I don’t have anything TTC related to report since life is droll while I’m saving money and waiting for my February period but I did want to share a quick quick something that happened to me in the office on Thursday.
So I was roped into a meeting with 3 lads on a certain project. It was a teleconference with one of our colleagues in the New York office. When she clicked on we all announced who was on the call with her and she was said: “hey D! when are you going on maternity leave?”
There was 3 seconds of silence and I was so shocked I blurted out: “Woah! woah! I’m not pregnant. Don’t you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby” (If you don’t know which movie that’s from, we can’t be friends anymore…until you watch the movie). We hardly ever see the people in the NY office so it was an innocent mistake. We all had a good laugh and it turns out she had me confused with my friend who is on maternity leave right now.
Of course I was thrown off and throughout the rest of the meeting I was trying to get my thoughts in order. Why did I respond like that? Why was I mad at her for asking? Why is everyone looking at me? I feel like this infertility is a vase on a very unsteady pedestal and I’m trying very hard to keep the vase in tact. I don’t like have my world rattled and I was very grumpy for the rest of the day. But more grumpy at myself for being grumpy and not being able to rationalize the grumpiness.
This blog is supposed to be an outlet for my feelings so I don’t slip into madness but I don’t think I’ve been doing it justice. I think because I don’t want it to be a whiny blog. That, and I don’t really know how to conceptual my feelings yet. I’ve actually attempted to write this a few times and I keep deleting everything. I’m struggling with my colourful emotional site and my analytical black and white side.
I think while we’re waiting for February to roll around I’m going to need to make a concerted effort to blog more often about my feelings. I’ve been on edge lately and when I’m on edge I want to go out and do stuff to get my mind off life. This stuff usually involves spending money and we really have to save all the pennies we have.
Just 3 more paychecks love… You can do this.
Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing 
A vase on a pedastal is a great way to describe it. I feel like I have to be on guard all the time to protect myself from being rattled and having everything come crashing to the floor. Good luck making it through the rest of your waiting period! You can do it!.
thanks! I never realized how affected I am by everything. I’m very much on guard as well.
Oy, people need to stop and think for a few seconds before they speak! So awkward. But don’t worry, that will be you on maternity leave soon enough. 🙂 Do you know when your frozen transfer will be yet?
Oh never mind, you said February above.
🙂 I guess it could have been worse. she could have seen me and asked when my due date was.
Yep- totally get this. I recently just decided that my blog was my space to vent- particularly since I’m taking extra pains to keep it as non-connected to my real life as possible- no sharing on facebook, no sharing on my other blog’s twitter account.
Little things will set me into an internal tailspin and I try not to let it spill out- mostly because I think most of the time it’s innocent mistake stuff. It still feels like being a weird ticking time bomb though…
a ticking time bomb is a perfect description. i just hope i don’t explode in public somewhere. i also have nowhere to vent except here.
I nominated you to participate in the Sisterhood of World Bloggers Award! Check out the details at https://quemilagro.wordpress.com/2015/01/15/sisterhood-of-world-bloggers-award/
oh how sweet! thank you! xxx
ok! I’m all caught up on your blog. I too am waiting on february to roll around. My apx CD1 is feb 20th. I’m getting so anxoius. co-workers can be amazing. I keep getting asked “so when are you going go bring a baby into this office?” I’ve actually been kind of open with the struggle, to avoid any awkwardness down the road. I always say “we’re hopefully starting fertility treatments in feb” and they’ll either be really intrigued and ask more questions, or they wont know what to say and kind of back out of my office slowly.. and avoid eye contact with me. Looking forward to hearing about your journey come feb!!
Oh wonderful! I look forward to being cycle buddies!!