Author Archives: Just Another Manic Blogger

Money, Money, Money!

Posted in TTC drama by

Happy Sunday Everyone!

This past week wasn’t a goodie. I was losing sleep calculating how much we’d need for this FET since we’ll be paying out of pocket and every time I was coming up short for when my period is expected to come and I was quickly realizing that I may have to postpone to March and we all know how devastating it is to have to postpone anything IVF land.

I was also making assumptions since I couldn’t fully calculate the cost of the meds because Estrace isn’t on Freedom Fertility’s website, so I was rounding up to $1000 for meds if the clinic only ordered everything from the start of my period to the testing date (about 28 days). I was also fast realizing that I would have to call both Freedom Fertility and my clinic to confirm so I could get some sleep. The 2 imminent phone calls were also causing a bit of anxiety because I was afraid of getting news that It would cost most than $1000. Anything more than $1000 for those 28 days would leave us more broke than I’d like to be in between paychecks. Since hubby started his own business all of that money is going to paying bills and keeping the business afloat so this baby is coming out of our “food,fun,clothes” budget. I’m okay with foregoing fun and clothes but I see a good amount of ramen noodles in our future. Goodbye pizza Friday.

So upon calling Freedom Fertility I was told that Estrace is $4.95… PER PILL!!! I could get 20 mcnuggets for that. Anyway, I don’t know why I was surprised. It’s still way cheaper compared to all the other single dose injections. Buuuut, they also had a generic that was 52 cents per pill! I just had to get my doctor to approve it. Queue cautiously happy dance. This made my Thursday. I couldn’t wait to call my clinic.

JonStewart_HappyBunny-gifThe call to the clinic on Friday could not have gone better. They said the generic was perfectly fine, she’d make sure to call Freedom to let them know and since I’m self-pay this round, they’d make sure that they ordered meds on an “as-needed” basis. Queue seriously happy dance. I’m still smiling as I write this. It’s the little things :).

tumblr_ljyz7yoJNw1qczqmmSo now, I’m not stressed at all about this upcoming cycle. Okay that’s not true. I have one more niggle and maybe someone can share an experience before I make the call to the clinic on Monday. My next worry is what happens to the money I paid if my cycle gets cancelled? Do I forfeit the 2 and half grand I paid them? Have any of you had a cancelled cycle due to a cyst or something? I’m prone to cysts. I had a big op in 2010 to remove 3 bigguns and I’m in constant fear of them coming back. I’m convinced I have one now. Every little cramp feels cystish to me. I’m not so much worried about postponing as I am about losing the money. Ugh, now I’m stressed again.

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Track of the week

Posted in Music by

Writing that other post reminded me about what I used to blog about and this was one of my favourite type of posts. I’m going to try to bring it back. It breaks the monotony in life somewhat.

So, as you may or may not know. I love to dance and I love dance music so most of my weekly tracks are designed to get me off my chair or, if I’m working, bop along like a weirdo.

This is a newy that should be on mainstream radio. I first heard it when hubby and I were on our way up to our RE appointment to find out how our embryos were doing. I love it because aside for having a put-me-in-a-good-mood beat, the lyrics rang true since ivf is expensive and they’re singing about going to the club even though the rent was late. And at the end Pitbull gave a lovely pick-me-up message at the end of it. Can’t believe I’m about to quote Pitbull haha.

Enjoy and Happy Friday!!

This for anybody going through tough times
Believe me, been there, done that
But everyday above ground is a great day, remember that
– Pitbull

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

Posted in Uncategorized by

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The Rules:

  1. Link to the person who nominated you. (Thank you, Anamarie from Qué Milagro!!!)
  2. Add the award logo.
  3. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
  4. Nominate 7 other blogs.
  5. Ask your nominees 10 questions.

My 7 nominations are (I’m sure most of you are nominated already):

  1. Ladylove & Babydust
  2. How We Met You
  3. Everyday Panic
  4. Awaiting Autumn
  5. The Sky and Back
  6. Mama et Maman
  7. Our Egg, Her Nest?

