Still Good News

I totally forgot that the 2nd beta is the more stressful one.

After the first beta, I shared the news with everyone, blissfully ignorant. N brought me down to earth real quick with his skepticism. So much so that I barely ate anything all day because I was so stressed out.

Thankfully, the beta more than doubled and I don’t have to go back for another test which is a relief. I have to call them tomorrow  to set up an appointment for an ultrasound.

So it looks like this is really happening again. Wow. N has steadfastly said that he won’t be getting excited until he sees a heartbeat. I think we’re both a little in denial. I had hope, but I certainly didn’t expect it to work this quickly.

I’m relieved but still waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know how it goes.

Infertility will forever be the thief of joy.

IVF Round 7 Results

It worked!!!

It worked it worked it worked!!!

I’m equal parts relieved and stressed out because the Beta is over 100 but significantly lower than with Lucky’s (341). But the nurse was very excited so that’s good then.

Once we’re over the Beta hurdles and have made it though the ultrasound (please let it get there) I’ll probably be confident enough to write the betas and talk about my TWW symptoms. I will say that I was so confident that this would work based on the symptoms but this morning, I swore I was getting my period (it was due yesterday) so I lost all hope.

The drive up to the clinic was terrible. I was near to tears, thinking over and over, I don’t want to do this again. I don’t want to do this again. I’m exhausted. Please please please.

I took the same route I take everyday. Pleading and bargaining with the universe. I came to a stop street and I looked left and right and as I moved on my eyes flitted to the second floor of a house on the corner. The window was covered by a black sheet. And written on the sheet in massive white letters, H.O.P.E. It was written backwards obviously for the room’s occupant to take heed. But I feel like the universe had given me a little wink and smile.

Usually they call at 2pm ish but the call came at 11. We had barely just finished breakfast and were settling in for a little cartoon time. I picked up this time and immediately put her on speaker. Her excited “Hi” was all I needed for my butt cheeks to finally unclench for the first time in 10 days.

So here we are. We’ve made it. I won’t count my chickens just yet. I go back on Monday, so that will be the real test but for now, for now I can go out and celebrate with a virgin daiquiri.

Thank you guys so much for all your support this time around. I’m so relieved.

We did it!

xx

 

Random Distraction Post 3

I did it… I caved…

I switched over to audio books.

It was a battle. I was the grumpy old lady on the lawn yelling at the young hip audio books to get off my lawn! But one day I allowed one of them on to my lawn. And now I’m hooked.

All thanks to the most unlikely. My husband. One who is diametrically opposed to reading of any sort. He is a gamer and one of his favourite games, the Witcher, was being made into a TV series and there is also a book series that the TV show would be based on. He, all of a sudden, wanted to read the books before the show started. It’s a 10 book series and by the time he was on book 3 he’d convinced me to try it… I’m so glad he did.

We breezed through them in about 2-3 months. All the while, my cubicle neighbour and friend from work is an avid audio book listener was also trying to get me on board. She introduced me to the app Libby to get audio and e-books from the library. She added me to her book club (I’m now in two. Hers and one at work). I was flying through book after book. Laughing and crying and gasping while I drove anywhere. The 2 hour commute to Lexington for monitoring appointments became a joy!

Then I found out that I can order audio book cd’s at our school’s library. Are you kidding me?

My list of “want to read’s” on Goodreads is starting to dwindle (still at 90 thought, yikes) and I love it. Last year my book challenge goal on Goodreads was 5. This year I’ve upped it to 12 and I’m already on the 6th book and it’s only February!

I love reading (can you tell?) but it’s been a constant battle since TV series and Twitter came into my life. Of course little Lucky bean too. A more than welcome distraction. I just can’t seem to find the time to pick up my kindle or an actual book and read. The last real book I read was Circe. It was really good but really long and I lost the will to live a few times. It took me months to read. Months! I still love the idea of books though and I still want a library in my next house. But I am an audio book convert now. Bring me all of them.

