Category Archives: Uncategorized

Back to Work

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Welcome third trimester. Welcome restless legs and hemorrhoids. Welcome 🙂

My placenta is moving, just very slowly. The edge of it is just just covering the opening of my cervix. I’m supposed to have another ultrasound in a month but it hasn’t been scheduled yet. But again, everyone is confident that it will move in time. Yay.

They have a new protocol wrt to gestational diabetes testing. I failed the 1hr and then for the 3hr, one of the four readings (the 2nd one) was elevated. Usually if you have 2 elevated readings they diagnose you as having GD and go from there. If you have 1 then you’re all clear. Now, they want me to either repeat the 3hr or get a glucometer and test my levels for 2 weeks as if I was diagnosed with GD. I opted for the glucometer. Even though it was more expensive, I didn’t want to have to take a half day of work off to do another 3hr. I’m on day 5 now of testing. It’s been okay. I have to test 4 times a day. Fasting in the morning. Then after every meal. This means I have to eat 3 times a day now. I usually only eat twice a day and snack in between. I skip breakfast because I only get hungry around noon. Anyway, it’s not been too bad. My dad is pre-diabetic and does the tests 4 times a day as well so he gave me some good tips. The lancing is obviously the worst bit. It has settings on it for how deep you want the lance to go into your finger. I had it set at 4 and Dad said 2 is fine and it’s made a huge difference. I don’t even feel it at 2. 4 was a little traumatic. Yes, yes, I’m a woos. He also said to shake your hand vigorously before and then push down of the tip of your finger with your thumb then lance it. Works beautifully. I think I’m a pro now. Thanks Dad. The readings have been all over the place. My problem areas are fasting and after breakfast. I just have to make better breakfast choices. I usually just have cereal (Special K) and actually do feel sick after. But even then the readings are maybe 2 or 3 over the limit of 120. Or just just under. But I’m not expert. I go back next week and they’ll let me know how I’m doing.

Something new this time around (well I don’t remember it with Lucky) is restless leg syndrome. Ugh it’s the worst. The midwife suggested electrolytes and a massage which I’ve been doing but damn man. It’s no fun.

And lastly, my hemorrhoids are back! I won’t go into detail. It just sucks.

Everything else with Dandelion is good. The 3D scans I got at the placenta check were incredible. I got so so excited. He looks so much like his brother. Incredible. I have to add a Dandelion tab to this site to add the scan pics and bump pics. I’ve tried to stay on top of them weekly.

As for little Lucky, my beautiful boy. After a lot of agonizing and a lot of tears, we made the decision not to send him back to the daycare this school year. There’s just too many unknowns with this virus. My MIL has offered to watch him until I go on maternity leave which is amazing. I’m sad about it, though. I did some reflection on why I was so deeply sad and I just didn’t want him to miss out on the friendships that will be fortified with his group at the daycare. I think some of it comes from (and I realise the absurdity) me missing my friends back home. And I don’t want him to miss opportunities to make friends. But he’s only 2. He’s not going to remember these kids at all. And another part is that I hate being left out. I won’t be receiving anymore daycare emails and I won’t be in the mom click anymore. Not that I really was anyway, they’re all teachers so I was the odd one out anyway but we did have some good chats on the quick walk from the daycare to the school building.

So you see, my sadness was mostly about me and my feelings and I had to put that aside and think about the safety of Lucky and Dandy and myself.

I’m feeling better about it now, I think. Lucky will be in good hands with Grandma. We made the right decision. I feel very relieved that this is one thing off my plate.

My next big project is the hospital bag haha. Thankfully it’s actually almost done. I’m just ordered toiletries and vagina care items and that’ll be that. I bought pj’s for both N and I. I’ll be happy when that’s over with.

I also think I’ve found a photographer for a maternity shoot. I emailed her that I want to move forward but haven’t heard back yet. I’m excited but I’ll be more excited if she returns my email.

