Mini Road Trip Reflections

I just got back from an epic 2 hour trek to my clinic to draw one vial of blood for karyotype testing they thought would be a good idea.

I want to say I don’t mind that drive because I usually don’t but I think it was because it’s Saturday and it was early I was just getting increasingly gloomy the further I drove. It was a tough morning. I kept thinking of all my friends without fertility issues who never have to take this drive. I thought of how happy everyone must be to wake up to baby snuggles and not 1 inch needles going into their arms. I thought of the oldest man in the world driving 30 in the fast lane in front of me and simply would not move over. Why old man? Why?

To add insult to injure, yesterday I called the insurance and I guess I won’t be reimbursed for the PGD testing. I’ve made my peace with it. I mean at least we won’t be shelling out $7000 like last time. I’ll pay out of pocket for PGD every day if I have to.

I took a look at my calendar and realized that my next cycle will fall extremely close in time to my last cycle. A year. A full year between cycles has passed. Wow. I remember when our cycle failed I went through moments where I thought I wouldn’t even bother trying again. I’m trying to reflect on those and I remember being absolutely hopeless. And here I sit, a year on, hopeful again. I guess time really does heal.

Sure this morning I was grumpy and sad about our situation and the stupid HMO crap but that drive is entirely too long to garner any join from anyway.

I feel like infertility is testing me every step of the way. It sees I’m happy and ready to start round two and it’s like “Oh no she didn’t!”.. I’m not going to let it win!! I’m nervous but I’m excited by golly!! I’m ready!

8fa4c8ab557afb0965d9f97cea8c7c09

More needles…

I’m really happy about how quickly the blood test results got back to me. Not so happy about the actual results. Turns out my prolactin and tsh levels were a problem and they wanted me to go back this morning to get more blood. *sob*

I think this is the universe prepping me for what’s to come. I know I have to “man up” because this is only the tip of the iceberg but it hurts *whiiiine*.

In other news… If anyone’s keeping score, I’m officially out of the 21 day challenge at the office. I had a clam cake… and I regret nothing. Here’s my name on the white board of shame.

[edit: picture removed for anonymity]

Aaaand… I stopped doing Insanity for a while too. I’ve been suffering from some crazy headaches over the past few weeks. They’ve since gotten way better but doing hardcore workouts was not helping at all. I’ll pick it up again soon. Either that or I’ll just revert back to my old couch potato ways. Only time will tell.