Of course it’s not always the best. I’m glad that I did the Witcher series first because the narrator was AMAZING! I was blown away. Peter Kinney is his name. He could do a conversation with 5 different characters and do 5 completely different voices and accents. Incredible. Unfortunately, now he’s set a very high bar. A bad narrator can ruin a book. The last few were autobiographies and they were narrated by the author so that’s good at least. A sufficient replacement in the absence of Mr Kinney.

So. If you listen to audio books and know all the tips and tricks I’ll note below and have a few more, please let me know! If you want to try audio books, try these tips and tricks my colleague told me about. And If you hate audio books, thanks for reading this far :).

Firstly, you don’t need Audible I don’t think. I think it’s wildly overpriced. N has audible because he couldn’t find the last Witcher book. I bought him a giftcard for Christmas too. But I don’t think it’s necessary. One thing I do like is that you can share a book with one person. We have a friend listening to the Game of Thrones books and it would be good to get them from him.

Next, open a Goodreads account if you love books.  It’s like Facebook for book nerds. You can track everything you’ve read and want to read and are currently reading. You can add other goodreads friends and see their book lists and add to your want to reads from them. You can order books (audio, E or real) from it. They have links to Amazon and Barnes and Noble. They also have links to libraries but I’m not sure how that part works yet.

Lastly get a library app. I’m currently using Libby. Another one is Overdrive (but I think it’s merging with Libby) and then SAILS has an app too. With Libby you need to attach library cards. And I believe you can get join a library online for most of them (I think). I joined Boston Public Library online. And I have a card from my local library. I just added both accounts to my Libby profile and I can find 90% of the books I’m looking for. Libby only does E-books and audio books and the only downside is that sometimes there’s a long wait but so far so good for me.

The last last thing I learned that I spoke about earlier was that I can log into my SAILS account at work and I can have audio book cd’s delivered to the library at the school. SAILS is a library network in Massachusetts with 72 libraries participating so my guess is you’ll likely find what you’re looking for at some point.

And that’s my favourite thing to do right now. I’m so happy that reading is back in my life. I’m even happier that N is into books now too. Last night he said he needs a new book asap and hopped onto Goodreads to search for something. If you have any fantasy or sci-fi recommendations for him please let me know. In fact if you’ve read anything awesome lately, please let me know too :).

 

 

Random Distraction Post 2

We’re a media family. We watch a lot of TV. We’re always on our phones. Lucky has a tablet (for shame). N has a giant gaming computer and I have my rinky-dink laptop. Something, if not everything, is always on.

Yes, we eat dinner in front of the TV as well and depending on who you speak to this either means Lucky’s intellectual growth will be stunted and our marriage will end orrr it’s just another way to live and all will be well in the end.

While I try to not let the guilt get to me and I do try to limit Lucky’s day time TV on weekends, one thing both N and I struggle with is the damn phone.

I know there are apps to help curb your use but I don’t have enough self control for that. I could also impose rules on myself, but again, self control. Thankfully, I have something better. A chatty demanding 2 year old.

When Lucky and I get home from work or when he wakes up he asks to put the tv on and I always tell him no he has to play a bit first. After a bit of whining he’ll move on to one of his toys and I’ll have a bit of time to get my phone fix on before I have to mom it up. But as soon as he sees I have it in my hand he yells “Put the phone down!!!”

It’s usually while I’m in the middle of a text or searching for something so he keeps yelling it and getting frustrated with me until I drop it and pay attention to him. His jam now is play fighting with his dolls and sometimes it’s more fun to have someone else play the bad guy.

I won’t lie. It’s annoying at first. The pitch of the scream and the whine while I’m trying to concentrate on whatever mundane crap I just have to do at that moment is a lot to take. But as soon as my attention is on protecting Iron Man from the repeated smashing from… another Iron Man it’s easier to forget about my phone. And let’s face it. It’s way more fun watching him enjoy beating me up or pretending to get hurt.

Sometimes I’ll get a text and quickly grab my phone and he’ll shout “Put the phone down!!”. Sometimes he’ll wrap my knuckles with a hard plastic ninja. It’s not the reminder I want, but I guess it’s the reminder I need.

