Coconut Twist

So much for blogging every day, huh? So much to working on my time management too, huh?  *shaking my head*

We had a pretty busy weekend and a fun one for once. Fun because it involved zero working on the house. Well, I shouldn’t complain, the shitty part of the reno is over. The shitty part being the incessant mudding and sanding. It never seemed to end. The best part of the weekend was when I had to work for 4 hours on Saturday while hub did the final mud and sand while I was away. Hooray!

I picked a paint colour as well. We’re going with something called coconut twist. Which is actually just white-ish but not as white as the white the ceiling will be. That’s the extent of my colour selecting prowess. I’ve never seen that many shades of white in my life. I really hope I chose the right one.

Saturday evening we had dinner with our friends. It was the first time any of us had been out in a while so we really took advantage of the situation. We ordered way too much sushi, had 2 cocktails a piece that were difficult to handle and we ended up staying until the restaurant closed like any group of married folks would do.

And just like any other couple of married folks we were promptly in bed by midnight. I really had a blast though. We hadn’t seen them in a while and I think I needed human interaction after being cooped up in the house for that long.

Hmm, I realize now that this post doesn’t have any point. I guess just an update on my rip roaring social life. It’s back to the hermit hole now until the dreaded room is complete.

So with that I’ll leave you with this clip from a Chris Rock show. The first 2ish minutes reminded me of how our double date went. I lol’d.

In IVF news… I’m on day 4 of bcp’s and they are kicking my ass. It’s never been this bad before. So dizzy. So sleepy.

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One Down

I love soup! That is all. I love cold and rainy days so that I can make soup. I’ve made two this week so far already. I didn’t take pics of the first one but here’s a quick recipe for the one I made today. Honestly, I don’t have exact ratios so just go with your heart :).

I LOVE SOUP!!

Split Pea Soup!

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2+lbs of beef. N Likes a bunch of meat in his soup so I got this 4 pack of beef. I would choose a bony, fatty cut. I think I used short rib and shin/shank.
1 package of split peas
1 Beef Stock cube (or 1litre of Beef Stock)
1 Onion
5 Carrots
4 Medium Sized Potatoes
1 Packet of Onion Soup Powder
Lots of water
Thyme
Salt & Pepper

Rub any spice you’d like on the meat and brown it in a giant pot. Once brown, add the bag of split peas. Mix the beef stock cube with 2 cups of boiling water and add to the peas in the pot. Or just add your beef stock to the peas. Make sure the peas and meat are covered and set it to low and let it softly boil. (If you want a bulkier soup you can add a cup of dry fusilli pasta, barley or even spaghetti broken into thirds at this stage…your call)
Go and watch a 1hr tv show and get up to check the soup during every commercial break. Your peas should be softening up nicely when it’s over. If not then pop on another episode and keep checking during ad breaks and add water if it starts to boil off too quickly. Once your peas are softish you can start grating the carrots and potatoes. My awesome husband bought me a food processor one christmas which I used to grate the vegetables (otherwise I’d be too tired to type this). If you’re grating by hand then perhaps start grating after the first tv show episode.
Add all the grated vegetables to the pot and maybe 2 more cups of water then go ahead and wash the dishes.
When you’re done, mix the onion soup powder with one cup of water and add to the soup.
Keep the soup on a slow boil until the vegetables are soft. Your meat should be awesome and melty now as well.

Serve with some warm Portuguese rolls. I like to add a few teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce. My husband likes his with shredded cheese.

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Any day with soup is a good day in my book. And I started BCP’s today so that was pretty cool too. One down… 12 more to go :).

Fun Silly Dreams

I know that we all have hopes and dreams for our kids (whether they be here now or if they’re still a twinkle in their father’s eyes). We hope that they’ll be happy and more importantly that they’ll be healthy. We hope that we’ll raise them well enough to make good life choices.

