“Grow. Grow my child, groooow”
Words my husband whispered to my belly yesterday. He’s never done anything like that before and now I’m really freaking out.
I’m not feeling confident today. Yes it’s only day 4. But it feels like day 20.
I’m trying to not let negativity reign but I keep thinking, why would this work? It hasn’t before. Yes, everything is different this cycle. Everything. But the embryo is still the same. Shitty sperm, shitty egg. What if that’s been the problem all along? What do we do if this fails? Will Dr P fire us like Dr G did?
Do we give up on our genetics? Do I give up on my uterus?
These are just thoughts that are running through my head today. I have to go through them. Come to terms with them and be okay with them.
I also have to remember that fear isn’t real. As much as I hate to quote Will Smith (personal beef), I really love these words.
Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.
It’s a lovely day today so we’re going to go outside for a walk. I need to clear my head. I have to choose something else over fear.
Please grow, my child.