Random Thoughts *Possible Trigger Warning – IVF Update*

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I still don’t know how to transition from IVF to possible “P” posts (stole that from mamajo). I don’t like saying the word just  yet. Is it too early for trigger warning posts? Am I counting my chickens before they hatch? Anyway, I’ll just leave it and give people the choice and hope that I haven’t jinxed myself with all of this reveling in good fortune.

So we’re still in in so-far-so-good land over here. My final beta on Monday rose more than enough for them to schedule the first ultrasound on May 11th (might as well be next year).

I felt good and confident that day so I posted my betas on my Instagram account in an act of faith that this is going to work.

No sooner had I posted and let my guard down did the universe teach me another lesson. First pee of the morning at work on Tuesday came with a healthy helping of dark red blood and a clot. I was a complete mess all day. The clinic obviously couldn’t do anything. They just said to monitor it and if I’m soaking a pad in an hour or experiencing severe pain, especially on either side, I should call back or go to the ER. It sucks that there’s nothing anyone can do in these situations. If it ends, it ends.

My saving grace that day was the I was feeling incredibly sick all day. I’ve been telling my friends that I so badly want to experience everything, even debilitating morning sickness, so while I was breathing slowly trying not to puke at my desk I was quietly very excited.

The bleeding eventually stopped and I’ve just been brown spotting everyday since. No cramps or anything. My breast hurt to the touch and I feel motion sick for most of the day. But I’m not going to lie, I’m scared.

The rest of this week has been torture of course and I have 2 more full weeks of torture to go before the ultrasound. My days have been passing pretty much the same with these same thoughts going through my head all day.

  • Waking up: Do my boobs hurt? Let me roll around on them a bit more to make sure.
  • Getting out of bed: Oh yeah, definitely still sore. Although, is that because I mashed them into the bed for 5 minutes?
  • On the toilet: Please no blood, please no blood, please no blood.
  • Brushing teeth: Right let’s see if brushing my tongue will make me sick. Let’s also squeeze the boobs again.
  • Driving to work: Was that blood? *wiggles in the seat*
  • First pee check at work: Please no blood, please no blood, please no blood.
  • Trying to work: Was that blood? *wiggles in the seat*. Let’s poke the boobs and hope no one notices.
  • Feeling queasy: Yeeees, yeees bring it on little one. Loving it.
  • Lunchtime: I’m starving.
  • First bite: I’m full.
  • 5th bite: This tastes delicious!
  • 7th bite: This tastes disgusting!… Was that blood? *seat wiggle*
  • Bathroom check number 27: Please no blood, please no blood, please no blood.
  • 2hrs to home time: Can this day please end. I have preggo tests to take!
  • Final minutes of work: Let’s add things to private baby pinterest board.
  • 1 pin later: Okay that’s enough, don’t get cocky.
  • Final bathroom check: I’m sure I’ve bled through everything this time. Come on baby, prove me wrong please.
  • Drive home: We did it little one! We survived another day! Tomorrow I won’t be so stressed out. We’re good. Life is good. You’re not going anywhere. *Butt cheeks finally unclench*
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42 thoughts on “Random Thoughts *Possible Trigger Warning – IVF Update*

  1. I feel for you. It does feel like an eternity waiting for the first ultrasound. And I also experienced bleeding, for me it was a few days before my scheduled 12 week ultrasound. Everything was ok and I’ve got a beautiful daughter…but I won’t like. After that, every time I went to the bathroom, I was afraid I would see blood. Even at the end. I’m sorry you’ve had this scare, and my fingers are crossed for you that everything looks great on the 11th!

  2. I had to chuckle because I have done every one of them! Prayers for you, hon… 11 days is going to be loong but so worth it. 🙂 Take care.. And stop poking those boobs.. you are hurting the milk makers. 🙂

  3. I can relate to all this SO much. I think I shared that I had a clot and bleeding one morning pretty early in my P and it turned to spotting and here I am- still P. Nothing can take away the anxiety– just lots of repeating mantras and self affirmations and distractions. Come on May 11th and bring it on symptoms!

