Tag Archives: infertility

TWW (Two Week Wait) – Long Post

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CHAPTER ONE:

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit scared out of my mind. Actually I’ve had moments of despair knowing in my heart that this won’t work.

Our baby is an EBBB graded embryo. This is different to the number-letter-letter grading so I looked it up and this is what it means:

Blastocysts are graded on the basis of expansion/size, ICM (inner cell mass) and Trophectoderm (TE) and recorded by a string of FOUR letters. First two letters refer to the expansion/size of the blastocyst and the following two letters denote the quality of ICM and TE respectively.

Expansion:
Early Blastocyst (<50% cavity)=EB
Expanded Blastocyst (>50% cavity)=XB
Hatching Blastocyst=HB
ICM:
Based on the cohesiveness and the size, the ICM is (subjectively) graded as A (GOOD), B (FAIR) or C (POOR).
TE:
Depending on the number and microscopic morphology of cells in the trophectoderm layer, it is graded as A (GOOD), B (FAIR) or C (POOR).
As you can imagine I’ve been googling EBBB success rates and scrutinizing the picture they gave us. I’m just not sure. And another thing that’s worrying me is that when they thawed it it didn’t grow further. It didn’t degrade which is fantastic but it didn’t progress either.
On the other hand I have a few symptoms, I think. I have a constant cramp in my lower abdomen. I don’t know if this is good or bad. It’s not painful just constant. It feels like ovulation cramp just all the time but it goes away when I walk around. And every now and then I feel a tiny stab in my lower abdomen too. This is the only thing giving me hope as I’ve read about this happening.
Now I’m dealing with guilt for not having faith, despair because I don’t think this is it, hope because I’m crampy. I heard the tww was a rollercoaster but my goodness.
1 day down… 9 days to go. fml.
CHAPTER TWO:

I woke up in complete despair. I’m very fragile and husband mentioned that the clinic took $145 out of our account without notifying us. This was not what I wanted to hear. I woke up with no more cramps so that was already messing with me.

I had a nightmare last night. I don’t remember much but it involved my niece and nephew getting up out of bed and running to the door screaming. I don’t know why or what from but I could sense the fear and it stayed with me after I woke up. I had to pee and that felt a little reassuring because I don’t generally have to pee in the middle of the night and I didn’t have anything to drink too late last night.

But the drive to work was a nightmare. I was annoyed with this money story and just not feeling very positive about anything. It was very overwhelming and I almost cried.

I remember feeling like this when they told us we only had 2 embryos to test. It was a dark time. But I crawled my way out of it and was in a very good place. I was at peace with either outcome and I need to get there. I have to try and enjoy where I am right now.

I’m actually IM’ing a friend from back home about my dark mood and he’s helping a little. I’m feeling way better than I did this morning. To help matters the $145 wasn’t the clinic it was actually the double acupuncture appointment on Tuesday :). So I’m definitely better in that regard.

Although the constant cramp is gone and I’m a lot less bloated today, I’m still feeling very small tiny blips in my lower abdomen and I’ve had subtle heartburn since I had some chicken salad a few hours ago. The first time I’m enjoying heartburn.

In my head I’m singing the song Phoebe sang to the fetuses the day she got implanted with 5 embryos in that one episode of Friends! I love how she got implanted and got a positive test that very same day!! Ah if only.

 CHAPTER THREE:

I am 4dp5dt.

The crazy fog has lifted. I think the universe was looking out for me. On Wednesday, in the midst of my funk, 3 bloggers made posts that spoke to me directly and really helped me to get a grip. A big thank you to girl4182 for this post, chels819 for this post, JENNIE for this post (and Caroline for the quote) and of course my husband for reminding me to remain positive. Each of you said something I absolutely needed to hear so really really thank you.

My next thank you is obviously to Shonda Rhimes (lol). Without giving too much away, Amelia has to a surgery but before she goes in she does a superhero pose… The theory is that if you stand in a superhero pose for about 2 minutes while breathing deeply and standing tall with your chest out, you will feel more confident and positive and your mood elevates… I googled it. It’s a real thing. So, yes, I dragged my ass off to the bathroom because I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of my colleagues and I stood in superhero pose for 2 minutes.

Did it help? A little. But only because I ended up chuckling at myself. I felt a little silly but I did feel better after.

My final thank you goes out to Earth Wind and Fire. Because how can you be in despair when listening to Earth Wind and Fire?

Yesterday at 3dpt I still didn’t have any symptoms but I was okay. I was thinking about where I was. 3dpt was further than I’d ever been in this journey and that in itself is amazing! I never thought I’d be here. One day at a time.

