Tag Archives: pgd

HMO my goodness!

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Goals goals goals!!

Now that we’ve started this very huge slow moving ball rolling, I’ve had to make a litany of phone calls to get all my shit together for our next cycle. It was a bit of a roller coaster but I’ve made my peace with it and I’m ready to set up goals and get my body and mind ready for round 2.

First, I had to call the PGD clinic again to make sure everything was all set there. We had a really good talk and she said that they do accept my insurance and that I wouldn’t have to pay anything, they would bill my insurance. I was over the moon!!! Then when I got the email from her it said that they don’t accept HMO policies… which, of course, is what I have. I think at that point I figured out what the saying “taking the wind out of my sails” meant. That’s exactly what it felt like. But I took the day and dusted myself off. Called my clinic and had them switch me to another PGD lab. This one charges $2400 for 8 embryos and $250 for every embryo above that and then $350 for the courier fee. And the good news is that I can self submit a claim to my insurance and they’ll likely refund everything except the courier fee.

Then today my nurse told me that I had filled out some of the consent forms incorrectly and that my PCP sent over the wrong physical exam report. Fixed the consent form issue lickatty split but now I have to make more calls to the PCP to get them to send the correct forms.

And finally, my nurse requested that I do a karyotyping blood test. Not sure if I’m spelling that correctly. Anyway, luckily they can do that on Saturday so I’ll do that then.

So I feel like we’ve accomplished a bit this week and now I can set up some goals for the next cycle. I’m still really sad that the PGD lab takes PPO policies but not HMO and there was a PPO policy available but I didn’t take it because I didn’t understand the difference until now. Apparently PPO is more flexible but generally more expensive and I actually read somewhere that “If you prefer to have your care coordinated through a single doctor, an HMO plan might be right for you. If you want greater flexibility or if you see a lot of specialists, a PPO plan might be what you’re looking for.” Why didn’t I read this when I was signing up? ARrrggh!!! I was really sad yesterday, even writing it now is making me sad again and I need to look ahead so we won’t dwell on it too much.

I suspect it will take me about 2 months to save up the money so I’m going into super save mode again. I’ve done it before with our last cycle so I’m not too worried about it. I’ll also be out of probation at work I think I’ll be ready to talk to my boss about coming in late on monitoring days. Yes, it’ll take about 2 months to work up the nerve.

Here are my goals:

  1. Save up the necessary money.
  2. Successfully follow the ketogenic diet plan I’ve been trying to follow
  3. Try Insanity workouts again (ugh, do I have to… okay that’s not the right attitude.. gotta hustle!!)
  4. Plan at least 6 fun cheap things to do on weekends so I can keep my mind occupied. That’s about 1 thing every two weeks until we can start. Luckily we have things lined up for the next 3 weekends so that’s cool.

I think that ought to do it for now. 2 months isn’t far away. I think I can do it if nothing expensive comes up haha. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some subscription boxes I have to cancel *sigh*.

Yay for Friday tomorrow!!

I Survived

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First things first, It hurt! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t do pain. I’m the one who takes pain killers as soon as she sees her period starts. That way I don’t have to deal with the pain when it comes. They told me to take 600mg of Ibuprofen, I took 800 and it was still unbearable. That being said, if you’re waiting to do a hysteroscopy, this is not the post to read. I am an outlier.

I arrived at the clinic and hour early of course and we got going almost right on time. Me, Dr G, new nurse and veteran nurse showing her the ropes. They were doing less nursing and more standing in the corner judging my loser behaviour. I did ask the doctor why we were just looking today and not going in there with a pair of scissors and lopping off whatever didn’t belong. He said that he’s not sure that there’s anything there in the first place and if it’s a fibroid they wouldn’t be able to “lop” it off anyway. The other procedure is like a surgery and it might not be necessary here. I guess he was right, so I let him continue.

The speculum didn’t hurt more than it normally does, the iodine (I think that’s what it was) was uncomfy. The camera going in was painless and then came the saline solution. Cue cramps and swearing. It just felt like really bad period cramps. But more sharp. Localized in my ass for some reason. Anyway, over the internal screams in my head, I kept hearing the doctor say “picture” … “you’re doing great, just 10 more seconds”… “picture” (10 seconds later) “just 8 more seconds” (what?!!) “you’re doing great”… “picture”… “picture”…”aand we’re done”. And that was it.

