This month marks the 4th year of us trying to become parents. This number still shocks me because it seems long. We’ve only been in the IVF game for 2.5 years so perhaps that’s why but 4 years ago I stopped birth control. and maybe 6 months after that I started lifting my legs in the air after sex. 1 month after that I started temping and tracking in earnest. 3 months later I found an at home semen test for N to take. It didn’t go well. We assumed a faulty test but for shits and giggles I had him do a serious test at a clinic I found online. We got those dismal results back and filed the letter away. Then I made an appointment with my OB to test myself. He said I wasn’t ovulating. That, coupled with my husband’s results did not bode well. He said that he could do IUI’s at his office and we could come in for a consult or we could go to an IVF clinic. (Side note: this OB was wrong about me not ovulating and I’ve since found a new one.)
We were reeling a bit and didn’t want to face reality so we stopped everything for a while to breathe and do some research. Eventually I fished out the letter from the clinic and read the diagnosis again. What is oligoasthenoteratozoospermia? What is IVF? What is ICSI? What does all of this mean?
I called the number on the letter and made an appointment and the rest, of course, is history.
We went from kinda trying, to trying a little bit, to fucking IVF with ICSI and PGD testing in the blink of an eye so the fact we’ve technically been in this game for this long is something that will always shock me.
But the point of today’s post is a status update I shared on FB in the middle of March around the time I stopped birth control. An innocent post filled with hope, that when I re-read it filled me with a little bit of sadness and longing for that hopeful innocence from four years ago. I’ve shared it below and you may have read it before and if not, I hope that it doesn’t make you sad like it does me. I hope it makes you hopeful.
I think what makes me sad is what I said about it. I’m still waiting for onnne day.