Author Archives: Just Another Manic Blogger

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

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Tomorrow is the start of my favourite month!! I can’t wait! I go into complete holiday mode. I’m not the best employee in December. All urgency goes out the window. I have parties to look forward to. Gifts to buy. Eggs to grow!

As you can tell, I’m feeling a lot better today. I’m a little bummed that 1. I can’t put up decorations yet because we’re in the middle of the reno so there’s no place to put it and 2. since we’re in super saver mode, I can’t buy any Christmas gifts until mid December after we pay for the PGS.

But all that aside, I think the fact that this is the best month of the year is making the IVF stress a little easier to bear.  Today anyway.

Let’s see how we’re doing so far:

Day 2, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Injection site sensitive
Slightly dizzy immediately after injection
Funny taste at the back of throat
Period still on full flow. Is that normal?

Emotional:
Excited. About Christmas
Thoughts of egg count still in the back of my mind.
Zita West CD helped a little with stress level.

Food (Just to keep track of what I’m eating in an attempt to shame myself into eating better):
Cheesy stuffed slowcooker meatballs with pasta
Last slice of cheesecake
Mango,pineapple,coconut water smoothie

Moment of Zen (unabashedly stolen from the Daily Show):
This video made me laugh out loud. Going to try to post something funny every day.

 

So Dizzy

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Snuggled on the couch stroking the tender spot on my tummy where my first Menopur and Gonal F shots of this second cycle went in, trying to gauge my emotional state.

My physical state is..well.. dizzy, I have a funny chemical taste in the back of my throat and tenderness at the injection site.

All day I was trying to keep busy, cleaning out the bathroom and getting the trim ready for the dining room. I was excited. Mixing the meds I was almost giddy. And now I’m feeling a bit emotional. It might be because I started a full period this morning as a result of stopping the pill so I might be pmsing but I do feel like having a good cry. I’m nervous and my mind is racing. This is not how I wanted this to go.

The theme of this cycle is supposed to be CALM. When I got the antral follicle count on Wednesday (twelve). I spent all day googling antral follicle counts vs egg retrieval counts. That’s not what I wanted to do this cycle but I completely threw all my rules out of the window.

I’m going to try harder to be calmer. I will be calmer. I have yoga and my ivf cd’s. I can do this.

If you’re interested in the technical bits. Here’s what’s happening this cycle.

Day 1:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur
250cc Strawberry Cheesecake

 

Post 101

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My last post was my 100th post! That’s so awesome. I can’t believe I had 100 mini stories to tell in just over a year. And I can’t believe I have people who are interested in even half of those. Wow.

Although I do wish they’d warn you on the 99th post so that you
can do a fancy 100th post and make it all special. I guess I’ll just have to make my 101st post a special one.

I just wanted to do a quickie post to say a very big thank you to anyone reading this for stopping by to visit my little corner of the blog world.

This wasn’t supposed to be a fertility blog but I can honestly say it wouldn’t have been nearly as exciting if it wasn’t. That’s not me saying I’m glad we’re infertile so that I have something to write about but what could have been a deep dark lonely hole has been made a lot more bright and not as lonely because of all you reading and commenting and going through this with us.

I am humbled by your friendship and kind words. This is a wonderful group. I don’t know what I would do without you all.

That is all. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. Please post food pics for me.

 

The Play Room

Posted in Random Tales, TTC drama by

When I was younger, maybe 4th grade, we lived in San Francisco for a year while my father did his Masters. I remember them having a lot of younger couple friends but there was one couple who had the best house in the whole world. You walk into the house and they had a sunken living room that was converted into a play room. It was amazing!

They had legos and books and all the board games you can imagine and every time we came they seemed to have a new one for the three of us to play. The best part was the puzzles and gadgets. It was like a touch-and-learn area in a museum of science.

They had the plasma globe and an another globe that was suspended between two magnets that looked like magic. There was a doohickey the rolled on a track from side to side and never stopped (more magnet wizardry) and I remember a tonne of 3d puzzles. 3d puzzles are the best! Anyway, you get the point. A nerdy child’s dream.

