We’re almost at the half-way mark with this little guy. Last week we had our anatomy scan and he’s doing really well. We have a fetal echo cardiogram scan next month but the doctor said that she doesn’t foresee any problems with that since we saw all 4 of his heart chambers and they looked good.
It was a long appointment but it was really cool to see how they measured everything and we got a few good pics (will try to post them on the new page if I figure out how). He definitely has his dad’s profile IMO. The best part for me was seeing him move and feeling him move at the same time, just confirming what all these flutters really are. He was very active and the tech had her work cut out for her. She had to take a 10min break and made me switch positions and poke my belly to try to get him to turn. When she came back he seemed to be napping so it was smooth sailing after that.
Before we did the anatomy scan they had us meet with their genetic counselor to explain the process and discuss our history. She had the most lovely accent that we could not place. That’s not relevant to the story but it was really lovely.
She asked us why we did IVF and we mentioned the balanced translocation and her eyes seemed to light up. Like we were her first interesting case of the day. She was surprised that it wasn’t in our file so she wasn’t prepared but she gave us all the risk factors and went through our family tree. We’d already done this with our first genetic counselor meeting years ago when we first heard about the BT but it was nice to get a refresher, I guess. She said that the NIPT test we had is so very accurate and she trusts it more than the anatomy scan since that obviously only picks up physical markers.
At the end of it I asked how soon after he’s born can we test to see if he has his father’s BT or not. She said that if we didn’t want to stick him they could draw the blood at birth from the umbilical cord. Then she said “If you feel it necessary to know that information.”
It never once crossed my mind to not know. She said that what if we tell him and he feels he could have gone have done without that information. She said that N is fine so the baby will be fine. I found it strange that she seemed like she was in the out-of-sight-out-of-mind camp and I didn’t really like it.
Why would you not want to know that information? Our plan is to find out as soon as possible and start having age appropriate conversations with him about what it means IF he happens to have the BT.
I’m a silent stalker in a BT support group on FB and this topic came up a few times and almost everyone overwhelmingly agreed that they would want their children to know as soon as possible, mostly because the would have wanted that information up front as well. Some of them even spoke about starting IVF funds for their BT children as an option which I think is great.
This also brought to light a few other thoughts I’ve had about passing a BT on to a child. What if he has a BT and when we explain it to him and what the possible implications are and he ends up hating us for doing this to him?
It’s a possibility. A scary possibility. One that I have to be prepared for. We have some time to discuss this and prepare ourselves and there’s also the chance that he doesn’t have one he could end up hating us for some other reason. Perhaps because we got him circumcised without his permission. Perhaps because he’s mixed race and he struggles to find his place in society. Maybe he’ll hate us for inheriting my big bunny teeth and his dad’s bad eye sight.
There are so many maybe’s here. Too many. I’m sure everyone has this fear to a certain extent. But the truth is, you just never know who your child will be and how they will react to certain situations. You just have to try to do you best with what you have.
I think our best bet here is to remember that he will have a kind heart and a fighter’s spirit that he inherited from us. And he has two parents who love him immeasurably and we will always try to do the right thing by him.
Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing 
I have no idea what BT is, honestly. But I did read an article that said by the year 2040 rolls in, humans will no longer be having sex for procreation, so maybe IVF will be so rampant by then, it would be like going to the GP for your flu shot!
In my culture, we say our genetics are based on 7 generations of our ancestors! Now that is some massive permutation, and who knows which set of ancestors is going to give us their crappy shitty genes! Our kids should hate us more for the earth we are leaving them, the garbage filled , polluted, ozone depleted earth, rather than for buck teeth and rotund tummy (yeah, my family is skinny all over, but all of us look 8 months pregnant, men included) :))
Its good if you know it, as you say so that you can start your IVF fund(if necessary), but that is saying you have already decided his sexual orientation right away and decided he is going to pro create.
Don’t think so much, so far ahead, let the child just be..
Que sera sera.. as they say…
my 2 cents….Apologies, if I offended you
No not at all, you’re absolutely right. N did bring up his sexual orientation and the fact that he might not even want children. I was definitely over thinking it and feeling guilty already. Like I really need that before he’s even here haha. Thanks for your input though. I fully agree.
Oh hon, there are plenty of things that will kill you with guilt once he is here, mom guilt is brutal. Don’t add to your list 🙂 Right from why didn’t I change is diaper 5 mins sooner, maybe he wouldn’t have had that rash, to, did I give him 50 ml milk instead of 45? is that why he spit up? So.. it’s a vvv long list you got going already.. 🙂
True true. Fun times ahead 🙂
That is awesome that they can test the cord blood for it! I wish they would have given us that option. I totally plan on having Baby Bach tested for the BT. I’d rather be able to give him an answer for why having kids may be difficult and miscarriages are happening. I would hate to have him go through all of the unknown that we did before we found out. Knowledge is power. It can’t hurt to know!
I haven’t had him tested yet because I don’t want to stick him just for the test, I’ll just have them test it some other time they draw blood. I really wish I would have known they could have tested the cord blood for it.
Hopefully our boys are normal 46XY and we won’t have to worry about having the conversation with them when they get older!
Yes, fingers crossed for sure 🙂 :). Thanks for weighing in, I was hoping you would 🙂
So I had no idea what BT was either, but this lady did a great job explaining it here for anyone else that wants to read lol! :http://infertilefarmer.blogspot.com/p/what-is-balanced-translocation.html?m=1
Glad to hear that things are going well. I’d definitely want to test when he’s born too! Hopefully the next 20ish weeks go well, and fast!
Oh wow, that explanation is way better than I could ever do it. Thanks for sharing.
No problem! 😊
I think that before testing, you should aks yourselves what you hope to gain from the rest and what you hope he will do with the results.
We had McLovin’s saliva sample sent to Boston Children’s as part of the genetic testing we participated in back in 2015 (wow so long ago) in hopes of finding an answer for our first three anomalies. For us, it was more about finding an answer for our losses and less about testing him for any genetic variants. Depending on the results we may or may not ever share it with him, because really I want to know only if there is a genetic link found related to The losses. The fact is everyone is a carrier for something, and most people never even find out because they have no reason. In our situations it is prevalent and in the blogging world it is prevalent because we’re all here for the same reason, but in the larger population? I don’t know.
All that is to say, knowledge is power BUT is it going to just be overload?
In the end only you and hubby know what is right for your family, and either way I’m sure you will handle it with thoughtfulness and care. I support you either way!
I’m getting input from my friends also that are arguing not to test now. Thanks for weighing in though. I’m going to have to talk more to N about it. Our minds were definitely made up before but I’m glad I brought it up and got different viewpoints.
It is always something he can test for in the future.
You know already that he has a 50/50 of having it. It could always be up to him to decide if he wants to know if it is a yes or a no. It certainly isn’t something he will need to know until if/when he wants to have kids. Even then, with the issues we have reproducing with BT, I’m sure he would know one way or the other if/when he has kids if he starts having the same issues. It sucks because testing can only diagnose. And nothing can be done to fix (as you know).
But that is so far in the future. Right now, you are about to be a mom of an amazing little boy!!!! yay!!!!
Is this something he can test for later in life if he needs/ wants to? That seems the best way to go. Xo
I’m just now having a conversation with a friend who says what you’re saying and he’s making very good points. I’m going to have to talk to N about this again.
It’s so exciting to have the anatomy scan and see so much of the baby! I hope everything continues going well for you!