Author Archives: Just Another Manic Blogger

Charts and Things

Posted in TTC drama by

I finally got the time to put all the data from all my cycles into one good looking Excel spreadsheet and draw up a few charts that I thought I’d share with you. Now I just need to find time to figure out how to do a “TTC Timeline” tab on my blog then all the pieces of my life will fall into place :).

Here is some background info on my 4 cycles:

Cycle 1
Protocol: Antagonist
Medication: Menopur 75iu, Gonal-F 150iu, Ganirelix (doses adjusted accordingly)
Trigger: HCG
Cycle Length (stims to retrieval): 13 days
Stim start date: 26-Oct-14
Retrieval Date: 7-Nov-14
Follicle Count at Retrieval: 19
Eggs Retrieved: 14
Eggs Mature: 13
Eggs Fertilized: 7
Day 1 count: 7
Day 2 count: 5
Day 3 count: 3
Day 5 count (biopsied): 2
PGS Normal: 1
Embryo Grade: 2bb

Cycle 2
Protocol: Antagonist
Medication: Menopur 150iu, Gonal-F 300iu, Ganirelix (doses adjusted accordingly)
Trigger: HCG
Cycle Length (stims to retrieval): 12 days
Stim start date: 30-Nov-15
Retrieval Date: 11-Dec-15
Follicle Count at Retrieval: 10
Eggs Retrieved: 12
Eggs Mature: 7
Eggs Fertilized: 7
Day 1 count: 7
Day 2 count: 5
Day 3 count: 5
Day 5 count: 4
Day 6 count (biopsied): 3
PGS Normal: 1
Embryo Grade: 2bb

Cycle 3
Protocol: Antagonist
Medication: Menopur 75iu, Gonal-F 300iu, Ganirelix (doses adjusted accordingly)
Trigger: Lupron
Cycle Length (stims to retrieval): 14
Stim start date: 16-Apr-16
Retrieval Date: 29-Apr-16
Follicle Count at Retrieval: 11
Eggs Retrieved: 11
Eggs Mature: 8
Eggs Fertilized: 7
Day 1 count: 5
Day 2 count: 4
Day 3 count: 3
Day 5 count (biopsied): 1
PGS Normal: Zero 😦
Embryo Grade:

Cycle 4
Protocol: Microdose Lupron Flare
Medication: 10 units Microdose Lupron twice a day, Gonal-F 225iu twice a day, 0.5mg Dexamethasone
Trigger: HCG
Cycle Length (stims to retrieval):
Stim start date: 21-Jul-16
Retrieval Date:
Follicle Count at Retrieval:
Eggs Retrieved:
Eggs Mature:
Eggs Fertilized:
Day 1 count:
Day 2 count:
Day 3 count:
Day 5/6 count (biopsied):
PGS Normal:
Embryo Grade:

Here are my estrogen levels on every monitoring day:estrogen

And here are my total follicle counts on every monitoring day:
follicle count

If you look at these charts you would say that so far cycle 4 is looking like a winner right? But what I’ve found a little dismaying is the day in the cycle that monitoring took place. In our current cycle, my first monitoring appointment was on day 8 which was around the third monitoring appointment for the 3 previous cycles. If you go by this information then the data shows that cycle 4 isn’t showing vastly better results as of yet. See below.

estrogen 2follicle count 2

We still have a few more days to go to get some more accurate data. I just thought I would share what’s been going on in my crazy mind these past few days and of course I’ll update this as more data becomes available.

If anything, I’m glad to have this all in one spot instead of having to read through all my blogs every time I want to remember a bit of information.

Cheers to Excel!

4614968215

IVF Season 4: Episode 9-11

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Date: 7.29 – 7.31

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day

Produced by: 12 follicles (10 on L, 2 on R) ranging from 11 – 15 mm. Estrogen at 2100 on day 11.

Directed by: Oh so much nausea.

Synopsis: I can’t tell if these counts are good or not. My retrieval is supposedly set for Thursday which means only 2 more days of stimming and I don’t think that’s enough time to get more follicles to grow. And he wants me to drop the Gonal-F to 200 now as well. Don’t know if that’s good or not. I’ve definitely hit the mid-cycle bump. Not feeling very confident right now as I’m writing this. It’s because I’m comparing cycles (comparison truly is the thief of joy).

I go back on Tuesday. There’s really nothing else I can do except wait and chat to my eggs. Especially my right ovary. She’s making it so hard. *sigh*

At least birthday month starts tomorrow! I have plans for almost every weekend which is fantastic and I have 2 vaca days that I have to use before the end of the month. Groupon Getaways here I come! Just have to get through this week.

I’ll leave you with a pic of my left ovary. I think it’s cute that it looks like a fist. I can’t almost hear is shouting “follicle power!”. I’m proud of you lefty, thanks for carrying the team.