We weren’t over there often but everytime was the best day ever. I loved it so much that I always swore that I would have a playroom exactly like that when I grew up. For my kids and my brothers’ kids and everyone’s kids. I knew I wanted have the house that every child wanted to be at just because being in that house brought me so much joy. And the couple were the best people as well. They really spoiled us everytime we visited.

I never forgot that playroom and I actually started collecting 3d puzzles and gadgets. I had a plasma globe and lava lamp too. I have quite a collection in SA. I’ll have to start again unfortunately because most of the cool electronic stuff won’t work here. Sorry plasma globe.

Recently, this couple popped in my mind for whatever reason one day when I was driving home and it dawned on me that they didn’t have any kids. My parents have since lost contact with them so I don’t know if they ended up having kids or if they’re still childless. I wonder if they’re childless by choice or if their playroom was meant for children they didn’t have at the time. I wonder if seeing us in their playroom made them sad if they couldn’t have kids or if they were just the type of people who loved seeing everyone happy. That’s how I remembered them.

I was very excited about creating my own playroom growing up. I’ve had a million ideas but of course in my current situation I keep wondering if my playroom will be for my kids or for my friends’ kids and my husband’s family’s kids.

Not to be a downer but there’s always the possibility that my playroom won’t have any of my children to play in it and that makes me a little sad, but then I remember how awesome the original playroom was and how much joy it brought me when I was there. And I know that the couple loved having us there since they always had new toys for us when we visited and they played with us sometimes. I can only imagine that seeing joy in any child’s eyes is enough, no matter what your situation is and I’m very excited to be able to bring that kind of joy.

So I’m going to continue my collection and our next house is going to have the most epic playroom. Yes, there will be a giant tropical fish tank. And yes, you’re all invited to bring your kids (even if you don’t have kids… there’ll be a plasma globe. No one can resist a plasma globe).

Plasma_lamp_touching

source: wikipedia

 

Coconut Twist

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So much for blogging every day, huh? So much to working on my time management too, huh?  *shaking my head*

We had a pretty busy weekend and a fun one for once. Fun because it involved zero working on the house. Well, I shouldn’t complain, the shitty part of the reno is over. The shitty part being the incessant mudding and sanding. It never seemed to end. The best part of the weekend was when I had to work for 4 hours on Saturday while hub did the final mud and sand while I was away. Hooray!

I picked a paint colour as well. We’re going with something called coconut twist. Which is actually just white-ish but not as white as the white the ceiling will be. That’s the extent of my colour selecting prowess. I’ve never seen that many shades of white in my life. I really hope I chose the right one.

Saturday evening we had dinner with our friends. It was the first time any of us had been out in a while so we really took advantage of the situation. We ordered way too much sushi, had 2 cocktails a piece that were difficult to handle and we ended up staying until the restaurant closed like any group of married folks would do.

And just like any other couple of married folks we were promptly in bed by midnight. I really had a blast though. We hadn’t seen them in a while and I think I needed human interaction after being cooped up in the house for that long.

Hmm, I realize now that this post doesn’t have any point. I guess just an update on my rip roaring social life. It’s back to the hermit hole now until the dreaded room is complete.

So with that I’ll leave you with this clip from a Chris Rock show. The first 2ish minutes reminded me of how our double date went. I lol’d.

In IVF news… I’m on day 4 of bcp’s and they are kicking my ass. It’s never been this bad before. So dizzy. So sleepy.

One Down

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I love soup! That is all. I love cold and rainy days so that I can make soup. I’ve made two this week so far already. I didn’t take pics of the first one but here’s a quick recipe for the one I made today. Honestly, I don’t have exact ratios so just go with your heart :).

I LOVE SOUP!!

Split Pea Soup!