All this being said, being bullied by a toddler really helps our weekend daytime usage. I don’t feel as addicted to it as I used to. But sometimes I have to physically leave my phone upstairs. And other times I just give in to the scrolling, all the while aware that I’m losing brain cells by the second while I hide from Lucky.

But as soon as night time and especially night time weekends roll around, all bets are off. Right now we’re trying a new show on Netflix. At the same time N playing a game on his phone and I’m typing on my laptop and Lucky is dozing off in front of his iPad. We’re a child development scientist’s nightmare right now.

But it’s all about balance right?

Random Distraction Post 1

Something terrible happened.

Someone I know has been arrest for sexual assault. Someone who treated me as a patient for some time.

I saw him regularly in 2014 and 2015 and then a sporadically as time continued on. But I had just been back to him 2 weeks ago for something. My friend told me about the news because his name popped up on an FB group with police asking for more victims to come forward. The story also came on the news. He is currently being held without bail until his trial.

I am firmly in the “believe women” camp. As someone who has ample experience with abusive men, I know why women stay quiet and I furiously applaud the strength it takes to come forward.

But this shook me. This man is the complete opposite of what mainstream media will have us believe is a rapist. He’s an old man (a bit younger than my father). A soft spoken, kind man. He’s English isn’t good. He remembers my entire family and asks after them every time I’m there. He’s a good doctor.

Apparently the assault took place at his practice. I thought of the building. His tiny little practice where his mild mannered wife worked the front desk. I thought of how friendly and inviting they were and how safe I always felt.

But I thought of how closed off it is. A basement office with no windows. Only one way to escape. I thought that he may be old but he’s quite tall and steady. While he’s always gentle I’m sure he could overpower me if he wanted to. I was often the only patient there. I never feared for my safety but I wonder if that is naive.

I’m sad that this is happening but if he’s guilty I hope he never sees the light of day.

Now that I have a son, I often wonder what would happen if he was accused and/or arrested for sexual assault. I have a distant friend who’s son is serving a whole lot of time for child pornography. It is clear that she still loves her son as she is fighting to get mandatory minimums reduced for first time offenders but when he was going through his trial she posted a lot about coming to terms with her new reality. It was painful and eye opening to witness.

I don’t doubt my ability to raise a son to not be a rapist. I don’t doubt my ability to raise a boy to not be a misogynist. But what if I do everything right and he still fucks up. What if?

Loop De Loop

It is done. Everything went according to plan and I’m comfy on the couch relaxing.

Well everything didn’t go swimmingly but it ended well lol.

We always give ourselves 2hrs to get there. So we left at 6 for my 8am acupuncture appointment. Unfortunately it was raining and everyone got into a car accident so we had to take a million back roads and we pulled into the parking lot at 8am!

I ran in an dived onto the table just as she was about start sticking the needles in (haha). I struggled to relax of course but I kind of think it’s difficult to lay still and relax for 30 minutes if it’s just you and your thoughts and plinky plonky music. Am I wrong?

After acupuncture I went back to the waiting room and started chugging water. At our last transfer they were running late so I wasn’t too worried but after glass of water #2 they came to get us and I wasn’t nearly ready to pee yet. Yikes.

They didn’t even take us to another room first to fill out forms, the took us straight to the transfer room. It was all happening so quickly. By the time I came out with of the bathroom the doctor was already in the room introducing himself. Dr T. What a joy he was. The personification of awesome bedside manner. The sonographer was the same one from our last transfer. She was lovely as well. The room just fell warm and fuzzy and I loved it.

But my bladder wasn’t full at all so it took some doing. She was pushing so so hard on my tummy. That plus the speculum pain. I was holding N’s hand in a death grip. I was watching the screen and usually you can make out the catheter at the very least but I couldn’t even make that out. I was starting to get nervous because they seemed to be struggling to find the catheter in my uterus. The embryologist came in and he put the tube in and they still couldn’t find it on the screen. It was a tense few seconds. Then it appeared. Dr T said “Oh there it is. It seems to have done a loop de loop to get into the uterus”. He’s delightful. Who said loop de loop anymore?