Then we have the less important, more indulgent hopes and dreams. Like what will your child do for a living. I really hope I’m not the only one who has picked out at least 1 dream career for eeach of their kids.  And the beauty of it is that you can get oh so creative with it.

I’m told that my father always dreamed that I would be a choreographer. I think them making me do ballet when I was younger was part of this dream. Every girl my age in my area did ballet though, so maybe it was a just a happy coincidence. I can’t remember how old I was. I think I blocked it out because boy, did I hate every single day of ballet. I did it for two years and the day they let me quit was the best day of my adolescent life. Later on when I hit high school, I went back into dancing and did modern dancing all through high school but I was certainly not going to fulfill my dad’s dream. I don’t think he was overly disappointed. Probably more relieved that I actually followed in his footsteps and studied Math at university like he did.

I have dreams about my kid’s career. I think about it from time to time when I let my mind wander. We recently finished a book in book club that really made me excited about it again. This is a job that I’ve always wanted for myself but I think I’ll force it on my child to make up for where I failed, just like any good parent would :).

I just read The Martian by Andy Weir (If you love sciencey and outter space books, I highly recommend this one). So now I want my child to be an engineer at NASA. Not an astronaut in particular, because I would miss them too much, but I want them to work in mission control in front of the big TV screen.

I know it’s silly but I get giddy when I think about it. I even think I’ll try to plant subliminal seeds like making them watch Armageddon (on of my all time favourites) and the Martian and any other space exploration movie from a very young age. Hahaha.

look how awesome!

look how awesome!

Anyway, this was a very silly quick post before I go do the dishes for my reward.

Which dream job do you have for your kid(s)?

The Thief of Time

It has been a nutso month and a bit. It all started a rainy day in October. We were on our way to CT for a birthday present I’d bought N. He was going to drive a Lamborghini around a track for an hour. Unfortunately, the place called right before we were headed out to tell us that some doohickey snapped in the car so he wouldn’t be able to drive that day. Boo! So we did the next best thing.. We decided to re-do the dining room.

And that’s really been taking up my entire life. It’s almost done, we’ll be painting next weekend then trim then we’re done! YAY!

One thing that this past month and a bit has taught me is that I am terrible at time management. Simply terrible… And I used to be so good. I find myself walking into the house then finding myself in bed with nothing accomplished and it’s frustrating. I’m frustrated with the never-ending pile of laundry. I hate seeing 125+ unread blog posts in my inbox. I can’t stand behind weeks behind on my book club book. I’m annoyed that we ended up just watching the finale of SYTYCD because we didn’t have time to watch the entire show. I get home 3 hours earlier than I used to at my old job. How do I have less time to do everything?

I obviously only have myself to blame of course. Myself and 5 seasons of Shameless. I do not want to accept all the blame. I blame Frank. Damn you Frank!

I saw some of you are doing the blog everyday in November thing and I want to try it too. I have lots to blog about (for once) and this is our cycle month (if AF ever shows her face and this incessant spotting gives way to actual bleeding).

I’m just doing a rant about myself. I have to figure out my life. I hate to admit it but I think I need a timetable. It might even be better if I gave myself the adult version of gold stars if I manage to finish a task for the day. Wash dishes? Boom! Glass of wine with dinner. Write a blog post? Bam! Another glass of wine. Run a mile or two? Whaaat?! You’re a champ, celebrate with some wine!

Sadly, we’re in a cycle so I’ve quit alcohol for the time being but you get the point. Anyway, I just wanted to break the silence since I’m finally caught up on all blogs. Tomorrow I’ll tackle 103 youtube videos.

I’m keeping all of you in my thoughts and I’m very happy about all the BFP’s,  it’s heartwarming when one of us wins. And sending all my love to my sisters in the struggle.

Until tomorrow…xx

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So this is 34

I’ll be 34 for one month tomorrow. That’s a lot of time to take stock of my life thus far. How far I’ve come. What type of person am I? Am I proud to be me? Am I happy? What can I change?

