A good friend of mine, who’s a few months older than me, got married a few months ago and she had mentioned that her sister and husband were, not so much pressuring but starting to ask when baby time begins. Her sister pulled the old “You’re not getting any younger” line and her husband wants a timeline. She said she’s not ready yet, though. She wants to get out of debt first and get their lives sorted out.
I think she was looking to me be an ally and since I’m in full support of people not having babies before me, I was more than happy to tell her just how much time she has to make a family.
“Don’t worry about it” I said. “Women are having babies older and older, you have loads of time.”
We joked around a bit about being pregnant in our 50’s and then I started to feel guilty. Was I being a good friend? Knowing what I know about trying to get pregnant? I decided to be real with her.
I told her that there’s absolutely no reason to think that she would struggle. She has regular periods and her husband is younger than her and I’m sure he’s and healthy (I believe. I haven’t met him yet). There’s also no history of infertility in her family from what I can tell. BUT…
I said that Infertility doesn’t give a shit about you and your plans so if you’re able, it’s a good idea to get ahead of it if you can. You’ll never regret being prepared.
I gave her this list of things she can do while she’s trying to get out of debt. A list of things no one told me before we started trying.
- Get tested. Nothing crazy like genetic testing. But you can do all the prelim testing through your OBGYN. Egg reserve, prolactin, thryoid, STD’s, etc. They might not test everything if you’re at the beginning stages but it’s a good idea to have a conversation with your OB anyway.
- Have your husband do a semen analysis. Sometimes a tough sell but if her husband was eager to start then he should be okay with this.
- Start making little dietary changes. The earlier you start the better. Less sugar, less shitty carbs, less alcohol is always a good place to start. But remember that you can be the healthiest person in the world and still be infertile because infertility doesn’t give a shit about you and your health, so no need to go nuts.
- Starting temping and tracking and getting to understand your body and your cycles. This one is a bit labor intensive but I think it’s worthwhile to start sooner rather than later so you can likely pinpoint when (if at all) you ovulate.
- Have fun and try not to stress. The beginning part of TTC is exciting and fun. There’s no reason to start panicking if you’re on month 3 and not pregnant yet. It’s very difficult to get pregnant if you think of the success rate of natural conception (something like 20-25% in your late 30s), but that being said…
- At our age, 6 months in with no success warrants a visit to an OBGYN. That’s when most will start taking you seriously anyway.
- Start taking ubiquinol and a prenatal with folate.
- Remember your partner and your relationship and remember to love one another. Otherwise what’s the point right?
I think it’s difficult to find balance in TTC. Some days are going to be shit and some days are going to great. All we can do is weather the storms and bask in the sunlight.
And I let her know that no matter what, I’ll always be there for her whether she gets pregnant just by being looked at or whether she has to work a little harder.
11 thoughts on “Baby Making Advice”
How old is your friend? I personally think doing all of those things would be a bit overkill. I mean honestly, I didn’t take any special vitamins or meds the entire time we were TTC, just a prenatal with DHA along with all of our Dr ordered meds, oh and Vitamin D3 because I was deficient. I also didn’t make any dietary changes at all. Getting to know her body is a good idea though, it might make it easier when she is ready to start trying to know when she’s ovulating. I hope people don’t start to pressure them, because that’s just annoying. And hopefully they don’t have any trouble when the time comes that they’re ready. Congrats on her new marriage!
She’s turning 38 this year. I forgot about Vit D. Thanks for that one!
Wow! Her sister sounds like a cow for saying all those things! Your advice is very good though, especially as maybe all of it won’t sink in at first. You are a good friend to keep it real.
Great advice! iat least the charting. Sometimes just taking a look at CM is all you need
Do! I hope she gets pregnant whenever she wants in a snap, and carries the baby alive to term. We all know getting pregnant and having a healthy baby in your arms are entirely different.
There’s a book called “before you’re pregnancy” that I bought when we were first TTC. It covers everything to do beginning 3 months before trying. I recommend it if you want to pass on the recommendation to your friend. For people like us, it’s all obvious stuff, but when I first read it it seemed very in depth at that time 🙂
Thanks! I’ll let her know about the book. x
I agree with all the advice you gave her. I wish someone gave me that advice when I was 28.
Great advice! And being more healthy is always good for you pregnant or not ☺
Great advice! We should all take our gyno health seriously and it never hurts to get checked out, ttc or not. I hope your friend has no issues getting pregnant and carries to term easily.
That’s a good list! Like others said, no harm getting these things checked out.