Random Distraction Post 3

I did it… I caved…

I switched over to audio books.

It was a battle. I was the grumpy old lady on the lawn yelling at the young hip audio books to get off my lawn! But one day I allowed one of them on to my lawn. And now I’m hooked.

All thanks to the most unlikely. My husband. One who is diametrically opposed to reading of any sort. He is a gamer and one of his favourite games, the Witcher, was being made into a TV series and there is also a book series that the TV show would be based on. He, all of a sudden, wanted to read the books before the show started. It’s a 10 book series and by the time he was on book 3 he’d convinced me to try it… I’m so glad he did.

We breezed through them in about 2-3 months. All the while, my cubicle neighbour and friend from work is an avid audio book listener was also trying to get me on board. She introduced me to the app Libby to get audio and e-books from the library. She added me to her book club (I’m now in two. Hers and one at work). I was flying through book after book. Laughing and crying and gasping while I drove anywhere. The 2 hour commute to Lexington for monitoring appointments became a joy!

Then I found out that I can order audio book cd’s at our school’s library. Are you kidding me?

My list of “want to read’s” on Goodreads is starting to dwindle (still at 90 thought, yikes) and I love it. Last year my book challenge goal on Goodreads was 5. This year I’ve upped it to 12 and I’m already on the 6th book and it’s only February!

I love reading (can you tell?) but it’s been a constant battle since TV series and Twitter came into my life. Of course little Lucky bean too. A more than welcome distraction. I just can’t seem to find the time to pick up my kindle or an actual book and read. The last real book I read was Circe. It was really good but really long and I lost the will to live a few times. It took me months to read. Months! I still love the idea of books though and I still want a library in my next house. But I am an audio book convert now. Bring me all of them.

Of course it’s not always the best. I’m glad that I did the Witcher series first because the narrator was AMAZING! I was blown away. Peter Kinney is his name. He could do a conversation with 5 different characters and do 5 completely different voices and accents. Incredible. Unfortunately, now he’s set a very high bar. A bad narrator can ruin a book. The last few were autobiographies and they were narrated by the author so that’s good at least. A sufficient replacement in the absence of Mr Kinney.

So. If you listen to audio books and know all the tips and tricks I’ll note below and have a few more, please let me know! If you want to try audio books, try these tips and tricks my colleague told me about. And If you hate audio books, thanks for reading this far :).

Firstly, you don’t need Audible I don’t think. I think it’s wildly overpriced. N has audible because he couldn’t find the last Witcher book. I bought him a giftcard for Christmas too. But I don’t think it’s necessary. One thing I do like is that you can share a book with one person. We have a friend listening to the Game of Thrones books and it would be good to get them from him.

Next, open a Goodreads account if you love books.  It’s like Facebook for book nerds. You can track everything you’ve read and want to read and are currently reading. You can add other goodreads friends and see their book lists and add to your want to reads from them. You can order books (audio, E or real) from it. They have links to Amazon and Barnes and Noble. They also have links to libraries but I’m not sure how that part works yet.

Lastly get a library app. I’m currently using Libby. Another one is Overdrive (but I think it’s merging with Libby) and then SAILS has an app too. With Libby you need to attach library cards. And I believe you can get join a library online for most of them (I think). I joined Boston Public Library online. And I have a card from my local library. I just added both accounts to my Libby profile and I can find 90% of the books I’m looking for. Libby only does E-books and audio books and the only downside is that sometimes there’s a long wait but so far so good for me.

The last last thing I learned that I spoke about earlier was that I can log into my SAILS account at work and I can have audio book cd’s delivered to the library at the school. SAILS is a library network in Massachusetts with 72 libraries participating so my guess is you’ll likely find what you’re looking for at some point.

And that’s my favourite thing to do right now. I’m so happy that reading is back in my life. I’m even happier that N is into books now too. Last night he said he needs a new book asap and hopped onto Goodreads to search for something. If you have any fantasy or sci-fi recommendations for him please let me know. In fact if you’ve read anything awesome lately, please let me know too :).

 

 

Random Distraction Post 2

We’re a media family. We watch a lot of TV. We’re always on our phones. Lucky has a tablet (for shame). N has a giant gaming computer and I have my rinky-dink laptop. Something, if not everything, is always on.

Yes, we eat dinner in front of the TV as well and depending on who you speak to this either means Lucky’s intellectual growth will be stunted and our marriage will end orrr it’s just another way to live and all will be well in the end.

While I try to not let the guilt get to me and I do try to limit Lucky’s day time TV on weekends, one thing both N and I struggle with is the damn phone.

I know there are apps to help curb your use but I don’t have enough self control for that. I could also impose rules on myself, but again, self control. Thankfully, I have something better. A chatty demanding 2 year old.

When Lucky and I get home from work or when he wakes up he asks to put the tv on and I always tell him no he has to play a bit first. After a bit of whining he’ll move on to one of his toys and I’ll have a bit of time to get my phone fix on before I have to mom it up. But as soon as he sees I have it in my hand he yells “Put the phone down!!!”