Then we saw the flash of the embryo being popped out.  The embryologist took the tube to see if there was anything it while Dr T took everything out of me and the sonographer wiped my belly. “That was a perfect transfer Dr T!” shouted the embryologist. He stood up and proceeded to applaud. Just delightful.

Afterwards, they gave us the room to do the progesterone shot then I went to do another round of acupuncture. Then N and I went to a nice lunch and then we had dentist appointments and finally made it home to relax clean Lucky’s car seat because he’s sleeping at grandma’s tonight. Car seats are gross.

At the dentist N and I took a bet to see who could get to the car first because we disagreed on which was the quickest route. Once we got out, I took off and ran to the car. I won (of course) but when he got there he asked if I should be running. I completely forgot I had an embryo on board. I totally had an internal panic attack for the drive home but my goal for this cycle was to try to forget. I don’t want to do crazy symptom spotting like last time. I want to try and fill these next ten days with happy distractions. Last time I was too obsessed. So I’m a little relieved that I ran to the car. In that brief moment I was happy. It was a fun day with N all in all. I’m going to try to keep that trend going. With a bit less running maybe :).

It’s going to be a very long week next week. Just work work work bleh. I’m going to see if I can do daily random posts to get my mind off things.

Okay my friends. It’s bed time over here. I’ve been up since 4 and I’m ready to crash. Thank you for being there for me again and again.

❤ ❤ ❤

Science

We’re about a week an a bit away from transfer. I’ve started taking 2mg of estrogen 3 times a day. I’m still on Lupron but I think that will end on Thursday. My next and possibly final monitoring appointment for this cycle is Thursday morning. Things are running smoothly as usual. And I expect we’ll transfer on the 6th.

One thing we did differently during this retrieval was we joined a study that would tell us whether our embryo(s) had N’s translocation or not. At the time I just signed up for the study because I want to help the science evolve on this. I actually forgot about it. We would have to test the baby once it’s born to confirm any results so I think I just imagined that we would just get results closer to birth or whatever. I don’t know. I just forgot about it.

On Friday our RE called with the results. The embryo has the translocation. We took the phone call in our bedroom. Me standing next to the bed getting dressed for a night out and Lucky and N on the bed watching cartoons on mute. I don’t know how to feel about the news. We’re still going through with the transfer. But my feelings are complicated. My thoughts are muddled.

The only part of the conversation that didn’t sit right with me, that I keep coming back to is he said that since we only have one embryo, these results are just informational. If we’d had more and one or more of them didn’t have the translocation we could opt to use the normal embryos first.

Normal.

I didn’t like that. I immediately felt protective of my little Dandelion. If it had been in a batch with other embryos who didn’t have a translocation it wouldn’t get picked first. Fuck you Dr P! I mean, I love you and you’re the best doctor but geez man. Our embryo is normal. What is normal anyway?

I just didn’t like when he said that.

But here we are with this information. It’s not going to make us love our child any less. It just is what it is.

Again, I’m still coming to terms with it and my thoughts are too muddled to write coherently. But the bottom line is that Dandelion, for all intents and purposes, is perfect. And genetic testing is a fickle scientific gift.

That is all.

2019 Wrap Up

Well I survived the holidays and I’m relatively back in the swing of things. I had a bout of homesickness and a wave of irritation and I think I’ve reset my body to where it was before we left, where I have that constant feeling that I’ve forgotten something important. Not to worry, it’s a state of being that I’ve come to terms with and one that I keep promising myself, I’ll sort out when the weekend comes.

The trip was magnificent as usual. Having Lucky meet his cousins and uncles and aunts and all his baby friends and my friends was… I don’t think I can articulate that feeling. We had his 2nd birthday party there. Again, I am speechless. I’d say it was like a warm shower/bath after coming in from being out in icy rain. Like everything is right with the world. I had thought that this feeling would make it impossible to leave but Lucky kept us so occupied on the flight that I barely had time to get depressed. The only down side was that Lucky got pneumonia a few days before we left. It was the worst but he was thankfully well enough to fly. He also got another upper respiratory infection while we were there. My nephew and nieces also all had some sort of infection. It was awful. But we all survived.

