Author Archives: Just Another Manic Blogger

Embryo Update

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Well hellooo. I know it’s been a while but I wanted to rest up fully after egg retrieval and I didn’t feel up to  typing of any sort this weekend :).

So the retrieval was at 9ish on Friday morning. We got there at 7:30 and hubby did his thing at 8:30. The IV they put in hurt like hell. I think my veins were just over it at this point. The anesthetist and the surgeon came to discuss the procedure with me and said I wouldn’t be out for more than 10-15 minutes. I tried reading to occupy my mind but I obviously couldn’t concentrate. When it finally came to go-time they took me to the bathroom to pee then walked me into the room. I had to lay down and pop my legs into the stirrups, there were about 5 people in the room and while she was strapping me in I had to recite my name and DOB for a lady with a clip board. As soon as I laid my head back I was out. I woke up around 10:15 and felt a tiny bit cramping but nothing to write home about. I got some crackers and a ginger ale and waited for the old surgeon to let me know how it went. We were out of there by 10:30 with 14 eggs waiting to be fertilized. I was so relieved and hopeful. It was a good day.

Fast forward to today. I’ve cried a total of 5 times. I’ve gone from insanely happy and excited to honestly wanting to cancel the whole thing and just give up. I had no idea the roller coaster of emotions I would have to endure. This is not fun at all and to top it all off, I am violently constipated. I have IBS issues and they’re in full swing right now. I’m very uncomfortable and emotional. It’s not a good combo.

The tally right now is pretty good, in my opinion. Of the 14 eggs, 13 were mature and 8 fertilized and yesterday I got the call that 7 were still in the running.  They’re not going to call anymore with updates. I have to call them on Wednesday to find out how many were biopsied. I have no idea how I’m going to get through the next couple of days. I think I should start running again. Maybe it’ll help.

I don’t really want to talk about the next steps since I don’t want to jinx anything. I’ll write a blog about my crazy superstitions one day, but today, at this moment, we have 7 potential little babies growing far away from us and I love them and I just hope they’re doing okay.

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Damn you IV!!

Follicle Watch: The Finale

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Estrogen: 2876

Right Side: 9 follicles
Left Side:10 follicles no sizes mentioned but at the ultrasound the tech said I had some 21’s and 19’s and 17’s.

We finally made it… I trigger tonight at 8:30pm. I’ll be doing the following: 150iu Gonal F and 150iu of Menopur and the hCG. The hCG shot is the one with the thick needle that goes into my ample booty. For once I’m happy about my giant bedonkadonk. The nurse says it was a great cycle and I’m crazy excited. Retrieval is on Friday morning so I’ll have a nice long weekend too. Thanks little baby follies for playing along. So proud.

happy-dance- My heart melted a little when my husband said he was excited too. He’s emotions are difficult to gauge most times but I have written proof on my phone now so that’s nice :).

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Proof!

Now if only this day would end, so I can go home. 40min left. tick tock!

Follicle Watch: Episode 4

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Estrogen: 1968

Left side: 9 Follicles measuring 10-17mm
Right side: 6 Follicles measuring 12-15mm

Medication: 300iu Gonal F, 150iu Menopur, 1 pre-filled syringe Ganirelix

Now we’re cooking with fire. The nurse mentioned possible Lupron triggering coming soon. I think we’re finally nearing the end. It’s certainly flown by. I must say I was really down about 8 follicles on Sunday. I know, I know 8 is not that bad a number but I read a blog entry by The Sky and Back where she mentions visualisation and how she used it to shrink a cyst. If you’re reading this, can I share the Coocoo award with you? :)… I talked to my follicles and pictured them growing inside me. I’m not saying it worked but they did grow. Just sayin’ :).

So I go back tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood work. My veins are starting to feel the strain. And I was expecting to be bloated but It’s not a normal period bloat maybe more like a food baby? My tummy feels harder to the touch and I was pretty nauseous last night. Taking it in my stride.

In other news, a dear friend of mine announced a pregnancy today. I am rocking these pregnancy announcements, lemme tell you. lol. Her text to me was beyond sweet and, I could tell, really well thought out. I feel bad that my friends feel a sense of dread or sadness amidst such happy news, where my feelings are concerned. I’m flattered that they thought of us and told us first but I hate this our infertility has affected everyone so profoundly. It’s cruelty really knows no bounds.

Follicle Watch: Episode 3

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Estrogen: 1369
LH: 9.61
Progesterone: 0.762

Left side follicle sizes: 15, 14, 13, 10, 8 (mm)
Right side follicle sizes: 12, 10, 8 (mm)

The dildo cam hurt a lot today. I think my uterus is starting to not enjoy the poking and prodding. My tummy is really sensitive to the touch and I’ve been feeling sharp/dull pains on my left and right side but I know that’s just my potential kiddos growing so I’m kinda relishing the pain. The nurse seems very happy with these numbers we just need the little guys to catch up with the rest of everyone else.