  4. Oh that was absolutely me! I also had a bleed at about 7 weeks I think… bright red with a clot. Turns out its quite common with ivf. I so hope you can find some pleasurable distractions to help the days pass faster.

  5. Been there, done that. So, so true. Not that I’m wishing debilitating nausea on you but it’s definitely reassuring when the symptoms suddenly show up. Hope it’s an easy ride to May 11th.

  6. I also had bright red blood in the beginning (at 5 weeks), and all turned out well! However do not be afraid to call your clinic and demand an ultrasound. After your beta hits 1,000, they can see an embryo on an ultrasound. Maybe you won’t see a heartbeat yet (I forget exactly how far you are), but you will be able to confirm that the pregnancy is in the uterus and maybe see a yolk sack. You are the patient and they are there to serve you! You should NOT have to wait two weeks when you’re bleeding, even if it’s only spotting now. Sorry, getting off soap box now. I just hate when clinics needlessly make patients with issues wait for ultrasounds. I want them to take care of you! All that said, I know how scary this is, but so many IVF pregnancies have bleeding in the beginning. I have no idea why, but it seems like a common thing. Hang in there! Xoxo.

    • It does seem very common. And it really never occurred to me to demand an earlier ultrasound. I just left a message with them and they left one back and seemed very calm about it being normal. I’ve been feeling much better emotionally (only because I feel like shit physically). I’m just on the 6 week mark right now. Hope you’re doing well. xx

  7. Thanks for opening up about the most private symptoms. I really appreciate learning all the symptoms. One symptom I’ve always been curious about is if pregnant women pass clots. I see from reading this that they do. Still praying for you. how’s your thyroid? I just found out my TSH is 3.46 (not very good – very hypothyroid for me). Now I’m afraid if I do get pregnant I may have a miscarriage. I’m going to ask for a hefty increase in thyroid medication.

    • I don’t think I’ve had a problem with my thyroid. I know they’ve tested it but never mentioned any results. I don’t know what good numbers are. Does the thyroid haven’t anything to do with bleeding during pregnancy?

      • I’m glad you don’t have thyroid issues. They are a bitch to correct. I’ve been working on making mine optimal for 2 years and 9 months. TSH should be under 2 or 1.5 for TTC and pregnant women. I feel my best when my TSH is way below 1, like at 0.2 thereabouts. It was 3.46 at 7 DPO. I’ve had hypo symptoms emerge such as not getting enough sleep after 10 or so hours. Naps on the couch at night. I have no idea if thyroid issues have anything to do with pregnancy bleeding, sorry. I think it’s normal. My sister had bleeding in early pregnancy and she now has a 2yo. It’s with getting the results on paper because most REs don’t treat thyroid imbalances. Most women don’t have thyroid issues, so I’m probably projecting here.

  8. Ah I’ve been totally unproductive at work for the last two months as every day had been pretty much like that. Hahaha. Got everything crossed for you! I have 12 week scan and genetic blood test next week and feeling mildly petrified!

  9. I had to laugh, I experienced the exact same thoughts and checks for blood, it was the only thing on my mind for the first trimester. I also bled, it was from a subchorionic hematoma which is apparently way more common in IVF pregnancies. Most mean nothing at all, but so frightening for those of us that have had to work so hard to get pregnant…best of luck to you!!!

  10. I hope the scan date arrives quickly and everything looks great. You are constantly in my thoughts. Everything you write is exactly what went through my mind for weeks. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster. Best wishes!!

  11. Thinking of you. The wait is the worst and I can’t imagine how horrible it must be with bleeding as well. I was constantly worried about it. I hope you feel a tiny bit better reading about all the people who had it who went on to have healthy babies. Thinking of you and sending hugs! Xx

  12. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to catch up but I just saw this and… yay!!!! This part: “I’ve been telling my friends that I so badly want to experience everything, even debilitating morning sickness, so while I was breathing slowly trying not to puke at my desk I was quietly very excited.” << that made me smile. It's crazy what infertility does to us, huh?

    I will be hoping that the days pass by quickly for you with lots of lovely morning sickness. Those early ultrasounds feel like they will never come around, but I promise they do. Congratulations!! ❤

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