This are going extremely well this cycle. A little too well. I’m so excited and, at the same time, I’m wrestling my doubt demons. When you’re up so high the fall is going to suck.
Of the 20, 15 were mature and 12 fertilized… 12! and 15 mature?! How is that possible? I’m over the moon. Another baby step win! I’m really trying to stay present in every moment and enjoy this. I think I’m an emotional eater… No, I definitely am. I was so happy I went to buy all the sugar and carbs I could find. All of them.
One thing I’m not enjoying is feeling guilty about the good results. I almost don’t want to post the results on Instagram. I used to hate having cycle buddies. Actually I still kinda don’t like it. Mostly because I was always the “loser”. Most of the women I cycled with are pregnant now and it hurts. And some of them have children and it’s a constant reminder that my baby could have been that age now.
This time, all my cycle buddies aren’t doing as well and I seem to be doing great (I probably just jinxed myself now but whatever, today is great). Now I feel bad. I don’t want others to hurt while I’m not and I especially don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s hurt.
Of course things could turn around for them they are not out of the game yet and I could still end up “losing” but today some of them are disappointed and I feel quite the opposite.
Has anyone experienced cycle buddy guilt? I’m trying to think of a tactful way to share results on Instagram. I mean I could just deactivate the account and not have to deal with it, right?
Anyway, my next call will be on Saturday. Please keep us in your thoughts. This part is so hard.