25527_385070397162_7006823_n

2+lbs of beef. N Likes a bunch of meat in his soup so I got this 4 pack of beef. I would choose a bony, fatty cut. I think I used short rib and shin/shank.
1 package of split peas
1 Beef Stock cube (or 1litre of Beef Stock)1 Onion
5 Carrots
4 Medium Sized Potatoes
1 Packet of Onion Soup Powder
Lots of water
Thyme
Salt & Pepper

Rub any spice you’d like on the meat and brown it in a giant pot. Once brown, add the bag of split peas. Mix the beef stock cube with 2 cups of boiling water and add to the peas in the pot. Or just add your beef stock to the peas. Make sure the peas and meat are covered and set it to low and let it softly boil. (If you want a bulkier soup you can add a cup of dry fusilli pasta, barley or even spaghetti broken into thirds at this stage…your call)
Go and watch a 1hr tv show and get up to check the soup during every commercial break. Your peas should be softening up nicely when it’s over. If not then pop on another episode and keep checking during ad breaks and add water if it starts to boil off too quickly. Once your peas are softish you can start grating the carrots and potatoes. My awesome husband bought me a food processor one christmas which I used to grate the vegetables (otherwise I’d be too tired to type this). If you’re grating by hand then perhaps start grating after the first tv show episode.
Add all the grated vegetables to the pot and maybe 2 more cups of water then go ahead and wash the dishes.
When you’re done, mix the onion soup powder with one cup of water and add to the soup.
Keep the soup on a slow boil until the vegetables are soft. Your meat should be awesome and melty now as well.

Serve with some warm Portuguese rolls. I like to add a few teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce. My husband likes his with shredded cheese.

IMG_20151112_204241

Any day with soup is a good day in my book. And I started BCP’s today so that was pretty cool too. One down… 12 more to go :).

Fun Silly Dreams

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I know that we all have hopes and dreams for our kids (whether they be here now or if they’re still a twinkle in their father’s eyes). We hope that they’ll be happy and more importantly that they’ll be healthy. We hope that we’ll raise them well enough to make good life choices.

Then we have the less important, more indulgent hopes and dreams. Like what will your child do for a living. I really hope I’m not the only one who has picked out at least 1 dream career for eeach of their kids.  And the beauty of it is that you can get oh so creative with it.

I’m told that my father always dreamed that I would be a choreographer. I think them making me do ballet when I was younger was part of this dream. Every girl my age in my area did ballet though, so maybe it was a just a happy coincidence. I can’t remember how old I was. I think I blocked it out because boy, did I hate every single day of ballet. I did it for two years and the day they let me quit was the best day of my adolescent life. Later on when I hit high school, I went back into dancing and did modern dancing all through high school but I was certainly not going to fulfill my dad’s dream. I don’t think he was overly disappointed. Probably more relieved that I actually followed in his footsteps and studied Math at university like he did.

I have dreams about my kid’s career. I think about it from time to time when I let my mind wander. We recently finished a book in book club that really made me excited about it again. This is a job that I’ve always wanted for myself but I think I’ll force it on my child to make up for where I failed, just like any good parent would :).

I just read The Martian by Andy Weir (If you love sciencey and outter space books, I highly recommend this one). So now I want my child to be an engineer at NASA. Not an astronaut in particular, because I would miss them too much, but I want them to work in mission control in front of the big TV screen.

I know it’s silly but I get giddy when I think about it. I even think I’ll try to plant subliminal seeds like making them watch Armageddon (on of my all time favourites) and the Martian and any other space exploration movie from a very young age. Hahaha.

look how awesome!

look how awesome!

Anyway, this was a very silly quick post before I go do the dishes for my reward.

Which dream job do you have for your kid(s)?

1 1 1

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Well here we go. Cycle day 1 has arrived. And today also happens to be 1 year, 1 month and 1 day since my last cycle day one.

I started this post at work earlier and I was trying to gauge my feelings about this cycle. At the time I was deep in the throws of violent cramping, as I’d forgotten my pain killers at home, and I was not feeling excited at all. My exact words were that this cycle feels like I am getting back with an ex.

I still feel like that more than I am excited at this point. I feel like I’m waiting for something to fuck up so that I can admonish myself for getting my hopes up.

Things are going to be different this cycle however so it’s not like I’m getting back with the same old ex who “did me wrong”. I’ll be getting back with an ex who has shown proof that he’s changed, so there’s reason to hope that things will turn out differently this time.