I think that’s it for now. We all go back to work full time in the building next week. I still can’t really understand that logic behind it but it is what it is. This is the only time I’m thankful that I work in the basement away from human contact and I believe we won’t be allowing anyone into our office without an appointment. Since I sit in IT we usually get visits from irate teachers and students who need machines fixed asap. It will be a quiet year, thankfully.

Okay. That’s it for now. I’m 30 weeks tomorrow. Let the fun begin I guess.

I hope you’re all taking care of yourselves.

25 Weeks

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It’s dawning on me that this is going to be over soon and I’ve not nearly documented as much as I’d like. I keep trying to draw parallels to this time with Lucky but I don’t remember and I don’t have anything written to go back to. Anyway, it’s my cross to bear. I’ll try to remedy it even though this past week has been a bit rough.

We hit viability on N’s birthday weekend so I took the opportunity to wish N and do an FB announcement. I bought Lucky a t-shirt that had a picture of Biggy on it and underneath it said “Notorious B.I.G. Brother”. As with all announcements, they’re fraught with anxiety but are always well received. So it obviously went off without a hitch and afterwards you wonder what the heck you were so afraid of.

The following week, I had an ultrasound appointment to check Dandelion’s heart and to see if the placenta had moved. It hasn’t but his heart is A-okay. I’ll pause here to ask WHY DON’T DOCTORS READ THE CHART BEFORE THEY WALK INTO THE ROOM??!! This doctor mentioned that Dandelion’s heart looked great and then checked her notes and said that’s he’s in the 99th percentile for size. I nodded but frowned because I’ve never had a 99th percentile measurement. I think she registered my frown and looked at her paper again and said, “Oh, I’m sorry that’s not your baby”. Then why do you have another baby’s notes with you ma’am? Geepers. Anyway, Dandelion is in the 40th percentile, I think. I know this measurement doesn’t really mean anything but this happens all the time. My step father in law was telling us how his oncologists made these mistakes with him as well, which is baffling to me especially when you’re talking about changing dosages on cancer medication. Ugh. But I digress.

So I have to go back to next month for another ultrasound to see if the placenta has moved. It will be a transvaginal ultrasound so that’s going to be fun. In the meantime, I’ll be thinking moving thoughts.

Then last week we were hit with really awful heat all week. I felt fine mostly but on Thursday afternoon as I was leaving work I started feeling braxton hicks. No biggie, I’ll just lie down. My favourite thing to do. Friday I had my day off and had planned on washing my car and doing laundry but the BH was really bad. My belly all along my c-section scar was just tight and painful I could barely stand up straight. I thought maybe some round ligament pain as well. I just drank water and rested. Saturday, same thing. I actually found a bit of strength to sort out Lucky and Dandelion’s clothing. A friend sent over some hand-me-downs and I had to go through them but I became very overwhelmed. Thankfully, my friend B came to help me. She ordered me to sit down and point at things while she folded and sorted. She absolutely saved my life and I love every inch of her.

And Sunday I was drinking so much water and it seemed to subside. I pretty much never left the couch. Yesterday when I woke up things seemed fine but around 9am they were not and I called the OB to see if I should do anything. At first they wanted me to go straight to the hospital but eventually decided I should just go into their office and they would do some tests. They could only fit me in at 2:45 though. No biggie. I just tried not to move. I wasn’t too worried. Dandelion was dancing and kicking like crazy. But while driving there I let my mind wander too much and by the time I got to the OB I was in a bit of a tizzy.

They did a 20 minute non-stress test and found no contractions which was good but all the while my belly kept tightening up. The midwife said it’s probably just a combination of dehydration and the c-section scar stretching and the placenta moving. I felt sheepish for going in and wasting their time but they assured me that I did the right thing and that because of my placenta they want me to call if anything like this happens again especially if I start bleeding. They do not want me to go into labour with the placenta where it is.

