Date: 4.23.16 – 4.27.16

Starring: 75iu Menopur, 300iu Gonal-F, 250mcg Cetrotide (Insurance changed from ganirelix to cetrotide), 3mg Melatonin, Ubiquinol, Pre-natal, Vit C, D, E, B12… Lupron Trigger!!!

Produced by: 11 follicles on day 9, 11 and 12. Final measurements – 7 on Left (27-13mm). 4 on Right (26-12mm). Estrodiol at 2600 on day 9 and 3400 on day 12. (I’m on OHSS watch but I feel fine)

Directed by: Slight, very slight tightness in the belly area. Sharp pains on the right and left side. No other symptoms.

Synopsis: So sorry I’ve been quiet my friends. This has been the toughest week and to have IVF happen in the middle, I don’t know. N lost his father very tragically on Sunday. He was only 57.

It was the perfect day. He came with me to my monitoring appointment and got to see how follicles look and he was surprised that it was an internal ultrasound and got a kick out of the word dildo cam. Afterwards we spent the day at PAX East (video game convention). That was me being a supportive wife since I don’t play video games. It was a good time though and I had a lot of fun with him. All of that changed on the way home when he got the phone call from his younger brother. His father’s eldest son from his second wife.

It’s just been terrible. Everyone is shocked and devastated of course. Most of Sunday was spent in shock with his step mother and bother and her sister’s family. IVF has taken an extreme back seat. I’ve been doing all shots about an hour later than I should have and I’ve been doing most of the shots myself to give N space to take care of his family. At one point I thought of cancelling the cycle because my mind wasn’t in the right place but it’s given us a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos.

Yesterday we spent the evening with his grandparents and cousins. At his grandfather’s house I had my medication with me and had to do shots there so N told them about IVF. I was in the bathroom so didn’t hear their (His grandfather and step grandmother) reaction but they wished us the very best of luck and they’re hoping for good news in June or July.

So it’s been an awful week. I can’t imagine what N must be going through and it breaks my heart to see him hurt. It breaks my heart to see his family hurt. They’re all so lovely and now they’re all missing a huge part of their hearts and I wish I could fix it. If I want to look for the good in a tragedy, it’s that it’s brought his family a little bit closer and I hope that trend continues. I really love spending time with them and I will always be sad that we didn’t spend more time with my father-in-law and I will miss him dearly. I will always remember his smiling face and I’ll see his spirit when I look into my husbands eyes and I will smile.

This has also been the longest cycle. It’s only been 2 days longer than usual but it feels like I’ve been stimming for a dog’s age. But I will be given a reprieve today as tonight at 7 is trigger time. I have to be there again tomorrow at 6:30 for blood work to see that the lupron trigger worked and then again on Friday at 7 for retrieval. That’s a lot of driving up there. I’ve been there everyday this week. But anyway. We made it to the end although battered and bruised.

And with that, I’ll leave you all to it. Thanks for being my cheerleaders as always. Every time someone dies I always remind people to hug their loved ones extra tight. Today will be no different. Don’t take anything for granted. Family is so important (whether blood or soul). Make sure your loved ones know they are loved and don’t wait for them to make the first move.

Sending you all so much love.

Man, I have had the worst week. All thanks to the insurance. I think we’ve cleared it all up but I was at the end of my tether today. Let me see, where did I leave off?

So awesome D at the insurance gave me his email and said he would help expedite my claim since it had been sitting with them untouched for 2 months. He wanted me to send him and itemized receipt from the PGD lab with the procedure codes and the diagnosis codes.

Easy, right? Sent and email to the lab after calling them and was sent the itemized bill that day which was awesome. I sent it over to D with a big smile on my face. The next day I get an email from him saying that that bill had the procedure codes but not the diagnosis codes. he needs one with both.

Back to the lab again but they tell me that I need to get a letter of medical necessity from my clinic with the diagnosis codes. They don’t do that. Okay fine, email my clinic for the letter. She said she’d sent it right over. Yay! I asked if she could email me one if it would be quicker. Sure she sent it right over. Whoo… no, this letter is neither on a letterhead nor is it signed. Email back to point this out. No problem, they’ll have him sign it and snail mail it to me (Can medical places get new technology please? Why are we still faxing and snail mailing when there are scanners about?). Two days later I get the letters… Two letters. One on a letterhead but not signed and the other signed but no letterhead. *breathe*

I decide to send the letter head one to D as it looked more professional. No reply that day. The next day (yesterday) I emailed again to see if he got it, then I called as well to see what was up. The guy on the phone, though very apologetic, couldn’t help me. He just saw that the claim was pending. At 7pm D replies (very curtly I might add) that the letter I sent didn’t have the diagnosis codes and that I should get an itemized bill from the lab with both the diagnosis codes and the procedure codes.

