After a few hiccups this morning, I’m all set for my hysteroscopy tomorrow. For some reason they hadn’t received my referral from my pcp so I had to make a few calls but we got it sorted out but then I spent the rest of the morning freaking out about the procedure.

I think I’m okay now. I did the obligatory shaving. I even tried a shower beer. Recommended to me by a good friend and Buzzfeed. I think I might be to old for a shower beer. I wasn’t sure if I should wash myself then drink or vice versa. I felt like there should be music. I don’t know. If anyone does this please help.

Hubby’s working late so I’m comfortably under the covers munching on non-keto snacks (chocolate biscuits/cookies and sweets/candy lol) and reading Gone Girl.

The crazy fog from this morning has lifted and now I just want it over and done with. I obviously really don’t want there to be any polyps or worse but if there is anything… then there is.

I finally caught up to a gazillion blogs over the weekend. I’m pleased everyone is doing well and journeys are progressing. You are all rockstars. Don’t forget it.

Have a good evening everyone xxx.

ne’er a truer word spoken…

The Rules:

1. Link to the person who nominated you. (Thank you, Anamarie from Qué Milagro!!!)
2. Add the award logo.
3. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
4. Nominate 7 other blogs.
5. Ask your nominees 10 questions.

My 7 nominations are (I’m sure most of you are nominated already):

1. Ladylove & Babydust
2. How We Met You
3. Everyday Panic
4. Awaiting Autumn
5. The Sky and Back
6. Mama et Maman
7. Our Egg, Her Nest?

Here are my 10 questions for my nominees (oi, gonna steal some of mine because I lack originality at 4pm)

1. What would be your dream job (independently wealthy not being an option)?
2. Describe yourself using one word, then explain why you chose that word.
3. What about this TTC journey has surprised you the most?
4. Do you have siblings? How many? What are they like? (ooh a 3 fold-er)
5. If you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be and why?
6. Where did you meet your SO and what was your first thought?
7. What makes you a good fit for this company?
8. Name three things in your handbag right now.
9. Who’s the last person you spoke to on the phone and what were you talking about? (if I may be so bold)
10. What do you love doing the most in the whole world?
11. What do you hate the most about your life right now that you have the power to change, and why haven’t you changed it yet?

Here are my 10 answers to questions asked of me:

Why did you decide to start blogging? More specifically, what are you trying to accomplish/who are you trying to reach through your blog?

This wasn’t originally a TTC blog. I didn’t even know those existed until WordPress started suggesting some to me. So in it’s infancy I think I wanted to document my hair journey (from chemically straightened to naturally curly) and some food stuff and random life nonsense. Nothing was set in stone. As far as who I’m trying to reach, I have to say, I’m just honoured that people are reading.

What has been the most rewarding thing about writing/blogging for you?

One comment I received after writing about my HSG experience was about how informative the post had been. That was really touching and kind of motivated me to keep writing. I didn’t think I was helping because I thought since I’m a noob, everyone knows this stuff already. Oh and of course all the wonderful ladies I’ve met in the blog world :).

Name three physical features that you know make you beautiful.

Tough question for someone with so many insecurities. My eyes. Not so much the colour (poo brown) as the shape. Uh, I love my hair since I’ve gone natural and that says a lot. And finally, my hands and feet (can that count as one?) because I take good care of them.

Name three non-physical attributes that you know make you MORE beautiful.

I’m a ride-or-die type of friend so I’m a good person to have in your corner. I will help you hide the body no questions asked. Umm, I’m funny. aaand, I’m very self aware and considerate of others’ feelings.

What is an experience that you know changed you forever?

Ugh, I have to own this… I was in an abusive relationship for about 2 years. Whenever I say that I immediately think, well, it wasn’t that abusive, I mean he never left visible bruises or hit me with a closed fist. This clearly indicates that I haven’t fully dealt with it properly since I’m still trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a  big deal but it has most definitely changed me forever. It has, of course, bled into my marriage (I’m working on it) and friendships and how I react to certain situations. Some changes are good and some are very very bad. But I’m in a place now where I can identify that I’m reacting a certain way based on the abuse and I can stop, re-evaluate and try to react differently. That’s growth.

What are your top two baby girl and baby boy names (and if you already have kids, you can’t use the names you already named them!)?

Oooh! I love this question!! I have so many names picked out. I know you said 2 but I have 3 each.

Boy 1: Asher (read in a book called the Red Tent)
Boy 2: Ben (from Friends)
Boy 3: Chi (pronounced Kai because I studied statistics and it’s one of the distributions, the Chi-square distibution #nerd)Girl 1: Arwen (Lord of the Rings of course)
Girl 2: Phoebe (lol Friends again)
Girl 3: Arya (Game of thrones. yes yes very overdone but I love it!)

What is one of your quirks/eccentricities (one of mine is that I’m OBSESSED with hearing people’s baby names, thus question #6)?

I speak in ‘Friends’ quotes… Is that a quirk? Most of my closest friends are the ones I met through a mutual love of Friends. I think it’s a cult almost. You say the quote in a crowd of people and the other Friends-y looks across at you and your eyes meet… Instant bestie. I can’t explain it better than that.

What would be your dream job (independently wealthy not being an option)?