And now I’m here! 4dpt! I have a constant cramp on my left side since I woke up and while it’s not there anymore, my boobs felt heavy and my nipples were tingly. I keep jiggling my boobs to test but it’s definitely gone. I hope I’m not the only one out there jiggling her boobs during the tww :). The cramp is there though. There’s a part of me that’s worried about it being ectopic but I really can’t worry about that now. One stressor at a time please.

Anyway, This time last week I was saying this time next I’ll possibly be 3dpt and now I can say this time next week I’ll possibly be… argh, I can’t even write it. Damn you superstitions!

Hope everyone is doing well. Here’s some Earth Wind and Fire. Play this while doing the superhero pose if you’re feeling down. 🙂

CHAPTER FOUR:

The two week wait sucks

CHAPTER FIVE:

I almost tested this morning but I think the universe was looking out for me because I couldn’t find the bag of wondfo’s I bought just for this reason! Picture me with a full bladder running and dancing around the house this morning looking for them. It was pretty funny. I’m still not sure if I should test or not. N gave the thumbs up but I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for a BFN.

I still have no idea if this has worked or not. My symptoms are barely worth mentioning. It’s like my body is teasing me with symptoms. And I’m only quasi-moody. Yesterday I had a nagging cramp on my right side for solid 6 hours. I had to practically scootch all the way down in my seat to get comfortable then on the drive home my left butt cheek went numb. And then today, nothing. WTH!

In the meantime I’ve just been rubbing my belly and talking to my kid and kissing the picture of the embryo everyday.

8 days down… 2 more to go.

CHAPTER 6

9dp5dt and I was pregnant for a day.

I shouldn’t have tested. I’ll never do that again. Yesterday I found a test in my back pack from last year. I forgot I had it. The expiration date was 2016 so I thought it would be okay. That was my first mistake. On my way home I bought 2 dollar tree tests. That was my second mistake. When I walked in I just told N we’re doing this. I squeezed out a 7:30pm pee on the old test and immediately got a faint positive. I had never seen a positive in my life. We didn’t talk about it much. Just enjoyed the rest of the evening in silent elation. I couldn’t stop looking at the stick. I kept checking it every half hour just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things but there it was. We watched Tosh.O and the Empire finale (how good is this show, man! My new favourite) and half of Family Guy. Then I attempted to go to sleep. I obviously tossed and turned for hours. I was over the moon but still scared. I didn’t want to get too excited but I couldn’t wait for this morning’s test. Just to put me at ease.

I did not expect the glaring negative that appeared this morning. Not even a hint a line. Nothing. So much nothing. I’ve never hated an inanimate object so much. Confusion. Anger. Despair. Why did I test? What’s going on? a chemical pregnancy? A false positive on the other test? I’ll never know. I know false negatives are few an far between so I’ve given up hope. I still have a pain on my lower left side but it’s not as bad as the pain in my heart right now.

N tried to reassure me but I’m a little inconsolable right now. Also, we kind of knew this was a long shot and that we should try to take this round as a trial round but how can I not be a little distraught?

Infertility sucks my friends. But onward and upward. At least I can drink again.

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Hi Baby!

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Bye Baby…

CHAPTER SIX:

Well, there it is… The dreaded voicemail… Waiting until I get home so N can listen to it. I can’t bear it.

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Embaby on Board

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I’m 1dp5dt (1 day past 5 day transfer)… Wow, I never thought I’d get to write that ever. I’m in shock. Again, one of the many things I’m feeling. Here’s the blow-by-blow.

We got to acupuncture at 8:30. Dr L is so great he came in especially for me since he doesn’t open that early so that was greatly appreciated. I was relatively relaxed and had a hell of a lot more needles put in. It was a good session but was subsequently ruined when I saw a voicemail from the clinic. My heart was racing when I listened back but it was just them saying they’re definitely doing the transfer but pushed my time up to 11:45. I’m very glad that I made us get a move on early. We were up there by 10:30 and faffed around until 11:15 when I had to do my nervous pee.

My transfer was set for 12:45 but I had to come an hour early to start drinking water and take a valium and sign paper work. She said do 2-3 cups of water and to space it out since we had a lot of time. I forgot that I have a toddler’s bladder and I only got through a cup and a bit and I was bursting… and we still have 30min to go. I don’t listen to instruction well when I’m nervous. I asked the nurse if she knew if my child survived the thaw and she was like “Yes, that’s the only reason you’re here.”. The morning phone call is to tell us to come in or not. That made me feel really good but she said that the day 5 embryos always thaw perfectly and they have it down to an art :). Dr G gave us and 80% thaw survival rate. That 20% still had me up at night.

I was given a wrist band with my details on it and we were ushered into the room where the magic happens. I only had to undress the bottom half and neither of us had to wear the bonnets or shoe covers some people wear. The old doctor with the high waisted scrubs who did my retrieval was doing the transfer which makes me wonder what our RE’s job is if he’s not doing retrievals or transfers.

