In Other News

If you won the lottery what would you change on your body? If you say nothing, I don’t want to friends with you… Just kidding but man, that would be awesome. I actually think for the most part I’ve made peace with my lumpy bumpy areas and such but one part I have always wanted to fix is my damned teeth.

I’ve hated them my whole life. Well as long as I’ve had them anyways. I had braces for a bit but let’s just chalk it up to an unqualified dentist. So here I sit with a messed up grill and years of insecurity about my smile.

So I finally went to see someone about my pearly yellows and looks like I’ll be getting braces in 2016. I met with a dental surgeon yesterday and he was like “Ew, I can’t fix this, go see an orthodontist”… I’m sure he used more professional language and he was actually very nice and made me very excited about my options but it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t a bit dramatic.

So I’m off to see the orthodontist in 27 days! N is worried that I’ll have to get the old school train track looking ones. I am just excited to be getting my teeth fixed! I’ll even go so far as to say I’m a teensy bit more excited than I am about egg retrieval. Just because I know the outcome of this will be awesome.

It’s going to be a great December, everyone.

Day 3, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Injection site sensitive. Found a bruise from yesterday.
No more dizziness
No more funny taste
Period seems to have ended. Happy day.
Twitches felt in abdomen. Whoop!

Emotional:
Read above about teeth. This is overshadowing any fear/anxiety of IVF process.

Food:
Roasted chicken
Sweet potatoes
Cheesy cauliflower gratin

Moment of Zen:
So cheesy but I lol’d.

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Tomorrow is the start of my favourite month!! I can’t wait! I go into complete holiday mode. I’m not the best employee in December. All urgency goes out the window. I have parties to look forward to. Gifts to buy. Eggs to grow!

As you can tell, I’m feeling a lot better today. I’m a little bummed that 1. I can’t put up decorations yet because we’re in the middle of the reno so there’s no place to put it and 2. since we’re in super saver mode, I can’t buy any Christmas gifts until mid December after we pay for the PGS.

But all that aside, I think the fact that this is the best month of the year is making the IVF stress a little easier to bear.  Today anyway.

Let’s see how we’re doing so far:

Day 2, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Injection site sensitive
Slightly dizzy immediately after injection
Funny taste at the back of throat
Period still on full flow. Is that normal?

Emotional:
Excited. About Christmas
Thoughts of egg count still in the back of my mind.
Zita West CD helped a little with stress level.

Food (Just to keep track of what I’m eating in an attempt to shame myself into eating better):
Cheesy stuffed slowcooker meatballs with pasta
Last slice of cheesecake
Mango,pineapple,coconut water smoothie

Moment of Zen (unabashedly stolen from the Daily Show):
This video made me laugh out loud. Going to try to post something funny every day.

 

Embaby on Board

I’m 1dp5dt (1 day past 5 day transfer)… Wow, I never thought I’d get to write that ever. I’m in shock. Again, one of the many things I’m feeling. Here’s the blow-by-blow.

We got to acupuncture at 8:30. Dr L is so great he came in especially for me since he doesn’t open that early so that was greatly appreciated. I was relatively relaxed and had a hell of a lot more needles put in. It was a good session but was subsequently ruined when I saw a voicemail from the clinic. My heart was racing when I listened back but it was just them saying they’re definitely doing the transfer but pushed my time up to 11:45. I’m very glad that I made us get a move on early. We were up there by 10:30 and faffed around until 11:15 when I had to do my nervous pee.

My transfer was set for 12:45 but I had to come an hour early to start drinking water and take a valium and sign paper work. She said do 2-3 cups of water and to space it out since we had a lot of time. I forgot that I have a toddler’s bladder and I only got through a cup and a bit and I was bursting… and we still have 30min to go. I don’t listen to instruction well when I’m nervous. I asked the nurse if she knew if my child survived the thaw and she was like “Yes, that’s the only reason you’re here.”. The morning phone call is to tell us to come in or not. That made me feel really good but she said that the day 5 embryos always thaw perfectly and they have it down to an art :). Dr G gave us and 80% thaw survival rate. That 20% still had me up at night.

I was given a wrist band with my details on it and we were ushered into the room where the magic happens. I only had to undress the bottom half and neither of us had to wear the bonnets or shoe covers some people wear. The old doctor with the high waisted scrubs who did my retrieval was doing the transfer which makes me wonder what our RE’s job is if he’s not doing retrievals or transfers.

My bladder was ridiculous at this point. I really could barely deal but I was brave. The nurse said it was perfect and didn’t want me to go empty it a little. So, it was a party of five in there. Me, N, ultrasound nurse, old man doctor and cheerleader clipboard nurse who had very complimentary things to say about my uterus. She had me confirm my name to her twice to make sure we don’t get any embie mix ups. Then it was speculum time.

ultrasound nurse was so gentle I wanted to kiss her. So I didn’t pee all over Oldie. The speculum was as it always was, terrible. He also cleaned my cervix with the cheerleader smiling at my vagina creepily. The catheter was a breeze, I saw it on the ultrasound but didn’t feel it go in. I did start shaking though. I was getting very cold. So they brought me a warm blanket and life made sense again.