The pain went away immediately after he took everything out. There was a gush of saline solution. Awesome. And then he took his sweet time to tell me that he saw nothing. I was so relieved because there was a 10 second pause where he looked a bit worried. But there you have it. He said can start the next cycle with my next period. Woohoo!!

No not yet… there’s still the matter of payment. So it looks like we have to pay for PGD testing up front. It does get fully reimbursed which is great. So I really can’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but we don’t have 5K lying around so we have to make a plan for that. Hopefully we can find a quick solution. But that also brings me to my next issue.

So, luckily my clinic opens at 6:30 for monitoring appointments and Monday I had to do a blood preggo test but work starts at 7 and I rolled in at 7:20. I’m not happy about that. My boss is cool about coming in late. He said coming in around 7:15 is fine but I really wasn’t happy and it doesn’t sit well with me that I’ll have to do this almost every day for 2 weeks without a good reason (I know this is best reason but it’s too soon to share this with him). Especially since it’s a new job and I’m still on probation.

I’m eager to start my next cycle. I’m so ready. I’m so very ready, but I also want to make a good impression because I really love this job. Where do I find a balance? I feel like I should sit out the next cycle and try for November (if we get the funds). I’ll be out of probation by then and I’ll find out if my boss even wants me to stay. And also, We may have to save up for a long time too so this could all be a moot point.

Sorry this was a long rambling post. I apologize for being all over the place. Thank you for keeping me in my thoughts and sending well wishes. They all seem to have worked.

Ain’t No Party Like a Crinone Party

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We added Crinone to the mix. Things are ramping up.  I’m still not feeling any side effects, though. I would be worried but all my tests are saying that everything is running smoothly. I have had to take a melatonin to help with sleep. But other than that I’m sound as a pound.

They told us when we started this process in November to abstain from sex until transfer… That’s over 3 months of no sex. That’s not realistic. But I think last night was the last for a while now that I’m doing vaginal progesterone suppositories. I mean that’s really not sexy. We did use a condom last night. It was weird to be using a condom for the first time in 5 years.

OMG! I just realized yesterday was our 5 year anniversary of knowing each other. Wow! I’ve never been in love with someone for 5 yrs nor have I have I fallen more in love as time progressed. Right now he’s sitting next to me cursing at his laptop for some or other reason, just being all cute. I’m gonna go kiss him for a bit.

T-minus almost time for transfer. (I still can’t physically write down the date. lol).

xxx

Aunty Maggie

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While we were in South Africa, we spent 3 days in my home town to meet up with a few friends and family. On the second last morning, mom and I were set to go to her hair stylist for some mother daughter time. Little did I know she had something up her well-intentioned sleeve. Before we set out she called me into her room to tell me that she’d organized for someone to come and pray over N and me and my uterus. Now a few months ago I would have rolled my eyes and put up a sizable fight but I think either I’ve grown up a bit or I’m at my wits and will try anything at this point to help with us. My husband, on the other hand, would be another story. He’s made a firm stance on Christianity and he’s lack of belief therein so I knew I would have to spend my time at the salon thinking up creative ways to break it to him.

It turned out that the stylist was the one who turned my mother onto this ‘shaman’ and she told me that she had debilitating endometriosis and the lady worked miracles. She mentioned a bitter drink that she had to drink but I ignored that bit.

After our hair was done my mother got hold of the miracle worker and we were to pick her up in the shady part of town at a nondescript location. We waited there for a short while and my mother got out of the car to exchange pleasantries with another old lady who happened to pass the car and who turned out to be my father’s retired secretary from years ago. At this time I called N and tried my mother’s approach. I just told him in no uncertain terms that we’d be home in 15 and we’re going to have someone pray over us. I winced a little at the 5 second silence and added that it was my mother’s idea and it would be over quickly. Surprisingly he just chuckled and agreed. I wondered if he, like me, had grown up or was at his wits end. Either way, I loved him a little more at that moment.

Aunty Maggie (where I come from, anyone who’s your parents’ age is called Aunty or Uncle) looked how I expected her to look. Short and portly with an orange dress and blue scarf wrapped around her head and a kind face. She spoke Afrikaans mostly and on the way home she told us about her 45 year history with helping couples conceive as a midwife and a Christian.

