Sunday Smiles

Posted in Random Tales by Just Another Manic Blogger

I’m having an infertility day. We’re adding another preggo announcement to the tally. But my Sunday smile was really good news so I’m trying to focus on this instead of diving into that bottle of red wine.

Remember how I said Aetna didn’t pay the full bill for the PGD testing? Well, this week I received another claim email from them saying that they did pay the full bill!!! You guys. I cried. Reading the words “Your plan pays 100%” was… I’m sure you know the feeling.

And I can’t remember if I mentioned this but my clinic requires that you pay the coinsurance for each cycle up front before the baseline scan. So I called them to find out how much this cycle would cost me out of pocket since they’ve had a fee increase and L, the finance lady, told me that since they merged with another clinic they no longer require us to pay the coinsurance upfront. Basically, I could do the procedure and get billed later on. That is awesome! It, of course, doesn’t mean that I don’t have to save up for my cycle, but it does mean that I don’t have to save up first. It was just a nice weight off my shoulders and will give me more time to save without having to wait as long to start.

And my last little bit of good news. It comes on the back of saddish news but it still made me smile. My brother’s fiance asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! The sad part is that she had to ‘fire’ the one I’m taking over for. It’s sad because, it’s not a fun thing to have to drop a bridesmaid (I had to drop a groomsman the day before my wedding lol) but my future sister-in-law says that they weren’t gelling. So yay! I’m in! I’m so excited for this wedding I want to scream and I’m over the moon that I get to participate. I love weddings!

Okay, I have to run, my kittie is looking at me with hungry eyes and it’s almost time for Game of Thrones.

Hope you’re all having a wonderful Sunday and I wish you nothing but awesomeness this week!

20Apr2015

Sunday Smiles

Posted in Random Tales by Just Another Manic Blogger

Hey!!

So everyone does these awesome posts where they talk about things that make them happy or blessings for the week and I want to do the same!

Welcome to Sunday Happies! I’m working on the name. It’s been a long week and my job is draining all my brain power.

We’ll start small because happiness is a little hard to come by lately… see above about my job and my poor brain. I don’t know if this is the place to complain about a job just yet but know that I’m taking steps to change my situation because I always believe that if you’re not happy then leave and if you can’t leave then drink beer.

But I digress. I only have 2 things this week that made me happy. Baby steps.

1. First, I’m always late with fashion trends. I mean late! I mean, I only started wearing boob tubes a few years ago and I’ll probably start wearing rompers in 2020. So I don’t know if these are out of fashion or if they ever were but I’m in deep love with these capri workout pants. I rarely find clothing I like and capri pants in particular are worrying because I’m 5’1″ and I feel like they’ll make me look chopped. But these make me happy. I only have 1 pair so far and I’ve been living in them. Shopping for clothing stresses me out so when I find something I like, I keep it forever. Yes, I still own clothes from university. Please excuse the lack of molding on the floor there. Our house is a fixer upper than has yet to be fixer uppered.

2. I made a diaper cake for my friend’s baby shower and I’m extremely proud of it! I’m a closet crafter. I’ll only do it when I have to but I love it. Someone else made a diaper cake too but *whisper* I think my little guy is better. Meet Julio.

doesn’t the other guy look not too happy to be at the shower? Aww Julio.

Anyway, there you have it. These are 2 things that really made me smile this week and I’m clinging to the smiles… Ooh! I think that’s a better name for this series of posts. Sunday Smiles!

If you’re wondering how the baby shower went, I think it went well. It’s my 3rd shower since we found out we’re infertile and my first shower since our BFN. I first have to mention that these two having the baby are extremely special to me. I can’t explain it but you know those friends you have who are just awesome. They’re of the first few people who we told about our troubles and the support was exactly what we needed. They fell pregnant right off the bat and she took the time to send us a very heartfelt text which I’ll never forget. They’re having a little boy and I’m a little jealous of him having the best parents lol. Anyway, I think the relationship you have with the people who are pregnant around you definitely determines how you’ll react to the pregnancy. I’m so thankful for their friendship and I’m so genuinely happy for them and not even a little sad for me. Well I could still be on a high from the party but It makes me smile. Hmm, I think that’s another thing to add to Sunday Smiles. Yay!