For one, we’re doubling my dose of meds so that, in the words of my RE, we’re not playing catch up. I’m not doing acupuncture this time. I know it comes highly recommended but It’s a bit expensive and it didn’t work last time. I’ve opted instead for Zita West’s IVF relaxation and meditation cd that I got from a friend and yoga. And finally, N and I are all loaded up on 3+ months of fertility friendly vitamins.

None of this is a guarantee of anything but I feel a little more prepared I think. And I’m a little relieved that my nerves from before are replaced with this feeling of indifference. It’s helping me not crumble into a million pieces.

I spoke to the nurse today and I’m to do the blood pregnancy test on Thursday and start birth control pills the same day if the test comes back negative (rolls eyes). My baseline ultrasound is on the 25th and I’ll stop birth control on the same day. Then I’ll wait for instructions on when to start injections. Oh, the meds should be delivered on Friday.

Maybe when I see the meds I’ll get excited. Why am I not excited? Hmmm.

In the meantime, cheers to 1 1 1!! On to the next one!

The Thief of Time

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It has been a nutso month and a bit. It all started a rainy day in October. We were on our way to CT for a birthday present I’d bought N. He was going to drive a Lamborghini around a track for an hour. Unfortunately, the place called right before we were headed out to tell us that some doohickey snapped in the car so he wouldn’t be able to drive that day. Boo! So we did the next best thing.. We decided to re-do the dining room.

And that’s really been taking up my entire life. It’s almost done, we’ll be painting next weekend then trim then we’re done! YAY!

One thing that this past month and a bit has taught me is that I am terrible at time management. Simply terrible… And I used to be so good. I find myself walking into the house then finding myself in bed with nothing accomplished and it’s frustrating. I’m frustrated with the never-ending pile of laundry. I hate seeing 125+ unread blog posts in my inbox. I can’t stand behind weeks behind on my book club book. I’m annoyed that we ended up just watching the finale of SYTYCD because we didn’t have time to watch the entire show. I get home 3 hours earlier than I used to at my old job. How do I have less time to do everything?

I obviously only have myself to blame of course. Myself and 5 seasons of Shameless. I do not want to accept all the blame. I blame Frank. Damn you Frank!

I saw some of you are doing the blog everyday in November thing and I want to try it too. I have lots to blog about (for once) and this is our cycle month (if AF ever shows her face and this incessant spotting gives way to actual bleeding).

I’m just doing a rant about myself. I have to figure out my life. I hate to admit it but I think I need a timetable. It might even be better if I gave myself the adult version of gold stars if I manage to finish a task for the day. Wash dishes? Boom! Glass of wine with dinner. Write a blog post? Bam! Another glass of wine. Run a mile or two? Whaaat?! You’re a champ, celebrate with some wine!

Sadly, we’re in a cycle so I’ve quit alcohol for the time being but you get the point. Anyway, I just wanted to break the silence since I’m finally caught up on all blogs. Tomorrow I’ll tackle 103 youtube videos.

I’m keeping all of you in my thoughts and I’m very happy about all the BFP’s,  it’s heartwarming when one of us wins. And sending all my love to my sisters in the struggle.

Until tomorrow…xx

NaBloPoMo_2015

A guide to learn from your failed IVF cycle

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jennergetic's avatarJenn's Blog

 

If you’re like me, and (a) have had a failed IVF, and (b) believe there is no such thing as too much information, then read on!

I discovered a guide to learning from your failed cycle on a forum and thought it was too awesome not to share. I read this before my post IVF follow up meeting with RE, I will write about how that went in my next post. 

Agate’s guide to learning from your failed IVF cycle

The purpose of this post is to help answer some of the frequent questions ladies have about improving their chances after a failed IVF.  Remember that an OE or DE IVF cycle can be diagnostic in itself.   Many couples will have a baby from their first or second IVF cycle, which (obviously) suggests that IVF is all they need.  Not getting pregnant after 2 or 3 IVFs or getting pregnant…

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