It’s usually while I’m in the middle of a text or searching for something so he keeps yelling it and getting frustrated with me until I drop it and pay attention to him. His jam now is play fighting with his dolls and sometimes it’s more fun to have someone else play the bad guy.

I won’t lie. It’s annoying at first. The pitch of the scream and the whine while I’m trying to concentrate on whatever mundane crap I just have to do at that moment is a lot to take. But as soon as my attention is on protecting Iron Man from the repeated smashing from… another Iron Man it’s easier to forget about my phone. And let’s face it. It’s way more fun watching him enjoy beating me up or pretending to get hurt.

Sometimes I’ll get a text and quickly grab my phone and he’ll shout “Put the phone down!!”. Sometimes he’ll wrap my knuckles with a hard plastic ninja. It’s not the reminder I want, but I guess it’s the reminder I need.

All this being said, being bullied by a toddler really helps our weekend daytime usage. I don’t feel as addicted to it as I used to. But sometimes I have to physically leave my phone upstairs. And other times I just give in to the scrolling, all the while aware that I’m losing brain cells by the second while I hide from Lucky.

But as soon as night time and especially night time weekends roll around, all bets are off. Right now we’re trying a new show on Netflix. At the same time N playing a game on his phone and I’m typing on my laptop and Lucky is dozing off in front of his iPad. We’re a child development scientist’s nightmare right now.

But it’s all about balance right?

Random Distraction Post 1

Something terrible happened.

Someone I know has been arrest for sexual assault. Someone who treated me as a patient for some time.

I saw him regularly in 2014 and 2015 and then a sporadically as time continued on. But I had just been back to him 2 weeks ago for something. My friend told me about the news because his name popped up on an FB group with police asking for more victims to come forward. The story also came on the news. He is currently being held without bail until his trial.

I am firmly in the “believe women” camp. As someone who has ample experience with abusive men, I know why women stay quiet and I furiously applaud the strength it takes to come forward.

But this shook me. This man is the complete opposite of what mainstream media will have us believe is a rapist. He’s an old man (a bit younger than my father). A soft spoken, kind man. He’s English isn’t good. He remembers my entire family and asks after them every time I’m there. He’s a good doctor.

Apparently the assault took place at his practice. I thought of the building. His tiny little practice where his mild mannered wife worked the front desk. I thought of how friendly and inviting they were and how safe I always felt.

But I thought of how closed off it is. A basement office with no windows. Only one way to escape. I thought that he may be old but he’s quite tall and steady. While he’s always gentle I’m sure he could overpower me if he wanted to. I was often the only patient there. I never feared for my safety but I wonder if that is naive.

I’m sad that this is happening but if he’s guilty I hope he never sees the light of day.

Now that I have a son, I often wonder what would happen if he was accused and/or arrested for sexual assault. I have a distant friend who’s son is serving a whole lot of time for child pornography. It is clear that she still loves her son as she is fighting to get mandatory minimums reduced for first time offenders but when he was going through his trial she posted a lot about coming to terms with her new reality. It was painful and eye opening to witness.

I don’t doubt my ability to raise a son to not be a rapist. I don’t doubt my ability to raise a boy to not be a misogynist. But what if I do everything right and he still fucks up. What if?

Chug chugging along

IVF ROUND 7

DAY 6
(Saturday Oct 26)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur
Notes: estrogen=64.44; LH=6.12; progesterone=0.387; lining=5.4mm; Left Ovary=11.8mm; Right Ovary=12mm

Yikes! Almost forgot to do shots tonight. It was just a lazy day. I tried to clean out old toys but it’s such a mammoth undertaking. I gave up and watch tv all day.

I’m feeling a bit of bloat when I lay on my stomach. Hopefully tomorrow there’ll be some decent growth.

Emotional: I’m trying to be positive.

Physic: sleepy and sluggish

Food: Some creamy chicken breast thing with cauliflower.

TWW

Well, we made it. It’s 10am and just waiting for the dreaded phone call. Just like last time I’m going to let it go to voicemail so that I can listen to it with N later. I’m going to buy a bottle of gin or something when I leave work. If it’s negative I’ll have something to drink at least. If it’s positive I’ll save it somewhere for the new baby and I to enjoy when they turn 21. I’m still feeling nauseous and my uterus is twingeing like crazy. I really hope that’s a good sign. I really hate progesterone.

Anyway, here is my account of the two week wait. It might not be all to coherent. The tenses are probably all over the place. Sometimes I wrote on the day, sometimes the day after. But you get the jist.

Thanks everyone for following along this, our first and hopefully last sibling cycle.

 

Aug 9th – Transfer Day: Shopping with parents and Lucky at Target and Marshalls after transfer. A few twitches in my abdomen. Dinner at Chinese buffet. Ate like a pig.

