Faith Purchases

Hello!
We’re on day 6 and I am Fuh-reaking out. Silently. On the inside.

I think I didn’t want to write before because I didn’t want to jinx anything but I can’t really concentrate on anything today so I thought I would catch you all up.

So my next call was supposed to be on Saturday (day 3) but Friday around 6pm Dr P called himself to find out how I was recovering and to give me a day 2 update.

We still had 12 on day 2. I was extremely relieved. The doctor didn’t sound excited. He said that they ranged from 2 to 6 cell and they were all B’s and C’s, which is great! I was relieved because I figured if we lose half like we usually do on day 3 then at least we’ll still have more than we’ve ever had on day 3. So Friday was yet another good day.

Both of us had to work on Saturday and I was surprisingly okay. I came to terms with my 6 embryos. I started going over plan B’s and just mentally preparing myself for big drop offs. She called around noon and I had to run out of my dungeon office to where there was cellphone reception.

Twelve little guys were still happily growing!! Wow. Both the nurse and I were absolutely giddy. I asked her for the cell counts and grades but I’d forgotten a pen and paper so I wasn’t even really listening to what she was saying but there were some A’s B’s and C’s thrown in.

The rest of the day was a blur of good news sharing and a little work peppered in. I wanted to go out and celebrate but both of us were so tired from work we just climbed into PJ’s and watched 90 day fiance all night until 1am. So Saturday was certainly a good day.

Sunday was a long day. I had wonderful plans to meal prep but then I realized that it’s a 2.5day week and that would be dumb. I thought I would just makes lunches at least but Saturday night I’d forgotten to take the Cabergoline so I took it in the morning and as soon as I wanted to start cooking I was hit with the motion sickness. We rotted away again in front of the tv for the rest of Sunday.

Yesterday was another long day. A long and terrible day. I know that they said they would call on Tuesday to let us know how many were biopsied and frozen but last time on day 5 at around 9am, Dr G called several times and eventually left the message that no one going through this wants to get. So yesterday I was quite a mess. I don’t want anyone to call but I want to know how our embryos are doing. I am going to say that since I didn’t get a call all day that at least they’re not all gone. I think that’s a safe assumption.

I don’t know why I’m big on jinxes (rolls eyes at self) but it is what it is I guess. So I was thinking this weekend that our PGD lab charges $250 per embryo over 8. We’ve never been there before so I’ve always just budgeted for the minimum. And now in a perfect world we may have 4 embryos I didn’t budget for. I would have to transfer extra money to our IVF account for the PGD lab. I can’t remember if they debit the account as soon as my clinic tells them how many samples they’re getting or or if they debit the account when they have the samples in hand. So yesterday I made a big ‘faith purchase’ and transferred the extra money into the account. And I’m really hoping and praying they use at least some of it. But if they don’t I will spend that money on something to make myself feel better :)… Or save it for the next round of PGD testing. It took a lot for me to do that. My online banking session kept timing out while I went back and forth trying to decide. I made the purchase but I’m still undecided, if that makes sense. But it’s done and it’s not the end of the world.

So here we are. 9 am on day 6. My stomach is in knots. I want them to call already. N keeps saying that he has a good feeling about this. I do sometimes but I’m very scared still. Especially today. I made the mistake yesterday of googling stories about embryo drop off rates after day 3. Huge mistake. But I’ve put a self ban on Google now so that’s good.

Okay, I have to get some work done. My next post will have results.

I hope everyone is having a good week so far!

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15 thoughts on “Faith Purchases

  1. Good luck, lady! I have those same irrational “jinx” type fears. It’s hard to let them go! Especially when infertility is such a whirlwind of emotion already.

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