Seven Days

My phone just reminded me that my FET starts in 7 days! So that means about 27 days until transfer. And THAT means that this time next month I’ll likely be in the thick of my TWW. I’ll be pregnant this time next month! The fun part of IVF is this kind of pseudo certainty. No one who conceives naturally can have a pregnancy down to the actual date with this much certainty. Granted I’ll only be pregnant until prove otherwise but damn it, I’ll be pregnant! The IVF highs are pretty high, huh?

I have not yet updated you all on how our follow up appointment went so I’ll do that now. The appointment was on the 4th. And I think I may have gotten a few details wrong.

They collected 12 eggs and 7 were mature and all 7 fertilized. I initially thought that we had 12 and all 12 were mature and only 7 fertilized meaning that our fertilization rate was around 60% when actually we had 100% fertilization. That is amazing!!! The RE was happy about it too. But now the problem is that we only had 60% mature eggs and I’m not too stoked about that. Last time on the first protocol we have 14 eggs and 13 were mature. So the RE suggested that if we were to do this again that he would push my ovaries a little harder and then use a Lupron trigger instead of the HCG trigger. I believe the Lupron trigger helps prevent OHSS while pushing the last few follicles to catch up (I type under correction, however).

Sorry, I’m still giddy about the 100% fertilization. Well done N’s soldiers!!

He then spoke to us about the genetic testing. I’ll just say that we had 2 girls and a boy. 2 of them had an extra chromosome 16, just like our last embryo that we didn’t transfer from the previous cycle. N has a balanced translocation of chromosomes 16 and 18, so that stands to reason. A quick google search told me that “Full trisomy 16 is incompatible with life” and “most of the time it results in miscarriage during the first trimester“.

100% fertilization, though! Dayum!

My next concern was how do we get our little survivor to stick. We talked about embryo glue and a scratch test and my RE isn’t down with either. He said he’s not convinced it’ll work and doesn’t want me spending the money unnecessarily. Why can’t all these doctors go to a conference and decide on one cookie cutter way to do things. Why do some doctors swear by things that other doctors poo-poo? And not about protocols, but these add-ons. Yes, embryo glue works. No, scratch tests don’t. Anything!! That being said, I’m fine with his recommendation. A scratch test would put me back a month anyway. I’ll just have to do some home remedies. Last time I did accupuncture and the pineapple core. I haven’t decided if I want to try accupuncture again. The dr I usually go to is a bit out of the way and expensive. Maybe I should see if I can find someone closer this time. Although I loved him. I don’t know. I am going to try positive visualization this time. I have the Zita West meditation cd and I’ve heard of a Bree Taylor someone who’s on YouTube I think. I’m also eating cleaner. I’m doing the 21 day fertility diet. And I’m taking all the supplements and vitamins. Yoga? As I’m laying on my couch with no plans of moving soon, I’m going to say no. But let’s see if the fertility diet gives me some energy next week.

Then we talked about our little 2BB champion. We all know that I’m not ecstatic about it being 2BB but what I garnered from what he said is that a blastocyst is a blastocyst. The grade doesn’t matter. It helps a little bit, but only a little. I still worry that it won’t work. What I will definitely do next time is not get the grades. Repeat… I.will.NOT.ask.for.the.grades.of.future.embryos!!! Our embryo has as much chance of survival as a 6AA!!!

We talked for a while back and forth about how to fix this and how to fix that and I was getting a bit exasperated but my take away from the meeting was that we’re not through yet. We’re not through with this cycle yet and we’re certainly not through with the journey yet. Our RE, sweet man that he is, said that his translocation patients are always the hardest cases but the majority of them get pregnant in the end. He also said that they’re always the nicest couples but that’s neither here nor there. *blush*

And there you have it. 7 days to get this party started, give or take a day. Let’s get this going!! I have 3 days of long weekend to fill and 4 days of work next week. That’s nothing. I have a baby shower on Sunday which will melt into Monday because we’re planning on brunch the next day. And Monday I have an appointment at the orthodontist to get measurements for my braces. Eeeek! Tuesday I start a new season of volley ball. So at least next week is going to be relatively full.