I’m convinced I had a tiny aneurysm and my whole body just deflated. The diagnosis codes were clear as day on that letter. I don’t know if he wanted them labeled “here are the diagnosis codes”. I don’t know if those were the right codes. I was under the impression that the doctors write these things all the time, why would they mess it up? Who was wrong here? What the hell was going on?

My reply to him was less than professional but I managed to keep the swears out of it. I was so out of sorts and depressed after reading his email that I silently cried myself to sleep. I felt utterly defeated.

This morning I sent two pleading emails to my lab and clinic to please help me with this and I attached all the paperwork I have. The lab was very helpful saying that they don’t do diagnosis codes because they’re a diagnostic lab and she said that the letter had the diagnosis codes and that should be all I need, she advised calling my billing department at the clinic to find out if I needed anything else. Perhaps receipts for the biopsy of the embryos. The clinic shuffled me off to billing because I could get and itemized receipt from them. Now I’m fucking confused and a bit livid because they never mentioned any of this before. In fact they never helped me with anything about this self claim. They never told me anything about itemized receipts or letters of medical necessity. But I guess I can’t expect them to spoon feed me but still, a little heads up would have been nice. Anyway.

Obviously the young lady in billing had no clue how to help me and shuffled me back to the clinic to speak to the financial coordinator. While she was apologizing my eyes started welling up again and I croaked out a quick thank you before hanging up abruptly. I sent another long email to the financial coordinator explaining what I’m trying to do and why and how desperate I am since I’m going to have to go through all of this again in a few weeks. I don’t know how, at this point, I haven’t snapped. N told me to cc everyone on one email and let them hash it out but even in my rage I still felt guilty about putting everyone on the spot and was worried that I would anger them and have even less chance of getting help. She replied quite quickly saying that she doesn’t know how to help me but she cc’d her supervisor to assist.

A few hours later the supervisor confirmed that the lab sends the itemized bill with the procedure code. The RE sends the letter of medical necessity with the diagnosis codes. She said that I shouldn’t have to submit anything else since the insurance should have the approval on file but she sent over a document with the approval number anyway. And I have an authorization letter from the insurance as well.

Meanwhile I get an email from D saying that there’s been so much back and forth that he’s just going to submit what I gave him and see what happens. Really dude? Are you going to acknowledge that the diagnosis codes are there in the letter? Whatever. I emailed him back and copied the confirmation email from the clinic telling me what I need and the the other email from the lab saying what to get from them and I attached the 2 authorization documents for just in case. I ended of really nicely thanking him for his patience and I was sure that he was about as done with this as I was. He sent a nicer response saying that he’ll get everything attached and see what he can do to get the claim paid.

Phew! All while this was going on I started spotting. My period is expected to start on Thursday and all I could think last night and this morning was that I was over it already. I simply couldn’t get on board with a new cycle just yet. I really haven’t prepped adequately for this cycle. I haven’t been as healthy as I could have been and here it is already. The one good thing I can say is that aside from this insurance thing, I’m not stressed about the cycle at all. I really haven’t given it a second thought aside from last night. I did say that I want to treat it like a trip to the dentist so at least in that regard I’ve been successful.

My meds have been ordered and should be here on Friday. Maybe I’ll be excited by then. Getting the meds is always exciting for me.

Here’s to a stress free round 3. Breathe in, breathe out.

I’m missing one of my bestest friend’s wedding today. It was a choice I made consciously to put my pursuit of a family first. But today I’m feeling like a shitty friend and I wish I’d been there. I even painted my nails blue today to match the rest of the bridesmaids even though nail polish is bad for fertility. lol.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff I’ve had to put on hold during this journey. I’m not bitter about these things generally but today I’m feeling the full weight of these choices. So here’s a list of things I want to do when this is over. They’re mostly self-indulgent and most likely unnecessary but they will make me happy, even if for a short while.

When this is over:

I’m going to order a large pizza from Pizza Hut and a giant shamrock shake from Mcdonald’s and eat it all by myself. No splitsees! (This gross meal changes weekly but it’s going to be big and gross and all for me)

I’m going to host a dinner party and I’m going to cook everything myself. 5 courses minimum.

I’m going to apply for citizenship.

We’re going to go to Switzerland and London to visit my best friends!

I’m going to buy a pair of Jimmy Choo’s

I’m going to order everything on my wish list on Amazon.

I’m going to resubscribe to all my subscription boxes and get the 3 more I’ve had my eye on.

I’m not going to miss anymore fucking weddings!!!