Well That Didn’t Last Long

We’re back where we were 2 cycles ago.

14 eggs were mature (what I expected) and 9 fertilized normally. And then today I got the call that 5 were still growing on day 3.

We’re still not out by any means but I was am crushed.

I hate this. One minuter you’re on cloud 9, the next you’re standing in the greeting card aisle in Walgreens choking back tears wondering if you’ll ever receive one of these baby cards.

There’s, of course, always hope but fuuuuck this suuuucks!!

Next update on Wednesday or Thursday.

IVF Season 4: Finale

I didn’t want to write this until we got the fertilization report. To be honest I actually wanted to disappear until this is all over. It still feels a bit too good to be true.

The day went pretty well. Both of us were in great spirits, even at 5:30am. We got there with time to spare and went through the same spiel and everything was blissfully boring. There was a new doctor doing the retrieval. The Dr L. I’d seen pictures of around the office. I told N that she was Forbes 40 under 40 a few years ago and that she is one of the doctors I was thinking of going to for a second opinion because she takes appointments closer to us. So I was glad to have met her in person and even more glad that she was so warm and friendly when she came to introduce herself to us. We also got a nice surprise visit from our nurse too. I’m so embarrassed, I didn’t recognise her at first. I met her twice since we started this journey and our exchanges have been strictly telephonic since then. But she’s been like my ivf mom and I am beyond grateful that she popped in to say hi and wish us luck.

The retrieval itself was as it always is. Over really quickly. The pain, however, was unbearable when I woke up and I was promptly given some Fentanyl. As I lay with my eyes closed, wincing, I overheard one of the nurses say “It’s probably because they got a lot of eggs” and I smiled to myself.

N came back once the nurses had stopped fussing over me and we shared some nervous glances while we quietly shared a bag of graham crackers and ginger ale.

It wasn’t long when Dr. L came in and told me, with a big smile on her face, that she’d retrieved 21 eggs. I’m tearing up as I’m writing this, still in a little disbelief. I don’t remember what I said to her but it was there were a lot of “OMG’s” and “Wow’s”.

The pain was gone almost instantly after getting the news. The graham crackers tasted sweeter, the ginger ale crisper. For the first time in a long time I felt hope. Sweet, sweet hope.

Back home, N had to go back to work and I spent the rest of the day resting and sharing the good news with friends and family. Unfortunately, as the day has wore on I’ve been battling with the fear of how high I am right now and how far of a fall it will be if bad news comes.

I’m working very hard on not letting the fear creep in. I know how lucky I am to have 21 eggs. I am trying to enjoy it. It’s amazing. My body did something really amazing today. I really need to give myself a break.

Today really was a good day.

IVF Season 4: Episode 12-13

Date: 8.1 – 8.3

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 200iu Gonal-F twice a day, 5000iu HCG Trigger.

Produced by: 14 follicles (12 on left, 2 on right): Left – 20, 18, 16, 15.5 x2, 15 x5 ,13.5 ,12.5 and a few <11; Right – 14, 13 and a few <11. Estrogen at 3912 on day 13 and 4552 on day 14 (Yikes!).

Directed by: Oh so much nausea and crazy period cramps.

Synopsis: So things have been rough since I last updated. Rough but good, if that’s even possible. It all started when I woke up rudely yesterday morning at 5:45am! I missed my alarm!! My appointment was at 6:30 an hour’s drive away! I was in stupor trying to gather my thoughts and scramble to get dressed and come to terms with being late for everything. I had to lay my head down for a second because I extremely frazzled and just had to wrap my mind around having overslept. I looked at my phone again and blinked a few times and then realized that I was looking at the South African time, 6 hours ahead. The mixture of anger and relief I felt messed me up for the rest of the day. I even gave myself some serious heartburn and couldn’t fall back to sleep for at least an hour. (Side note: This is not the first time that this has happened btw. I should probably change that clock)

Thankfully, I made the appointment with time to spare. I got the funny chatty super quick tech. She went really quickly, as usual, and I couldn’t keep up with her measurements. She lost me at 8 on the left so I really thought that I’d lost follicles so I was pretty down all day. I’m still in shock that she managed to measure those 12 on the left at that lightning speed. She’s the best.

