Miracles Needed

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 9
(Wednesday May 1)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur, 25iu Cetrotide
Notes: estrogen=834.2; LH=2.03; progesterone=0.537; lining=9.5mm; Left Ovary=15.5, 16.6, 10.8, 8.2; Right Ovary=16.2

I really hope these 5 follicles are the best 5 follicles there ever were. These low counts are just not compatible with our history of shitty fertilization and dismal PGD testing results.

It’s miracle time, guys.

tenor

Emotional: Meh
Physical: Meh
Food: Chinese

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Hitting the Wall

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 7 – Monitoring Day
(Monday April 29)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur, 25iu Cetrotide

Notes: estrogen=467.9; LH=4.39; progesterone=n/a; lining=8.8mm; Left Ovary=13.1, 13.6, 9.4; Right Ovary=14.4

Man, these results are frustrating me. Still only 4 follicles and they’re getting too big for more to catch up, in my opinion, but my estrogen is only up 200ish. I’m having a hard time reminding myself that every cycle is different. Maybe my body isn’t used to the barrage of hormones after this long of a break.

We added Cetrotide last night. I don’t remember the needle being that long. It drew a lot of blood.

I’m not liking this cycle so far. It started off good but now I’m not so sure. N was trying to be reassuring yesterday but I’m just meh.  I know it’s still very early in the game but I don’t have a good feeling. And I’m already stressed about next cycle. I think we’re at max medication doses. What else could we do?

Emotional: Woe is me

Physical: Tired. I don’t like talking about CM but it’s there and it’s a lot. Sorry.

Food: I don’t remember lunch. Short ribs and cauliflower mash for dinner.

Success!

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 3
(Thursday April 25)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur 

Notes: estrogen=13.30; LH=9.30; progesterone=0.228; lining=3.7mm; antral follicles=16 

Let the record show that I can do shots anywhere now :). Let the record also show that reclining seats at the movies is a great invention.

The movie was at 6:30. N was next to a single gentleman on his left and I was next to a young lady with her partner on my right. I’m sure she snuck alcohol into the theatre but that’s neither here nor there. At first I was worried about how I would hide whate I was doing from her but the seats were big enough and she was far enough away so it wasn’t an issue.

I got myself comfortable as soon as the movie started laying on my left side facing N, undid my jeans buttons and had my handbag and jacket make like a ring of protection around my tummy area.

It really wasn’t a big deal when it came to injection time at 8:30. It was dark enough to be discrete and light enough for me to see what I was doing. Easy peasy. I’d pre-mixed everything at home so it really was just point an click at that point. I did chuckle at myself when I went to stab in the Gonal-F and it would NOT go in. I tried 3 times. I panicked and told N the needle was too blunt! Then I realised that I’d forgotten to take the second smaller cap off the gonal-f needle. Lol. What a relief.

So yeah, all-in-all a good experience. Next I’ll try somewhere more challenging like evening rock climbing. HAHA.

Emotional: Saddish about random things. Not sure if related to hormones.

Physical: Still headachey but last night started feeling bubbles and pops in my ovary area so I think things are happening.

Food: Last night. Burger and fries (Lord I need to eat better) and popcorn.

Headaches!

IVF ROUND 6

DAY 2
(Wednesday April 24)

Meds: 300iu Gonal-f , 150iu Menopur 

Notes: estrogen=13.30; LH=9.30; progesterone=0.228; lining=3.7mm; antral follicles=16 

I’m writing this with a day delay and it’s messing me up hahaha. Hopefully I’ll write tonight after the movie but it’s going to be a late one.

Thanks everyone for the awesome advice. I’m really grateful to be in a community who knows it might be a little nutso to do shots in the darkness of a cinema but understands the need :).

Last night’s shots went smoother so that’s good but this headache will not quit. I’m trying to stay hydrated and eat better but I don’t know what else I can do. It’s not crippling. Just annoying.

Nothing else to report. Will check in tonight.

Emotional: Avengers Endgame tonight! Woohooo!!!

Physical: So much headache and but sleeping really well.

Food: Last night. Honey BBQ steak tip sub for lunch. OMG amazing! and steak and broccolli for dinner.

A Balanced Translocation

We’re almost at the half-way mark with this little guy. Last week we had our anatomy scan and he’s doing really well. We have a fetal echo cardiogram scan next month but the doctor said that she doesn’t foresee any problems with that since we saw all 4 of his heart chambers and they looked good.

It was a long appointment but it was really cool to see how they measured everything and we got a few good pics (will try to post them on the new page if I figure out how). He definitely has his dad’s profile IMO. The best part for me was seeing him move and feeling him move at the same time, just confirming what all these flutters really are. He was very active and the tech had her work cut out for her. She had to take a 10min break and made me switch positions and poke my belly to try to get him to turn. When she came back he seemed to be napping so it was smooth sailing after that.

Before we did the anatomy scan they had us meet with their genetic counselor to explain the process and discuss our history. She had the most lovely accent that we could not place. That’s not relevant to the story but it was really lovely.

