Well That Didn’t Last Long

We’re back where we were 2 cycles ago.

14 eggs were mature (what I expected) and 9 fertilized normally. And then today I got the call that 5 were still growing on day 3.

We’re still not out by any means but I was am crushed.

I hate this. One minuter you’re on cloud 9, the next you’re standing in the greeting card aisle in Walgreens choking back tears wondering if you’ll ever receive one of these baby cards.

There’s, of course, always hope but fuuuuck this suuuucks!!

Next update on Wednesday or Thursday.

IVF Season 4: Episode 12-13

Date: 8.1 – 8.3

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 200iu Gonal-F twice a day, 5000iu HCG Trigger.

Produced by: 14 follicles (12 on left, 2 on right): Left – 20, 18, 16, 15.5 x2, 15 x5 ,13.5 ,12.5 and a few <11; Right – 14, 13 and a few <11. Estrogen at 3912 on day 13 and 4552 on day 14 (Yikes!).

Directed by: Oh so much nausea and crazy period cramps.

Synopsis: So things have been rough since I last updated. Rough but good, if that’s even possible. It all started when I woke up rudely yesterday morning at 5:45am! I missed my alarm!! My appointment was at 6:30 an hour’s drive away! I was in stupor trying to gather my thoughts and scramble to get dressed and come to terms with being late for everything. I had to lay my head down for a second because I extremely frazzled and just had to wrap my mind around having overslept. I looked at my phone again and blinked a few times and then realized that I was looking at the South African time, 6 hours ahead. The mixture of anger and relief I felt messed me up for the rest of the day. I even gave myself some serious heartburn and couldn’t fall back to sleep for at least an hour. (Side note: This is not the first time that this has happened btw. I should probably change that clock)

Thankfully, I made the appointment with time to spare. I got the funny chatty super quick tech. She went really quickly, as usual, and I couldn’t keep up with her measurements. She lost me at 8 on the left so I really thought that I’d lost follicles so I was pretty down all day. I’m still in shock that she managed to measure those 12 on the left at that lightning speed. She’s the best.

I got the call in the evening that I was to not do any Gonal-F and just the 10units of microdose lupron that night. Then this morning I had to take the 10 units of microdose lupron, 200iu of Gonal-F and 1 Dexamethasone tablet before my blood draw. My estrogen was at 3912 which is the highest it’s ever been. The dizziness and nausea are still ever present and I’ve also been having bad period cramps but according to Instagram it’s all normal.

Aside from being very sick my spirits have been better since my last post. Not even bleeding all over myself after this morning’s blood draw could get me down (I guess she missed the mark with the gauze). That was a lot of blood.

So today I was prescribed another tablet, Cabergoline. This is supposed to help prevent OHSS. I’m supposed to take it tonight at bed time. My estrogen today is at 4552 so I have to take all the necessary precautions. I also bought all the electrolyte drinks and protein bars and shakes.

We did the trigger shot at 7pm and retrieval is set for 8am on Friday. Whenever I’m at the end of a cycle I think that it’s really flown by but I know that just a day or 2 ago I was crying for it to be over.

I’m not going to lie, I’m nervous as hell. I want a good number of eggs but I want to be realistic too. I keep repeating “quality over quantity” to myself just to center myself and be realistic.

It’s been a good cycle, I think, but the best part was having N do the trigger shot and the moment we shared at the end of it. I love him so much. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.


Please don’t fuck me over


IVF Season 4: Episode 9-11

Date: 7.29 – 7.31

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day

Produced by: 12 follicles (10 on L, 2 on R) ranging from 11 – 15 mm. Estrogen at 2100 on day 11.

Directed by: Oh so much nausea.

Synopsis: I can’t tell if these counts are good or not. My retrieval is supposedly set for Thursday which means only 2 more days of stimming and I don’t think that’s enough time to get more follicles to grow. And he wants me to drop the Gonal-F to 200 now as well. Don’t know if that’s good or not. I’ve definitely hit the mid-cycle bump. Not feeling very confident right now as I’m writing this. It’s because I’m comparing cycles (comparison truly is the thief of joy).

I go back on Tuesday. There’s really nothing else I can do except wait and chat to my eggs. Especially my right ovary. She’s making it so hard. *sigh*

At least birthday month starts tomorrow! I have plans for almost every weekend which is fantastic and I have 2 vaca days that I have to use before the end of the month. Groupon Getaways here I come! Just have to get through this week.

I’ll leave you with a pic of my left ovary. I think it’s cute that it looks like a fist. I can’t almost hear is shouting “follicle power!”. I’m proud of you lefty, thanks for carrying the team.


Best enjoyed with: Bacon, egg, avocado and a mushroom for breakfast and we’ll be having salmon and



IVF Season 4: Episode 5-8

Date: 7.25 – 7.28

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day

Produced by: 5 follicles (3 on L, 2 on R) ranging from 8 – 11 mm. Lots f smaller ones on the left. Estrodiol at 718 on day 8.

Directed by: Oh so much nausea.

Synopsis: I realize I haven’t been very informative with this cycle. I’ve been trying to search for Microdose Lupron Blogs but haven’t found many so I’ll try to leave a bit more information from now on to help anyone else who needs it.

