out when I fall out and I know they’re crying when I’m crying. I really hate sweating and crying through a workout while the people in the video are smiling and barely sweating. It does not inspire confidence. Yes, I’m talking to you, girls from Jillian Michaels’ 30 day shred!… There’s one lad from insanity, in particular, whom I just adore. My boy, Frankie. His face is so funny when he’s in pain, I love it. It’s so real. Feels like I’m looking in a mirror. There’s one shot of him with his face screwed up in pain and when he realizes the camera on him he tries in vain to pull it together. I love it. I’ll do insanity all day just to see those faces… I’m doing it for you Frankie!!! PS If anyone’s keeping score I’ve only dropped 2lbs and 1inch in my waist. That’ll do for now, I guess.

Hmmm. What else is going on in my life?

We’re doing a 21 day challenge at work. About 10 of us are all giving up something for 21 days, in an effort to be more healthy. I have chosen to give up refined carbs. This includes beer. My favourite thing in the whole world. We’re on day 12 now and I’m still hurting. I don’t want to go into the details of the withdrawal but know this… it hurts… I.am.sad. I don’t want to talk about it.

And now for my last bit of news. I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not to post about this. Mostly because I don’t want this to be the focus of my blog, but it is going to be my reality now so I guess it’s time. So after quite a bit of back and forth and a bit of denial, Mr and I are going to be starting some sort of fertility treatments. We have an appointment at the fertility clinic on Monday which I’m excited about.  I really don’t know what to expect at all besides the fifteen thousand possible outcomes, so I have no opinions or strong feelings at this stage. So I’ve just been OD’ing on all the fertility information I can. I’ve followed possibly 90% of all the ladies on Instagram who are going through a similar journey and I’ve been reading most of the fertility blogs too. I’m a more than a little obsessed but it’s  how I get when I’m passionate about something.

So yeah, that’s it for me for now. I guess I’ll update you on Monday. Right now I have to go not drink a beer on July 4th. FML!

 

The Hangover

Everyone knows that as you get older your hangovers tend to last longer and hit harder. Mine, in particular, come with an added dose of shame and guilt that has to be processed after every night of frivolity. “Why do you do this to yourself every time?” I’ll ask myself in between gulps of bubbly water and cries of pain, promising to never fall into this trap again.

Another thing is that I find myself becoming decidedly introspective as I lay in bed coming to terms with myself. It’s a time when I find myself redefining my short term goals and even writing down steps I’d need to take to achieve said goals. All of which is pretty good in my book, except that these goals and lists and promises only last as long as the hangover itself and when the end of the week rolls around I find myself elbows deep in beer and pizza and the cycle begins again…

The latest of these instances was quite funny when I think about it. I had decided I would do a juice cleanse to clear my body of all the toxins I found myself battling with at the time. I promptly went out and bought a $30 juicer and $60 worth of vegetables and fruit on a Sunday afternoon in a cloudy haze of consciousness. Please note that any purchases have to be made in the midst of a hangover since I won’t be thinking clearly at the time. My hangovers usually cost more than the previous nights drinking, which I find quite amusing.

When I got home I ran out of steam to actually juice this mountain of healthy fruits and veggies and I ended up just falling asleep again. Obviously, the next day the hangover and the new cleanse goal were promptly forgotten.

Fast forward to last week as I was enjoying another lovely albeit milder hangover… This time I re-affirmed my need for a serious cleanse and just for added effect I figured I’d get my ass back in shape so I went online and bought …  I still can’t believe I did this… the Insanity workout program… That’s a new level of crazy, even for me.

But let’s look at the pro’s. I did in fact kind of complete the juice cleanse (I didn’t make the pre dinner juice because I was too tired after juicing stuff for 2 hours). It was only 3 days so that’s a plus. I used Dr Oz’s cleanse I found on Pinterest and I survived aaand I would do it again. The recipes actually taste a lot better than they sound. So I at least stuck to something. Go me!!! What you’ll see below is 4 of the 5 juices. Sweet potato juice worries me a bit. Maybe next time.

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As for this Insanity thing… I am notorious for not finishing something I start. I try not to let it get me too down because if I did I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror. The package was delivered yesterday and while I wasn’t nursing a hangover, I was dealing with a particularly difficult headache that would not go away. I think it has to do with my diet this past week. Mostly dirty carbs and sugar. So I usually try to eat clean during the week anyway and I’m trying to follow a Low Carb High Fat eating regime which is a lot easier than it looks until Thursday happens. In case you’re wondering, I play kickball with some friends from work on Thursdays and it usually ends at the bar where I drink too many beers and before I know it, it’s Sunday and I’m online paying lots of money for things I probably won’t ever use.

Anyway, we’ll see how this insanity thing goes. I’m about to jump on the scale now and do the necessary measurements and do the first day’s video. I’m not going to make any wild promises since I’m of sound mind, but I will try. I’ve already done 3 of these videos on the xbox. That’s what prompted my interest initially. So I’m not going into this blindly. But let’s see how it goes. If I stick to it I’ll post some progress pics. I actually have some before pics from when I did it the first time. So here goes nothing. Please excuse the low quality in these before pics. I’ll try to take better ones during the next hangover.

ImageGood luck to me!!!

 

That Time I Failed Horribly at Becoming Vegan and Tried Something Else Instead

Soooo, yeah that sucked. I lasted about a week and a half at best.

I gained no joy. I lost no weight. I lashed out at my poor husband even though I dragged him through this ordeal with me. And I almost broke off my almost 20 year friendship with my vegetarian best friend because how can she live this sort of life and be happy?