Here are my 10 questions for my nominees (oi, gonna steal some of mine because I lack originality at 4pm)

  1. What would be your dream job (independently wealthy not being an option)?
  2. Describe yourself using one word, then explain why you chose that word.
  3. What about this TTC journey has surprised you the most?
  4. Do you have siblings? How many? What are they like? (ooh a 3 fold-er)
  5. If you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be and why?
  6. Where did you meet your SO and what was your first thought?
  7. What makes you a good fit for this company?
  8. Name three things in your handbag right now.
  9. Who’s the last person you spoke to on the phone and what were you talking about? (if I may be so bold)
  10. What do you love doing the most in the whole world?
  11. What do you hate the most about your life right now that you have the power to change, and why haven’t you changed it yet?

Here are my 10 answers to questions asked of me:

Why did you decide to start blogging? More specifically, what are you trying to accomplish/who are you trying to reach through your blog?

This wasn’t originally a TTC blog. I didn’t even know those existed until WordPress started suggesting some to me. So in it’s infancy I think I wanted to document my hair journey (from chemically straightened to naturally curly) and some food stuff and random life nonsense. Nothing was set in stone. As far as who I’m trying to reach, I have to say, I’m just honoured that people are reading.

What has been the most rewarding thing about writing/blogging for you?

One comment I received after writing about my HSG experience was about how informative the post had been. That was really touching and kind of motivated me to keep writing. I didn’t think I was helping because I thought since I’m a noob, everyone knows this stuff already. Oh and of course all the wonderful ladies I’ve met in the blog world :).

Name three physical features that you know make you beautiful.

Tough question for someone with so many insecurities. My eyes. Not so much the colour (poo brown) as the shape. Uh, I love my hair since I’ve gone natural and that says a lot. And finally, my hands and feet (can that count as one?) because I take good care of them.

Name three non-physical attributes that you know make you MORE beautiful.

I’m a ride-or-die type of friend so I’m a good person to have in your corner. I will help you hide the body no questions asked. Umm, I’m funny. aaand, I’m very self aware and considerate of others’ feelings.

What is an experience that you know changed you forever?

Ugh, I have to own this… I was in an abusive relationship for about 2 years. Whenever I say that I immediately think, well, it wasn’t that abusive, I mean he never left visible bruises or hit me with a closed fist. This clearly indicates that I haven’t fully dealt with it properly since I’m still trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a  big deal but it has most definitely changed me forever. It has, of course, bled into my marriage (I’m working on it) and friendships and how I react to certain situations. Some changes are good and some are very very bad. But I’m in a place now where I can identify that I’m reacting a certain way based on the abuse and I can stop, re-evaluate and try to react differently. That’s growth.

What are your top two baby girl and baby boy names (and if you already have kids, you can’t use the names you already named them!)?

Oooh! I love this question!! I have so many names picked out. I know you said 2 but I have 3 each.

Boy 1: Asher (read in a book called the Red Tent)
Boy 2: Ben (from Friends)
Boy 3: Chi (pronounced Kai because I studied statistics and it’s one of the distributions, the Chi-square distibution #nerd)Girl 1: Arwen (Lord of the Rings of course)
Girl 2: Phoebe (lol Friends again)
Girl 3: Arya (Game of thrones. yes yes very overdone but I love it!)

What is one of your quirks/eccentricities (one of mine is that I’m OBSESSED with hearing people’s baby names, thus question #6)?

I speak in ‘Friends’ quotes… Is that a quirk? Most of my closest friends are the ones I met through a mutual love of Friends. I think it’s a cult almost. You say the quote in a crowd of people and the other Friends-y looks across at you and your eyes meet… Instant bestie. I can’t explain it better than that.

What would be your dream job (independently wealthy not being an option)?

TV Chef or TV travelling foodie. Are you kidding? getting paid to travel the world and eat?! Yes please everyday. I think I could possibly do it if I got over my fear of speaking up. That, and I have no TV presence. I can’t even start a youtube channel because of it lol. Alternatively, can I just work at a bar on a tropical island please?

Describe yourself using one word, then explain why you chose that word.

Trying… I’m not perfect but I’m trying to be a better wife, friend, aunt, daughter, woman, person.

 Which household chore do you wish you could get away with never having to do again?

All of them. Can my house please just be self cleaning? And thank you.

That was fun!

Well that was awkward…

Posted in TTC drama by

I don’t have anything TTC related to report since life is droll while I’m saving money and waiting for my February period but I did want to share a quick quick something that happened to me in the office on Thursday.

So I was roped into a meeting with 3 lads on a certain project. It was a teleconference with one of our colleagues in the New York office. When she clicked on we all announced who was on the call with her and she was said: “hey D! when are you going on maternity leave?”

