*Sorry for the long post*

I had my HSG (hysterosalpingogram) yesterday. That’s the one where they unceremoniously stick a catheter up your stuff and inject a dye into your uterus and your tubes to see if you have any blockages or anything. For the days leading up to my appointment I had slowly but surely turned myself into a crazy person thinking about all the possible negative outcomes, the worst of which being that the dye wouldn’t make it past my cervix.

I’d had a cystectomy in 2010 to remove 3 cysts on my ovaries (2 on the left and 1 on the right) and back then I wasn’t worried about the surgery having adverse affects on my uterus, so when the Dr mentioned that we’d do the HSG to make sure that surgery hadn’t somehow fused my tubes together, it was a very nonchalant statement that I forgot about. But slowly it grew in the back of my mind until the night before the appointment I was laying in bed unable to sleep convinced that I would have to ask my sister-in-law to be a surrogate for me because my uterus and both tubes are now fused together and my life is doomed. I have a penchant for dramatics sometimes.

Needless to say I was wreck on the day. It didn’t help that we got there a minute late because everyone on the way there thought it would be a good idea to get into some sort of car accident. I know it was a minute because on the sign-in sheet the lady wrote “appointment at 9am, patient arrived at 9:01″… Really? That was necessary? Because, now I’m thinking they’re going to yell at me for coming late and possibly cancelling the appointment then who’s going to carry my child for me now that my tubes are fused and no one will open them for me… Dramatics…

The procedure itself could’ve been worse. I am a complete woos and even though I was high on serious muscle relaxers I was still clawing the nurse’s hand and gritting my teeth while trying to follow the doctor’s breathing instructions. Let me see if I can explain what I was going through really quickly.

I was told to lay flat on my back and they stuck a pillow or something under my butt so I’d be at an incline. Then he stuck the speculum in and cranked it open. I felt like a car being jacked up for a tyre change. Fun times. Then he washed out my cervix and/or uterus with iodine. That was the worst part I think, because I felt sharp pricks for some reason. I just remember trying to concentrate on letting my legs drop open when everything in my being just wanted to clench up and kick Dr Breathe-In-Hold-It-And-Breathe-Out in the face and gtf outta there. But I persevered. Enter the radiologist, turning this into the most awkward party of 4. They all made the big mistake of making the dye injecting a big deal. They kept saying, “Okay it’s dye time are you ready? Do you think you can handle this sh*t? It’s really going to hurt!” Okay, that may have been my inner monologue but that’s what it felt like.

The dye injection part was mostly just a lot, a lot of pressure and cramping. I honestly think the iodine cleaning was more painful. I had the Mirena put in a few years ago. Having that devil toy inserted was waaay worse than this. This was mostly just uncomfortable and my nerves definitely got the better of me and made it awful. When the whole thing was over it was like nothing had ever happened.

At least I got to watch the whole process amidst my writhing in agony. I saw flashes of the screen in between times when I blacked out. I saw a black triangle and then two black long squiggles at the bottom corners of the triangle. Almost like a triangle shaped mermaid’s purse. Turns out the black squiggles were my tubes filled up with dye and then the dye pouring out of my tubes. So everything was all clear. The doctor even said that one’s chances of pregnancy increase after an HSG which would’ve made me really excited if we weren’t dealing with MFI.

So all-in-all, it wasn’t the worst thing to happen to me. I was even a little embarrassed at my behaviour. The staff were consummate professionals and I’m very grateful they waited until after I’d left the room before laughing at my over-reacting.

So what’s next? I guess I have to call them for a follow up appointment to get hubby’s results and figure out our next steps. This was, personally, a big hurdle for me. My next hurdle is going to be having to inject myself in the tummy. But until then, Thank you uterus and fallopian tubes for playing along so far. I love you guys!!

I love you, uterus…