Let’s see if I can quickly break the holiday down, for posterity :). Feel free to skip over. Important thoughts are at the end.

Saturday 14th: Land in Cape Town at 7am. Try to stay awake and catch up with everyone but fail miserably. Some friends come to visit but mostly just resting and family time.

Sunday 15th: Everyone comes to visit for lunch. My bestie from Switzerland comes over as well and she and I stay up drinking and catching up until 4am.

Monday 16th: My brother, N and I go to a shooting range of N’s Christmas present. I’ll take this opportunity to say that I hate guns. They make me very uncomfortable and hence, I am the best wife there ever was. He shot a few rounds of different killing machines and then the 3 of us each did one round with a 50cal cannon. It was frightening and I’ll happily never do that again. But N was happy and that makes me happy.

Tuesday 17th: Spent the afternoon with my parents at various wine farms and then had a lovely dinner and visit at my friend V’s house. She’s one of my staunchest IVF supporters so I was really excited to have her meet Lucky and her second son was born just before I got pregnant and it was a dream come true to see them fight with each other play together.

Wednesday 18th: Lucky’s 2nd birthday. A much needed rest day. We just did a cake and some lunch at home.

Thursday 19th: Last day in Cape Town. My bestie L and I got matching musical note tattoo’s. Yay! We umm’d and ahh’d about it for a few days because of the price but ended up just peeing into the wind. I’m glad we did. I love her. Big pre-christmas dinner at home with friends. My other bestie flew in from Jo’burg. We stayed up late having drinks. I wish we’d gone out that night but we had to be up at 4am for the road trip. We also did a secret santa swap with a few friends and kids.

Friday 20th: My brother and SIL and niece and nephews and my parents and the three of us drove (7+hrs) to Port Elizabeth (my home town) for the 2nd half of the trip. Arrive safely to my eldest brother’s house and rest.

Saturday 21st: My nephew T’s blessing. All our friends are there. It was lovely seeing everyone. Lots of drinking and catching up. That night we did a ladies night. All of us went to a club for a 90’s party.  The best! I think we got home around 1ish?

Sunday 22nd: Lucky’s birthday party! We had a jumping castle (bouncy house) a little bike track where kids could ride their bikes and a jungle gym. It was outdoors and it was a beautiful, cloudless, breezy day. We had a little dinosaur egg hunt for the kiddos, ate some food, sang happy birthday, fought off ants and caught up with each other. The food was good (ish). Everyone had a blast (I hope). I certainly did. I saw everyone I’d hoped to see. It was just perfect.

Monday 23rd: I took Lucky and N to the beach front so we could walk on the pier and grab some lunch and spend a little bit of time just the 3 of us. I think this was the time when I felt the most in love home and when I realised how difficult it would be to say goodbye this time around.

Tuesday 24th: Christmas Eve. My family (parents, brothers, wives, kids) went to a restaurant for quick lunch. It turned out to be the best bit of family time. We usually all go to midnight mass but I had an interesting discussion with my mother about where she, a ‘staunch’ Christian, stands with the church now. Long story short, I didn’t have to go to midnight mass and she almost opted out too because she was tired lol. We went to our friends’ annual stoep party (stoop party). Met up with some other friends I wouldn’t have otherwise seen. Lucky stayed with my dad. We stayed pretty late, I think we got home around 2am. Another one of the best nights.

Wednesday 25th: Christmas. We had lunch at home. Again, just our family and a little bit of extended family. Guys, I love Christmas. I love it!! I got a picture of Lucky and all his cousins and I almost exploded right then and there. After lunch all the married ones went to visit their in-laws. My cousins came to visit and one brought her fiance who is lovely. Then afterwards we all went to my SIL’s sister’s house to do another secret santa in our friends group and the kids again. And then just hung out for a while. This was the best and worst night because Christmas! but also because it was ending soon.

