I love Mac and Cheese

And then there were 2… The last of our batch to make it to blastocyst stage to be biopsied. They’re now frozen and we’re in the last phase of waiting to find out if this cycle was a bust or if I could potentially be pregnant before the end of the year.

It was a bit of a hard pill to swallow and I was a crying mess yesterday after the call. The geneticist had told us a few weeks ago that we have a 25% chance of getting a good embryo so my statistical mind is thinking that this cycle is a bust. The way I see it is that if we even get 1 good embryo it’ll be a miracle. Now, I know miracles happen everyday and I just have to keep the faith but I’m struggling with that a little. I’m lucky to have my people have that faith right now when I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.

We still have 1 more round (either retrieval or transfer) covered by insurance which, by what is the common theme out there, is a miracle in itself. I’m extremely thankful that we can do this again so, while I’m bummed we’re 75% out of this one, I know it’s not even close to the end of the road.

While I was having my mini breakdown, my husband kept saying, “We still have 2, there’s nothing to worry about and even if they don’t make it we can try again. Most people don’t get that opportunity.” This made me immediately feel silly for crying but in my defense, I have been holding in a lot of emotion since we started this cycle. I was even surprised at my lack of emotion throughout the process. I think my body just gave in. I’m well known for keeping my feelings to myself, I was bound to crack.

I had told my work bestie the news amidst my tears and a big glass of champagne and I mentioned that I wanted to name them. I came up with Thunder and Lightning or Helter and Skelter and she, in her infinite knowledge of things that I love, came up with Mac and Cheese. I knew were friends for a reason :).

I went for a run this morning and all I thought about was my two little frozen kiddos, Mac and Cheese. I feel bad for giving up on them last night (and most of today). I’m definitely in a better place. These guys need me to believe in miracles again. I owe them that much. I love them very much already, I can’t give up on them just yet.

To anyone going through some tough times, try to have faith, try to believe in miracles. It’s all we have…. That and wine… we have wine… CHEERS!

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16 thoughts on “I love Mac and Cheese

    • my husband is a cf carrier and has a balanced translocation between 16 and 18. I checked out fine but she did say there’s a 33% chance of down syndrome because of my age. Thank you for the vote of confidence :).

  1. 25% is good. Look at it like a glass of wine. If you had a quarter-full glass of wine, would you say it’s empty and start washing the glass? Hell no! You’d swig that down and savor it.

  2. I really get what you’re saying. Like you I put my head down and plowed through the stims and monitoring and retrieval. After it was over and I heard we only had 3 blasts I crashed. It really is such a roller coaster. But I think Mac and Cheese will muscle their way through. Hang in there. v

  3. I somehow accidentally un-followed you and now I feel like I missed so much! Mac & Cheese — I love it! When do you find out the results of the PGS? It’s really hard to stay positive. I’m on my 7th day of stims today and up until this morning I was feeling great. I even wrote a blog post about feeling all peaceful and blah, blah, blah, and then this morning, BOOM, I’m a mess. So I feel you. But I think it’s great that you have two! And I love that you named them and spent the whole morning thinking of them — so sweet! I’m pulling for you over here, and I have followed you again so now I can be in the loop!

    • Welcome back!! They said 1-2 weeks so next Wednesday for the absolute latest, the same day as our follow up. The roller-coaster of emotions is still in full swing but I’ve stopped crying at least. Trying to pour all my energy into eating right. I’m pulling for you too. It would be so much easier if we could take it one day at a time in earnest but the mind always tends to want to plan and worry. Hang in there, you’re doing great!

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