So just to give a little context. Here’s a recap of my dosages for the past 8 days.

Day 1 – 3: I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to take my first 10 unit shot of the microdose lupron at 6:20ish am. I also took a 0.5mg tablet of the dexamethasone in the morning. My nurse said that it can cause insomnia (joy) so best to take in the morning. Then in the evening at 6:20ish pm I did another 10 unit shot of the microdose lupron. These first four days were extremely boring. I felt no symptoms and life continued as normal.

Day 4-8: I kept the same doses and times with the lupron and dexamethasone but I added 225iu of Gonal-F. After the evening shot the nausea was instant and hasn’t dissipated yet. I’ve been trying to stay hydrated and fed to help with the nausea but it’s pretty bad. and Staying fed is a mission all on it’s own because of the braces (I’ll do another post about adult braces). I’m also doing shots myself because N is asleep when I do the morning shot and he’s at work when I do the evening shot. Summer time is his busy time at work so I’m used to not really seeing him for most of the day but I still miss him terribly.

So here we are on day 8 and my first monitoring appointment. On other cycles I did the first appointment on day 5. Now if you take the start of Gonal-F as day 1 then technically this is day 5 as well. I am a little bummed (as I always am) that things aren’t what I expected but I think my expectations were unrealistic. Yes I was already expecting 20+ follicles at at least 14mm+ *rolls eyes at self*

Trying to stay focused and not lose energy. It’s hard. But I have a good support system. It’s going to be a good cycle!!

Best enjoyed with: I’ve been eating mostly soft veggies and hard boiled eggs because of my teeth. Eating has really been a miserable affair. But I am armed with a new meal plan and tomorrow is grocery shopping day. I’m excited to try some .. soft meat. ugh.

This made me smile

IVF Season 4: Episode 1-4

Date: 7.21 – 7.24

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day (started yesterday)

Synopsis: So far so good. It’s been an uneventful first 4 days. No side effects to speak of. No bloat. It will be a whole week before my first monitoring appointment so I’m really flying blind. But I’m enjoying the blissful ignorance.

We added Gonal-F to the mix yesterday. I’m doing the morning shots myself and it’s almost a non-issue. There’s always that moment of panic before the needle goes in but it’s getting a whole lot easier.

Again, this cycle, like the last one is quite uneventful. Maybe on Thursday I’ll have something exciting to report. The only thing that’s bugging me is that after I stopped the pill I got a full period. Usually it’s just a day or 2 of bleeding but It’s still going right now and I’m annoyed. Other than that all’s well in stim land.

Happy Monday everyone!

This made me LOL.


I didn’t get a call on Sunday for some reason but yesterday I heard that we only have three embryos left on day three.

I cried. Will we ever get more than 3 embryos to biopsy? The numbers are just getting worse and worse the more cycles we do. If this cycle fails I’m going to start looking at other clinics. And I really don’t want to do that. I love my clinic. I despise the distance with every ounce of my being but I know that driving in to Boston for appointments and such isn’t going to be fun either. Do I just stay the course then? Because the commute is my only gripe at this stage.

Anyway. So, three. They supposed to be biopsied tomorrow. Please please please guys, just hang in there. We need some good news, please.

Take Me Off This Ride Please

I forgot what a mind f*ck this can be. I don’t enjoy the ride. And add to that, my nurse didn’t call. I had to call her and then got voicemail so I sat in the car for a torturous 5 minutes before she called. I don’t want to play anymore. I just want to rest.

Thankfully, the news was good. 3 of my little monsters pulled through and were able to be biopsied.

We are not out of the woods yet but boy am I happy to be over this hurdle. Our follow up appointment is Jan 4th when we’ll get our results and next steps.

I’m so tired from all this worrying. And I’m so done with 2015. I’m going to go into serious holiday mode now.

Okay, I’m about to sleep my ass off right now. Thank you all for being hopeful when I had no hope. Couldn’t do it without you. xxx

Not Out Yet

HI! Sorry I’ve been quiet, it’s been a busy 6 days. Let’s catch you up, shall we?

On Saturday I pretty much vegged all day. N was at work and I literally didn’t get off the couch. On day 1 they said that 7 embryos were icsi’d and all 7 fertilized. Yay!

On Sunday I needed to get out of the house so I went grocery and christmas shopping for 4 hours and came home and meal prepped for another 4 hours. I was feeling really down in Stop ‘n Shop. I was stressed out and not feeling confident. 7 embryos from 12 is 58% and that’s right on track with ICSI so we were doing good. But I know you all know that feeling and grocery shopping (my favourite thing to do) wasn’t helping. When the nurse called while I was in the organic aisle my heart stopped. I wish I could guage if it’s good or bad news by the way they say “This is so-and-so from Dr so-and-so’s office”, but I can never do it. I wonder what training they go through. Anyway, on day two, thankfully, all seven were still going strong. Sunday was a good day. Or so I thought.

