Grow

“Grow. Grow my child, groooow”

Words my husband whispered to my belly yesterday. He’s never done anything like that before and now I’m really freaking out. 

I’m not feeling confident today. Yes it’s only day 4. But it feels like day 20. 

I’m trying to not let negativity reign but I keep thinking, why would this work? It hasn’t before. Yes, everything is different this cycle. Everything. But the embryo is still the same. Shitty sperm, shitty egg. What if that’s been the problem all along? What do we do if this fails? Will Dr P fire us like Dr G did? 

Do we give up on our genetics? Do I give up on my uterus? 

These are just thoughts that are running through my head today. I have to go through them. Come to terms with them and be okay with them. 

I also have to remember that fear isn’t real. As much as I hate to quote Will Smith (personal beef), I really love these words. 

Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice. 

It’s a lovely day today so we’re going to go outside for a walk. I need to clear my head. I have to choose something else over fear. 

Please grow, my child. 

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16 thoughts on “Grow

  1. Grow little embie, grow!! I’ll stay positive for you, even if you aren’t feeling it today. I hope you enjoy your nice weather today! Try to do something fun and clear your mind a bit. And remember to smile 🙂

  2. Fear – False Evidence Appearing Real.
    It’s hard not to let the past weigh in on how you are feeling right now, but history does not always repeat itself. This is the start of a new chapter for you. Enjoy your walk and let the fresh air clear your mind of negativity and fill it only with positive things

  3. Fear may be a choice but disappointment and heartache are very real. It’s so hard to prevent past failures burden you down, but hopefully this is a new beginning with a very different path. Thinking of you (and loving the month challenge posts – you go girl!).

  4. Your updates keep popping up in my email, and I wanted to stop by to say I’ve been thinking about you and sending positive vibes your way. I’m so, so hopeful for you. I have a FET scheduled on April 18, and maybe we can finally both get what we’ve been waiting for all of this time. *hugs*

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