IMG_20160731_135553

Best enjoyed with: Bacon, egg, avocado and a mushroom for breakfast and we’ll be having salmon and

Outtakes:
PSA

689850334b9511381b9612e6a85dca3e.jpg

IVF Season 4: Episode 5-8

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Date: 7.25 – 7.28

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day

Produced by: 5 follicles (3 on L, 2 on R) ranging from 8 – 11 mm. Lots f smaller ones on the left. Estrodiol at 718 on day 8.

Directed by: Oh so much nausea.

Synopsis: I realize I haven’t been very informative with this cycle. I’ve been trying to search for Microdose Lupron Blogs but haven’t found many so I’ll try to leave a bit more information from now on to help anyone else who needs it.

So just to give a little context. Here’s a recap of my dosages for the past 8 days.

Day 1 – 3: I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to take my first 10 unit shot of the microdose lupron at 6:20ish am. I also took a 0.5mg tablet of the dexamethasone in the morning. My nurse said that it can cause insomnia (joy) so best to take in the morning. Then in the evening at 6:20ish pm I did another 10 unit shot of the microdose lupron. These first four days were extremely boring. I felt no symptoms and life continued as normal.

Day 4-8: I kept the same doses and times with the lupron and dexamethasone but I added 225iu of Gonal-F. After the evening shot the nausea was instant and hasn’t dissipated yet. I’ve been trying to stay hydrated and fed to help with the nausea but it’s pretty bad. and Staying fed is a mission all on it’s own because of the braces (I’ll do another post about adult braces). I’m also doing shots myself because N is asleep when I do the morning shot and he’s at work when I do the evening shot. Summer time is his busy time at work so I’m used to not really seeing him for most of the day but I still miss him terribly.

So here we are on day 8 and my first monitoring appointment. On other cycles I did the first appointment on day 5. Now if you take the start of Gonal-F as day 1 then technically this is day 5 as well. I am a little bummed (as I always am) that things aren’t what I expected but I think my expectations were unrealistic. Yes I was already expecting 20+ follicles at at least 14mm+ *rolls eyes at self*

Trying to stay focused and not lose energy. It’s hard. But I have a good support system. It’s going to be a good cycle!!

Best enjoyed with: I’ve been eating mostly soft veggies and hard boiled eggs because of my teeth. Eating has really been a miserable affair. But I am armed with a new meal plan and tomorrow is grocery shopping day. I’m excited to try some .. soft meat. ugh.

Outtakes:
This made me smile
IMG-20160726-WA0008

IVF Season 4: Episode 1-4

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Date: 7.21 – 7.24

Starring: 10 units microdose lupron twice a day, 0.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F twice a day (started yesterday)

Synopsis: So far so good. It’s been an uneventful first 4 days. No side effects to speak of. No bloat. It will be a whole week before my first monitoring appointment so I’m really flying blind. But I’m enjoying the blissful ignorance.

We added Gonal-F to the mix yesterday. I’m doing the morning shots myself and it’s almost a non-issue. There’s always that moment of panic before the needle goes in but it’s getting a whole lot easier.

Again, this cycle, like the last one is quite uneventful. Maybe on Thursday I’ll have something exciting to report. The only thing that’s bugging me is that after I stopped the pill I got a full period. Usually it’s just a day or 2 of bleeding but It’s still going right now and I’m annoyed. Other than that all’s well in stim land.

Happy Monday everyone!

Outakes:
This made me LOL.
IMG-20160724-WA0016

IVF Season 4: Prologue

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So here we go again. My parents left yesterday. Thankfully I have a busy cycle ahead of me to keep me busy. The house is really quiet. I can’t stand it. I have to write down what’s going to happen this cycle before I forget and mess it all up.
July 11 – 18: Took 1 active birth control pill daily
July 19: Supression check. All clear. Estradiol < 5. Progesterone = 0.251.
July 19: Meds arrived – 1 Vial Microdose Lupron, to be refridgerated. 3 x 900iu Gonal-F pens, to be refridgerated, 20 dexamethasone tablets, 1 vial of HCG trigger, syringes, sharps container, alcohol pads.
July 20: Spend the day Googling Micro-dose Lupron protocol. Get excited about prospects. Get anxiety attacks about possible outcomes. Slowly start to fall apart. Try like hell to pull self together. Breathe.
July 21 – 23: Begin Stimulation – 10 units Microdose lupron AM and PM, 2.5mg tablet dexamethasone
July 24 – 28: 10 units Microdose lupron AM and PM, 2.5mg tablet dexamethasone, 225iu Gonal-F AM and PM.
July 28: First monitoring appointment, await further instructions.
August 4: Tentative egg retrieval!!
So, from what I’ve been Googling, it sounds like this protocol is given to women with diminished ovarian reserve or who don’t respond well to stims and while I’m seeing better results, I’m not seeing huge yields of eggs. But again women are going from 2-3 eggs to 5-7, which is slightly better. My RE said he wants a lot of eggs from me and I’m averaging 12 eggs per cycle and, honestly, if I get 15 I’ll be happy.
My biggest concern is quality. I read that dexamethasone can help with quality so that is making me feel better but I’m doing what I can for the most part. I am currently suffering through separators between my teeth in preparation for the braces on Friday. They are torture and I can only eat soft food. The other night I had custard and a protein shake for dinner and tonight I had egg salad and jello. So my diet isn’t the best but I’m not drinking so I’ll take that as a win.
I was also having trouble deciding what time to take shots. They said to space it out 12hrs. I decided on 6am and pm because I have to take the morning shot before monitoring  appointments which I do at 6:30. It’s good because then I don’t have to take shots in the bathroom at work but bad because if we ever go out I’ll be taking shots in public places again. It’s just 2 weekends of shots, I can do this.
I’m excited to start tomorrow. But I’m more excited to get these damned separators out of my mouth.
Ready, set, go!