When we got home N and I were ushered into my old bedroom where Auntry Maggie sat us on my bed and went through her resume once again and explained that she was just a regular old lady who used to be a midwife and who enjoys helping couples whenever she can. She then, while N looked on, made me lay on my back and she lifted up my top and massaged my belly around my uterus area and up under my ribs. It was a pretty good massage, I won’t lie. Afterwards she said that my uterus and tubes felt great (the HSG would agree) and she said that she felt 2 eggs under my ribs. What? We all know that’s not how that works but I guess that’s what her super powers told her. And then she laid her hands on my tummy and started praying quickly and out loud and in Afrikaans so I know N wasn’t catching any of it and I hoped that she would switch over a bit so he could understand a little. She then reached over to him and put a hand on his shoulder and prayed for him too. It lasted a few minutes and if I’m honest I was a bit emotional afterwards but I’ve always been emotional.

Before she left she said that she see 2 children in our future. Only 2 but that it would happen, God showed her. She mentioned that she had to go make something for us to drink. She said it was just herbs that she prayed over and boiled in water. She told us how much everything would cost (everything came to the equivalent of $10) and then she wished us well and my mother took her home.

We were to pick up the medicine the following day which was two 2litre bottles of brown water with leaves and I think ginger in it. N had to take 1/2 a cup at night and I was to drink 1/2 a cup morning and night. The stuff smelled awful and tasted even worse. It was really not good at all. Plus, I don’t think we would have gotten it through customs anyway. We only managed 2 nights of it before throwing in the towel. My mother said that she understood as long as the praying was done.

As I ponder what Aunty Maggie told us I wonder how all of this will play out if her predictions are correct. Right now we only have 1 embryo. If what she says is true, does that mean this one will work and we’ll have to do all of this again for a 2nd? Will this not work and in our next round we’ll get 2 that we can take home? Or will this work and split into 2? There are endless possibilities. Hell, she may even be way off the mark and we get none… or more than 2… or just one… As you can tell, I’ve spent a lot of time pondering. Maybe too much time.

The experience wasn’t a bad one. The ‘potion’ was. I’m happy with the outcome. I’m happy that my husband was open to it even though he didn’t understand what was said. She said Jesus in Afrikaans a lot which is pronounced Yee-sis and he jokingly asked if she was praying to Kanye.

This was initially an exercise in making my mother happy and in the end all 3 of us were pretty happy.

I hope she’s right about the 2 babies though.

tl;dr – my mom got an old Christian lady to massage my tummy and pray for us and make a ‘potion’ to help us with conceiving. she also said that God promised us 2 little ones.

I’m back :)

Posted in TTC drama by

Hello again, blog world!
It’s good to be back. I won’t keep you long, just wanted to update on my life so far.

We got back last Wednesday at 9pm. The flight was torture after such a magnificent holiday. We missed our connection home and had to wait another 2 hours for the next flight. And when we got home the friend who picked us up didn’t have our house keys we gave him so we had to get our backup set at another friend’s. I tell ya, it was torture staring at the couch from the window after a 31hr trip with minimal sleep. We eventually got in and I wish I could say we rested until today but I had to be at work the following morning followed by our EOY party at work. I found rest on Friday after work but that’s when I picked up this lovely throat infection.

The rest of the weekend was beyond uneventful. My darling was so great cleaning up and cooking and stuff. What a sweetheart.

Okay, okay enough boring-ness. Today was our follow up with the RE where we were going to find out how our 2 embryos fared. When Dr G finally called us in he took us to the tiny finance room first and my heart sat in my throat because he never does this. I thought he was going to tell us we had an outstanding payment and he can’t give help us til we pay up. Turns out it was a little worse. The genetics lab hadn’t forwarded them our results yet… Yes, really… almost a month after they got the samples. Dr G wanted to know if we could come back to see him after he called them when their office opened in an hour. I could almost see the tiny vein in my husband’s head pop.

His biggest gripe about this whole thing is the 2hr commute in nasty traffic that we have to take up to the clinic every time. Luckily he kept it together and asked if the RE could call us with the results instead because this trip is a nightmare. Dr G was visibly annoyed with the genetics lab and extremely apologetic and happily agreed to call us with the results. He then took us to his office to go over the 2 possible scenarios and to answer questions and come up with a plan.

We signed the FET consent forms in case we have an embryo to work with and talked about a redo if we did not. He said that my cycle went “about as picture perfect as it could get” and that he wouldn’t change anything next time around. I asked if there are any vitamins or supplements we could take to help next time and he said just the prenatal. I know that there are more supplements I can take but I have to do some more research first. I would be concerned that he didn’t suggest any other vitamins but I think most doctors would rather err on the side of caution.

