Not Out Yet

HI! Sorry I’ve been quiet, it’s been a busy 6 days. Let’s catch you up, shall we?

On Saturday I pretty much vegged all day. N was at work and I literally didn’t get off the couch. On day 1 they said that 7 embryos were icsi’d and all 7 fertilized. Yay!

On Sunday I needed to get out of the house so I went grocery and christmas shopping for 4 hours and came home and meal prepped for another 4 hours. I was feeling really down in Stop ‘n Shop. I was stressed out and not feeling confident. 7 embryos from 12 is 58% and that’s right on track with ICSI so we were doing good. But I know you all know that feeling and grocery shopping (my favourite thing to do) wasn’t helping. When the nurse called while I was in the organic aisle my heart stopped. I wish I could guage if it’s good or bad news by the way they say “This is so-and-so from Dr so-and-so’s office”, but I can never do it. I wonder what training they go through. Anyway, on day two, thankfully, all seven were still going strong. Sunday was a good day. Or so I thought.

After four hours of cooking we decided to put the tree up and do a final cleaning of the unfinished dining room. We’ll continue work after christmas. I went to lie down after dinner and immediately fell ill. The flu symptoms hit me like a ton of bricks and my ovaries were aching. Actually everything was achy and my skin was sensitive and I’m sure I was dying. I ended up taking all sorts of flu meds and called it a night. Even if I died, my seven babies still had a chance.

On Monday I still felt like I was hit by a truck but I had a meeting and decided to be brave. I do not advise that you leave the house when you have flu symptoms. It was the longest most painful day ever. I couldn’t really take deep breaths which was worrying but I’m one of those people who feels extreme guilt when it comes to taking time off work so again, I powered through. Actually, I just sat at my desk staring at the screen until it came time to leave. I honestly hadn’t thought about my seven little monsters until I got the phone call on the way home. We were down to five. Two arrested. I wouldn’t get an update until Wednesday when they would tell us how many were biopsied. Five is good. Last time on day three we had 2. So I was feeling good amidst feeling really really poorly. I got home stripped down and climbed into bed and didn’t get out until Tuesday.

Tuesday came and I was feeling midly better. flu symptoms had dissipated but the heavy abdomen was still an issue. I decided to call in sick and do some serious resting. I totally overdid it on Sunday and I was beating myself up. Tuesday was much like Saturday. I dragged myself to the couch and watched Netflix all day. By the time N came home I was feeling like my old self again. If we have to do this again, I’m going to be a lot more strict with myself about resting and the whole protein electrolyte thing. We actually had a bit of a tiff on Saturday because I wasn’t being proactive. He was annoyed that I wasn’t taking the nurse’s warning seriously but I honestly felt okay on Saturday. In retrospect I think I may have had mild OHSS. This was definitely the worst I’ve felt after an egg retrieval. I do not want to go through that again.

Back at work yesterday and it was business as usual. I actually had my 90 day review which I “passed” with flying colours. It was a good ego boost, something I desparately needed and I’m glad he thinks I’m doing a good job. I was worried he’d bring up the fact that I’ve missed 2.5 days of work since I started. As I’m writing this I’m silently stressing about asking for the 4th off for my follow up appointment. I want the whole day. I really don’t want to come in on the first day of the new year. I want to ease myself into 2016. Let’s see how it goes.

Yesterday was day 5. My 5 boogers were supposed to be biopsied. I sent them all positive vibes and told them how proud I was. I wondered what time they do biopsy. Is it as soon as they become blastocysts or do they wait a bit? I was very nervous. Guilty that I didn’t spend as much time thinking about them as I should have while I was sick. I just hoped that everything was going well. A little confident because up until now everything was going well. Again, the call came as I was driving home. It did not go as I’d expected.

We were down to four… They were still morulas… They hadn’t been biopsied… They would call tomorrow to see if any were biopsied.

I was shocked. I honestly expected most to drop off. But I didn’t expect them all to be slow growers. I texted N when I got home. His response was simply “Shit”. That sums it up perfectly. Of course there’s always room for hope, so hope we shall. When he got home he said they were probably just taking their time and proceeded to talk about something else. I don’t know how husbands can be calm at times like these, but it’s appreciated. I think that’s why they make husbands.

Anyway, that’s where we are at now. I’m okay. I knew this was going to be a tough road for us. We can do this again next month if need be and if these 4 make it then great! It’ll be okay. We’re not out yet. t-minus seven hours until we find out the next steps.

14 thoughts on “Not Out Yet

  1. Sorry you haven’t been feeling well. Maybe you should let your Dr know what has been going on? Don’t count those 4 out yet! One of my embies didn’t hit that embie stage until day 6 either! And it’s still a grade AA, so not a whole lot to worry about it. Hang in there, and I hope you get a wonderful phone call tomorrow!

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