TV Chef or TV travelling foodie. Are you kidding? getting paid to travel the world and eat?! Yes please everyday. I think I could possibly do it if I got over my fear of speaking up. That, and I have no TV presence. I can’t even start a youtube channel because of it lol. Alternatively, can I just work at a bar on a tropical island please?

Describe yourself using one word, then explain why you chose that word.

Trying… I’m not perfect but I’m trying to be a better wife, friend, aunt, daughter, woman, person.

 Which household chore do you wish you could get away with never having to do again?

All of them. Can my house please just be self cleaning? And thank you.

That was fun!

Just doing a quick pop in. I’m following everyone’s stories closely but we haven’t had a break since we landed to comment or send well wishes. but i hope everyone is doing well in blog world.
we’ve seen so many friends and family and only 2 people asked me when we’re going to have kids. I was happy to use my “you go first”  line :).
the wedding was amazing and all out of towners have finally left so we’re spending the day with my parents, if i can get off the couch.
tomorrow we take a 7hr drive to my home town to see some more family and friends.
my new nephew is absolutely amazing (8 months) . he’s obsessed with his mom now so i had to trick him into letting me hold him but he warmed up to me eventually. the other two (my other brother’s son and daughter, 5 and 4 yrs)  are so cool now and we’re definitely best friends. it’s weird but they don’t make me mourn not having my own baby. i think the fact that we share the same blood line makes me feel not so alone.
anyway, apologies for the bad punctuation. I’m on my phone. I hope everyone in blog land is doing well. one more week until home time.

[edit: pics removed for anonymity]

This is in no way serious, just me being me.

I was blessed with a fairly unusual name and by unusual, I mean that my nick name is a dude’s name… an uncommon dude’s name. And when I got married I took my husbands last name which is a girl’s name. I’m pretty sure I’ve said my name on here before but for the sake of anonymity let’s say my name is something like John-Ann Amy. Everyone calls me John. And just for interest sake, my maiden name is also a guy type name so I went from being John-Ann Richards to John-Ann Amy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my name. I do, but when you have an obscure name I think you’re forced into life of having to be humble and accommodating and calm because for the rest of you’re life you’re going to be faced with the same mistaking of your name and the same questions about your name and the same joke(s) about your name. And that’s okay, I like the attention sometimes. But I feel like for the first time in my life because of IVF, I’m being tested on this silly non-issue issue. Usually, I don’t have to deal with strangers on the phone that often but now I’m on the phone constantly with insurance and doctors and nurses and billing and I swear if I have to explain that my first name isn’t Amy it’s actually John and yes, I know it’s a strange name hahaha thank you, I’m just going to snap. And I swear to God, it’s the same nurse who keeps calling me on my last name and I’ve corrected her every..single…time. Yes, yes, I understand they talk to hundreds of women all the time they can’t be expected to remember my name but it’s on the form that you’re looking at lady, come on!

And really, here’s what actually kills me about this. It’s not the fact that she’s reading it wrong its the fact that my name on all of the paper work they have has my first name in the first name box and the last name in the last name box, because I’ve been doing this my whole life, I know how to fill out a form. So when they’re reading my name and see the easier girly name in the last name box they must think I’M THE IDIOT who doesn’t know how to follow directions and put my first name in the last name box because who on God’s green earth would name they’re daughter John-Ann..pfff. She must be a dummy… Or a foreigner… That’s what really bugs me. I can’t win people. I just can’t… Okay, rant over.

Side note: If your name is John-Ann or you know a John-Ann or are thinking of naming you’re daughter John-Ann, it’s a beautiful name, but it comes with baggage. You have been warned.

When I started this journey I did what every self respecting person who’s looking for information would do. I searched YouTube for help. One of the first videos I latched onto was Kristy and Royce’s.

If  you haven’t already then do yourself a favour and go and see the personification of positivity and hope when the odds are stacked against you. This wonderful couple have been struggling with infertility for 3 yrs and recently started their first ivf cycle.

I love her videos.  I love her and her husband.

They were just in the middle of their two week wait when tragedy struck. I just heard that Royce passed away suddenly two days ago in a car accident.

I don’t know why these things happen. Why would she be brought so close to her dream and have it ripped from her so suddenly? This is my worst fear realized and I have no idea how I would recover.

But if you watch her videos you’ll see a strength in Kristy you don’t see often. A light you can’t help but be drawn to.  I have no doubt that, even though she has an enormous mountain in front of her that she has to climb, she will be victorious and stronger than ever.

I’ve watched fellow ttc-ers overcome immeasurably difficult hurdles, but i think we can all agree that this is quite possibly the biggest hurdle and I hope we never have to experience a loss this great.

I’m in absolute shock.  I didn’t know them personally. We’ve shared brief words on social media but I’m heart broken.

Hold your loved ones close, my friends. Life is far to short. As Kristy always says at the end of her videos… Peace,  Love and Baby dust.

http://www.gofundme.com/kristyandroyce

I’m lazy as shiiit… I have the attention span of a 2 year old. The list goes on and on. I get home from work and the last thing I want to do is look at my laptop.

But there is hope. I just downloaded the wordpress app and since I’m always on my phone, I think this might be the solution to all our problems.

so here I am giving it another whirl. It will be better now. I am focused. I have lots to say. My journey through my thirties os worth documenting. I will, oh look, hubby brought me mint hot chocolate 😀