I must say, I never felt a strong connection with Dr G before today. He seemed professional and kind which I liked and that was really all I needed. But today I think our shared annoyance with the genetics guys brought us a little closer together and he gave a good laugh at one of my chirps which made me very happy. I think we chose well.

So maybe and hour or 2 after getting home he called with the results. I swear, I was ready to another cycle in Feb. I made my peace with it. So you can imagine my surprise when he told us that we have 1 survivor! I am still in shock as I write this. I can’t believe it, really. Sadly, the other one has trisomy 16 and wouldn’t have made it past the 1st trimester, but the survivor is a grade BB (the other is an AA) and the doctor is happy with this grade. We have 1 little fighter. 1 tiny storm trooper. 1 lone survivor… I was in a tizz so didn’t ask what the gender was but I’m more than okay with finding out if I get pregnant.

So what are the next steps? Money money money!! We need 3 grand for either another retrieval or 2.5 grand for a frozen transfer. I’ve done some calculations and we should have it around mid Feb if no other financial complications arise. We have to let the clinic know what our decision is before January. I have to discuss a few things with the insurance but I think we’re going to put all our egg in one basket 🙂 and go with the FET in Feb with our rock star frostie. We’ll have to pay for this out of pocket because the insurance counts a retrieval and a transfer as 2 separate cycles so I’d rather they pay for the more expensive retrieval cycle where our coinsurance will be $2500. And our clinic charges $2500 for an FET if it’s out of pocket.

That’s where we’re at. Some good news over here today. I’m feeling beyond blessed right now. Ooh, I have to remember to blog about the lady my mom found for us. I’ll do that next I think. But for now, I have to get dinner going.

Thank you for sending out positive vibes and prayers for us. I still can’t believe it. I’m not sure if it’s Mac or Cheese who made it, so we may need a renaming ceremony.

Have a good evening!

p.s. I’m no photoshopper but I made this and I thought it was funny.

Lone Survivor

Finally…

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I’m just going to gloss over the fact that I haven’t blogged in over a month. I guess I had nothing of import to say. Until now… and even now I feel like it’s not really important but here goes.

CD1 has finally arrived phew… Okay lots has happened in between so I’ll do a quick blow by blow.

We had our second follow up where we signed all the consent forms and got the final tally on what this mess is going to cost. We’re very fortunate to have my insurance (hubby is starting his own business so we’re on my insurance for now) cover 80% of ivf with a 2 cycle lifetime limit. So in my mind we have 2 go’s which I’m okay with. The final cost came out to $1760 excluding the medication copay (covered at 100%) but including the biopsy for the PGD and the ICSI. That is not bad at all. I’ll pay that every day. The only other big cost now is paying for the PGD clinic to get the biopsied cells and to test them. That is also covered with a 20% coinsurance but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

The next step was to get a phone consultation with the PGD clinic in Chicago. I’ve just sorted this out now. The appointment is on the 28th which is cutting it a bit fine because I will be a few days away from retrieval at this point and we need to do a few things with them before it’s approved. *nerves*

A few days after we finalized everything my clinic called me to tell me that my insurance counts an egg retrieval and a fresh transfer as a cycle. A frozen transfer is counted as a separate cycle. This means that I will have used up my lifetime limit of 2 cycles in one PGD cycle… *queue many many tears*… During this time two of my bestest friends from home announced their pregnancies…

It took me a few days to recover from the shock but I discovered Wachusett Blueberry Ale in this time as well. She helped me a lot :). Thank you, WBA!

Anyway, so I called my insurance to say “What the hell dude, this is how you repay me after 2yrs of loyal service?” then the nice lady was like “Whoa bro, you qualify for eSET.”

eSET: Basically, if you transfer 1 embryo in your first cycle and it doesn’t take, they give you a 2nd frozen embryo transfer for freeeeee!! Obviously, you have to have frosties to use from the first cycle and you have to transfer 1 on the free cycle as well.

The choice is ultimately up to us and our RE but it’s nice to know we have options. And also nice to know that a frozen embryo transfer without insurance is about $2500 sans meds and that price isn’t as awful as a fresh cycle. So we’ll let positivity reign as always. If it doesn’t work, I’ll have my WBA.