Thursday 26th: In retaliation for ladies night, the boys did a boys day. Us ladies decided to spend the day at L’s house with the kids to swim and have our tequila prawn day. This is something I started years ago with my friend S. We just bought a bottle of tequila and a kilogram of prawns and ate and got drunk. It evolved into something that I do every time I visit. There’s not much else to it than that, except now with the kids we couldn’t get blackout drunk. And this time instead of shots of tequila we made grown up margaritas that were sipped them responsibly. We ended up leaving around 9pm to fetch the boys.

Friday 27th: Last day :(. 6 of us in the girls group went to get another group tattoo. We all got the Friends logo on our forearms. This is what my friend L wrote about it, in case you’re wondering why we would get a tattoo about a tv show, which I believe is problematic now, depending on how woke you are.

tatt

Afterwards, we all went to lunch and then N and I had to rush home so we said a very teary goodbye to everyone at the restaurant. At home my brothers and their families were there to say goodbye as well. I’m getting teary just thinking about it. My parents drove us back to Cape Town and we slept over half way in Mosselbay at my parents’ holiday house. Amidst my sadness I was reveling in getting spend another day or so with just my parents.

Saturday 28th: We made it to Cape Town around lunchtime. Enough time to pack and buy a few more last minute gifts and food items for home. We had lunch with my parents at the airport and at 3pm and said our final goodbyes. It was teary but I think I held it together okay. The flight back home was uneventful and we made it back into our warm house at 5pm on Sunday the 29th.

It was perfect.

I do have one regret though. Just one.

One of my close friends back home is going through some fertility struggles. They’ll be embarking on a second IUI soon. And I deeply regret not engaging with her properly about it. We’ve spoken briefly about it on group chats and I reached out once or twice privately to let her know that I was around if she wanted to talk. But further than that I didn’t know what else to say. How is that possible? And I wish I could say I never had alone time with her but there were opportunities. I could’ve asked how she was holding up and if she wanted to vent. If I’m being honest with myself it’s because it was too hard for me to be face to face with infertility, I think. This is the first person who’s close to me who I know and saw in real life who can relate and I felt extra fragile around her like everything I’d had neatly locked away was coming to the surface. One of the nights she touched my pineapple necklace. As soon as she mentioned it my eyes started prickling with tears and I quickly changed the subject. I changed the subject! This was probably her moment where she wanted to talk and I couldn’t do it. I froze and I choked and I couldn’t be there for her. What. The. Fuck. The truth is every time I saw her I wanted to cry with her and hold her and but I felt like I needed to be strong for her and since I have Lucky, it wasn’t my turn to cry and be sad. It’s my turn to be supportive and strong.

I don’t know. I feel like I owe her an apology. This isn’t about me, it’s about her journey now and I know how isolating it can be and I don’t want that for her. I need to fix it. About the necklace. I had wanted to buy her one and take it with me but I ran out of time and, I think subconsciously I couldn’t do it because I knew I would break down if I gave it to her. On our last day when we were getting our tattoos, while she was getting hers I quickly ran away with another friend to look for a pineapple charm somewhere but couldn’t find one anywhere. I have bought her one now in addition to a few other things in a care package that I’m going to send her with a note (or a letter) with my feelings expressed a little better. Maybe I should just link her to this blog too. I just want her to know that I love her and I get it and I’m here.

Infertility sucks y’all. But you already know that.

I hope you all had a good Christmas and New year. I hope 2020 is going to make all our dreams come true. and I want you all to know that I love you and I get it an I’m here.

I’m too tired to re-read and check this for errors. So good luck reading :).

 

Dandelion

Yikes! I thought I’d posted something since egg retrieval. Oops. Anyway, it’s good news :).

Of the 8 they retrieved, 7 were mature and 4 fertilised normally.

This time I was prepared for no news for at least 5 days. Day 5 was two Sundays ago on the 10th Nov. Of course I heard nothing. I was a mess because I was set to write the GRE test on the 11th and I couldn’t really concentrate on studying. Truth be told I only started looking at the test on the 9th. I was certain I was going to do terribly.

Well the 11th came. I was sure I would have the email in my inbox after the test. I finished the test and there was no email. I didn’t do too badly in the test at least, so I’m glad that that stress is over.