1dp7dt: No real symptoms. Bad headache at 11am. I suspect due to 9am progesterone shot. Will continue to track headache times. Nipples tingling when I got out of bed. Spend the day washing the car. Dinner at mom-in-law’s house. Ate like a pig.

2dp7dt: Wake up at 4:30 with heart beating really fast. Almost like a panic attack. Can’t seem to get my heartbeat to slow down. Just feeling weird. Get up to pee, and eat a small piece of a banana. Doze off again at 6. Up at 7. No other symptoms. Spend the day at the zoo and then sat outside watching N wash his car and his cousin and her daughter came over for a quick visit.

3dp7dt: Progesterone shots are now a problem. Welts and bruises on my butt. Feeling very negative and despondent. One or two twitches in the uterus area. Forgot purse at home but found change in car for vending machine snacks. Very grumpy because I drove all the way to fast food place before I realised. I had no money Nipples were tingly this morning. Had a tiny pre-period cramp. These symptoms mean nothing. I’m driving myself nutty. And my butt hurts and I want to go home. Queasy feeling in the evening.

4dp7dt: Symptoms all gone. One or two waves of nausea all day. Even the slight bloat is gone. Feeling very despondent. If there was anything, it’s gone now. Very grumpy all day. This sucks. I was really tired so went to bed quite early.

5dp7dt: No bloat. Nipples kinda tingly, kiiinda. Waves of nausea. Tired. But still nothing else. This still sucks. Still waves of nausea. I’m so grumpy. My butt hurts and I’m butt hurt. hahaha

6dp7dt: I will be very surprised if this works. It’s Thursday today. I’m off tomorrow. Not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse. Thankfully work was busy so no real time to dwell. On the way to tap class I pulled myself out of my rut and blasted loud music and sang out loud and it definitely worked. For 25 minutes I thought about my fighter embryo. It was the lone survivor with terrible odds and it made it anyway! It’s no stranger to beating the odds. There’s no reason to believe it wouldn’t do it now. Come on little Seven! I’m so proud of you already. ❤️

7dp7dt: My mantra today is “my body knows what to do, my body knows what to do”. The analytical part of my mind is going through my Instagram friend list and of the ladies doing FETs for siblings, all of them have been successful on the first try. So I’m just going by the numbers. Nate and I watched Spiderman tonight. I was nauseous all the way through but I’m chalking it up to the movie making me motion sick. Can’t believe my parents have been here for 3 months and we’ve only used their babysitting services twice. For shame.

8dp7dt: Lordy, a pregnancy dream 😔. I was at the clinic waiting for my appointment and the ultrasound tech came out and said no need for an appointment because she’s pregnant. Then she wheeled out the ultrasound machine (yes into a full waiting room) and said “look at these lines. Her heart is double the normal so she’s pregnant”. I was so relieved! And then I woke up. I know where that dream came from. I read an article about a woman who discovered she was pregnant from reading her heart rate on the fitbit. I charged mine last night so that was on my mind all day. Of course as soon as I put my fitbit on I obsessively checked my heart rate all day. I don’t even know what I was looking for lol. I’ve lost my mind, people. Completely. We spent the day at the beach. It was phenomenal. Just what we all needed. Now we’re watching Master Chef and the nausea is back with a little cramping.

9dp7dt: Omg I made it! Well tomorrow is likely going to be a shit show of a day as well but at least I’ll have some respite. This morning I felt a bit of bloat. I actually had bloat most nights but 5, 6 and 7dpt I had zero bloat. We stayed in bed most of the morning. I drove with M to Best Buy in the afternoon and on the way back he hit the brakes really hard to avoid something. I felt that adrenaline rush and after that a very sharp pain in my uterus. Either a good thing or a bad thing. We got home and loaded everyone up and went to get some ice cream. When we got home I was nauseous for the rest of the night but I attributed it to eating way too much ice cream. Went to bed pretty early because I had to be up at 4:30 the next morning to drive to the clinic. I can’t believe we made it through. Thank goodness it’s over.

Half Way

I have a saved post that’ll detail my symptoms like last time. I’ll post it next Monday. Spoiler alert: There’s nothing happening that can’t be attributed to progesterone. I hate you progesterone.

I thought I wouldn’t have time to stress about it but I have certainly made time. Sigh.

Emotionally I’m all over the place. I’m glad that I have Friday off but I can’t seem to think of anything fun to do this weekend. I’m tired and grumpy. So so grumpy. And I’m emotional about silly things. Tonight I’m upset that Lucky doesn’t have a bedtime routine.

I know that’s silly because I just got to a place where I’m just happy that he sleeps through and he’s a happy little boy but tonight I’m feeling failure-ish.

I’m sure tomorrow I’ll have something else to be moody about. I wish I could have a glass of wine.

Okay, sorry this was just a half way check in post. Nothing exciting to report. Still alive. Just barely.