I’ve been following and commenting on everyone’s blogs and just last night realized that I haven’t updated my own blog despite wanting to be a more avid blogger this year. Oh well.

We’re very much back in the swing of things over here. I just finished 3 weeks of birth control pills and I’ve added in Lupron already. I think I’m on day 7 now. My first baseline is tomorrow and then we’ll see when to start estrogen.

If you’re wondering what the hell is going on, we’re doing the mock ERA test cycle right now. So no transfer anytime soon but we will be doing the painful biopsy around the second week of February… if January ever ends. What the hell with this month? Amiright?

I also had a follow-up appointment with my new RE on the 4th. We just went over this next cycle and my transfer cycle. If everything runs smoothly (pfft) we should transfer little Lucky early to mid April. It seems like a million years away but probably because January is being an asshole and just hanging around like an unwanted ex.

I will say that my RE seems very optimistic. He gave us 70-80% chance of success based on the fact that we’re switching to injectable progesterone instead of vaginal suppositories and the fact that we’re doing this ERA test. I don’t know how to take this optimism. Do I take it and run or do I squint my eyes untrustingly and say hmmm?

On good days I’m already planning maternity leave. On bad days … well, we all know how those days go.

So in IVF land we are simply chugging along. It will begin to get more exciting in the coming weeks.

My holiday back home was fantastic. Almost perfect. Almost because N couldn’t join me. He was working on a boat (Incidentally, the same boat he was working on in SA when we met) and a few days before we were due to leave the client needed N to stay and do more and more work. I don’t want to go over it again bringing those feelings back to the surface. But it sucked and we tried everything to get him there but in the end we weren’t able to. And I just want to say that N has to go to St. John next week to work on this damned boat again and it’s our anniversary next week. Isn’t it funny that the boat that brought us together is trying to pull us apart? I have to laugh because if I don’t… well.

But being with my family and friends was just what I needed. I realized how much I love being around children I love. And there were so many kids. I did a tally and we’re talking easily 20+ kids. So I was surrounded by children all.the.time. It was glorious. I love these kids. I love everything about them. The things they say, the way they laugh. I love how extremely loud they are. I love when my nephews come sit on my lap for no reason. I love when my niece lets me brush her hair. I love watching them fight with each other and seeing them share. I love watching them dance and swim. I love holding and dancing with the little ones and high-fiving the older ones. I love listening to their parents talk about them. I love hearing them shout “Mommy!” and “Daddy!”. I love watching my friends interact with their children. I just love them all to bits. It breaks my heart to be so far away from everyone and not see them grow up. Yes, when I was alone with my own thoughts I struggled a bit and Christmas was particularly difficult. I stayed in bed as long as I could and I missed most of the children opening presents because I missed my husband and hearing the laughter was cutting into my aching heart but other than that, being around the kids seemed to make everything okay.

Okay, to sign off for now (because I’ve just awoken the homesick monster), I want to leave you with a video and a song. The song is Sunshine by Tom Misch. He’s my new obsession. I tweeted at him recently and he liked my tweet and I completely fangirled for a few days lol. This song is one of his more upbeat IVF fitting ones. Hope you enjoy.

The video is my favourite from the holiday. Going home this time the plan was to surprise my eldest brother for his 40th. They did a roast for him so N and I sent in a video to wish him a happy birthday since we “weren’t going to be there”. The video is of me surprising him. Just ignore the inside jokes in the video.

Happy new year everyone! We’ll be just fine.