And then my mother-in-law, bless her soul, had a dinner at her house where she served mashed potatoes with bacon, pork chops and Marsala chicken… and cheesecake for dessert. It was the best fall of the wagon I’ve ever done and I’m not even remotely sorry.

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The week that followed was a blur of kfc and beer and all the cheese that my little heart could take. It was pure bliss but there was definitely still a nagging in the back of my head. Actually, it was more like a jiggling in my butt. I decided to regroup and see where I failed and what I could do to fix it. Turns out quitting meat and everything I love cold turkey with no fixed plan is bound to fail, especially for me who needs structure when I’m doing something that takes a lot of energy.

Thankfully, while I was licking my wounds I got a wonderful email from a smoothie website I was on (Simple Green Smoothies) and they were offering a 21 day cleanse on sale for $39. It came with an eating plan, recipes and shopping list and I had successfully completed their smoothie challenge so I knew I could do it and, by George, I DID!!!!

You are looking at a newly cleansed Nothing, my friends! I knew that spending 40 bucks on something would keep me focused. I, again, roped hubby into this one and this is going to sound silly but i think it was awesome for our relationship. Initially it was both of us hating life and each other. Him hating me for making him do this stupid shit again and me hating him because just eat your cold cucumber soup and shut up. p.s. cold cucumber soup is delicious when you compare it to beet and fennel soup.

The recipes were ummm 70% awesome 20% pretty good and 10% ick yuck pooey. Towards the final week I started scouring the interweb to find recipes with the same ingredients as that week’s list. I learned a lot about my body. by the 3rd week hubster and I had fallen in love with each other again and we fell in love with eating healthy. I’m extremely happy we went though it. I lost 10lbs in total and yes, 3 of them found me again but looking at the scale to see how much I lost was awesome and believe me, those 3lbs are not welcome so stay tuned as I attempt to try and get rid of them.

The cleanse is over and we just came off a magnificent Thanksgiving. We both dove off the wagon and we’re currently sitting on the couch dying of the final plate of leftovers and hating meat and gravy.We’ve decided to get back into clean eating. I’m going to cool it on the meat and try to get the good meat if we do have it. It’s weird but I’m happy to do 90% cleanse type food and 10% me type food from here on out… I need that 10% man.

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In conclusion, I like to state that the 21 day cleanse was meat, dairy, sugar, carb and ALCOHOL free. Those were, honestly, my 5 food groups. If I hadn’t paid money for this or had my love go through this with me I would, most certainly, have failed so if you’re looking to change your life and eating habits I highly recommend finding some sort of eating challenge that’s expensive-ish and completely planned out for you and find a buddy who (preferably) lives with you who you can do this with. It was so so so worth it and so much fun… really.

Now let’s see if I can get my ass to the gym to compliment this new outlook on life.

 

 

 

 

 

That Time I Went Vegan For A Month

ImageI’m a quitter… I think you can tell by how awesome I am at blogging. I tend to start things in an attempt to achieve something that is extremely important to me at the time, I’m headstrong and diligent for two weeks, and then when I’m over it, I quit.

There was the time I tried vegetarianism for a month. Bacon was my downfall on the 2nd weekend of cooking breakfast for the hubby and myself. I still maintain that in order to cook bacon you have to taste it… and boy, did I taste it.

Then there was the time I did a double whammy and quit men and then, three weeks later, quit drinking forEVER for the exact same reason any single 28 year old who’s had bad luck with men and alcohol would! I quit quitting men first, after a month (yay me) when I met my awesome husband and I promptly quit drinking a week after we met because I love alcohol too much and I wanted him to know the real me. But mostly because I love alcohol too much.

So here I sit on day 2 of my new challenge. I’m going Vegan for a month. I bought a vegan cookbook (pictured above), we ate all our left over meat (bacon wrapped steak with a side of bacon) and I stocked the fridge with vegan friendly produce. Right now I’m still feeling strong. I got a bit sad earlier today, when I saw a Burger King coupon book on my desk at work but that’s been the most difficult test so far. It makes it easier that I’ve roped hubster into this. I’ll stay out of his dietary life when we’re away from each other at work but there will not be meat/dairy/egg products in this house until I’m ready to quit… I mean until Halloween.

So why are we going vegan you may or may not have asked? There’s no real deep meaning here. I guess I’m not 100% happy with my weight and general squishiness (as are most women I know) so I definitely need a change in that regard. What I really want to do is try a few different diets that people swear by and see which one I can deal with. I don’t really know what I’m getting into so I’m doing research as I go along. So I’ll make it interesting by tracking my weekly weight and energy levels and all that fun stuff and perhaps a weekly dinner menu too. I’ve taken pics but I have the worst camera phone in the world and no photography skills so we’ll see how that goes.

Here are today’s measurements (It starts on day 2 but we’ll assume they’re starter measurements):

Weight: 123.3 lbs
Waist: 29 in
Arms: 11in
Ass: 40.5 in (yes yes yes… shut up)
Thighs: 22.5in
Energy Level: Relatively upbeat
Notes: I’m noticing today that my fingers feel fat. It might not mean anything though. My fingers are probably just not used to blogging.

This week’s dinner menu (pre-planned but plans often change):
Monday: Boca chick’n spicy veggie patties on 12 grain bread (still not sure which bread is Vegan, forgive me) with earth balance began margarine (OMG LOVE), lettuce, avo and Veganaise (OMG LOVE EVEN MORE).

Tuesday: Beanballs (meatballs made with kidney beans) with spinach linguine (Vegan? Not sure) and marinara sauce.

Wednesday: Eggplant stew

Thursday: Leftovers

Friday: Not sure yet but it’s not going to be our usual Domino’s Pizza night… come on! You can do this!!!