IVF Limbo

We’ve had 2 appointments since last I updated. N had one with a urologist last week. I couldn’t make the appointment so I sent him with a long list of questions and information. I had requested my medical records from our clinic but they didn’t come in time so they called me with all of N’s semen analysis results.

And then before he went to the appointment I was stressing about whether this guy would have some promising ideas and then I realized that he’s not a urologist who specializes in the infertility. Should have thought about that before, right? Ugh.

Anyway, despite all that, the appointment went well. He put N on Anastrozole instead of Clomid. He said he’s seen better results with it and it should kick in in a few weeks. He said that TESE wouldn’t yield any good sperm so probably isn’t a good option. He also mentioned that him and his wife went through something similar so that was nice. He stressed the importance of putting your marriage first during all of this. I think it was nice for N to hear from someone who’s been through this.

All in all it was a good appointment. Fast forward to Wednesday’s appointment with our RE.

It was a little tough. He said that they had to use N’s frozen sample and his fresh one and they struggled to find anything worth using so they didn’t even use PICSI. We talked about the urologist appointment and he said that the one we went to probably wasn’t a specialist so he gave us the card of a Dr. O in Boston who’s supposed to be the bees knees of infertility urology and he would be able to give better advice wrt TESE/MESA and Anastrozole etc. We also talked about my egg quality. He again mentioned that my eggs weren’t the best but that he’s seen women get pregnant with similar looking eggs.We reviewed our last dismal cycle and he said that he’s pushed me as far as they want to push my body and he doesn’t want to do anything if the sperm sample isn’t going to be any help. He also said that donor sperm is an option if we don’t want to struggle like this anymore.
And then he gave us 3 choices.
1. Donor sperm
2. Go see an infertility urologist, then come back if he has a plan.
3. Get help from another clinic.

I was doing okay up until the point where he said go to another doctor. I cried silently while I listened to him say that his main goal is to get us pregnant so if that means staying with them or going to someone else then that’s our decision. But he gave us no plan and didn’t really give any hope either.

I don’t know, you guys. I wasn’t happy with this appointment. It feels like he’s given up and that’s not something anyone wants to hear. I was on the fence again about getting a second opinion because I trust him and now this. My main worry was that he would suggest donor sperm or say that he doesn’t know what else to do and he did just that. I feel like he fired us.

N is unphased, however. He is positive about this Dr. O. I think I’ll feel more positive once we lock in an appointment date.

I’m doing okay today though. I was really bummed on Wednesday but I’m okay. I mean, I would have liked a plan and start date. Things are up in the air now. So the uncertainty is testing me but being around N’s positivity is rubbing off on me.

I don’t know he does it but I really appreciate it.

So here we are. A couple with yucky eggs and shitty sperm and as of now, no next steps.



23 thoughts on “IVF Limbo

  1. Does your insurance cover another consult? I think it might be worth getting a second opinion. No one says you have to go with the second doctor/clinic. We have thought about changing clinics too. We see what our doctor says on Monday. I have a feeling it might be a similar discussion about hubby, and he will NOT be a good sport about it. He refused TESE/TESA the day of the retrieval (not sure which they offered him) as I was under. I hope you get the answers your looking for!

  2. Looking back, I desperately wish we got a second opinion sooner. And I wish our local doctor was accepting of our decision to get a second opinion (he basically fired us when we told him we were getting a second opinion because he knew he was right so there was no point).
    Anyways, I say trust your gut. Sending you so much love and hoping your next steps become much more clear in the coming days.

    • You know, I kind of feel like he fired us because he found out that I requested my medical records and was thinking that I was going to leave anyway. I’m probably reading too much into it but that’s what it feels like. I’m looking at new clinics now. Sigh.

      • Can I just say I know how you feel about the disappointment in how your RE responded. Shouldn’t they try harder after failure? Why does it feel like they give up on us? Is it our warped, negative interpretation or are they trying to tell us something? I, too, requested my medical records and after that it seemed like they shutdown. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I did have a discussion about it with my Dr and she basically said she doesn’t begrudge anyone who wants that second opinion. She just wants me to get pregnant and if it’s with someone else then so be it. The frustrated part of me just wanted her to say, “stick with me, I’ll do everything I can” but then that would be irresponsible of them wouldn’t it? I don’t know what to think about these REs anymore. It’s really frustrating and honestly, at the end of the day it’s up to you and who you want to continue with. Much luck to you as you navigate the next chapter!

      • Yes! This is exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Exactly. I cried because I didn’t want him to give up. Ugh. But there must be a reason this happened. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad I’m not alone in how I was feeling.

  3. I’m sorry that your meeting with the RE was not quite what you were hoping for. That sucks. I hope that you get an appointment with the urologist quickly and can come up with a reasonable plan. Sending love.

  4. Oh I hate that your doc seems to be at a standstill. But God has a plan! Maybe its getting a second opinion, or taking a break. I know I used to HATE when people suggested a break..I was like for what? Im not getting any younger here! But in the end, taking over a year break after our 3rd loss/cycle was the best thing I could have done.
    As far as financially, its so hard. We didnt have any insurance coverage either. I know there are some grants out there (pay it forward fertility, cant think of other but can look for u if u want) we applied but didnt get them. Maybe its worth a shot though! Also, we ended up getting a 0% credit card for a fresh cycle and using that. Then we just paid as much as we could & transferred it to another 0% card once it ended. Just an idea. I know how hard it is to feel out of options. Im praying for u!

    • Thank you very much my friend. I also hate when people suggest a break. But here we are. I have to be okay with it lol. We are, thankfully, covered with insurance. it’s only the PGS testing that we have to pay for up front. So I can’t really complain about that. We have a really shitty diagnosis but it could be worse, right?

  5. The worst feeling is having a failure without a plan. Even when it seems like there aren’t any, there are always options. Keep your head held high – we’re rooting for you!

  6. I thought I had commented on this the other day, but apparently I did not! Anyway…so sorry you’re finding yourself in this situation right now. I would definitely say that a second opinion would be worth it, no matter what they tell you. You never know what another Dr or team of Drs will have in mind, or what other methods they use or are willing to try. I always say if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. I hope either way you find some answers and some help out there! *hugs*

  7. I wish I had something profound to say, to make things better, to bring a light to the end of the tunnel. So instead – Chin up Princess, or the crown slips. 😉
    Hang in there. Prayers for a heart that is calm and answers that will one day be clear.

  8. It sounded like the urologist appointment went well so that’s good and great that N. is feeling positive about that. I really hope you can get the sperm issues to somehow improve the next while. I’m sorry about the conversation with your RE.

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