We added Ganirelix to the party too. That was a nice surprise. I was warned that the needle was blunt but N and I both had a really good laugh when he tried to jab it in and it just bounced off my tummy. The laugh turned a bit hysterical when the second jab didn’t work. We got it in on the third go at least. Not cool. The nurse said my estrogen should drop at the next check because of the ganirelix but we’ll see.

I did, of course, have a mini meltdown with my low follicle numbers but after talking to some lovely ttc sisters I’m back to being grateful for my lot in life. The best part about this lonely ass journey is that it’s not really that lonely if you know where to look. I’ve met some really awesome ladies here, on fb and instagram and I’m so thankful to each and every one of you. Thank you for reading and commenting and following my journey.

Babydust to everyone. Hope you’re all having a great Sunday. How bout that snow today, huh? Geez! I took a picture of it then I realised my back yard looks like an episode of hoarders. We’ll just keep that one to ourselves.

Follicle Watch: Episode 2

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Quality over quantity… Don’t focus on the goal and enjoy the journey… Must remember these words.

Today we’re on 6 follicles measuring between 9 and 10mm. Still no symptoms to speak of. They’re upping Gonal F from 225 to 300 until Sunday. My clinic is over an hour away but thankfully there’s a satellite office 30min away on my way to work, but they’re closed on a Sunday so I’m going to be making that trek in the early hours this weekend.

Was feeling a little down trodden with the numbers, I thought this was gonna be a breeze because I had 20 antral follicles at my very first ultrasound. Anyway, I had a giant burrito at lunch to make up for all the alcohol I can’t drink so I’m feeling sleepy and happy again.

Hope everyone’s having a good Halloween and you all have fun plans. We have a party tomorrow but tonight we’re not entertaining trick or treaters. I didn’t get anything or even decorate so we’re turning out the lights and hiding in the bedroom. We rented Deliver Us from Evil. Hope it’s a goodie. I love me some scary movies.

xxx

Random Ranting

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This is in no way serious, just me being me.

I was blessed with a fairly unusual name and by unusual, I mean that my nick name is a dude’s name… an uncommon dude’s name. And when I got married I took my husbands last name which is a girl’s name. I’m pretty sure I’ve said my name on here before but for the sake of anonymity let’s say my name is something like John-Ann Amy. Everyone calls me John. And just for interest sake, my maiden name is also a guy type name so I went from being John-Ann Richards to John-Ann Amy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my name. I do, but when you have an obscure name I think you’re forced into life of having to be humble and accommodating and calm because for the rest of you’re life you’re going to be faced with the same mistaking of your name and the same questions about your name and the same joke(s) about your name. And that’s okay, I like the attention sometimes. But I feel like for the first time in my life because of IVF, I’m being tested on this silly non-issue issue. Usually, I don’t have to deal with strangers on the phone that often but now I’m on the phone constantly with insurance and doctors and nurses and billing and I swear if I have to explain that my first name isn’t Amy it’s actually John and yes, I know it’s a strange name hahaha thank you, I’m just going to snap. And I swear to God, it’s the same nurse who keeps calling me on my last name and I’ve corrected her every..single…time. Yes, yes, I understand they talk to hundreds of women all the time they can’t be expected to remember my name but it’s on the form that you’re looking at lady, come on!

And really, here’s what actually kills me about this. It’s not the fact that she’s reading it wrong its the fact that my name on all of the paper work they have has my first name in the first name box and the last name in the last name box, because I’ve been doing this my whole life, I know how to fill out a form. So when they’re reading my name and see the easier girly name in the last name box they must think I’M THE IDIOT who doesn’t know how to follow directions and put my first name in the last name box because who on God’s green earth would name they’re daughter John-Ann..pfff. She must be a dummy… Or a foreigner… That’s what really bugs me. I can’t win people. I just can’t… Okay, rant over.

Side note: If your name is John-Ann or you know a John-Ann or are thinking of naming you’re daughter John-Ann, it’s a beautiful name, but it comes with baggage. You have been warned.

The-Grinch

Follicle Watch: Episode 1

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So I had my first follicle check this morning bright and early at 6am. Right now, I’m on 150iu of Gonal F and 75iu of burny Menopur. I feel pretty normal, a little dizzy right after injections and I’ve been sleeping like a champ, it’s awesome! No other symptoms but I’m on 3 days of shots in so…

The tech said I have a bunch of little ones and she was smiling so that was good. I was on lunch when the nurse called so couldn’t write everything down. Let’s see if my old battered brain can remember what she said.

So, my estradiol  is at 104, I have 5 on my left and 4 on my right but I don’t remember the sizes (shocking). They’re upping my meds to 225iu of Gonal F and 150iu of Menopur until my next check on Friday.

*** I wrote the above yesterday… Here’s the rest after taking the first increased dosage ***

The increased dosage I took like a champ. It’s starting to get easier. Still no symptoms just headaches I guess, but I always have random headaches. I can feel stuff on my left and right side on and off but I am starting to freak out a little.

Anyway, so I have to refill my prescription, obviously, since I’ll run out of Menopur on Saturday. I’m on the phone with the insurance and as we stand now, they have my order but have to put approve it first. It’s extremely time sensitive and I’m on tenterhooks right now and can’t really concentrate on anything else and we’re pretty busy at work.