In the words of everyone’s favourite sponge… I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.


Christmas Miracles?

I hope everyone had a great Christmas this year. Mine was harder than I thought it would be. I’m usually okay at Christmas time but I’ve been unusually weepy since Christmas eve.

We got a call from the RE on Christmas eve day. A call I wasn’t expecting so I was very thrown. He said that of our three tested embryos two were unbalanced and one was balanced and normal. Best phone call to get on Christmas eve right?

But then I started asked questions. The surviving embryo is a 2BB so that already has me worried. The doctor is obviously confident with a 2BB and a blastocyst is a blastocyst but I’m thinking of our 4BB blast that didn’t take. Why would a 2BB take? I know grades don’t mean anything. It’s just my need for things to be logical that’s getting to me.

I know I should be excited but I’m not feeling confident. After the call I Skyped with my family back home and cried. I  just wanted to be home and forget about IVF.

Spoke with N last night and I asked him if we should try another round instead and hope for a stronger embryo. He said no, we should transfer whatever we have until this works. Because with our luck we’ll get great embryos that won’t work and when we eventually try 2BB it’ll work.

So there you have it. I just finished my period so we’ll start the FET next month around this time. Sorry this wasn’t a happy positive post. Maybe I’ll feel more positive the closer we get. If we have to do this again, I’m not going to ask for the gender or grades of the embryos. It’s too hard.


Not Out Yet

HI! Sorry I’ve been quiet, it’s been a busy 6 days. Let’s catch you up, shall we?

On Saturday I pretty much vegged all day. N was at work and I literally didn’t get off the couch. On day 1 they said that 7 embryos were icsi’d and all 7 fertilized. Yay!

On Sunday I needed to get out of the house so I went grocery and christmas shopping for 4 hours and came home and meal prepped for another 4 hours. I was feeling really down in Stop ‘n Shop. I was stressed out and not feeling confident. 7 embryos from 12 is 58% and that’s right on track with ICSI so we were doing good. But I know you all know that feeling and grocery shopping (my favourite thing to do) wasn’t helping. When the nurse called while I was in the organic aisle my heart stopped. I wish I could guage if it’s good or bad news by the way they say “This is so-and-so from Dr so-and-so’s office”, but I can never do it. I wonder what training they go through. Anyway, on day two, thankfully, all seven were still going strong. Sunday was a good day. Or so I thought.

After four hours of cooking we decided to put the tree up and do a final cleaning of the unfinished dining room. We’ll continue work after christmas. I went to lie down after dinner and immediately fell ill. The flu symptoms hit me like a ton of bricks and my ovaries were aching. Actually everything was achy and my skin was sensitive and I’m sure I was dying. I ended up taking all sorts of flu meds and called it a night. Even if I died, my seven babies still had a chance.

On Monday I still felt like I was hit by a truck but I had a meeting and decided to be brave. I do not advise that you leave the house when you have flu symptoms. It was the longest most painful day ever. I couldn’t really take deep breaths which was worrying but I’m one of those people who feels extreme guilt when it comes to taking time off work so again, I powered through. Actually, I just sat at my desk staring at the screen until it came time to leave. I honestly hadn’t thought about my seven little monsters until I got the phone call on the way home. We were down to five. Two arrested. I wouldn’t get an update until Wednesday when they would tell us how many were biopsied. Five is good. Last time on day three we had 2. So I was feeling good amidst feeling really really poorly. I got home stripped down and climbed into bed and didn’t get out until Tuesday.

Tuesday came and I was feeling midly better. flu symptoms had dissipated but the heavy abdomen was still an issue. I decided to call in sick and do some serious resting. I totally overdid it on Sunday and I was beating myself up. Tuesday was much like Saturday. I dragged myself to the couch and watched Netflix all day. By the time N came home I was feeling like my old self again. If we have to do this again, I’m going to be a lot more strict with myself about resting and the whole protein electrolyte thing. We actually had a bit of a tiff on Saturday because I wasn’t being proactive. He was annoyed that I wasn’t taking the nurse’s warning seriously but I honestly felt okay on Saturday. In retrospect I think I may have had mild OHSS. This was definitely the worst I’ve felt after an egg retrieval. I do not want to go through that again.