And thus ends my first (and hopefully last) teeny tiny little scare. I am doing okay now I guess. Still in a good amount of pain even though I’ve increased my water 3 fold (I’m rushing through this now so that I can go pee again x 100). I’m trying not to exert myself but Lucky is still very clingy and I have to carry and hold him for a good chunk of the day. I’m glad that I’m not contracting though. That shit is stressful!!

Two things are starting to weigh on me now. One is Dandelion’s name. My nephew wasn’t named until a few days after he was born so it’s not tooo much of an issue but we had Lucky’s name before he was even real. It’s my own fault really. I’m insisting on another L name. My middle brother’s kids are all T’s and my eldest brother’s kids are all A’s. My husband’s father and his siblings are all M’s, His brothers on his dad’s side are both J’s and his cousins on dad’s side are M’s as well. Something in the universe is compelling me to continue this tradition and I can’t let it go but we can’t agree on an L name. I have it narrowed down to 2 that I love. One of which I really love because it’s directly related to one of his cousins and it’s also a comic book character like Lucky’s name. The second is a name I found randomly and absolutely fell in love with. But it has no significant meaning to us which is a bummer. I just need N to come to the party. Both names are really out there and uncommon but I love them. N just needs to be convinced. The second names are way more traditional but I love them as well. Both kids will have 3 names total. Lucky is named after our fathers. Dandelion’s second name is N’s brother who passed’s name. His mother was extremely happy we decided to do that and his third name is a family name on my mom’s side. I told her she could choose a third name since all the grandparents have a hand in the names so she chose her father’s name. I know people don’t generally like when kids have a million names but I only have one name and both my brothers have second names so yes, I’m pushing my juvenile issues on to my children. Hopefully, they appreciate the meaning behind it though. Anyway, if you can think of any really strange L names, I’m all ears.

My second more dire concern is that it’s becoming a reality that my parents won’t be here for Dandelion’s birth. And they likely won’t be able to come until who knows when. If at all! That means I’ll pretty much be taking care of these two love bugs on my own after N goes back to work. Sure, his mom will be able to help but I really doubt she will move in with us. Having my parents stay with us when Lucky was born was an absolute godsend. I have no idea how I’m going to do it. I have to start looking into a nanny. I’m also having worrying thoughts about Lucky and daycare. Actually I think this deserves it’s own post. I have to write down and articulate my thoughts. But I think ultimately we’ll be looking into getting a part-time in home nanny to help with Lucky while I’m on maternity leave and then to help with Dandelion when I go back to work. Drama!

Okay, I’ll leave it there for now as I have to pee again and I have to make a dessert because I’m missing some much needed sugar in my diet.

xx

Random Distraction Post 3

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I did it… I caved…

I switched over to audio books.

It was a battle. I was the grumpy old lady on the lawn yelling at the young hip audio books to get off my lawn! But one day I allowed one of them on to my lawn. And now I’m hooked.

All thanks to the most unlikely. My husband. One who is diametrically opposed to reading of any sort. He is a gamer and one of his favourite games, the Witcher, was being made into a TV series and there is also a book series that the TV show would be based on. He, all of a sudden, wanted to read the books before the show started. It’s a 10 book series and by the time he was on book 3 he’d convinced me to try it… I’m so glad he did.

We breezed through them in about 2-3 months. All the while, my cubicle neighbour and friend from work is an avid audio book listener was also trying to get me on board. She introduced me to the app Libby to get audio and e-books from the library. She added me to her book club (I’m now in two. Hers and one at work). I was flying through book after book. Laughing and crying and gasping while I drove anywhere. The 2 hour commute to Lexington for monitoring appointments became a joy!

Then I found out that I can order audio book cd’s at our school’s library. Are you kidding me?

My list of “want to read’s” on Goodreads is starting to dwindle (still at 90 thought, yikes) and I love it. Last year my book challenge goal on Goodreads was 5. This year I’ve upped it to 12 and I’m already on the 6th book and it’s only February!