There was 3 seconds of silence and I was so shocked I blurted out: “Woah! woah! I’m not pregnant. Don’t you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby” (If you don’t know which movie that’s from, we can’t be friends anymore…until you watch the movie). We hardly ever see the people in the NY office so it was an innocent mistake. We all had a good laugh and it turns out she had me confused with my friend who is on maternity leave right now.

Of course I was thrown off and throughout the rest of the meeting I was trying to get my thoughts in order. Why did I respond like that? Why was I mad at her for asking? Why is everyone looking at me? I feel like this infertility is a vase on a very unsteady pedestal and I’m trying very hard to keep the vase in tact. I don’t like have my world rattled and I was very grumpy for the rest of the day. But more grumpy at myself for being grumpy and not being able to rationalize the grumpiness.

This blog is supposed to be an outlet for my feelings so I don’t slip into madness but I don’t think I’ve been doing it justice. I think because I don’t want it to be a whiny blog. That, and I don’t really know how to conceptual my feelings yet. I’ve actually attempted to write this a few times and I keep deleting everything. I’m struggling with my colourful emotional site and my analytical black and white side.

I think while we’re waiting for February to roll around I’m going to need to make a concerted effort to blog more often about my feelings. I’ve been on edge lately and when I’m on edge I want to go out and do stuff to get my mind off life. This stuff usually involves spending money and we really have to save all the pennies we have.

Just 3 more paychecks love… You can do this.

Thank you!!

Posted in Random Tales by

I gained a new follower today and just realized I have 63 followers. I’m amazed that 63 people find what I have to say remotely interesting and I am humbled and honoured that you all are following my story.

Just wanted to say a very big, huge, gigantic thank you for reading these ramblings and I wish nothing but awesomeness for all of you in 2015. Whether it be your dreams coming true or if not, then learning and growing from each fall. That’s the point anyway, right? Learning and growing?

Funny story. I had a thing about uneven years. Since I finished high school everything bad that happened to me happened in an uneven year. Breakups mostly but that’s all that mattered to me back then. And everything awesome happened in the even years. I had 2 very significant heart breaks in 2007 and 2009. The 2007 one broke me. But I moved out on my own and bought my first car in 2008 and I met my husband and moved to America in 2010. You can imagine my dread on new years eve in 2011. I was convinced that our relationship would end somehow, despite there being nothing wrong. I just knew that this curse was looming once again. And as the clock struck midnight while we were walking around Providence my prince got down on one knee and proposed and like that, my uneven year curse was lifted. We also got married later that month and again in July and again in October so for me 2011 was perfect. My friend actually mentioned to me when we announced our engagement that the curse had finally lifted.

When I think about my luck since then, I realize that while those significantly bad things happened to me on uneven years I was probably so focused on them that I missed that good things. Granted, 2007 was the worst year of my life, I did, at the end of it, grow closer to my friends and family. My brothers and I became really close that December and I was so surrounded by love that the rest of the year almost didn’t matter. And in ’09 before I had my heart broken again that year was magnificent. It was the year I learned to be single and love it. I learned to be an almost perfect me and I think these lessons led me to be open to a new love in 2010 when I met my love, finally. I could have said that the curse swapped to even years because we found out we can’t have children naturally in the beginning of this year but we also found out we can have children through the miracle of science and that’s just as good. We also found out we have 1 little fighter blastocyst and that really made my year. nuff said.

I don’t fear 2015 and neither should you. I know there are so many unknowns but I’m ready. I have my love with me and I have the support of my family and friends and you guys. So thank you for that. A big fat, huge, gigantic thank you.

thank-you-and-happy-new-year

Aunty Maggie

Posted in TTC drama by

While we were in South Africa, we spent 3 days in my home town to meet up with a few friends and family. On the second last morning, mom and I were set to go to her hair stylist for some mother daughter time. Little did I know she had something up her well-intentioned sleeve. Before we set out she called me into her room to tell me that she’d organized for someone to come and pray over N and me and my uterus. Now a few months ago I would have rolled my eyes and put up a sizable fight but I think either I’ve grown up a bit or I’m at my wits and will try anything at this point to help with us. My husband, on the other hand, would be another story. He’s made a firm stance on Christianity and he’s lack of belief therein so I knew I would have to spend my time at the salon thinking up creative ways to break it to him.