Then Ultrasound opened a side door and said “We’re ready”. 2 embryologists (I assume that’s who they were) appeared in unison with another clipboard and asked my name and checked my wrist band, then left and closed the door…in unison. Cheerleader said they’re just prepping and I should see it pop on the screen. 5 seconds later there it was.

I let out a really loud gasp and Cheerleader and Ultrasound said “awww”… So tiny and perfect. They took a pic for us. They said it thawed perfectly. I still can’t put into words what I was thinking or feeling. The screen went back to the ultrasound and we waited until the embryologist twins came in with my baby in a tube and silently left and we watched Oldie do his thing. It was over before I knew it. I didn’t get a picture of the little white line in my uterus that was my baby but seeing it was priceless.

After that, our new friends wished us luck and we were given all the necessary instructions. No bed rest, just take it easy and that was that.

Back at acupuncture I couldn’t really relax when I was on my back. My mind was racing and it was colder than usual but when I was on my stomach I was out like a light. It was awesome until the heating lamp thing dinged and startled me. I twitched really hard and pulled something in my lower back and felt a twinge in my abdomen. I’m really scared about that, but trying to put it out of my mind.

When we eventually got home, I’d hired 3 movies (Catching Fire, Delivery Man and Big Hero 6). Catching Fire and Delivery Man were trrrrash. Don’t bother. Big Hero 6 was awesome. We had a really late lunch/early dinner and I had halloumi cheese and olives as a 9pm snack. I’m going to write a post about my love for halloumi cheese. It warrants it’s own post. And then we went to bed and as I was dozing off N put his hand on my tummy thus making a perfect day even more perfect.

This whole transfer experience was surreal and awesome. And even if it doesn’t work out for us this round, I highly recommend it… well, you know… if you have to.

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I’m back :)

Hello again, blog world!
It’s good to be back. I won’t keep you long, just wanted to update on my life so far.

We got back last Wednesday at 9pm. The flight was torture after such a magnificent holiday. We missed our connection home and had to wait another 2 hours for the next flight. And when we got home the friend who picked us up didn’t have our house keys we gave him so we had to get our backup set at another friend’s. I tell ya, it was torture staring at the couch from the window after a 31hr trip with minimal sleep. We eventually got in and I wish I could say we rested until today but I had to be at work the following morning followed by our EOY party at work. I found rest on Friday after work but that’s when I picked up this lovely throat infection.

The rest of the weekend was beyond uneventful. My darling was so great cleaning up and cooking and stuff. What a sweetheart.

Okay, okay enough boring-ness. Today was our follow up with the RE where we were going to find out how our 2 embryos fared. When Dr G finally called us in he took us to the tiny finance room first and my heart sat in my throat because he never does this. I thought he was going to tell us we had an outstanding payment and he can’t give help us til we pay up. Turns out it was a little worse. The genetics lab hadn’t forwarded them our results yet… Yes, really… almost a month after they got the samples. Dr G wanted to know if we could come back to see him after he called them when their office opened in an hour. I could almost see the tiny vein in my husband’s head pop.

His biggest gripe about this whole thing is the 2hr commute in nasty traffic that we have to take up to the clinic every time. Luckily he kept it together and asked if the RE could call us with the results instead because this trip is a nightmare. Dr G was visibly annoyed with the genetics lab and extremely apologetic and happily agreed to call us with the results. He then took us to his office to go over the 2 possible scenarios and to answer questions and come up with a plan.

We signed the FET consent forms in case we have an embryo to work with and talked about a redo if we did not. He said that my cycle went “about as picture perfect as it could get” and that he wouldn’t change anything next time around. I asked if there are any vitamins or supplements we could take to help next time and he said just the prenatal. I know that there are more supplements I can take but I have to do some more research first. I would be concerned that he didn’t suggest any other vitamins but I think most doctors would rather err on the side of caution.

I must say, I never felt a strong connection with Dr G before today. He seemed professional and kind which I liked and that was really all I needed. But today I think our shared annoyance with the genetics guys brought us a little closer together and he gave a good laugh at one of my chirps which made me very happy. I think we chose well.

So maybe and hour or 2 after getting home he called with the results. I swear, I was ready to another cycle in Feb. I made my peace with it. So you can imagine my surprise when he told us that we have 1 survivor! I am still in shock as I write this. I can’t believe it, really. Sadly, the other one has trisomy 16 and wouldn’t have made it past the 1st trimester, but the survivor is a grade BB (the other is an AA) and the doctor is happy with this grade. We have 1 little fighter. 1 tiny storm trooper. 1 lone survivor… I was in a tizz so didn’t ask what the gender was but I’m more than okay with finding out if I get pregnant.

