It was a phone call with the bank. I called them because the genetics lab was going to take the money out of my account but I needed my daily limit raised so that that could happen. The lady on the phone seemed offish to begin with and asked me why my limit had to be raised. I thought that was strange since it’s my money. Anyway, I said that I’m going to have a charge come off that day and I needed the limit raised. She asked me who’s doing the charge. So I said the name of the company. “Why are they charging your account?!” she snapped. At this point I was so flabbergasted at this line of questioning I started mumbling and I didn’t quite know how to answer this unnecessary prying into my private business. I just said it’s for testing and she rudely asked me for my license information to verify it was me. Once that was done her whole demeanor changed and everything was handled smoothly after that. The whole conversation left a shitty taste in my mouth and I didn’t know if I was right to be angry or not.
After mulling it over for a day or so, I ended up telling N and he reacted how I assume most people would. He was livid. Of course it’s none of her business why I want my limit increased. Just increase it, bitch. As I’m writing this I’m getting a little heated because I’m thinking about how rudely the call was handled. I’m wondering if I should take it further.
Anyway, after this whole thing I started thinking about how I handled this situation and also about my mild social anxiety and how I am with strangers and then I started thinking about other aspects in my life that in my mind don’t spell parental readiness.
Right now my house is a mess. The big thing being that we’re in the middle of extensive renovation. The upstairs where the main bedroom would be is gutted and at a standstill because we’re saving for a dormer, so we’re sleeping in the potential baby’s room and have been for a while. Add to that, we don’t do dishes or laundry as often as you should. We don’t actually do many chores as often as we should. We live like a young carefree couple who don’t really have responsibilities other than paying bills.
Does that mean we’re not ready for kids? What makes people ready to have kids? I know that they allow anyone to have kids so there really isn’t a yardstick. But I wonder what makes people so they’re NOT ready to have kids?
Maybe people who say they aren’t ready to have children are going by this imaginary check list that needs to be fulfilled. Job, house, car, money in the bank. But let’s be honest. You can have all of those things and suck at parenting. Or have none of those things and be parent of the year.
Should the checklist then be intrinsic? Able to stand up for yourself, funny, not an asshole.
I don’t think anyone, not even yourself, can tell you whether or not you’re ready to be a parent. You might even change your mind once you have a child (It’s not cool but it happens). Sometimes when you’re not ready, a baby chooses you. And sometimes when you are ready, you may never get the opportunity.
I look at my life now and the dishes piled in my sink and the overflowing laundry basket may paint a picture of non-readiness; My fear of speaking to people I don’t know and the bully on the telephone may tell me I should wait a while longer; But the fact of the matter is that, in my story, I’ve made a space in my heart for children a ages ago and that space has been ready for a long time. I can’t get any more ready than that.
8 thoughts on “Are You Ready?”
You’re so ready. Forget the yardsticks. Even when you think or feel you’re ready, you will find yourself flip flopping. Everything will fall into place and feel completely meant to be. Xx
I can relate to a lot of this. I do the some of same things you described around the house too…but whats that saying about a messy house and an amazing mom? Cant think of it off hand but Im going with that! We are ready! On another note, how rude of the lady at the bank. If report her!
I’m thinking I should report her but I didn’t get her name. Might be a waste of time.
Great post! you sound a lot like me. We are also in a renovation that the hubby is starting to freak out about since he is on a SERIOUS deadline. Dishes are basically hand washed when we need them to eat and the rest just sit there. I fit in laundry in b/t working two jobs. But am I ready for kids? Very much so. Just like you, you’ve made a place in your heart for them and they will come one way or the other.
Lol! Our dishes are washed as needed too. We’re always out of forks haha
I like your sentiment that you’ve made a place in your heart and that makes you most ready. I would have to agree, that is the best measure. I could tick most of the traditional boxes of ready-ness; saved money, “grown up” job and life but when it happens you can still never be ready. And admittedly I had days in the beginning that I thought “oh man, what have I done”. But those times are brief and they pass. Ready or not, here you come!
Even after three years of infertility and treatments, when I was pregnant with my daughter I was still worried about what I had done! You can never truly feel ready. It’s probably a good thing that you have a messy house because when you have a newborn you have even less time to clean! 🙂
I need to hear these kinds of stories, thank you!