So, now I’m here. Finally. Cramping and happy. Waiting to start taking birth control pills for the first time in about 4yrs. And now that I’m relatively in the game now I’ll see if I can blog at least once a week. I mean really. I paid the $18 to get the .wordpress out of my blog name. I gotta use it right? riiiight…

PS. Sending baby dust to each and every one of you out there who’s struggling with infertility. xxx

A Momentary Lapse of Composure

Posted in Alcohol, TTC drama by

I’m annoyed right now. I think writing is cathartic and I’m hoping that the following run-on sentences will help me process my emotions. So we went to our follow up appointment today and I probably got the wrong impression because I thought I would get my plan of action today and actually I was hoping I would have something tangible to grab onto so that I know that this actually happening. I hate being in this pre-ivf limbo. It’s infuriating.

Please excuse the bad grammar, spelling, swear words… Here goes:

so…

I honestly in my heart of hearts thought we’d go there and sign all the paperwork and pay them the fucking 2grand we owe them and get this shit going.

we drove 1.5hrs and the GD doctor got there HALF AND HOUR late and then all he did was tell us the results of our tests WHICH WE KNEW!!!! so we walk in there and he’s like oh these are your test results. yes mofo, you call us with all the test results as they you get them. I know this shit. where do I sign?

so he’s like okay you have 2 choices, donor sperm or ivf with icsi and pgd. yes asshole we told you we don’t want to do donor sperm. we’re doing the latter. where do I sign?

no no.. we’re going to set up another appointment with me for an hour so we can go through the paperwork…

uh this paperwork… that’s in front of us now?
yes…
*blink* …
and you have to meet with our pgd nurse to discuss your pgd plan….
uhh the plan that we discussed with the genetics counsellor that you referred us to who sent you the plan that you have in front of you right now…???

yes that plan but it’s with OUR nurse….

*blink*

oh and we can’t seem to find a day when I’m in the office and the nurse is in the office. hahaha it may be a few weeks til we see each other again to discuss things that you already know and possibly not sign anything cos we like to make you spend money for office visits.

okay doc, sounds good. we’ll let ourselves out. eat a dick.

frustrated-meme-300x271
*breathe*
Okay… okay…
I’m more annoyed at myself for not questioning him more. I don’t know why I get angry about this stuff after the fact. He could see I was annoyed and said that I wouldn’t be able to start this month anyway because I have to wait for my period next month. so it’s a mixture of me having unrealistic expectations and my body only being ready once a month. fuck nature.
apologies for the quality of that gif. it's how I feel now lol

apologies for the quality of that gif. it’s how I feel now

*breathe again*
I need to regroup. This journey isn’t something you can plan it seems and if I’m this upset about the first not-even-real bump in the road then I have some big surprises in store. I actually have some other big things going on in my life right now. Two of which are 2 trips home to SA for 3 weddings. 1 at the end of November and then again next year July for another 2, one of which is my brother’s wedding which I canNOT miss. So I don’t really know why I was so hard up to start this month anyway, I would have to miss my brother’s wedding if I happened to get pregnant this year.
Okay, I’m okay now. That was just momentary lapse of composure… The fact of the matter is that aside from staying healthy and on top of things that are in my control, the rest is really up to the fertility gods. So whatever man. I’m not going to worry about it anymore… I’m going to try :).
In other news… I turned 33 on the 21st. I didn’t have a for real party because I think those days are over. But I play kickball in a co-ed league with some friends from work and afterwards we usually go for a drink which is really one of the best parts of the week for me. We just happened to play on my birthday so I just made everyone come out drinking with me afterwards and I made hubby and some other friends go too. I had the best time. The parts I remember anyway. For some reason my birthday makes me emotional when I see all the love I receive on the day. I love love love my birthday and this one was up there with the best. I feel like after 4 years of being in a foreign country I’ve solidified a fantastic group of friends whom I treasure and wouldn’t change for the world and the fact that they all came out to celebrate with me confirms that the friendship isn’t one sided (lol) and that really is the best part of every birthday. Knowing that I am loved and I have people I can call my friends… Yes, yes, my insecurity is showing :). Here’s a tiny collage from the night. The watermelon was a gift. One of the players is a farmhand. I love it.
[edit: picture removed for anonymity]
Thanks for letting me vent. Happy Wednesday and baby dust to all my ttc sisters! You’re all at varying points in your journey and I’m following you all closely and sending out positive vibes and well wishes and I’ll pray if you need me to pray.