So what are the next steps? Money money money!! We need 3 grand for either another retrieval or 2.5 grand for a frozen transfer. I’ve done some calculations and we should have it around mid Feb if no other financial complications arise. We have to let the clinic know what our decision is before January. I have to discuss a few things with the insurance but I think we’re going to put all our egg in one basket 🙂 and go with the FET in Feb with our rock star frostie. We’ll have to pay for this out of pocket because the insurance counts a retrieval and a transfer as 2 separate cycles so I’d rather they pay for the more expensive retrieval cycle where our coinsurance will be $2500. And our clinic charges $2500 for an FET if it’s out of pocket.

That’s where we’re at. Some good news over here today. I’m feeling beyond blessed right now. Ooh, I have to remember to blog about the lady my mom found for us. I’ll do that next I think. But for now, I have to get dinner going.

Thank you for sending out positive vibes and prayers for us. I still can’t believe it. I’m not sure if it’s Mac or Cheese who made it, so we may need a renaming ceremony.

Have a good evening!

p.s. I’m no photoshopper but I made this and I thought it was funny.

Lone Survivor

Is it Friday yet?

It seems as if time has slowed down to an annoying drip, oh my goodness! I am well in the thick of PGD test result limbo and it’s no fun.

Amidst all this baby business I completely forgot to be excited about our upcoming trip next Friday. My dear friends from back home are getting married on the 6th and my parents have so lovingly bought us tickets to go home for 2.5 weeks. Tickets were bought before we started this round and right now is something we desperately need. Usually, I would be packed by now but I can’t seem to get excited. I need to have this band-aid ripped off. I’m very irritable too and I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. But that could be coming off hormones or the fact that I’m low carbing again. Picked up a pesky 6lbs and I would like to be rid of them before we leave. AF also arrived today so that could be a factor as well.

This not knowing is killing me. I’ve made my peace with either outcome but the not knowing is torture and it’s turning me into a grumpy bum.

Anyway, here are 10 things I should be excited about in the next 9 days.
1. Mum-in-law’s 5 desserts for 5 people at Thanksgiving. She is the dessert queen and she always makes too much and I love it! I hope she makes tiramisu again.
2. Possibly putting up the Christmas tree this weekend.
3. Buying a dress for the wedding and getting secret santa gifts (I love xmas shopping)
4. Going home after not seeing my family and friends for 2 years.
5. Meeting my newest nephew, who’s already crawling around, and kissing his fat cheeks forever.
6. Kissing my other niece and nephew’s cheeks until they cry
7. FOOOOOD FROM HOME!!!!
8. A wedding! I love weddings!!! and all (save for 1 or 2) my peeps being in one city for the first time in a loooong time. We only seem to get together at weddings now. *sigh* but it’s going to be epic.
9. Carling Black Label (my favourite beer from home)
10. I’m going to see my loves in 10 days!!!
Bonus 11… Airplane food. I’m probably the only human who loves airplane food. I don’t know if it’s the food itself or the fact that it’s the only thing about a 13hr plane ride that brings me any joy. Battling motion sickness for 13hrs is always a laugh.

Okay, not going to lie, that helped. I need to print that and put it somewhere where I can see it.

I definitely still have a huge cloud of infertility hanging over me but I fully intend to ignore the shit out it the minute we leave the RE’s office next Wednesday at our follow up.

I love Mac and Cheese

And then there were 2… The last of our batch to make it to blastocyst stage to be biopsied. They’re now frozen and we’re in the last phase of waiting to find out if this cycle was a bust or if I could potentially be pregnant before the end of the year.

It was a bit of a hard pill to swallow and I was a crying mess yesterday after the call. The geneticist had told us a few weeks ago that we have a 25% chance of getting a good embryo so my statistical mind is thinking that this cycle is a bust. The way I see it is that if we even get 1 good embryo it’ll be a miracle. Now, I know miracles happen everyday and I just have to keep the faith but I’m struggling with that a little. I’m lucky to have my people have that faith right now when I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.

We still have 1 more round (either retrieval or transfer) covered by insurance which, by what is the common theme out there, is a miracle in itself. I’m extremely thankful that we can do this again so, while I’m bummed we’re 75% out of this one, I know it’s not even close to the end of the road.

While I was having my mini breakdown, my husband kept saying, “We still have 2, there’s nothing to worry about and even if they don’t make it we can try again. Most people don’t get that opportunity.” This made me immediately feel silly for crying but in my defense, I have been holding in a lot of emotion since we started this cycle. I was even surprised at my lack of emotion throughout the process. I think my body just gave in. I’m well known for keeping my feelings to myself, I was bound to crack.

I had told my work bestie the news amidst my tears and a big glass of champagne and I mentioned that I wanted to name them. I came up with Thunder and Lightning or Helter and Skelter and she, in her infinite knowledge of things that I love, came up with Mac and Cheese. I knew were friends for a reason :).

I went for a run this morning and all I thought about was my two little frozen kiddos, Mac and Cheese. I feel bad for giving up on them last night (and most of today). I’m definitely in a better place. These guys need me to believe in miracles again. I owe them that much. I love them very much already, I can’t give up on them just yet.

To anyone going through some tough times, try to have faith, try to believe in miracles. It’s all we have…. That and wine… we have wine… CHEERS!

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