I got the call in the evening that I was to not do any Gonal-F and just the 10units of microdose lupron that night. Then this morning I had to take the 10 units of microdose lupron, 200iu of Gonal-F and 1 Dexamethasone tablet before my blood draw. My estrogen was at 3912 which is the highest it’s ever been. The dizziness and nausea are still ever present and I’ve also been having bad period cramps but according to Instagram it’s all normal.

Aside from being very sick my spirits have been better since my last post. Not even bleeding all over myself after this morning’s blood draw could get me down (I guess she missed the mark with the gauze). That was a lot of blood.

So today I was prescribed another tablet, Cabergoline. This is supposed to help prevent OHSS. I’m supposed to take it tonight at bed time. My estrogen today is at 4552 so I have to take all the necessary precautions. I also bought all the electrolyte drinks and protein bars and shakes.

We did the trigger shot at 7pm and retrieval is set for 8am on Friday. Whenever I’m at the end of a cycle I think that it’s really flown by but I know that just a day or 2 ago I was crying for it to be over.

I’m not going to lie, I’m nervous as hell. I want a good number of eggs but I want to be realistic too. I keep repeating “quality over quantity” to myself just to center myself and be realistic.

It’s been a good cycle, I think, but the best part was having N do the trigger shot and the moment we shared at the end of it. I love him so much. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.

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Please don’t fuck me over

 

IVF Season 4: Episode 5-8

Date: 7.25 – 7.28

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day

Produced by: 5 follicles (3 on L, 2 on R) ranging from 8 – 11 mm. Lots f smaller ones on the left. Estrodiol at 718 on day 8.

Directed by: Oh so much nausea.

Synopsis: I realize I haven’t been very informative with this cycle. I’ve been trying to search for Microdose Lupron Blogs but haven’t found many so I’ll try to leave a bit more information from now on to help anyone else who needs it.

So just to give a little context. Here’s a recap of my dosages for the past 8 days.

Day 1 – 3: I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to take my first 10 unit shot of the microdose lupron at 6:20ish am. I also took a 0.5mg tablet of the dexamethasone in the morning. My nurse said that it can cause insomnia (joy) so best to take in the morning. Then in the evening at 6:20ish pm I did another 10 unit shot of the microdose lupron. These first four days were extremely boring. I felt no symptoms and life continued as normal.

Day 4-8: I kept the same doses and times with the lupron and dexamethasone but I added 225iu of Gonal-F. After the evening shot the nausea was instant and hasn’t dissipated yet. I’ve been trying to stay hydrated and fed to help with the nausea but it’s pretty bad. and Staying fed is a mission all on it’s own because of the braces (I’ll do another post about adult braces). I’m also doing shots myself because N is asleep when I do the morning shot and he’s at work when I do the evening shot. Summer time is his busy time at work so I’m used to not really seeing him for most of the day but I still miss him terribly.

So here we are on day 8 and my first monitoring appointment. On other cycles I did the first appointment on day 5. Now if you take the start of Gonal-F as day 1 then technically this is day 5 as well. I am a little bummed (as I always am) that things aren’t what I expected but I think my expectations were unrealistic. Yes I was already expecting 20+ follicles at at least 14mm+ *rolls eyes at self*

Trying to stay focused and not lose energy. It’s hard. But I have a good support system. It’s going to be a good cycle!!

Best enjoyed with: I’ve been eating mostly soft veggies and hard boiled eggs because of my teeth. Eating has really been a miserable affair. But I am armed with a new meal plan and tomorrow is grocery shopping day. I’m excited to try some .. soft meat. ugh.

Outtakes:
This made me smile
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