It turned out that the stylist was the one who turned my mother onto this ‘shaman’ and she told me that she had debilitating endometriosis and the lady worked miracles. She mentioned a bitter drink that she had to drink but I ignored that bit.

After our hair was done my mother got hold of the miracle worker and we were to pick her up in the shady part of town at a nondescript location. We waited there for a short while and my mother got out of the car to exchange pleasantries with another old lady who happened to pass the car and who turned out to be my father’s retired secretary from years ago. At this time I called N and tried my mother’s approach. I just told him in no uncertain terms that we’d be home in 15 and we’re going to have someone pray over us. I winced a little at the 5 second silence and added that it was my mother’s idea and it would be over quickly. Surprisingly he just chuckled and agreed. I wondered if he, like me, had grown up or was at his wits end. Either way, I loved him a little more at that moment.

Aunty Maggie (where I come from, anyone who’s your parents’ age is called Aunty or Uncle) looked how I expected her to look. Short and portly with an orange dress and blue scarf wrapped around her head and a kind face. She spoke Afrikaans mostly and on the way home she told us about her 45 year history with helping couples conceive as a midwife and a Christian.

When we got home N and I were ushered into my old bedroom where Auntry Maggie sat us on my bed and went through her resume once again and explained that she was just a regular old lady who used to be a midwife and who enjoys helping couples whenever she can. She then, while N looked on, made me lay on my back and she lifted up my top and massaged my belly around my uterus area and up under my ribs. It was a pretty good massage, I won’t lie. Afterwards she said that my uterus and tubes felt great (the HSG would agree) and she said that she felt 2 eggs under my ribs. What? We all know that’s not how that works but I guess that’s what her super powers told her. And then she laid her hands on my tummy and started praying quickly and out loud and in Afrikaans so I know N wasn’t catching any of it and I hoped that she would switch over a bit so he could understand a little. She then reached over to him and put a hand on his shoulder and prayed for him too. It lasted a few minutes and if I’m honest I was a bit emotional afterwards but I’ve always been emotional.

Before she left she said that she see 2 children in our future. Only 2 but that it would happen, God showed her. She mentioned that she had to go make something for us to drink. She said it was just herbs that she prayed over and boiled in water. She told us how much everything would cost (everything came to the equivalent of $10) and then she wished us well and my mother took her home.

We were to pick up the medicine the following day which was two 2litre bottles of brown water with leaves and I think ginger in it. N had to take 1/2 a cup at night and I was to drink 1/2 a cup morning and night. The stuff smelled awful and tasted even worse. It was really not good at all. Plus, I don’t think we would have gotten it through customs anyway. We only managed 2 nights of it before throwing in the towel. My mother said that she understood as long as the praying was done.

As I ponder what Aunty Maggie told us I wonder how all of this will play out if her predictions are correct. Right now we only have 1 embryo. If what she says is true, does that mean this one will work and we’ll have to do all of this again for a 2nd? Will this not work and in our next round we’ll get 2 that we can take home? Or will this work and split into 2? There are endless possibilities. Hell, she may even be way off the mark and we get none… or more than 2… or just one… As you can tell, I’ve spent a lot of time pondering. Maybe too much time.

The experience wasn’t a bad one. The ‘potion’ was. I’m happy with the outcome. I’m happy that my husband was open to it even though he didn’t understand what was said. She said Jesus in Afrikaans a lot which is pronounced Yee-sis and he jokingly asked if she was praying to Kanye.

This was initially an exercise in making my mother happy and in the end all 3 of us were pretty happy.

I hope she’s right about the 2 babies though.

tl;dr – my mom got an old Christian lady to massage my tummy and pray for us and make a ‘potion’ to help us with conceiving. she also said that God promised us 2 little ones.

I’m back :)

Posted in TTC drama by

Hello again, blog world!
It’s good to be back. I won’t keep you long, just wanted to update on my life so far.

We got back last Wednesday at 9pm. The flight was torture after such a magnificent holiday. We missed our connection home and had to wait another 2 hours for the next flight. And when we got home the friend who picked us up didn’t have our house keys we gave him so we had to get our backup set at another friend’s. I tell ya, it was torture staring at the couch from the window after a 31hr trip with minimal sleep. We eventually got in and I wish I could say we rested until today but I had to be at work the following morning followed by our EOY party at work. I found rest on Friday after work but that’s when I picked up this lovely throat infection.