After four hours of cooking we decided to put the tree up and do a final cleaning of the unfinished dining room. We’ll continue work after christmas. I went to lie down after dinner and immediately fell ill. The flu symptoms hit me like a ton of bricks and my ovaries were aching. Actually everything was achy and my skin was sensitive and I’m sure I was dying. I ended up taking all sorts of flu meds and called it a night. Even if I died, my seven babies still had a chance.

On Monday I still felt like I was hit by a truck but I had a meeting and decided to be brave. I do not advise that you leave the house when you have flu symptoms. It was the longest most painful day ever. I couldn’t really take deep breaths which was worrying but I’m one of those people who feels extreme guilt when it comes to taking time off work so again, I powered through. Actually, I just sat at my desk staring at the screen until it came time to leave. I honestly hadn’t thought about my seven little monsters until I got the phone call on the way home. We were down to five. Two arrested. I wouldn’t get an update until Wednesday when they would tell us how many were biopsied. Five is good. Last time on day three we had 2. So I was feeling good amidst feeling really really poorly. I got home stripped down and climbed into bed and didn’t get out until Tuesday.

Tuesday came and I was feeling midly better. flu symptoms had dissipated but the heavy abdomen was still an issue. I decided to call in sick and do some serious resting. I totally overdid it on Sunday and I was beating myself up. Tuesday was much like Saturday. I dragged myself to the couch and watched Netflix all day. By the time N came home I was feeling like my old self again. If we have to do this again, I’m going to be a lot more strict with myself about resting and the whole protein electrolyte thing. We actually had a bit of a tiff on Saturday because I wasn’t being proactive. He was annoyed that I wasn’t taking the nurse’s warning seriously but I honestly felt okay on Saturday. In retrospect I think I may have had mild OHSS. This was definitely the worst I’ve felt after an egg retrieval. I do not want to go through that again.

Back at work yesterday and it was business as usual. I actually had my 90 day review which I “passed” with flying colours. It was a good ego boost, something I desparately needed and I’m glad he thinks I’m doing a good job. I was worried he’d bring up the fact that I’ve missed 2.5 days of work since I started. As I’m writing this I’m silently stressing about asking for the 4th off for my follow up appointment. I want the whole day. I really don’t want to come in on the first day of the new year. I want to ease myself into 2016. Let’s see how it goes.

Yesterday was day 5. My 5 boogers were supposed to be biopsied. I sent them all positive vibes and told them how proud I was. I wondered what time they do biopsy. Is it as soon as they become blastocysts or do they wait a bit? I was very nervous. Guilty that I didn’t spend as much time thinking about them as I should have while I was sick. I just hoped that everything was going well. A little confident because up until now everything was going well. Again, the call came as I was driving home. It did not go as I’d expected.

We were down to four… They were still morulas… They hadn’t been biopsied… They would call tomorrow to see if any were biopsied.

I was shocked. I honestly expected most to drop off. But I didn’t expect them all to be slow growers. I texted N when I got home. His response was simply “Shit”. That sums it up perfectly. Of course there’s always room for hope, so hope we shall. When he got home he said they were probably just taking their time and proceeded to talk about something else. I don’t know how husbands can be calm at times like these, but it’s appreciated. I think that’s why they make husbands.

Anyway, that’s where we are at now. I’m okay. I knew this was going to be a tough road for us. We can do this again next month if need be and if these 4 make it then great! It’ll be okay. We’re not out yet. t-minus seven hours until we find out the next steps.

Let the Games Begin

Just a quick update as I’m in full on rest mode. Everything went well. We have 12 little eggs who are hopefully fertilizing away nicely. Now comes the super dee duper stressful part. But today, right now, we have 12 and that’s alright by me.

The pain is manageable but there and I’m dizzy but what else is new. I might just need a nap.

Thank you all for cheering me on and checking in. N and I and our 12 potentials are forever grateful.

In Other News

If you won the lottery what would you change on your body? If you say nothing, I don’t want to friends with you… Just kidding but man, that would be awesome. I actually think for the most part I’ve made peace with my lumpy bumpy areas and such but one part I have always wanted to fix is my damned teeth.

I’ve hated them my whole life. Well as long as I’ve had them anyways. I had braces for a bit but let’s just chalk it up to an unqualified dentist. So here I sit with a messed up grill and years of insecurity about my smile.

So I finally went to see someone about my pearly yellows and looks like I’ll be getting braces in 2016. I met with a dental surgeon yesterday and he was like “Ew, I can’t fix this, go see an orthodontist”… I’m sure he used more professional language and he was actually very nice and made me very excited about my options but it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t a bit dramatic.

So I’m off to see the orthodontist in 27 days! N is worried that I’ll have to get the old school train track looking ones. I am just excited to be getting my teeth fixed! I’ll even go so far as to say I’m a teensy bit more excited than I am about egg retrieval. Just because I know the outcome of this will be awesome.

It’s going to be a great December, everyone.

Day 3, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Injection site sensitive. Found a bruise from yesterday.
No more dizziness
No more funny taste
Period seems to have ended. Happy day.
Twitches felt in abdomen. Whoop!

Read above about teeth. This is overshadowing any fear/anxiety of IVF process.

Roasted chicken
Sweet potatoes
Cheesy cauliflower gratin

Moment of Zen:
So cheesy but I lol’d.