11Apr2015

Chasing Pavements

Posted in TTC drama by Just Another Manic Blogger

Isn’t it funny how sometimes when you’re listening to music at work, there’s one song that comes on that puts into words exactly what you’re feeling and you end up tearing up right when your boss comes over to ask how the day’s going? No, not funny? Yeah, you’re right.

I’m learning so many new things everyday with the IVF process. Today’s lesson(s): Always check, double check, and triple check what your insurance carrier tells you vs what your clinic tells you. Do not, under any any circumstances, assume that what 2 people say is law. Do not trust anything that sounds too good to be true as far as your insurance carrier covering certain procedures. If you do this, you will most likely end up with a surprise bill that you in no way budgeted for and you will invariably find yourself at your desk listening to Adele ask the tough questions, with tears in your eyes playing it off as the end of big yawn so your boss would just go away.

I don’t want to go into too much detail because I’ve since made my peace with it and realize that fighting with my insurance company over a what someone told me over the phone in September is not going to make them reverse their decision or even investigate the matter. But I have 100% learned my lesson and I a wiser for it.. and a little more bitter.

“Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements?”… I don’t know, Adele.. That’s a good question. That’s how I felt on Tuesday after reading the bill and talking to the rudest lady in the collections department at the genetics lab. Just when I came to terms with moving IVF #2 out a few months. I’m now having to come to terms with pushing it out another few more months. And we all know how gut wrenching all this waiting is. I honestly didn’t even want to bother anymore.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I can’t deal with waiting. Why I break into a cold sweat just thinking about it. And it’s simply because I don’t like that feeling I get when someone I know personally gets pregnant. Don’t like is putting it mildly. We all know the feeling. But can I really live my life in fear while waiting? My friends are either trying to get pregnant, getting married so pregnancy is sure to follow at some point, or talking about baby number 2 and I am experiencing anxiety and depression even though it hasn’t even happened yet. I’m already depressed about pregnancies that are only in my head. I feel like I won’t recover if someone else I love becomes pregnant before me. Really? really?

So I started to shift my thinking… In the time we started this journey 5 of my loved ones have become pregnant before me. 3 of them have given birth to beautiful little angels. And me? I survived through all of it. Was I devastated? Yes. Did I make it through? Absolutely.

The bottom line is that life goes on. People are 100% going to get pregnant before me and I will 100% be a broken mess for a few days (or weeks) and I will 100% get up and carry on. I cannot be afraid of something I have no control over. That’s no way to live. I have to start to live again.

Now I don’t know where we stand with IVF #2 anymore. I have a few things going on that I’m excited about and right now IVF #2 does not excite me. I almost can’t believe I’m saying that but it’s true. The way the genetics lab and my insurance carrier have handled this bill has left a very bitter taste in my mouth and I have two work with both of these entities again when I’d really rather just spit in their respective faces (especially that rude bitch on the phone).

I’m not giving up, Adele. And I’m not chasing pavements either. I am just going to try and regain control of my little world for now.

9Apr2015

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

Posted in Random Tales by Just Another Manic Blogger

I really enjoy these awards because I love getting to know all of you! My Perfect Breakdown nominated me this time and I’m super happy. Thank you, my friend. You’re certainly one of my favourite bloggers and I’m quite honoured to be on your list of nominations :). If you all don’t know MPB by now, then you’re probably new to the blogging world. Follow her, you won’t regret it. xx

The rules for this award are pretty simple:

Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site
Put the award logo on your blog
Answer the ten questions the nominator has set you
Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer
Nominate ten people

My Answers:

What’s your favourite thing about blogging?

It took a while to get it going but I’m ever thankful for the connections I’ve made. In real life it takes a while for people to warm up to me, perhaps it’s my resting bitch face lol but I feel like I’ve made good friends now, 1 year into blogging.

What was the last thing you saw at the theatre and what did you think of it?