The rest of the weekend was beyond uneventful. My darling was so great cleaning up and cooking and stuff. What a sweetheart.

Okay, okay enough boring-ness. Today was our follow up with the RE where we were going to find out how our 2 embryos fared. When Dr G finally called us in he took us to the tiny finance room first and my heart sat in my throat because he never does this. I thought he was going to tell us we had an outstanding payment and he can’t give help us til we pay up. Turns out it was a little worse. The genetics lab hadn’t forwarded them our results yet… Yes, really… almost a month after they got the samples. Dr G wanted to know if we could come back to see him after he called them when their office opened in an hour. I could almost see the tiny vein in my husband’s head pop.

His biggest gripe about this whole thing is the 2hr commute in nasty traffic that we have to take up to the clinic every time. Luckily he kept it together and asked if the RE could call us with the results instead because this trip is a nightmare. Dr G was visibly annoyed with the genetics lab and extremely apologetic and happily agreed to call us with the results. He then took us to his office to go over the 2 possible scenarios and to answer questions and come up with a plan.

We signed the FET consent forms in case we have an embryo to work with and talked about a redo if we did not. He said that my cycle went “about as picture perfect as it could get” and that he wouldn’t change anything next time around. I asked if there are any vitamins or supplements we could take to help next time and he said just the prenatal. I know that there are more supplements I can take but I have to do some more research first. I would be concerned that he didn’t suggest any other vitamins but I think most doctors would rather err on the side of caution.

I must say, I never felt a strong connection with Dr G before today. He seemed professional and kind which I liked and that was really all I needed. But today I think our shared annoyance with the genetics guys brought us a little closer together and he gave a good laugh at one of my chirps which made me very happy. I think we chose well.

So maybe and hour or 2 after getting home he called with the results. I swear, I was ready to another cycle in Feb. I made my peace with it. So you can imagine my surprise when he told us that we have 1 survivor! I am still in shock as I write this. I can’t believe it, really. Sadly, the other one has trisomy 16 and wouldn’t have made it past the 1st trimester, but the survivor is a grade BB (the other is an AA) and the doctor is happy with this grade. We have 1 little fighter. 1 tiny storm trooper. 1 lone survivor… I was in a tizz so didn’t ask what the gender was but I’m more than okay with finding out if I get pregnant.

So what are the next steps? Money money money!! We need 3 grand for either another retrieval or 2.5 grand for a frozen transfer. I’ve done some calculations and we should have it around mid Feb if no other financial complications arise. We have to let the clinic know what our decision is before January. I have to discuss a few things with the insurance but I think we’re going to put all our egg in one basket 🙂 and go with the FET in Feb with our rock star frostie. We’ll have to pay for this out of pocket because the insurance counts a retrieval and a transfer as 2 separate cycles so I’d rather they pay for the more expensive retrieval cycle where our coinsurance will be $2500. And our clinic charges $2500 for an FET if it’s out of pocket.

That’s where we’re at. Some good news over here today. I’m feeling beyond blessed right now. Ooh, I have to remember to blog about the lady my mom found for us. I’ll do that next I think. But for now, I have to get dinner going.

Thank you for sending out positive vibes and prayers for us. I still can’t believe it. I’m not sure if it’s Mac or Cheese who made it, so we may need a renaming ceremony.

Have a good evening!

p.s. I’m no photoshopper but I made this and I thought it was funny.

Lone Survivor

I’m alive!

Posted in Uncategorized by

Just doing a quick pop in. I’m following everyone’s stories closely but we haven’t had a break since we landed to comment or send well wishes. but i hope everyone is doing well in blog world.
we’ve seen so many friends and family and only 2 people asked me when we’re going to have kids. I was happy to use my “you go first”  line :).
the wedding was amazing and all out of towners have finally left so we’re spending the day with my parents, if i can get off the couch.
tomorrow we take a 7hr drive to my home town to see some more family and friends.
my new nephew is absolutely amazing (8 months) . he’s obsessed with his mom now so i had to trick him into letting me hold him but he warmed up to me eventually. the other two (my other brother’s son and daughter, 5 and 4 yrs)  are so cool now and we’re definitely best friends. it’s weird but they don’t make me mourn not having my own baby. i think the fact that we share the same blood line makes me feel not so alone.
anyway, apologies for the bad punctuation. I’m on my phone. I hope everyone in blog land is doing well. one more week until home time.

