Seeing a baby bump when you have a child seems to stir up all kinds of feelings in mothers it seems. It’s lovely to see their faces light up as I wait for the excited hand clapping and barrage of questions and words of wisdom.
I read a lot forums of pregnant women complaining about the words of wisdom. “Just wait. You don’t know tired yet”… “Just get the epidural”… etc. I don’t mind it so much. Having gone through infertility I’ve learned to shrug off advice and comments that bug me. That and the fact that I’m actually in this new world is awesome. Yes please, tell me again how tired I am going to be and how painful birth is. The fact that you’re even talking to me about this stuff is awesome to me. Yes please.
The only comment that really gives me pause and makes me a little sad has been told to me by 3 older women with older children and grandchildren. And it’s a variation of this.
Oh, you’re having a boy! Boys are the best. I have both and my boys are my angels. My daughter is good too when she doesn’t have an attitude but oh *clutches chest and closes eyes* my boys. You’re so so lucky.
That’s a little offensive no? I mean, I’m a daughter, the woman speaking to me is a daughter. What did this daughter do to you?
I’ve spoken before about being excited and a little relieved to have a boy but also that I was sad about not having a girl because all the little girls in my life are such fire crackers and I just love all of them.
None of my friends/family who have little girls has ever said this to me. Little girls are magical and feisty and so so funny. Is it because they haven’t reached puberty yet?
I know for myself, my mom and I went through a very rough patch when I was between 16 and uhhh 25 (lol). I made life very difficult for her. Incidentally my eldest brother and her went through a rough patch, as well, that lasted a few years and I remember her and my middle brother having a few very serious arguments. I don’t think having a difficult teenager is based on gender.
I wonder why anyone would say that about their child to a stranger? Maybe they were having a bad day and their teenage daughter had just given them crap that morning? I wonder if my mother had ever said anything like that about me. I was really terrible though, so I guess maybe on day 3 of me not talking to her for whatever silly reason I’d made up that month she’d bumped into someone pregnant with a boy and felt relief for them in that moment. I guess that would make sense.
But I’m sure these women cherish their daughters, when push comes to shove. I’m sure they were just making small talk. Because lets be real – Girls are awesome, amirite?!
Especially with everything going on in the world right now wrt women’s rights and the various social media campaigns. I am in awe of what we’ve had to overcome as women and what we’re still having to overcome even in 2017!
I understand that teenage girls can sometimes not be easy and raising a strong willed girl can tire you out but that, to me, just says that she will be a strong woman and the reason you’re butting heads is because you’re strong willed as well. That’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned.
Anyway, just wanted to share that little story. I am over the moon to be bringing a boy into this world but I know that I have a duty to make sure that he is respectful to women, no matter who they are. He has to understand that women aren’t lesser. He should open doors and be a gentleman but also realise that women aren’t fragile creatures that need protection. And he will absolutely learn to keeps his hands to himself.
Phew, I can go on an on about this stuff but I’ll leave it at that.
Girls are awesome, that is all.
25 thoughts on “When You Strike a Woman, You Strike a Rock”
I felt the same way about advice after infertility! But for real the “sleep when the baby sleeps” is good advice. Looking back I regret naps not taken not the dishes sitting on the counter an extra few hours!
Lol, I’m the sleeping queen. I hope that doesn’t change when he gets here. Fingers crossed.
So interesting and rather rude. I do see the comment about boys being so precious to a Momma because they are often protective and so bonded to us even as they get older. Girls are too of course just in a different way. I have an amazing relationship with my Mom but I do see how my husband has a special protective attitude of his Mom. I talk to mine more and am more like a best friend whereas he is maybe more fiercely protective?? I don’t know. Both are special gifts at the end of the day!
True. I’m very happy to have a great relationship with my mom now. All three of us actually maybe these ladies will find best friends in their daughters soon.
I just find those comments funny. Especially to a stranger!
But you have a good point about how in this day and age, those comments reinforce certain perceptions of women.
So rude. Funny though, I had the opposite experience. People acted as though I would be disappointed with a boy. I received a few “aww maybe next time you will have a girl” or “boys are so much trouble, girls a so sweet” or “better be prepared for trouble, boys are so much work”. People expected me to be disappointed but all I wanted was a baby, didn’t care what genitals they had!
I often think that a babies sex brings out the deeply held gender stereotypes and prejudices to the surface.
It does yes. It’s very interesting and disheartening.
I’ve had that too and yes I get a bit irritated being a female. Even my mum said it to me!! (I.e. my brother was more lovable than me as a child). Its all rubbish, just like the infertility stuff so I just shrug it all off. But I’m very aware that I don’t want to raise a man who doesn’t understand the equal footing of women in this world. And as mothers to be of boys that’s an important educational role for us. X
you are too right! How are you doing btw?! It’s almost go time, not so??!
Yep indeed 38 weeks 3 days and feeling tired.
Eek!! Are you on maternity leave yet?? I’m so excited for you!!
Yes I am. Yeah it’s so close now!
Woohoo!!! I hope you post a birth story. If you want to of course 🙂 🙂
Yep we’ll see. Still feels so theoretical which is crazy I know. I think I’m going to be in shock when the baby arrives!! Haha
I totally believe that! It’s going to be awesome. Enjoy your maternity leave in the meantime! xx
That is kind of strange, but I guess demonstrates that perhaps people’s stereotypes of gender comes more obvious when talking about baby gender –
and may be even don’t appreciate quite as much how much it takes to bring a baby into this world regardless of its gender!?! Probably a sweeping statement that’s not really true but made me think of this.
That makes sense to me 🙂
Well I call bullshit! Our daughter is sensational and I can’t wait for her to be joined by another sister. My daughter is my best friend and she’s strong and fierce and I bloody love her
Yes!! Girls are great! ❤ ❤
Great post! I am 6 weeks today and convinced it’s a boy and super excited about that after a lifetime of wanting a girl. I already know I will have people feeling sorry for me either way because it’s not the gender baby *they’d* want, and I find it so stereotypical to say girls are worse because of drama, and boys are easier. These are both things I’ve heard!
Congratulations on 6 weeks! I hope you’re feeling okay. I’ve heard the same but I’ve heard the reverse as well which is nice lol.
Interesting and thought provoking! We haven’t told anyone what we’re having so I haven’t encountered this. Is it more an older generation thing I wonder? Makes me a bit sad if it’s widespread as just reinforces gender stereotypes, But I know so many women and men who were just so overjoyed to be having a baby they didn’t care what gender at all and that is lovely!
It might be an older generation thing. That’s what I was thinking.
Congrats on your son! I just found out we’ll be having a boy, too. We both just pictured a girl in our heads (not for any good reason, just random expectations that started in childhood — my husband always wanted a little sister, for example), so it was a slight shock to the system to see a little penis! But we quickly adjusted, and we’re just over the moon excited.
And yes — it is so funny even what gender stereotypes kept coming, unbidden, into my mind when I’d think about having a boy or a girl. I consider myself a very progressive person, but the cultural programming is very deep! This whole experience has helped me root out some of that nonsense from my head, and I’m glad to be “shaken up” like this. Just can’t wait to meet our little man!!
The cultural programming is extremely deep. But you’re right, being aware of it helps and just makes us better I think. I’m so excited for you!!!