I’m sure most of us can say that we’ve always wanted to be mothers. For me this was definitely the case. I don’t remember waking up and thinking I want to be a mom, it was just always a given. I just always remember saying “When I have kids….”
I was just thinking about something from that time that made me chuckle. It was round about the time my mother had her tubes tied. I think I was 8 or 9. I remember going to see her in the hospital and I think that’s when I became curious about having kids and I would ask her all sorts of questions about children and child birth etc.
One thing she said to me was that after she gave birth to all of us while she was in the hospital the nurses would come in everyday and prick her finger to test her blood. I assume it was for blood sugar levels or something, I don’t know. She said that it was the one thing she dreaded every morning. She’d given just given birth but the pin prick was the part she dreaded :).
But the way she described the pin prick to me really frightened me. I’m 35 now and I still remember being frightened. Would I have to endure daily, painful pin pricks while I’m at the hospital?
I remember lying awake and contemplating if having children was worth it. I remember squeezing the tip of my index finger and my thumbnail together really tight to feel what it could possibly feel like. I truly was shaken by the prospect. For a long time I was very sad that this is what I would have to do to have children. I didn’t know if I could do it.
I’d obviously recovered from the shock but recently this memory popped into my head and it made me laugh.
Here I am, hundreds of pin pricks later, all in the pursuit of a child. I wish I could go back to that frightened child and hug her and say “Oh honey, you ain’t seen nothing yet…” Then I’ll laugh maniacally and walk away.
Okay, that probably won’t help but she’ll figure it out, she’s a tough cookie. *wink*