I love reading (can you tell?) but it’s been a constant battle since TV series and Twitter came into my life. Of course little Lucky bean too. A more than welcome distraction. I just can’t seem to find the time to pick up my kindle or an actual book and read. The last real book I read was Circe. It was really good but really long and I lost the will to live a few times. It took me months to read. Months! I still love the idea of books though and I still want a library in my next house. But I am an audio book convert now. Bring me all of them.

Of course it’s not always the best. I’m glad that I did the Witcher series first because the narrator was AMAZING! I was blown away. Peter Kinney is his name. He could do a conversation with 5 different characters and do 5 completely different voices and accents. Incredible. Unfortunately, now he’s set a very high bar. A bad narrator can ruin a book. The last few were autobiographies and they were narrated by the author so that’s good at least. A sufficient replacement in the absence of Mr Kinney.

So. If you listen to audio books and know all the tips and tricks I’ll note below and have a few more, please let me know! If you want to try audio books, try these tips and tricks my colleague told me about. And If you hate audio books, thanks for reading this far :).

Firstly, you don’t need Audible I don’t think. I think it’s wildly overpriced. N has audible because he couldn’t find the last Witcher book. I bought him a giftcard for Christmas too. But I don’t think it’s necessary. One thing I do like is that you can share a book with one person. We have a friend listening to the Game of Thrones books and it would be good to get them from him.

Next, open a Goodreads account if you love books.  It’s like Facebook for book nerds. You can track everything you’ve read and want to read and are currently reading. You can add other goodreads friends and see their book lists and add to your want to reads from them. You can order books (audio, E or real) from it. They have links to Amazon and Barnes and Noble. They also have links to libraries but I’m not sure how that part works yet.

Lastly get a library app. I’m currently using Libby. Another one is Overdrive (but I think it’s merging with Libby) and then SAILS has an app too. With Libby you need to attach library cards. And I believe you can get join a library online for most of them (I think). I joined Boston Public Library online. And I have a card from my local library. I just added both accounts to my Libby profile and I can find 90% of the books I’m looking for. Libby only does E-books and audio books and the only downside is that sometimes there’s a long wait but so far so good for me.

The last last thing I learned that I spoke about earlier was that I can log into my SAILS account at work and I can have audio book cd’s delivered to the library at the school. SAILS is a library network in Massachusetts with 72 libraries participating so my guess is you’ll likely find what you’re looking for at some point.

And that’s my favourite thing to do right now. I’m so happy that reading is back in my life. I’m even happier that N is into books now too. Last night he said he needs a new book asap and hopped onto Goodreads to search for something. If you have any fantasy or sci-fi recommendations for him please let me know. In fact if you’ve read anything awesome lately, please let me know too :).

 

 

Random Distraction Post 2

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We’re a media family. We watch a lot of TV. We’re always on our phones. Lucky has a tablet (for shame). N has a giant gaming computer and I have my rinky-dink laptop. Something, if not everything, is always on.

Yes, we eat dinner in front of the TV as well and depending on who you speak to this either means Lucky’s intellectual growth will be stunted and our marriage will end orrr it’s just another way to live and all will be well in the end.

While I try to not let the guilt get to me and I do try to limit Lucky’s day time TV on weekends, one thing both N and I struggle with is the damn phone.

I know there are apps to help curb your use but I don’t have enough self control for that. I could also impose rules on myself, but again, self control. Thankfully, I have something better. A chatty demanding 2 year old.

When Lucky and I get home from work or when he wakes up he asks to put the tv on and I always tell him no he has to play a bit first. After a bit of whining he’ll move on to one of his toys and I’ll have a bit of time to get my phone fix on before I have to mom it up. But as soon as he sees I have it in my hand he yells “Put the phone down!!!”

It’s usually while I’m in the middle of a text or searching for something so he keeps yelling it and getting frustrated with me until I drop it and pay attention to him. His jam now is play fighting with his dolls and sometimes it’s more fun to have someone else play the bad guy.

