I just got back from an epic 2 hour trek to my clinic to draw one vial of blood for karyotype testing they thought would be a good idea.
I want to say I don’t mind that drive because I usually don’t but I think it was because it’s Saturday and it was early I was just getting increasingly gloomy the further I drove. It was a tough morning. I kept thinking of all my friends without fertility issues who never have to take this drive. I thought of how happy everyone must be to wake up to baby snuggles and not 1 inch needles going into their arms. I thought of the oldest man in the world driving 30 in the fast lane in front of me and simply would not move over. Why old man? Why?
To add insult to injure, yesterday I called the insurance and I guess I won’t be reimbursed for the PGD testing. I’ve made my peace with it. I mean at least we won’t be shelling out $7000 like last time. I’ll pay out of pocket for PGD every day if I have to.
I took a look at my calendar and realized that my next cycle will fall extremely close in time to my last cycle. A year. A full year between cycles has passed. Wow. I remember when our cycle failed I went through moments where I thought I wouldn’t even bother trying again. I’m trying to reflect on those and I remember being absolutely hopeless. And here I sit, a year on, hopeful again. I guess time really does heal.
Sure this morning I was grumpy and sad about our situation and the stupid HMO crap but that drive is entirely too long to garner any join from anyway.
I feel like infertility is testing me every step of the way. It sees I’m happy and ready to start round two and it’s like “Oh no she didn’t!”.. I’m not going to let it win!! I’m nervous but I’m excited by golly!! I’m ready!
17 thoughts on “Mini Road Trip Reflections”
I know those drives so well and the meandering trips your brain can go on. I try to remember that those that had their babies easily are stressed about something else and often lack the perspective of what a true gift they have. When you are finally out of IF hell you will have so much gratitude and joy– try to focus on that. Xo
you are too right. and I’m sure everyone battles with insurance for something or another. i have lots to be thankful for. 🙂
Not to diminish your struggles at all. They are brutal. Just to share my own way of coping 🙂
I understand and I appreciate it very much 😀
Wishing you lots of good luck for this treatment cycle. You can do it!
Refresh my memory…PGD because hubby has a translocation right? If that’s the only issue could you do PGS instead? I think it’s cheaper. And only one of you is a CF carrier right?
you are correct. i didn’t know pgs was an option. honestly, i actually thought pgs and pgd was the same thing lol. I’ll most certainly look into it though. thanks!
What are you having karyotyping for? I have to have that done when I finish my blood thinner in about 1 1/2 months to check for clotting disorders. Wishing you the best of luck with this cycle!!
i have to be honest, i don’t know lol. we did karyotyping on hubby and he got the translocation and cf carrier diagnosis. i think we didn’t test me because we already knew we’d need pgd testing. i think they’re doing it on me to see if I’m a carrier for anything too. if I’m a cf carrier as well then we have to worry about a child having cf vs a child just being a carrier. i think they’re just covering all the bases now that i have better insurance.
Yeah we did a huge genetic profile before we even started anything with the RE, for our own peace of mind. But that was different apparently than what the Hematologist wants now. I wonder if they make things up just to have to keep sticking us with needles 😛
(I don’t really think that, but man it sure feels like it sometimes!)
omg it definitely feels like it. I’m sure everyone will agree with that.
Hell yeh! You are going to kick infertility’s BUTT!!!! X
I’m sorry the PGD is not covered. Blah. And I know what you mean about the time passing. This cycle was a year since my first one. It’s crazy how that happens. I’m so happy that you are feeling renewed hope. May this cycle be the ONE for you!
Thanks dear. I’m glad that time has flown but I’m still in shock ;). Wishing you everything of the best too. xx
Agreed! I had the same thoughts a few times. “normal pregnant people don’t ever have to have these types of conversations.” They will never have to know what all these test’s are for. Or have to figure out how many injections to do today, or how clomid makes them feel. We are courageous sisters in all of this, even if we are complete strangers. I love that we can root each other on in this battle. you’ve made it one step closer. Keep going!
I love that we can root each other on too. I wouldn’t know where I would be without everyone here.