Monthly Archives: February 2017

Let’s See

Posted in TTC drama by

Last night I started BCP’s for this FET cycle. I’m a little shocked that it’s already go time. Granted this is going to be a very long cycle it feels like it’s happening quickly again.

My feelings are the same. Waxing and waning. Excited and Ugh what’s the point. Today I woke up with a beautiful sore throat that has me in quite a mood. The one year I get the flu shot I get sick twice. I know the flu shot only attempts to prevent the flu but I’m just annoyed that I was proactive in my not wanting to get sick this year and now look at me.

So today is an Ugh day. Truthfully I’m still skeptical. I was talking to my friend about it and even with my RE giving us all these good odds I still find myself self saying let’s see doc. Let’s just see.

This post doesn’t really have a point. Just wanted to mark the beginning of my 3rd transfer cycle.

Third transfer of yet another PGD tested normal embryo.

Different doctor.

Different protocol.

Same scenario.

Let’s see.

The End of an E.R.A.

Posted in TTC drama by

Been dying to use that blog title for the longest time 🙂

And thus ends my ERA cycle. I am battered and bruised and so happy that it’s over. 7 weeks total. Here’s the breakdown if you’re interested.

December 25th: Period Starts. Pregnancy test negative duh.

December 27th: Start birth control pills for 3 weeks.

January 4th: Follow-up appointment with RE.

January 10th: Start daily Lupron sub-Q injections.

January 16th: Stop birth control. This is the longest month in human history.

January 19th: Baseline appointment. All systems go!

January 21st: First day of my period. 100 more days of January left.

January 23rd: Start daily 1mg estrogen pills and 1mg aspirin. Increase to 2mg estrogen at some point, then 4, then 6.

February 3rd: Stop Lupron injections.

February 5th: Start nightly Progesterone in Oil intra-muscular injections 1cc.

February 10th: Cycle ends with Endometrial Biopsy. Stop daily estrogen and aspirin.

February 14th: Stop Progesterone injections. Joy!

The biopsy was a nightmare as always and to make matters worse the nurse practitioner said that she had to do 2 biopsies. That was news to me and I actually cried when she left the room for a few seconds. One biopsy was for the ERA lab and the other was to test if my lining had any infections. Same as the first biopsy I had done. They have me scheduled for another HSG in March and I’m going to make them give me harder drugs. My friend B has so kindly offered to take me to the appointment so I hope they can do it on a day that fits her schedule. I don’t think it’s necessary for me to go through that much pain. I’m a woos and I’m proud!

And now we just wait for a period and we can start prepping to bring little Lucky home! I believe it’s suggested that you do another ERA if the result doesn’t come back as receptive but my RE doesn’t seem to think it’s necessary but gave me the choice. I am really averse to doing another one but let’s see if my RE changes his mind depending on what the results are.

So for now we are awaiting our next FET cycle. Big yay!! My app says 5 days til my period starts. Come on body, let’s get this party started!

BTW my ass hurts so much from the PIO shots. I can’t imagine doing them for 12 weeks or more. Besides ice and massaging do you guys have any tips on PIO shots? And itchy!! the injection sites are itchy as hell. I don’t think I’m allergic to the oil though. No serious skin reaction. Just itchy. Fun times.

 

 

 

 

You’re Next

Posted in Uncategorized by

As with everything “ranty”, I’ve gone back and forth about blogging about this since my intent is not to offend anyone but just to speak my truth.

While contemplating this post I’ve also had time to think about my feelings and in doing so find myself not really bothered by it anymore. Not sure if that’s because I’m sailing to the top of the infertility wave where everything is sunny and Beyonce having twins is only a tiny little punch to the gut. Either way, it’s not an issue now and I’m glad I’ve had a chance to process it.

Two of my IVF besties have been abundantly blessed recently. One just gave birth and one just found out the sex of her little one. Both of these things happened within days of one another and they both said the exact same thing to me that, at the time, annoyed me extremely.

“Don’t give up! You’re next!”

It annoyed me for a few reasons:

  1. This fantastic news is about you. It has nothing to do with me. I was more than happy being happy for you. In that moment I’d completely forgotten about me because I was lost in my friend’s joy but you brought that to a screeching halt when you reminded me that I’m still struggling. I didn’t want want to remember it at the moment. It was a “you” moment. There’s plenty of time after our conversation for me to have a breakdown but not during. And I understand that IVF moms feel survivor’s guilt and it’s inherent to want to reach out and save someone else from being hurt but it’s okay to be happy for yourself for a moment. Please enjoy it. I’ll be okay.
  2. “You’re next” is a lie. An infuriating one at that. Just based on the fact that, since writing these words, 10 children have already been born. And even if you mean that I’m next out of the 2 of us, you can’t possibly know that to be true. I just feel like “you’re next” is such a lazy thing to say to someone going through this. That’s the only way I can describe it. You couldn’t think of anything supportive to say, so you just blurted out something a fertile person would say? Just stop. The most used one liners tend to be the ones that sting the most and this one stung.
  3. “Don’t give up”… Where do I begin? Firstly, I understand. I understand holding your miracle in your arms and thinking that you’re only in this position because you fought hard and you never gave up. It’s perfectly sound advice. I get it and when I think about it, I can’t really be mad about this advice because it makes sense. You won’t get what you want if you give up. But it bothers me. It bothers me because I think this is our last year of trying. It bothers me that I will feel like a failure for giving up when in actual fact giving up is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s one of the hardest, bravest decisions one can make but it comes with a stigma. Only losers give up. Only losers quit. There’s nothing wrong with quitting, my friends. Sometimes quitting is empowering and necessary. So in the immortal words of someone on the internet, “Do you, booboo”.

And that is the end of my Thursday rant. Like I said, I’ve since gotten over my irritation. For now, I’m not giving up and who knows, I might just be next *rolls eyes*. But I’ve also decided to skip the last paragraph of every birth story and pregnancy announcement moving forward…

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