I won’t lie. It’s annoying at first. The pitch of the scream and the whine while I’m trying to concentrate on whatever mundane crap I just have to do at that moment is a lot to take. But as soon as my attention is on protecting Iron Man from the repeated smashing from… another Iron Man it’s easier to forget about my phone. And let’s face it. It’s way more fun watching him enjoy beating me up or pretending to get hurt.

Sometimes I’ll get a text and quickly grab my phone and he’ll shout “Put the phone down!!”. Sometimes he’ll wrap my knuckles with a hard plastic ninja. It’s not the reminder I want, but I guess it’s the reminder I need.

All this being said, being bullied by a toddler really helps our weekend daytime usage. I don’t feel as addicted to it as I used to. But sometimes I have to physically leave my phone upstairs. And other times I just give in to the scrolling, all the while aware that I’m losing brain cells by the second while I hide from Lucky.

But as soon as night time and especially night time weekends roll around, all bets are off. Right now we’re trying a new show on Netflix. At the same time N playing a game on his phone and I’m typing on my laptop and Lucky is dozing off in front of his iPad. We’re a child development scientist’s nightmare right now.

But it’s all about balance right?

Random Distraction Post 1

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Something terrible happened.

Someone I know has been arrest for sexual assault. Someone who treated me as a patient for some time.

I saw him regularly in 2014 and 2015 and then a sporadically as time continued on. But I had just been back to him 2 weeks ago for something. My friend told me about the news because his name popped up on an FB group with police asking for more victims to come forward. The story also came on the news. He is currently being held without bail until his trial.

I am firmly in the “believe women” camp. As someone who has ample experience with abusive men, I know why women stay quiet and I furiously applaud the strength it takes to come forward.

But this shook me. This man is the complete opposite of what mainstream media will have us believe is a rapist. He’s an old man (a bit younger than my father). A soft spoken, kind man. He’s English isn’t good. He remembers my entire family and asks after them every time I’m there. He’s a good doctor.

Apparently the assault took place at his practice. I thought of the building. His tiny little practice where his mild mannered wife worked the front desk. I thought of how friendly and inviting they were and how safe I always felt.

But I thought of how closed off it is. A basement office with no windows. Only one way to escape. I thought that he may be old but he’s quite tall and steady. While he’s always gentle I’m sure he could overpower me if he wanted to. I was often the only patient there. I never feared for my safety but I wonder if that is naive.

I’m sad that this is happening but if he’s guilty I hope he never sees the light of day.

Now that I have a son, I often wonder what would happen if he was accused and/or arrested for sexual assault. I have a distant friend who’s son is serving a whole lot of time for child pornography. It is clear that she still loves her son as she is fighting to get mandatory minimums reduced for first time offenders but when he was going through his trial she posted a lot about coming to terms with her new reality. It was painful and eye opening to witness.

I don’t doubt my ability to raise a son to not be a rapist. I don’t doubt my ability to raise a boy to not be a misogynist. But what if I do everything right and he still fucks up. What if?

Chug chugging along

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IVF ROUND 7

DAY 6
(Saturday Oct 26)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur
Notes: estrogen=64.44; LH=6.12; progesterone=0.387; lining=5.4mm; Left Ovary=11.8mm; Right Ovary=12mm

Yikes! Almost forgot to do shots tonight. It was just a lazy day. I tried to clean out old toys but it’s such a mammoth undertaking. I gave up and watch tv all day.

I’m feeling a bit of bloat when I lay on my stomach. Hopefully tomorrow there’ll be some decent growth.

Emotional: I’m trying to be positive.

Physic: sleepy and sluggish

Food: Some creamy chicken breast thing with cauliflower.

TWW

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Well, we made it. It’s 10am and just waiting for the dreaded phone call. Just like last time I’m going to let it go to voicemail so that I can listen to it with N later. I’m going to buy a bottle of gin or something when I leave work. If it’s negative I’ll have something to drink at least. If it’s positive I’ll save it somewhere for the new baby and I to enjoy when they turn 21. I’m still feeling nauseous and my uterus is twingeing like crazy. I really hope that’s a good sign. I really hate progesterone.