She asked us why we did IVF and we mentioned the balanced translocation and her eyes seemed to light up. Like we were her first interesting case of the day. She was surprised that it wasn’t in our file so she wasn’t prepared but she gave us all the risk factors and went through our family tree. We’d already done this with our first genetic counselor meeting years ago when we first heard about the BT but it was nice to get a refresher, I guess. She said that the NIPT test we had is so very accurate and she trusts it more than the anatomy scan since that obviously only picks up physical markers.

At the end of it I asked how soon after he’s born can we test to see if he has his father’s BT or not. She said that if we didn’t want to stick him they could draw the blood at birth from the umbilical cord. Then she said “If you feel it necessary to know that information.”

It never once crossed my mind to not know. She said that what if we tell him and he feels he could have gone have done without that information. She said that N is fine so the baby will be fine. I found it strange that she seemed like she was in the out-of-sight-out-of-mind camp and I didn’t really like it.

Why would you not want to know that information? Our plan is to find out as soon as possible and start having age appropriate conversations with him about what it means IF he happens to have the BT.

I’m a silent stalker in a BT support group on FB and this topic came up a few times and almost everyone overwhelmingly agreed that they would want their children to know as soon as possible, mostly because the would have wanted that information up front as well. Some of them even spoke about starting IVF funds for their BT children as an option which I think is great.

This also brought to light a few other thoughts I’ve had about passing a BT on to a child. What if he has a BT and when we explain it to him and what the possible implications are and he ends up hating us for doing this to him?

It’s a possibility. A scary possibility. One that I have to be prepared for. We have some time to discuss this and prepare ourselves and there’s also the chance that he doesn’t have one he could end up hating us for some other reason. Perhaps because we got him circumcised without his permission. Perhaps because he’s mixed race and he struggles to find his place in society. Maybe he’ll hate us for inheriting my big bunny teeth and his dad’s bad eye sight.

There are so many maybe’s here. Too many. I’m sure everyone has this fear to a certain extent. But the truth is, you just never know who your child will be and how they will react to certain situations. You just have to try to do you best with what you have.

I think our best bet here is to remember that he will have a kind heart and a fighter’s spirit that he inherited from us. And he has two parents who love him immeasurably and we will always try to do the right thing by him.

 

IVF Cycle 5 Begins

I wish I was better at remembering these anniversaries. I was just revisiting my previous cycles and realised that last Wednesday marked 2 years since my first stim injection. It really feels like a longer lol.

I was re-reading specifically my most successful cycle. The one we’re copying now and it turns out it was round about this time as well. I enjoyed reading it. I think I was in a good space as far as excitement and positivity are concerned.

Comparing that cycle to now, the excitement and positivity are lessened somewhat with the memory of four failures versus one. Not to say that I’m not excited and positive. I am. I’m just not as naive as before but I’m trying to not let it get me down.

Anyway, I just finished my last birth control pill last night and when I held it in my hand last night it hit me that there’s a chance that it could be my last bcp ever. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it that way before and that really excited me.

I had my baseline appointment this morning, just waiting on results and instructions but I should be starting stims on Friday. So there will be a full period coming soon. Yay.

This is going to be another boring daily chronicling of a cycle and for that I apologise, ahead of time. I just enjoyed re-reading and I appreciated the details. Thanks 2015 me!

Anyway, I don’t have anything to report today. I didn’t get an antral follicle count at the ultrasound because I didn’t want it to depress me. Other than that, I’ve contacted the genetics lab and we’re all set to go and my meds get delivered today. I’m also confident that the results call today will be good so I guess I’ll just leave you all to it until Friday.

Here’s to an uneventful but speedy week!

IVF Round Five

Here we go again! It was touch and go for a few days but here we go again.

I had planned to start this cycle with this month’s period but by Monday I’d started spotting and hadn’t received insurance approval yet. I called the clinic only to find out they hadn’t even sent the request to the insurance! I was shocked.

The nurse told me she’d find out where my request was in the queue and she’d call me the next do to let me know if we can start but it didn’t look good.

The following day the nurse called to say that they wouldn’t be able to send in my request in time and I’d have to do the cycle next month. Sigh. I was very sad but I made peace with it. Decided that more time to prepare can only be beneficial so I was okay with starting next month.

Then Wednesday she called again and turned my world upside down. They’d actually sent off the request the previous day and I had the go-ahead to start birth control. Well I had to do the mandatory preggo test the following morning but for all intents and purposes, we were a go.

So Wednesday was a pretty fantastic day to begin with and then N called to let me know that our new RE contacted him with results from his latest sperm sample that was to be frozen. You’ll remember that we were going to send these results to the urologist to let us know if it was a good sample or not. Well it turns out that the sample was excellent. The count had doubled and the motility was great. Of course since my husband took the call we didn’t get any numbers but I can just get the numbers when I call them again.

We’re still waiting on approval so obviously the thief of joy that this journey is, isn’t letting me celebrate just yet. I’m just taking my pills as instructed. If everything goes according to plan I’ll start stims around the first week of November. We’re doing 300iu Gonal-f and 150iu Menopur. The same protocol from round 2 which yielded or record 3 embryos to test.

So we’ll take it one day at a time and I’ll try to keep a level head but I like the sound of this cycle so far… so far.