Back at work yesterday and it was business as usual. I actually had my 90 day review which I “passed” with flying colours. It was a good ego boost, something I desparately needed and I’m glad he thinks I’m doing a good job. I was worried he’d bring up the fact that I’ve missed 2.5 days of work since I started. As I’m writing this I’m silently stressing about asking for the 4th off for my follow up appointment. I want the whole day. I really don’t want to come in on the first day of the new year. I want to ease myself into 2016. Let’s see how it goes.

Yesterday was day 5. My 5 boogers were supposed to be biopsied. I sent them all positive vibes and told them how proud I was. I wondered what time they do biopsy. Is it as soon as they become blastocysts or do they wait a bit? I was very nervous. Guilty that I didn’t spend as much time thinking about them as I should have while I was sick. I just hoped that everything was going well. A little confident because up until now everything was going well. Again, the call came as I was driving home. It did not go as I’d expected.

We were down to four… They were still morulas… They hadn’t been biopsied… They would call tomorrow to see if any were biopsied.

I was shocked. I honestly expected most to drop off. But I didn’t expect them all to be slow growers. I texted N when I got home. His response was simply “Shit”. That sums it up perfectly. Of course there’s always room for hope, so hope we shall. When he got home he said they were probably just taking their time and proceeded to talk about something else. I don’t know how husbands can be calm at times like these, but it’s appreciated. I think that’s why they make husbands.

Anyway, that’s where we are at now. I’m okay. I knew this was going to be a tough road for us. We can do this again next month if need be and if these 4 make it then great! It’ll be okay. We’re not out yet. t-minus seven hours until we find out the next steps.

Sleepless in Massachusetts

I had a terrible night last night and I fear there will be more to come. My husband left me this morning. No not like that :). He’s gone to St John for work until Saturday (sorry, if you think that joke’s in poor taste). I have trouble sleeping when he’s not there so last night I was already tossing and turning thinking about the lack of sleep I’ll endure when he’s gone. So it was a mixture of bitter sadness and extreme excitement.

Excitement because of this. I was working in the tv room last night and I heard my husband call me from the bed room, “Hun, did we ever find out the sex of the embryo?”

“No, I think we’ll ask the Dr G if we get a positive”

“…Oh… I know what it is…”


“Yeah, they sent us the results of the PGD test and I accidentally read it”

“Oh my God, you know what we’re having??!!!”

“Yes do you want to know?”

“Yes!!! … No!!!… hmm yes!… Wait, you actually know what we’re having”

“Yes! it’s right here”

“Oh my God, I don’t know. But I don’t want you to know if I don’t know. Dammit! I had a plan. Of course I want to know. Why would they send us this? Okay tell me. No wait! Okay yes. Argh… Yes! what is it”

“It’s a XXXXX”

Queue several OMG’s, uncontrollable laughter, some more OMG’s, a very happy chair dance and a perma smile for the rest of the evening. I must’ve read the sex over a few times just to let it sink in. I even think we agreed on a name. And by the time we got into bed I’d decorated the baby’s room and sent mental gender announcements to everyone. I had to reign myself in a little bit. Okay, N had to reign me in. I asked him if he was excited and he said we have a long way to go still and he was saving his excitement. I said he was right but right now at that moment we had a little XXXXX. He cracked a smile. I know he’s excited too.

I spent the rest of my sleepless night buying clothing, setting up play dates and counting baby toes in my head. I was quite a bipolar night. One minute was soaring amongst the clouds with other happy mothers the next minute I was inconsolable thinking how would I recover if this embryo didn’t take. Part of me wishes I didn’t know because if it doesn’t work I wouldn’t be as attached. But part of me is so happy because this is the farthest I’ve ever let myself go with my daydreams and plans and I’ve actually let myself enjoy it.

I know that we’re nowhere close to being out of the woods. But right now, today, as I’m sitting here I’m a mom to a little XXXXX and I’m pleased as punch.