On Friday afternoon we spent the day at the bank attempting to adult. While we were there we had to see a notary for paperwork for the IVF clinic. There was a quiet in the room while we were signing. The familiar quiet that happens when someone wants to say something but doesn’t know how to begin. Neither of us looked up from our papers but I could feel the notary staring at us waiting for her gap.
“You guys doing In-vitro?” she asked. “No no, we’re filling this paperwork out for another couple, after you’ve just told us that it’s illegal to do so”.
Of course I didn’t say that, though. When she was looking over the papers part of me already knew that she either did IVF herself or knew someone who did. Call it infertili-sense. Turns out her sister has a 5 year old through IVF. It was twins but, sadly, one of them didn’t make it.
Now I’m not sure if it’s like when you’re in the market for a new car you suddenly see that car everywhere but it really seems like everyone I know is struggling to have a kid. So many people I know personally. It’s a little scary to me actually.
Granted I’m still seeing FB pregnancy announcements every other week but I wonder, if infertility wasn’t such an ugly step child, would there be an equal number of “Surprise, we’re infertile!” announcements. It sure feels like there would be.
I don’t think there was any point to this post but it was just something I noticed since we started this journey and I’m sure most of you will agree, there must be something in the water.
Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing 
Seriously I feel like they have come out of the woodwork. I worked with four other women in my area ( sales) all early thirties and 4 out of us 5 (seriously no joke) had to go through IVF to have our babies. All from different areas and all relatively healthy and youngish. Craziness. Oh and the fifth chose to stay child free.
Wow! That’s staggering! I can imagine 4 out of 5 struggling but 4 out of 5 having to go though IVF is a bit shocking to me.
It does seem so doesnt it. Everywhere you go, its almost like in your face thing, Its just a shame people dont share and are not more supportive.
It’s quite a shame. Maybe one day.
I have also noticed this. We have been very public about our infertility & surrogacy situation (I share a link to my blog on facebook), so because of that we have had a number of people share their own stories with us. I understand why people don’t share (and we didn’t for years, though it is a bit tougher to hide it when you get to the point of surrogacy), but it’s also sad to me that we can’t be more of a support group for each other. When we started this process we didn’t know of anyone who had been through it, and it would have really helped to have had that support. I try to be that now for others who have shared that they’re going through it too.
Also, I completely get what you mean by having an “infertili-sense”– I’ve gotten good at recognizing the signs. Your “surprise, I’m infertile!” comment made me immediately picture a Pinterest-worthy “infertility reveal” along the lines of the gender reveal parties/photos, haha. If I was more creative I would come up with a spoof on this!
I would definitely an “infertility reveal” pinterest board haha. Finding support was difficult in the beginning for me too. The only reason I haven’t gone FB public with ours is out of respect for my husband who is more private than I am so I’m very grateful for the support I have here. Extremely.
I also think that society is so scared of teenage girls getting pregnant we’re led to believe from a very young age that getting pregnant is very easy. Not many people would want to tell teenage girls that getting pregnant can be very difficult. So when it turns out to be difficult for many people it is a big surprise because it is the exact opposite to what they grew up believing. I guess that when women find out they are infertile, many will assume that they are different from everyone else and keep it to themselves.
That’s very true actually, I never thought of it like that.
Also – I saw on the news this am that Harry Judd from the band McFly just announced a pregnancy and said it was the result of IVF and a miscarriage. So it sounds like celebs are starting to speak out too (cf Zuckerberg/Chan).
Maybe it’ll become the “in” thing to do one day. Speaking out, I mean. Because being infertile is far from cool. 🙂
Yeah, I think we have a ways to go before that happens! 🙂
I totally know this feeling!! Especially after we posted our equivalent of ‘surprise – we are infertile!’ announcement there are many more of us ‘infertiles’ than I thought in our group of friends and family.
However, I will put your mind at ease that what I think you are experiencing is nothing to do with that water, rather a psychological phenomena of coincidence! It is human nature to look for patterns…we like to look for regularity in the world. Sometimes we will see patterns even if they don’t exist (or already existed before we were cognitively aware of an event) If you are interested in it this can help explain it….(Did I tell you I’m a part time psych geek!!!??!)
http://www.psychology24.org/the-psychology-of-coincidence/
Thank you! That is very interesting and it does put my mind at ease a liiiittle bit. I much rather prefer this explanation to my “the government is putting something in the water to sterilize us” theory.
We live on an island, so our clinic is the only game in town. I see people I know casually al the time; to the point where I wonder: does anyone on the island get pregnant without help?
It’s very strange and it’s starting to make me paranoid about everything I touch and eat.