Anyway, here is my account of the two week wait. It might not be all to coherent. The tenses are probably all over the place. Sometimes I wrote on the day, sometimes the day after. But you get the jist.

Thanks everyone for following along this, our first and hopefully last sibling cycle.

 

Aug 9th – Transfer Day: Shopping with parents and Lucky at Target and Marshalls after transfer. A few twitches in my abdomen. Dinner at Chinese buffet. Ate like a pig.

1dp7dt: No real symptoms. Bad headache at 11am. I suspect due to 9am progesterone shot. Will continue to track headache times. Nipples tingling when I got out of bed. Spend the day washing the car. Dinner at mom-in-law’s house. Ate like a pig.

2dp7dt: Wake up at 4:30 with heart beating really fast. Almost like a panic attack. Can’t seem to get my heartbeat to slow down. Just feeling weird. Get up to pee, and eat a small piece of a banana. Doze off again at 6. Up at 7. No other symptoms. Spend the day at the zoo and then sat outside watching N wash his car and his cousin and her daughter came over for a quick visit.

3dp7dt: Progesterone shots are now a problem. Welts and bruises on my butt. Feeling very negative and despondent. One or two twitches in the uterus area. Forgot purse at home but found change in car for vending machine snacks. Very grumpy because I drove all the way to fast food place before I realised. I had no money Nipples were tingly this morning. Had a tiny pre-period cramp. These symptoms mean nothing. I’m driving myself nutty. And my butt hurts and I want to go home. Queasy feeling in the evening.

4dp7dt: Symptoms all gone. One or two waves of nausea all day. Even the slight bloat is gone. Feeling very despondent. If there was anything, it’s gone now. Very grumpy all day. This sucks. I was really tired so went to bed quite early.

5dp7dt: No bloat. Nipples kinda tingly, kiiinda. Waves of nausea. Tired. But still nothing else. This still sucks. Still waves of nausea. I’m so grumpy. My butt hurts and I’m butt hurt. hahaha

6dp7dt: I will be very surprised if this works. It’s Thursday today. I’m off tomorrow. Not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse. Thankfully work was busy so no real time to dwell. On the way to tap class I pulled myself out of my rut and blasted loud music and sang out loud and it definitely worked. For 25 minutes I thought about my fighter embryo. It was the lone survivor with terrible odds and it made it anyway! It’s no stranger to beating the odds. There’s no reason to believe it wouldn’t do it now. Come on little Seven! I’m so proud of you already. ❤️

7dp7dt: My mantra today is “my body knows what to do, my body knows what to do”. The analytical part of my mind is going through my Instagram friend list and of the ladies doing FETs for siblings, all of them have been successful on the first try. So I’m just going by the numbers. Nate and I watched Spiderman tonight. I was nauseous all the way through but I’m chalking it up to the movie making me motion sick. Can’t believe my parents have been here for 3 months and we’ve only used their babysitting services twice. For shame.

8dp7dt: Lordy, a pregnancy dream 😔. I was at the clinic waiting for my appointment and the ultrasound tech came out and said no need for an appointment because she’s pregnant. Then she wheeled out the ultrasound machine (yes into a full waiting room) and said “look at these lines. Her heart is double the normal so she’s pregnant”. I was so relieved! And then I woke up. I know where that dream came from. I read an article about a woman who discovered she was pregnant from reading her heart rate on the fitbit. I charged mine last night so that was on my mind all day. Of course as soon as I put my fitbit on I obsessively checked my heart rate all day. I don’t even know what I was looking for lol. I’ve lost my mind, people. Completely. We spent the day at the beach. It was phenomenal. Just what we all needed. Now we’re watching Master Chef and the nausea is back with a little cramping.