I often have these discussions with myself when I’m driving home from work and I was meaning to write it down on my actual birthday but as with all things, I blinked and it was a month later so here’s who I am now at 34.

My taste buds have changed. Let’s start with the easy stuff. One day I woke up and I realized I can’t eat eggs anymore. I tried for a few weeks but I simply can’t stomach them. I tried all the different ways of cooking them and lately I’ve managed to find a way to choke down hard boiled eggs but even that I don’t do often. So eggs, no thanks.

Obviously, my body has changed yet again. Every year, once you hit your 30’s, things just start changing. I do feel like some things don’t have to take a downturn, though. In your 30’s you’re young enough to take control of your health so you really shouldn’t be complaining about 2 day hangovers, just stop drinking like you did in your 20’s. Stop complaining about being squishier and don’t eat like you did in your 20’s. But there are some things that change no matter what you do. My new thing? Heartburn. I just randomly get heartburn for no reason now. First it was when I drank dark coloured alcohol. But now I have to take a mental note of what I eat so that in the event that I get heartburn I can narrow it down to possible culprits. I have it narrowed down to carbs now. One of my favourite things in the whole world. It’s really depressing. Why can’t eggs give me heartburn?

I’ve said “no” to more people than my younger self would be okay with. A friend recently asked me to go to the beach with her and I was so proud of myself when I looked her right in the eye and said “no”. Okay, it was more of a “Hmm, weeell, actuallyyyy, I don’t really like the beach”. I immediately broke into a cold sweat as I imagined her breaking down and crying “Whyyy? whyyy don’t you love meee? I thought we were frieeends! I’ll never be able to forgive you!” but all she said was “really? okay”… What? The world didn’t come to a  stand still? She actually texted me a few days later to chat, so she wasn’t angry with me? So weird. I decided to try it again. Okay another lie, I did not enjoy saying no but I have been saying it lot more often, thankfully via text. My fear really is that people won’t like me if I say “no”. But it turns out people’s lives don’t revolve around me being there so I guess people pleasing is something 33 year old’s do and I’m a little relieved. Very little. Okay, I would still prefer to people please a little bit but I am happy I don’t have to go to the beach anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love the ocean. I feel better if I live near the ocean but going to the beach is too much work. It’s too sandy, the sea water makes my skin sticky. I get motion sick when I swim. It’s just not my thing. But I digress.

I am not the best wife. I haven’t been married for a long time but it’s been real. Like really real. Marriage forces you to be introspective and it forces you to be better. Not better for yourself only but for your partner since you’re a team now. Sometimes my husband complains about things and only lately has he changed his language from complaining to explaining (because he’s trying to be better too) and now I’m realizing I haven’t been working for the team as much as I should be but now that I know, I can start trying.

I have become my mother. It happened. I thought it wouldn’t but it did. My mother and I both do this thing where we rock back and forth for no apparent reason when we’re sitting down but now I notice that aside from our mannerisms being the same, I feel like we’re intrinsically becoming the same person. I worry, like she does. I’m a big softie now. I’m always crying. I frown and purse my lips at bad behaviour like she does. My friend jokingly calls me auntie all the time now. But I also love my family so much it hurts and I care a great deal about people. Everyone loves my mother so I’m not too mad about that. I would be even less mad if I had her legs.

I am very afraid of losing my parents. This is new to me. I don’t know if it’s because I live far away from home or because my parents are always travelling and making me worry (see above about me being a worrier). They’re only 65 but I feel like they’re so fragile now. Sure they’re older and slower but they’re not at all fragile. I don’t know why, but I constantly worry about waking up to a message about one of my parents dying and I don’t like it. Thankfully, they’re always just a Skype call and a Whatsapp message away. Love those two, man.