By 5pm on the 11th I was deflated. I realised that we either had at least one day 7 embryo, or nothing. I was sad.

By the time I got to work on the 12th I think I was okay with everything. I figured that the wait would be over soon and we could relax and enjoy the holidays and regroup. I just wanted it to be over. The email came at 9am.

“…we want to let you know that we have been able to freeze 2 embryos…”

I was relieved. But I was also sad that we now had two day 7 embryos. I felt like it would just be the same like last cycle. I swore that if, by some miracle, both were okay, I would ask dr P to transfer both.

I spent the next 7 days as we all do. Filled with hope one day and drowning in despair the next.

He called this past Wednesday (Nov 20) but I MISSED THE DAMNED CALL!! Gah! I’m still mad about this. I’m not going to lie, before I listened to the voice note, I knew that we had one good one. And I was right! One happy normal little embryo.

He said to call him back so we could start the process of the transfer. It took a bit of doing to get a hold of him but we eventually spoke yesterday. And I got a bit of surprise news. The embryo is a beautiful, DAY SIX embryo!! The other little guy was a day 7 and had extra chromosomes 16 and 22. I’m so happy and relieved and excited and hopeful!

So we’ll start again with my next period. We’ll be going home for Christmas (YAY!) so I’ll have to start birth control while we’re there. And then if all goes well, we’ll transfer the first week of February, I’d say.

I’m so glad it’s over. I’m so incredibly grateful that we could do this again. I’m grateful for my doctor and the clinic and all my friends and family for going through this with us and I’m grateful to all of you for you unending support. But man I’m glad this part is over.

Now I can focus all my stress on cooking my first turkey next week!! Gah!

Oh and we named this one Dandelion after a character in a book series we’re both listening to. It’s a good unisex name because Dandelion is a male character.

Cheers to Dandelion!

xxx

Egg retrieval #7

I’m on the couch catching up on trash tv. Feeling a little crampy and dizzy. I’m glad I took tomorrow off.

So everything went well. They got 8 eggs. Pretty much what I expected but didn’t want to say out loud. Dr P was actually there doing retrievals in another OR and after I’d gotten dressed he popped in to ask how it went. He’s usually devoid of emotion anyway so I couldn’t get a read on whether he thought that was good or not. I mean, it is what it is. All we can do is hope there’s at least one super hero in the batch.

The procedure wasn’t much different. We had the same intake nurse from last time and a younger pretty surgeon. She was very serious. I wish these surgeons would crack a joke or laugh at a joke. They make me nervous with the seriousness. The anesthesiologist was a lot more jovial. They usually are in my experience. Probably because they make so much money.

My retrieval was set for 8:30 and they only took my back at 8:40 and around 8:20 I started cramping really badly and I kept thinking I was ovulating and they were going to miss it because of all this incessant form signing! But I guess we made it in time.

I got 2 bags of snacks this time and a hot chocolate that burned my tongue twice. I recovered from the grogginess a lot quicker which was great. This time I tried so hard to remember falling asleep. But all I remember is the dr telling me he was doing a painkiller first that would taste chalky. That’s interesting right? An intravenous drug causing a taste in the back of your throat. After he put the drug in the room literally started spinning. I had to close my eyes. Someone asked me if I was allergic to progesterone in oil. I remember saying no then she said but she has it noted in my chart that I lam. I was thinking so why ask then? Then I remember trying to explain but the spinning room was making it hard to say anything. And then I woke up.

The nurses after were so amazing. I didn’t feel rushed to get dressed and kept checking in and offering more snacks. The last one walked me right to the car and closed the door for me. I felt really taken care of it. I had a really good experience this time. Not to say the other times were awful, I just felt good when I left.

Sorry this post seems a bit all over the place. I’m just glad everything went well. I’m feeling okay about the 8 but I’m having the same worries. What if none fertilise, etc. etc. I am afraid of the call tomorrow. I want to wake up in two weeks with the final results. I don’t want to go through this torturous part again.

Thank you all very much for the continued support. I will keep you all posted.

xx