We’re almost at the half-way mark with this little guy. Last week we had our anatomy scan and he’s doing really well. We have a fetal echo cardiogram scan next month but the doctor said that she doesn’t foresee any problems with that since we saw all 4 of his heart chambers and they looked good.
It was a long appointment but it was really cool to see how they measured everything and we got a few good pics (will try to post them on the new page if I figure out how). He definitely has his dad’s profile IMO. The best part for me was seeing him move and feeling him move at the same time, just confirming what all these flutters really are. He was very active and the tech had her work cut out for her. She had to take a 10min break and made me switch positions and poke my belly to try to get him to turn. When she came back he seemed to be napping so it was smooth sailing after that.
Before we did the anatomy scan they had us meet with their genetic counselor to explain the process and discuss our history. She had the most lovely accent that we could not place. That’s not relevant to the story but it was really lovely.
She asked us why we did IVF and we mentioned the balanced translocation and her eyes seemed to light up. Like we were her first interesting case of the day. She was surprised that it wasn’t in our file so she wasn’t prepared but she gave us all the risk factors and went through our family tree. We’d already done this with our first genetic counselor meeting years ago when we first heard about the BT but it was nice to get a refresher, I guess. She said that the NIPT test we had is so very accurate and she trusts it more than the anatomy scan since that obviously only picks up physical markers.
At the end of it I asked how soon after he’s born can we test to see if he has his father’s BT or not. She said that if we didn’t want to stick him they could draw the blood at birth from the umbilical cord. Then she said “If you feel it necessary to know that information.”
It never once crossed my mind to not know. She said that what if we tell him and he feels he could have gone have done without that information. She said that N is fine so the baby will be fine. I found it strange that she seemed like she was in the out-of-sight-out-of-mind camp and I didn’t really like it.
Why would you not want to know that information? Our plan is to find out as soon as possible and start having age appropriate conversations with him about what it means IF he happens to have the BT.
I’m a silent stalker in a BT support group on FB and this topic came up a few times and almost everyone overwhelmingly agreed that they would want their children to know as soon as possible, mostly because the would have wanted that information up front as well. Some of them even spoke about starting IVF funds for their BT children as an option which I think is great.
This also brought to light a few other thoughts I’ve had about passing a BT on to a child. What if he has a BT and when we explain it to him and what the possible implications are and he ends up hating us for doing this to him?
It’s a possibility. A scary possibility. One that I have to be prepared for. We have some time to discuss this and prepare ourselves and there’s also the chance that he doesn’t have one he could end up hating us for some other reason. Perhaps because we got him circumcised without his permission. Perhaps because he’s mixed race and he struggles to find his place in society. Maybe he’ll hate us for inheriting my big bunny teeth and his dad’s bad eye sight.
There are so many maybe’s here. Too many. I’m sure everyone has this fear to a certain extent. But the truth is, you just never know who your child will be and how they will react to certain situations. You just have to try to do you best with what you have.
I think our best bet here is to remember that he will have a kind heart and a fighter’s spirit that he inherited from us. And he has two parents who love him immeasurably and we will always try to do the right thing by him.