I’m more okay with myself now. People will tell you the best thing about hitting your 30’s is that you become more comfortable in your skin and as a result more confident. I think I may have misinterpreted that a bit. I think you become more self aware (thank goodness) and hence more accepting of who you are and then more comfortable in your skin and in turn confident about who you are and what your abilities and shortcomings are. I was under the impression confident meant being able to talk to strangers and being wise and all knowing. What I’ve learned is that I am not at all good at talking to strangers. I may never be and I’m okay with that. What I’ve learned is that I’m not wise at all. I am the sum of my experiences and I have experienced only a fraction of what there is out there. How can I possibly be wise? I can appear wise to other people younger than me who have walked a similar path but honestly, everyone’s path is so different. What I’ve learned is that I probably know less than Jon Snow and I’m comfortable with that. What I’ve learned is that I know what I’m good at, I know what I’ll never be good at, I know where I can improve and I know how to do it. And that’s where my confidence lies.

So yes, thirty four has been good to me so far. I highly recommend it if you haven’t done it yet :). It’s scary that we only get to be an age once for a very short time, seeing how fast time goes lately, so we really have to appreciate every second. Haha, that’s such and old person thing to say.

What a month!!

I know it’s not over yet but boy it’s been jam packed for once. The obvious highlight being me turning 34. I went through the usual “OMG I’m so old, I probably shouldn’t be saying OMG anymore”. But on the big day I was calm and ready and so far so good. There’s no obvious changes. I don’t feel taller like I used to when I was growing up but I’m enjoying it so far. And honestly, the one thing that made me very happy was that thought that this could be the age that I get pregnant. Nothing is certain but just the thought of it makes me a little giddy. This could be it! 34 and pregnant. I like the sound of that. Lemme give you a quick run down of the month. There are ups and downs. Get comfy.

This month was the month hubby and I decided to do something new (hopefully outside) every weekend because we spend too much time on the couch and it’s unacceptable. The deal is we each get a turn to choose on alternating weekends. The first weekend was his choice and of course he chose kayaking. We used his dad’s two man kayak and hit the river like bosses. We were out there for what seemed like 3 days but it was probably 5 hours. We got sufficiently sunburned but what fun! I think I like outside. Afterwards his father gave us a mountain of stuffed quahogs. He makes the best quahogs. I like quahogs. I like the word quahogs.

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The following weekend was my birthday and the general theme was debauchery. I drank Thursday through Sunday so I think I celebrated well and nothing was planned which was awesome. I was feeling very down that I couldn’t decide on what to do for my birthday and I’m so very happy that everything happened organically and it turned out to be a super fun weekend. The buffet N and I went to was so amazing. They bring you meat on skewers to your table and slice off pieces for you. I just want to live there.

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gift from my friend. i love her. she knows me.

Dinner with hubby on the day. Brazilian buffet. Meat meat meat!

Dinner with hubby on the day. Brazilian buffet. Meat meat meat!

Saturday night shenanigans

Saturday night shenanigans

The amount of crap I ate this month was ridiculous. The lowest (and the highest I’m ashamed to say) was the lobster roll from Mcdonalds. Hey, at least I can say I did it. Here’s some of the crap I ate. Needless to say, I had to make a few cookbook purchases to help get my act together. I’m not fully motivated yet because I haven’t gone grocery shopping but I did make carb free bread and crackers so we’re getting there. This week is my turn to choose a thing to do so we’re going to the Planetarium tomorrow then Whole Foods. Yes, my idea of a fun time is grocery shopping.

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I also squeezed in a little TTC stuff. My new insurance requires me to have a primary care physician. I’ve never had one before and I needed one to get a referral to my ivf clinic. This was also the month I was supposed to have my hysteroscopy but I couldn’t get it done after my pcp appointment which was a bummer. So we’re pushing the hysteroscopy back another month but them’s the breaks, I guess. But on the upside my PCP is great. I dunno why I didn’t do this sooner.

