I still don’t know how to transition from IVF to possible “P” posts (stole that from mamajo). I don’t like saying the word just yet. Is it too early for trigger warning posts? Am I counting my chickens before they hatch? Anyway, I’ll just leave it and give people the choice and hope that I haven’t jinxed myself with all of this reveling in good fortune.
So we’re still in in so-far-so-good land over here. My final beta on Monday rose more than enough for them to schedule the first ultrasound on May 11th (might as well be next year).
I felt good and confident that day so I posted my betas on my Instagram account in an act of faith that this is going to work.
No sooner had I posted and let my guard down did the universe teach me another lesson. First pee of the morning at work on Tuesday came with a healthy helping of dark red blood and a clot. I was a complete mess all day. The clinic obviously couldn’t do anything. They just said to monitor it and if I’m soaking a pad in an hour or experiencing severe pain, especially on either side, I should call back or go to the ER. It sucks that there’s nothing anyone can do in these situations. If it ends, it ends.
My saving grace that day was the I was feeling incredibly sick all day. I’ve been telling my friends that I so badly want to experience everything, even debilitating morning sickness, so while I was breathing slowly trying not to puke at my desk I was quietly very excited.
The bleeding eventually stopped and I’ve just been brown spotting everyday since. No cramps or anything. My breast hurt to the touch and I feel motion sick for most of the day. But I’m not going to lie, I’m scared.
The rest of this week has been torture of course and I have 2 more full weeks of torture to go before the ultrasound. My days have been passing pretty much the same with these same thoughts going through my head all day.
- Waking up: Do my boobs hurt? Let me roll around on them a bit more to make sure.
- Getting out of bed: Oh yeah, definitely still sore. Although, is that because I mashed them into the bed for 5 minutes?
- On the toilet: Please no blood, please no blood, please no blood.
- Brushing teeth: Right let’s see if brushing my tongue will make me sick. Let’s also squeeze the boobs again.
- Driving to work: Was that blood? *wiggles in the seat*
- First pee check at work: Please no blood, please no blood, please no blood.
- Trying to work: Was that blood? *wiggles in the seat*. Let’s poke the boobs and hope no one notices.
- Feeling queasy: Yeeees, yeees bring it on little one. Loving it.
- Lunchtime: I’m starving.
- First bite: I’m full.
- 5th bite: This tastes delicious!
- 7th bite: This tastes disgusting!… Was that blood? *seat wiggle*
- Bathroom check number 27: Please no blood, please no blood, please no blood.
- 2hrs to home time: Can this day please end. I have preggo tests to take!
- Final minutes of work: Let’s add things to private baby pinterest board.
- 1 pin later: Okay that’s enough, don’t get cocky.
- Final bathroom check: I’m sure I’ve bled through everything this time. Come on baby, prove me wrong please.
- Drive home: We did it little one! We survived another day! Tomorrow I won’t be so stressed out. We’re good. Life is good. You’re not going anywhere. *Butt cheeks finally unclench*