In my husband’s OKC profile he mentioned that he’s looking for someone to watch movies at the theatre with since it’s his favourite thing to do. That being said, we haven’t been in aaages. We have to be better. The last movie we watched was either Interstellar or the Hobbit, bad memory. Interstellar was amazing and I bawled like a baby. The Hobbit was great as well but I read the book so I have my issues with it but hot Kili made up for it.

Kili-Wallpaper-fili-and-kili-33416104-1500-960

Isn’t he beautiful?

If you meant theatre theatre, we don’t do that often at all but we saw the Book of Mormon last year sometime. Plays are always great but never on the top of my list of fun nights out. Does that mean I lack culture?

What’s left to do on your bucket list? Have you actually crossed anything off it yet?

Gosh, my bucket list is food related and not very difficult to do for some stuff.
1. I want a cronut from Ansel’s bakery
2. I want sushi from Sukiyabashi Jiro. I watched a documentary on it on Netflix and now I have to go. Their plates are like $300 per person but it must be done. Also Jiro (the sushi master) is like 200 years old so he’s not going to be there for much longer.
3. I want to try any type of street food in Thailand
4. I want giant shrimp in Mozambique
5. I want to try a $2 buffet in Las Vegas (or any cheap buffet)
6. I want a reuben sandwich somewhere in New York City (Any suggestions?)
7. I want to try puffer fish sushi somewhere.
8. I want to spend a lot of money on a very expensive restaurant somewhere. One of those 9 course, chef special, foam on the plate type places.
9. I want to go to class to make cheese and start making my own cheese.
10. I want to have a giant bucket of crawfish in the south somewhere.
11. I want to have haggis in Scotland.

I could talk about this stuff forever but I’ll leave it there.

Who is your embarrassing/weird celebrity crush?

Hmmm… Maybe Louis C.K.? Funny goes far with me.

Summer or Winter?

100% Summer! Cocktails!

Beach/pool holiday doing nothing or running, jumping climbing trees somewhere completely random?

Beach/pool please! I’m a big fan of doing nothing.

Did you go to university? If so, what did you study and do you think that your degree has helped you in later life?

I did indeed. I was forced by my parents but oh so grateful for opportunity. Rocky start though. I started with a BA Psychology degree but dropped that with the quickness after a year. The went in a completely different direction with BSc degree in Statistics, Mathematics and Applied Math. And then in SA we do an Honours degree after the Bachelors and before the Masters so I have an honours degree in Statistics.

Has it helped me later in life? Well it helped me get my foot in the door for some great jobs. I haven’t used it to my fullest potential because I always sell myself short when applying for jobs. My jobs have always been in the general realm of statistics but I’ve never find myself not doing a lot of hard core stats. I’m my own worst enemy.

How would you spend your ideal day, with no budget or time restrictions? (i.e. being able to jump countries or continents in an instant)

I would jump home with hubby and take all my USA friends and have a giant braai (barbeque) with my friends and family in SA. Lots beer, lots of meat, lots of laughter, lots of love.

What would you call your autobiography?

Tales of a 30 year old nothing… I guess.

Do you cook/bake from scratch? If so, do you have a signature dish?

Yes! It’s my favourite thing to do ever. I’m not so good at the baking but I recently made a successful batch of hot cross buns from scratch after many flops. Very proud moment.

Signature dish? I had to ask hubby. He says Hong Kong Chicken but now I realise I haven’t made it in ages so he must be hinting. Luckily we have chicken in the freezer :).

My 10 Nominations Are:

That was a lot of fun. I hope you guys have as much fun doing it as I have. Oh and my questions are the same as above. I’m going to nominate new blogs I’ve started following.

1. I Choose To Be In A Lovely Place

2. Http://jettsetter007.wordpress.com

3. Expecting To Be Expecting

4. Try Try Again

5. 2ndaryclass Citizen

6. The Great Pudding Club Hunt

7. Hoping On Hope

8. Confessions Of Little Miss PMA

9. Completing The Howard Clan

10. Stitchingafamily