So it was really a great month all-in-all and then on Tuesday, bad news. I woke up to messages from home. A childhood friend had passed due to complications from a surgery. He had just turned 34 last month. We didn’t speak often at all and the last time I saw him was at our wedding 4 years ago. But we grew up together so he was a big part of our lives up until they moved away when we were about 11. And even then we would visit them every holiday until they moved even further away then it was just 21st birthdays then weddings. What a great guy. What a huge loss. I wish he had lived a long full life but the short life he did live was full that’s for sure.

August will be over soon. It was one for the books. But I’m ready for September now. I think I’m ready for baby time. I hope everyone had a good August and if not, don’t worry, September will be here in 3 days. Hang in there.

Quick happy update

Hi Everyone

I’m finally back from holiday and also I’m 3 days into my new job. The trip was beyond fantastic and also very difficult at times. I’ll write more about that in the future. In the States I think I’ve had it easy. Back home every single one of my friends has at least one child. I think if I lived at home I wouldn’t make it out of bed most days. I loved being around the kids, it was so refreshing but going home to a quiet bedroom with just my thoughts proved overwhelming more often than not.

But I don’t want to get into that now. The weddings were sooo beautiful and perfect. It was so great seeing everyone and spending time with my parents. This is the most time I’ve spent with them and it was awesome. I keep thinking of how much all 3 of us cried at the airport and I get all choked up. It gets harder and harder to leave every time. My nephews and niece are perfect. I couldn’t get my new nephew to love me though. 1 year olds are tough. But he’s so funny, like his dad (my brother), I can’t wait for him to start talking. He babbles uncontrollably has full on conversations with you but it’s all babbling. I love it. The other two are to die for. So loving and always free with the hugs. I couldn’t get enough of them. I have to stop because I have other stuff to talk about.

So this new job is pretty awesome! I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot riding on my shoulders. I was hired to back up the technology director and he says a lot or things like “I’m the only one who has access, but you’ll have access now”, which is exciting and a little nerve wracking. And the fact that I completely blanked on how to calculate Average in Excel probably didn’t look too good.

Everyone is really nice. It’s a complete change from my old company where I was the oldest in the crew by about 5-10 years. I think I’m the youngest in the little basement office by about 5-10 years now. My only gripe is that it is fuh-reezing down there. I bought all this summer professional clothes for work and I’m still wearing old winter not-so-much professional clothes. In the summer, I guess you don’t have to dress up.

What else? Oh, the hours are 7-3 and when school starts, 7-3:30. I still can’t believe it, so I hang around til about 3:10 to make sure no one was kidding about that. I’m used to getting home at 7. And of course, the best part, I just signed up for BCBS insurance. I think it’s already kicked in, I’m just waiting for my card so I can send the info to the clinic. The infertility coverage is beyond anything I could have dreamed of. I never knew how luckily/blessed I am to be living in a state that has mandated infertility coverage. I can’t get over it. I am bit worried about these hours and taking time off for monitoring appointments since they’re always at 7:30 and I still have that pesky hysteroscopy looming over me. But really, I’m going to try and not think about that stuff for now.

Now, in an attempt to be a better blogger and now that I have more free time. I have to start thinking about stuff to blog about. I keep saying this, but my life is so dull now but I spoke to N and we both agree that we should pick something to do over the weekends and then do them. That should give me something to blog about. Also, I have a few posts I want to make about our supplement regimen and then I want to bring back Sunday Smiles and my Track of the Week.

Okay, I have to go now. I’m doing trying this buzzfeed clean eating challenge for 2015. I’ve already failed because we had ice cream for dinner on Monday but I have a fridge full of healthy greens so I’m going to be better. I’ll post some pics of the meals I’m making. I always enjoy peoples food pics.

And with that, I’ll leave you. Sorry this post was a bit all over the place and a bit self indulgent. I’m just really happy right now and more so about the actual job. The infertility stuff is just icing on a very delicious cake… oh man, now I want cake. I hate cleanses. I really do. I’m not going to do them anymore.

For some reason my laptop is slow so I can’t upload some pics but here are the 2 most important anyway.

[edit: picture removed for anonymity]

[edit: picture removed for anonymity]