Other than that, so far so good. I go back tomorrow for a second follicle check. I can’t believe how fast this is going. The 10 days of stimulation will be over on Tuesday. Really? This is nuts, guys.

Shots fired!

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We are well on our way here in IVF land. Did my first set of injections last night. As was stated in my next set of instructions after my suppression check came back with the all clear.

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It was quite a production. I wish I’d video taped it but I was too preoccupied. My husband had to take the reigns because I simply couldn’t. All in all it wasn’t a huge train smash. The needle going in is easy peasy. I couldn’t even feel it but the Menopur burns, people. It burns like hell. That’s going to take some getting used to. Afterwards, I felt a bit dizzy but I wasn’t sure if it was in my head or not. While I was laying on the couch it dawned on me that I really have no idea what I just injected into my system. So I did some Googling. Here’s what I have and what Google says it does.

Gonal F:

20141023_19283620141023_192844

I have to do 150 units of this every night from the beginning. The pen already has the medicine in it and has to be stored in the fridge. Very simply, this guy provides the follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) that helps stimulate healthy ovaries to produce eggs. It should be used with another hormone to help with growth of health eggs. I’m using it with Menopur. Gonal F and Follistim are the same thing, essentially. I inject this into my belly (subcutaneoulsy)

Menopur:

20141023_195700

This one has the follicle stimulating hormone and the luteinizing hormone (LH) also to help the ovaries make eggs. It’s also used in combination with another hormone medication. It burns going in. Be warned. I got 10 units. 20 vials. 1 has a powder (or what looks like a little urinal cake) and the other has a clear liquid. I have to dissolve some liquid into the powder which makes me feel like and evil scientist. It gets injected into the tummy too.

Ganirelix Acetate:

20141023_195553

These guys come in pre-filled syringes. I have 4 of them. It blocks the release of LH to delay ovulation and increases the chance of producing fertile eggs. From that I gather that I would start taking this towards the end of stimulation. Another one for the tummy. That’s going to be fun!

Leuprolide Acetate:

20141023_195418

Also known as Lupron. This is used to treat advanced prostate cancer in men… Wait, what? It is used to stop early puberty in children… Hang on… oh, here it is… It may also be used to treat disorders of the uterus. In females, leuprolide reduces the amount of estrogen that the body makes. It is used to decrease the amount of hormone you make for a short time and to prevent ovulation. Now, it looks like it can be used before starting stimulation meds to suppress the ovaries. However, I haven’t used it yet. Not quite sure how it’ll fit in. Watch this space.

And last but not least,

Chorionic Gonadotropin:

20141023_195320

Also known as hCG. Also known as the trigger shot. This is a shot that has to be taken in the butt (awesome) at a very specific time at the end of your stimulation when you’re at your most bloated and uncomfortable. It causes ovulation, I believe, within 36hrs of taking it. Hence the strict timing. It looks like the Menopur with the liquid and powder mix.

And there you have it. These are the meds I have. I’m still pretty clueless as to what I’m doing since this is my first time but I hope this helps if it’s your first time too. If you’re a vet and you’ve noticed some stark inconsistencies in my information, please let me know or give me some other info I can add on.

I hope all your cycles are progressing smoothly and have a great day. I’m at work and I’m pretty sure my lunch hour is over.

Happy Monday!

You better check yo’self…

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I reconnected with a really good friend today after a really long time. Being far away from home I tend to lose touch with some close friends for short periods of time. But I’m very blessed to be able to pick up where we left off with most of them.

This one was interesting and made me reflect again on where we are and put things in perspective, which I think I needed. Most times I approach people who aren’t infertile as though they have no problems in life. As if I’m the one who has to be accommodating and understanding when they don’t know anything about infertility. I have to explain all the steps and be gracious in doing so.

Today was a bit of an eye opener. First she asked me if it was okay if she asked if we were still trying. I hadn’t been asked in this way ever and I missed her instantly because I remember how compassionate she’s always been. I went on to explain where we were and she said said she’s holding thumbs for us.

Then she told me that her brother and his wife have to do in-vitro as well. It turns out her sister-in-law had cancer and had banked her eggs. She’s been okay for the past 3 years and from what I gather they’ll be doing ivf soon.

This definitely brought me back down to earth. Yes, our situation is dire but we only have to deal with one shitty bag of lemons. Imagine battling cancer then when you’re a survivor having to battle infertility too.

My heart goes out to my friend’s brother and his wife. I hope they’re successful and only have to do it once. I really need to count every single one of my blessings and I can’t go around assuming I’m the only one in a group who’s the worst off. I feel like sometimes when people complain about their problems I just think “really? well, I can’t have kids naturally” and that’s not cool. It’s almost like a twisted kind of elitist behaviour and it doesn’t sit well with me.

Everyone has problems. In their world their problems are real and shouldn’t be discounted. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who always puts others’ feelings before mine but I think there’s been a bit of a disconnect between thought and deed lately. Hmm, the universe has brought me back to earth once again. Thank you kindly, sir.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of not drinking to do for the rest of the night.