Drama in IVF land

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I wonder if any of you have come across this in your journey. I’m in an IVF group on FB and in an ideal world, everyone in these groups is supposed to get pregnant and have babies and then the IVF group will transition to a Mom group. Everyone is happy and life is grand and we’re all super close and we all plan a great big meet up with our precious miracles and we’re all BFF’s. Right?

Wrong! Our group is in that awkward phase now. Majority of us are pregnant or have babies and majority of the posts are pregnancy/baby related. So like any infertile, the minority of us have stopped posting. For me personally it’s a mixture of not wanting to ruin the happy vibe, not feeling connected to that many people anymore, and feeling overwhelmed with all the baby stuff. And I know the majority in the group are struggling with extreme happiness and extreme survivors guilt, so I want them to have their happiness and I’ll rather keep quiet so as not to trigger their guilt. I don’t think that’s the right way to handle it, though.

So we’re in this weird “elephant in the room” phase. This phase in any group like this is a precarious balancing act and today it all came tumbling down.

My bestie in the group (the one who I mentioned before got pregnant after 7 rounds) happened to mention to everyone who is pregnant or has babies to be mindful of everyone still in the struggle, when they post baby stuff because the ones still struggling might be a bit overwhelmed.

Man… Things were said and feelings were hurt and at least one of ladies quickly quit the group. I won’t go into details but I don’t think anyone was wrong. Everyone is entitled to their feelings but I wonder if an IVF group that gets bigger and bigger is doomed to fail. Not everyone has the same values but everyone’s intentions are good. Our IVF group started off very small. Maybe around 10 of us. In fact, of that initial group, I think I’m one of 2 who’s not pregnant. I’m definitely closer to some of these ladies but we’re now up to 35 women in just one year and I don’t know any of them and there are now about 5 of us who aren’t pregnant. Our voices are very much drowned out. And honestly, the “discussion” wasn’t pregnant vs not pregnant. It was originals vs newcomers. And only 3 non-preggo’s weighed in. As a group, we might have some underlying issues. haha.

I think everyone is placated now. We don’t have any hard and fast rules in our group as far as saving anyone from being hurt or feeling left out but I’m sure after this we’ll put some in place.

Anyway, this was just a quick story about FB IVF groups and generally having too many people with different stories in one room, so to speak. In instagram and blogging it’s a little different. You can follow and unfollow anyone who doesn’t appeal to your needs. In an IVF group it’s not as easy to do the same. Of course, I could just leave the group since I’m not that active anyway and I talk to the ones I am close to, outside of the group. And who has time for drama, right?

 

Refreshed! Relaxed! Ready!

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Another round of IVF is upon us! But first, a big congrats to all the BFP’s I’ve missed, big hugs to everyone else still struggling and a big hello to everyone who’s reading this :). I felt some guilt for disappearing and not being able to be supportive. But I have to remember that these breaks are important and you can’t give your all to anyone when you don’t have anything to give. So I switched off and put my feet up and prepared for a relaxing month and a half off… or so I thought.

The first 3 weeks were a nightmare. A nightmare. I had a huge work deadline this last term that became suddenly life or death in the last three weeks. I was had to teach myself how to finish the project in new software and we ended up having to restart a few times, abandoning all our best laid plans. I hardly slept stressing about the project and the last week, I worked 16 hour days for 7 days straight. A  nightmare. Now, my poor husband works 14 to 16 hour days for 6 days a week so in actuality it was an eye opening experience for me. I’m definitely going to be less “complainy” with him. I don’t know how he does it. I was a whiny little b*tch those last couple of days.