9dp7dt: Omg I made it! Well tomorrow is likely going to be a shit show of a day as well but at least I’ll have some respite. This morning I felt a bit of bloat. I actually had bloat most nights but 5, 6 and 7dpt I had zero bloat. We stayed in bed most of the morning. I drove with M to Best Buy in the afternoon and on the way back he hit the brakes really hard to avoid something. I felt that adrenaline rush and after that a very sharp pain in my uterus. Either a good thing or a bad thing. We got home and loaded everyone up and went to get some ice cream. When we got home I was nauseous for the rest of the night but I attributed it to eating way too much ice cream. Went to bed pretty early because I had to be up at 4:30 the next morning to drive to the clinic. I can’t believe we made it through. Thank goodness it’s over.

Half Way

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I have a saved post that’ll detail my symptoms like last time. I’ll post it next Monday. Spoiler alert: There’s nothing happening that can’t be attributed to progesterone. I hate you progesterone.

I thought I wouldn’t have time to stress about it but I have certainly made time. Sigh.

Emotionally I’m all over the place. I’m glad that I have Friday off but I can’t seem to think of anything fun to do this weekend. I’m tired and grumpy. So so grumpy. And I’m emotional about silly things. Tonight I’m upset that Lucky doesn’t have a bedtime routine.

I know that’s silly because I just got to a place where I’m just happy that he sleeps through and he’s a happy little boy but tonight I’m feeling failure-ish.

I’m sure tomorrow I’ll have something else to be moody about. I wish I could have a glass of wine.

Okay, sorry this was just a half way check in post. Nothing exciting to report. Still alive. Just barely.

 

 

Egg retrieval #6

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Because of the merger, my egg retrieval was at a different facility this morning at 8:30. It wasn’t a terrible experience. Same story. Just new faces to get used to. The walls were also paper thin. I heard all the full pre-op conversations and a phone call with an RE and her patient about how only one of her 5 eggs fertilized and they recommended to do a day 3 transfer and opt to not do pgs testing even though she suffers from RPL.

It was a long 2hr wait for retrieval and I thought about the patient on the other end of that call the whole time. I sent out positive thoughts for her and her embryo. I hope her transfer works.

The operating room was a little different. A lot more strapping down (arm and waist) which was unsettling and the stirrups weren’t attached to the bed like at the OB office they were harnesses on poles. Creepy. The anesthesiologist was a very lovely soft spoken young lady. I really liked her. And she and the nurses made me feel very comfortable. I was fine all the way until I walked into the operating room when I felt tears sting my eyes and my breathing become shallow. Maybe nerves. Maybe memories. But I calmed right down the minute I heard Africa by Toto playing in the background. I wanted to tell everyone I’m south african and this is the whole country’s jaaaam. But I just squeaked out that I liked this song. But everyone was too busy strapping and fussing to get excited with me.

After I read my name and dob back to everyone with clipboards I laid back to enjoy the best part of this damn journey and woke up to one of the worst parts. Anesthesia grog. Was served the usual ginger ale and animal crackers when the surgeon walked in with the pretty nurse who was shadowing her. 5 eggs. Thank goodness the grogginess masked the internal groan. I think the doctor sensed my disappointment because she laid her hand on mine and said lets see how it goes.

And that was that. N came back and seemed a little disappointed at the news too but sucked it up and went to get the car after I got dressed.

We distracted ourselves with talk of Game of thrones and Lunch. He dropped me off at home and went back to work. I had an almost 2hr nap and then waited impatiently for my saint of a nanny to drop of little Lucky. I was drowsy for most of the day but very grateful that he kept my mind off the obsessive fertilization math. It’s only now that I’m writing this that I’ve given it a thought.

And now I’m thinking of the phone call this morning. What if only one fertilizes. What if what if what if.

Here’s hoping I can fall asleep. I’ve been up since 4 so maybe that helps. Just trying to remember that if I have to do this again that it’s not that bad the 6th time around.

Thanks everyone for following along and sending positive thoughts. I will keep you posted. Xxx