It was a phone call with the bank. I called them because the genetics lab was going to take the money out of my account but I needed my daily limit raised so that that could happen. The lady on the phone seemed offish to begin with and asked me why my limit had to be raised. I thought that was strange since it’s my money. Anyway, I said that I’m going to have a charge come off that day and I needed the limit raised. She asked me who’s doing the charge. So I said the name of the company. “Why are they charging your account?!” she snapped. At this point I was so flabbergasted at this line of questioning I started mumbling and I didn’t quite know how to answer this unnecessary prying into my private business. I just said it’s for testing and she rudely asked me for my license information to verify it was me. Once that was done her whole demeanor changed and everything was handled smoothly after that. The whole conversation left a shitty taste in my mouth and I didn’t know if I was right to be angry or not.
After mulling it over for a day or so, I ended up telling N and he reacted how I assume most people would. He was livid. Of course it’s none of her business why I want my limit increased. Just increase it, bitch. As I’m writing this I’m getting a little heated because I’m thinking about how rudely the call was handled. I’m wondering if I should take it further.
Anyway, after this whole thing I started thinking about how I handled this situation and also about my mild social anxiety and how I am with strangers and then I started thinking about other aspects in my life that in my mind don’t spell parental readiness.
Right now my house is a mess. The big thing being that we’re in the middle of extensive renovation. The upstairs where the main bedroom would be is gutted and at a standstill because we’re saving for a dormer, so we’re sleeping in the potential baby’s room and have been for a while. Add to that, we don’t do dishes or laundry as often as you should. We don’t actually do many chores as often as we should. We live like a young carefree couple who don’t really have responsibilities other than paying bills.
Does that mean we’re not ready for kids? What makes people ready to have kids? I know that they allow anyone to have kids so there really isn’t a yardstick. But I wonder what makes people so they’re NOT ready to have kids?
Maybe people who say they aren’t ready to have children are going by this imaginary check list that needs to be fulfilled. Job, house, car, money in the bank. But let’s be honest. You can have all of those things and suck at parenting. Or have none of those things and be parent of the year.
Should the checklist then be intrinsic? Able to stand up for yourself, funny, not an asshole.
I don’t think anyone, not even yourself, can tell you whether or not you’re ready to be a parent. You might even change your mind once you have a child (It’s not cool but it happens). Sometimes when you’re not ready, a baby chooses you. And sometimes when you are ready, you may never get the opportunity.
I look at my life now and the dishes piled in my sink and the overflowing laundry basket may paint a picture of non-readiness; My fear of speaking to people I don’t know and the bully on the telephone may tell me I should wait a while longer; But the fact of the matter is that, in my story, I’ve made a space in my heart for children a ages ago and that space has been ready for a long time. I can’t get any more ready than that.