Thankfully the nightmare ended with a long weekend. We planned a quick Groupon weekend getaway about an hour out of town. We did some hiking and eating and drinking. It was much needed because when we got back my parents landed in the country. They’re here for the month. It’s really good having them here and I was able to take all of last week off to do some touristy stuff. We did Newport, Boston and a few others here and there. This weekend we’re going to New Hampshire and their last weekend we’re going to Martha’s vineyard and then they leave :(. They’ll have been here for a month but it feels like it’s flying by.

And amidst all of this, my best friend gave birth to her second son. He’s so cute! I love his fat cheeks! And Game of Thrones wrapped up their most incredible season to date. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. I’m in a GoT discussion group (don’t judge!) on whatsapp and we’ve all decided to start from season 1 to keep us going until season 7.

And so… here we are… IVF Season 4. I just got the call to start birth control this evening. We still have 2 weeks before stims start but here’s my tentative timeline for this cycle.

July 17th: Stop birth control pill
July 18th: Suppression Check/Baseline appointment
July 20th: Begin Lupron
July 26th: Begin Gonal F 225 iu
August 5th: Retrieval with PICSI

Phew, just writing that is making me excited. August is my birthday month and so far has consistently been the best month of every year for as long as I can remember. I’m putting it into the universe that this trend will continue. When I turn 35 I will be celebrating our awesome results. It’s going to be a great cycle, my friends!

It’s good to be back.

 

You’ll Have To Excuse Me

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I’m enjoying this anti IVF break we’re on. It’s been good so far.

I’ve tried to come on and do a post but as soon as I log on it drains my energy a little bit -thinking about infertility. I’d much rather focus on whatever else is not infertility related. I don’t want to associate this blog with negative feelings. I want to come back refreshed and renewed and ready for round 4.

So you’ll have to excuse me for a while so that I can focus on getting in the right frame of mind for our next round.

I think of you all often and I’m following most of you on instagram so not completely out of the loop but I haven’t read any new posts and I hope you’re all doing well.

I’ll be back around this time next month!

xxx

Care Packages

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I got this idea from Angela who sent me a lovely package a while ago (Thank you again!!) and I’ve been wanting to do the same and now that I have some down time I can put some energy into giving back.

I’ve taken so much from all of you whose blogs I follow. Strength, hope, knowledge and love. It’s easy to find kinship here and so very thankful for each of you.

I’ve sent a few packages to IVF friends and it brings me a lot of joy to be able to spread a little sunshine. I’ve also received packages from some angels and they always seem to be just what I need.

I understand that some of you want to keep everything private, but if you’re comfortable with sharing your details with me and would like a tiny surprise from time to time please email me your info to 30yroldnothing@gmail.com.

❤

Today Was a Good Day

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I’m having a good day today. In case the title of the post wasn’t clear.

First, food. The school’s culinary department has a healthy eating program. For $50 you get 3 meals a day and a snack for 5 days. So I ordered 2 for both of us and the order came in today. This may seem like nothing but food makes me excited. Especially when I didn’t cook it. I love cooking but I love eating more and I was really excited about this week’s menu. scallops Mozambique with cauliflower rice. vegetarian lo mein with asian bbq chicken and caprese stuffed chicken breasts with roasted broccoli for the dinners. Even writing this is making me excited.

Second, PICSI. The RE called this morning to tell me that he had a meeting with the embryology department and they’re going to do everything they can for us to do PICSI our next round. He said that he can’t guarantee that things will be ready in time but I told him that we decided to start in July so he sounded more positive. I guess they need specialized equipment and a specialist to come in and help them. I’m so excited! I know that PICSI isn’t going to be the missing puzzle piece but I’m just happy that Dr G is going the extra mile.

Third, and most importantly, insurance. You guessed it. After 5 months of fighting to get my claim reimbursed, these punks finally approved my claim and I should get my money in a few weeks. Granted I had to throw a tantrum on the phone because the guy told me the claim was denied. But damn it, they approved! I really hate raising my voice and I was very shaken up after the phone call but I’m glad I did and I’m glad it’s sorted out. I just sent in my second claim yesterday but hopefully this won’t be as big of a nightmare since I know exactly what to send in now.

Bonus fourth. It’s pay day tomorrow!!!

This upcoming weekend is going to be hard. Saturday, my father-in-law’s memorial service and Sunday, Mimi’s baby shower (I deleted the post I wrote about her but maybe some of you will remember). I hear there’s going to be a bar at the shower so that’ll help. I know I am not obligated to go but I’ve been in a good head space wrt pregnancies and stuff and I’ll get to see some other friends who I miss so I don’t think it will be bad.

I’m glad to be able to share some good news from my camp with you guys. I know it hasn’t been sunshine and roses over here but that’s how this journey goes right?

I’m about to go dig into one my dinners. No, I think I’m going to make grilled cheese and a glass of wine wile Ice Cube breaks it down for me.

xxx