[edit: pics removed for anonymity]

Is it Friday yet?

Posted in Stuff I Love, TTC drama by

It seems as if time has slowed down to an annoying drip, oh my goodness! I am well in the thick of PGD test result limbo and it’s no fun.

Amidst all this baby business I completely forgot to be excited about our upcoming trip next Friday. My dear friends from back home are getting married on the 6th and my parents have so lovingly bought us tickets to go home for 2.5 weeks. Tickets were bought before we started this round and right now is something we desperately need. Usually, I would be packed by now but I can’t seem to get excited. I need to have this band-aid ripped off. I’m very irritable too and I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. But that could be coming off hormones or the fact that I’m low carbing again. Picked up a pesky 6lbs and I would like to be rid of them before we leave. AF also arrived today so that could be a factor as well.

This not knowing is killing me. I’ve made my peace with either outcome but the not knowing is torture and it’s turning me into a grumpy bum.

Anyway, here are 10 things I should be excited about in the next 9 days.
1. Mum-in-law’s 5 desserts for 5 people at Thanksgiving. She is the dessert queen and she always makes too much and I love it! I hope she makes tiramisu again.
2. Possibly putting up the Christmas tree this weekend.
3. Buying a dress for the wedding and getting secret santa gifts (I love xmas shopping)
4. Going home after not seeing my family and friends for 2 years.
5. Meeting my newest nephew, who’s already crawling around, and kissing his fat cheeks forever.
6. Kissing my other niece and nephew’s cheeks until they cry
7. FOOOOOD FROM HOME!!!!
8. A wedding! I love weddings!!! and all (save for 1 or 2) my peeps being in one city for the first time in a loooong time. We only seem to get together at weddings now. *sigh* but it’s going to be epic.
9. Carling Black Label (my favourite beer from home)
10. I’m going to see my loves in 10 days!!!
Bonus 11… Airplane food. I’m probably the only human who loves airplane food. I don’t know if it’s the food itself or the fact that it’s the only thing about a 13hr plane ride that brings me any joy. Battling motion sickness for 13hrs is always a laugh.

Okay, not going to lie, that helped. I need to print that and put it somewhere where I can see it.

I definitely still have a huge cloud of infertility hanging over me but I fully intend to ignore the shit out it the minute we leave the RE’s office next Wednesday at our follow up.

I love Mac and Cheese

Posted in TTC drama by

And then there were 2… The last of our batch to make it to blastocyst stage to be biopsied. They’re now frozen and we’re in the last phase of waiting to find out if this cycle was a bust or if I could potentially be pregnant before the end of the year.

It was a bit of a hard pill to swallow and I was a crying mess yesterday after the call. The geneticist had told us a few weeks ago that we have a 25% chance of getting a good embryo so my statistical mind is thinking that this cycle is a bust. The way I see it is that if we even get 1 good embryo it’ll be a miracle. Now, I know miracles happen everyday and I just have to keep the faith but I’m struggling with that a little. I’m lucky to have my people have that faith right now when I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.

We still have 1 more round (either retrieval or transfer) covered by insurance which, by what is the common theme out there, is a miracle in itself. I’m extremely thankful that we can do this again so, while I’m bummed we’re 75% out of this one, I know it’s not even close to the end of the road.

While I was having my mini breakdown, my husband kept saying, “We still have 2, there’s nothing to worry about and even if they don’t make it we can try again. Most people don’t get that opportunity.” This made me immediately feel silly for crying but in my defense, I have been holding in a lot of emotion since we started this cycle. I was even surprised at my lack of emotion throughout the process. I think my body just gave in. I’m well known for keeping my feelings to myself, I was bound to crack.

I had told my work bestie the news amidst my tears and a big glass of champagne and I mentioned that I wanted to name them. I came up with Thunder and Lightning or Helter and Skelter and she, in her infinite knowledge of things that I love, came up with Mac and Cheese. I knew were friends for a reason :).

I went for a run this morning and all I thought about was my two little frozen kiddos, Mac and Cheese. I feel bad for giving up on them last night (and most of today). I’m definitely in a better place. These guys need me to believe in miracles again. I owe them that much. I love them very much already, I can’t give up on them just yet.

To anyone going through some tough times, try to have faith, try to believe in miracles. It’s all we have…. That and wine… we have wine… CHEERS!

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