So I think before I mentioned that I’m really superstitious. But I tend to invent my own superstitions based on my past.

Firstly, I don’t write my husband’s name or me new last name when I’m doodling. The reason is that in the past as soon as I’ve lovingly doodled the name of whomever I’m dating, the relationship came to an end very shortly afterwards. Within days… it’s clearly linked to me writing their name on a piece of paper. I haven’t written my husband’s name once and look how far we’ve come… Just sayin’…

I also don’t save my husband’s name under a pet name on my phone. Again, any written confirmation of a relationship spells doom. I always did this in the past and noticed that my brother didn’t do it with his wife and their relationship is perfect. The only reason they’ve been together for over 10 years is because of this fact :).

And lastly and I’m not even sure if this qualifies as a superstition… I don’t tell anyone about when big tests come up where I have the potential to fail. I’m sure this isn’t that weird though but it’s rung true for me for a long time. So much so that my friends have adopted this one when I tell them to. I passed my drivers license test on the first try after not telling anyone except Mum because she paid and after my friend failed her driver’s test 5 times I told her to tell no one the 6th time  and she got it after that. 3 of my friends since then have passed their driver’s test on this theory so I believe in this one wholeheartedly.

I’ve also applied this to job interviews. I was unemployed for a year and a half when I got here and after countless failures when I came to this final interview I told no one except my husband and I was a shoe in.

And again, before that with regards to getting my green card. I told no one about my interview to get the 2 year green card which went off without a hitch. But then when I applied for my 10 year green card I told everyone and we got an RFE. That’s when they send you a letter to insinuate  that they think you’re lying about something on your application and they need more evidence to prove you’re not. I eventually got the green card after this but I was upset that I hadn’t stuck to my guns.

Of course, there’s not scientific evidence to prove any correlation but I think, practically, it has to do with the fact that the less people who know the less pressure you’re under. Whatever the reason, it seems to have worked in my life thus far.

I’m sure you know where this is going… We’ve decided to keep the FET process between just the 2 of us. Partly because of my superstition and partly because I’ve been very open about everything thus far with my friends and family and N and I haven’t really had much privacy throughout and while I’m okay with it, I think he would appreciate it.

I’ve also been going through a dark time as well, hence no real blogging and I hate to say this but I’ve had to unfollow some of my favourite blogs. Not unfollow, unfollow, but I’ve set it so that I don’t get instant emails anymore. Just until I can get a handle on my emotions. I’m feeling impatient and irritable and I need to go into protection mode for a while I think. I am also feeling not so confident about this FET and it’s exacerbating everything. My acupuncturist keeps repeating that I have to be as stress free and calm throughout this process as possible so I’m trying to follow that as best as I can.

Of course that means I won’t be blogging about the FET when it happens. I’ve said some things on my instagram account but I’m going to take an instagram break as well… if I can.

I think what I’m going to do is blog as we go along because I want to record it but I’ll start posting the blogs after we have the result.

Please know that I’m very happy for all the BFP’s but it’s hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would and it’s becoming a bit overwhelming. I’ll catch up on all the stories when I feel stronger.

Wishing everyone continued success. I hope we’ll be joining you soon. I love you guys and I know you get it :).