I wonder if any of you have come across this in your journey. I’m in an IVF group on FB and in an ideal world, everyone in these groups is supposed to get pregnant and have babies and then the IVF group will transition to a Mom group. Everyone is happy and life is grand and we’re all super close and we all plan a great big meet up with our precious miracles and we’re all BFF’s. Right?
Wrong! Our group is in that awkward phase now. Majority of us are pregnant or have babies and majority of the posts are pregnancy/baby related. So like any infertile, the minority of us have stopped posting. For me personally it’s a mixture of not wanting to ruin the happy vibe, not feeling connected to that many people anymore, and feeling overwhelmed with all the baby stuff. And I know the majority in the group are struggling with extreme happiness and extreme survivors guilt, so I want them to have their happiness and I’ll rather keep quiet so as not to trigger their guilt. I don’t think that’s the right way to handle it, though.
So we’re in this weird “elephant in the room” phase. This phase in any group like this is a precarious balancing act and today it all came tumbling down.
My bestie in the group (the one who I mentioned before got pregnant after 7 rounds) happened to mention to everyone who is pregnant or has babies to be mindful of everyone still in the struggle, when they post baby stuff because the ones still struggling might be a bit overwhelmed.
Man… Things were said and feelings were hurt and at least one of ladies quickly quit the group. I won’t go into details but I don’t think anyone was wrong. Everyone is entitled to their feelings but I wonder if an IVF group that gets bigger and bigger is doomed to fail. Not everyone has the same values but everyone’s intentions are good. Our IVF group started off very small. Maybe around 10 of us. In fact, of that initial group, I think I’m one of 2 who’s not pregnant. I’m definitely closer to some of these ladies but we’re now up to 35 women in just one year and I don’t know any of them and there are now about 5 of us who aren’t pregnant. Our voices are very much drowned out. And honestly, the “discussion” wasn’t pregnant vs not pregnant. It was originals vs newcomers. And only 3 non-preggo’s weighed in. As a group, we might have some underlying issues. haha.
I think everyone is placated now. We don’t have any hard and fast rules in our group as far as saving anyone from being hurt or feeling left out but I’m sure after this we’ll put some in place.
Anyway, this was just a quick story about FB IVF groups and generally having too many people with different stories in one room, so to speak. In instagram and blogging it’s a little different. You can follow and unfollow anyone who doesn’t appeal to your needs. In an IVF group it’s not as easy to do the same. Of course, I could just leave the group since I’m not that active anyway and I talk to the ones I am close to, outside of the group. And who has time for drama, right?