My bladder was ridiculous at this point. I really could barely deal but I was brave. The nurse said it was perfect and didn’t want me to go empty it a little. So, it was a party of five in there. Me, N, ultrasound nurse, old man doctor and cheerleader clipboard nurse who had very complimentary things to say about my uterus. She had me confirm my name to her twice to make sure we don’t get any embie mix ups. Then it was speculum time.

ultrasound nurse was so gentle I wanted to kiss her. So I didn’t pee all over Oldie. The speculum was as it always was, terrible. He also cleaned my cervix with the cheerleader smiling at my vagina creepily. The catheter was a breeze, I saw it on the ultrasound but didn’t feel it go in. I did start shaking though. I was getting very cold. So they brought me a warm blanket and life made sense again.

Then Ultrasound opened a side door and said “We’re ready”. 2 embryologists (I assume that’s who they were) appeared in unison with another clipboard and asked my name and checked my wrist band, then left and closed the door…in unison. Cheerleader said they’re just prepping and I should see it pop on the screen. 5 seconds later there it was.

I let out a really loud gasp and Cheerleader and Ultrasound said “awww”… So tiny and perfect. They took a pic for us. They said it thawed perfectly. I still can’t put into words what I was thinking or feeling. The screen went back to the ultrasound and we waited until the embryologist twins came in with my baby in a tube and silently left and we watched Oldie do his thing. It was over before I knew it. I didn’t get a picture of the little white line in my uterus that was my baby but seeing it was priceless.

After that, our new friends wished us luck and we were given all the necessary instructions. No bed rest, just take it easy and that was that.

Back at acupuncture I couldn’t really relax when I was on my back. My mind was racing and it was colder than usual but when I was on my stomach I was out like a light. It was awesome until the heating lamp thing dinged and startled me. I twitched really hard and pulled something in my lower back and felt a twinge in my abdomen. I’m really scared about that, but trying to put it out of my mind.

When we eventually got home, I’d hired 3 movies (Catching Fire, Delivery Man and Big Hero 6). Catching Fire and Delivery Man were trrrrash. Don’t bother. Big Hero 6 was awesome. We had a really late lunch/early dinner and I had halloumi cheese and olives as a 9pm snack. I’m going to write a post about my love for halloumi cheese. It warrants it’s own post. And then we went to bed and as I was dozing off N put his hand on my tummy thus making a perfect day even more perfect.

This whole transfer experience was surreal and awesome. And even if it doesn’t work out for us this round, I highly recommend it… well, you know… if you have to.

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The Call

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We’ve finally made it. It’s finally transfer day eve.

The call came at 3pm. Do they do that on purpose you think? Oh yes, let’s make them sweat until their about to snap and THEN call them *evil laugh*. I’m sure they have a process but man that’s a long wait. I took half of today off and went to get some socks to wear tomorrow. I was looking for ladybird socks but settled for cute pineapple ones. I also found very cute ladybird earrings. I also realised that I still have the t-shirt I wore on our first date, so I’m going to wear that too.

To say that I’m excited is beyond an understatement. Actually excited is one of the many emotions I’m feeling. I’m certainly not going to be sleeping tonight. I have my first acupuncture appointment at 8:30 then we take a long drive up to Lexington for noon. I’ll then drink water for an hour and take some yummy Valium. Transfer is set for 1pm after which I’ll go back to the second acupuncture appointment.

Unfortunately, I’ve taken no time off work. I have 2 weddings in July in South Africa and I have to save all my time off but depending on how I feel I may work from home.

So that’s it… 4 more hours til bed time. I’ve already cooked dinner. I made my favourite soup that should take us until Thursday. I don’t want to have to cook anything for a few days.  Now how am I going to kill 4 hours? Maybe I should do my hair…

I’ll leave you with some pics of the stuff I got for the transfer. And a little painted stone ladybird from our yard. N’s grandmother painted it a while back and I forgot we had it.

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Ain’t No Party Like a Crinone Party

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We added Crinone to the mix. Things are ramping up.  I’m still not feeling any side effects, though. I would be worried but all my tests are saying that everything is running smoothly. I have had to take a melatonin to help with sleep. But other than that I’m sound as a pound.

They told us when we started this process in November to abstain from sex until transfer… That’s over 3 months of no sex. That’s not realistic. But I think last night was the last for a while now that I’m doing vaginal progesterone suppositories. I mean that’s really not sexy. We did use a condom last night. It was weird to be using a condom for the first time in 5 years.

OMG! I just realized yesterday was our 5 year anniversary of knowing each other. Wow! I’ve never been in love with someone for 5 yrs nor have I have I fallen more in love as time progressed. Right now he’s sitting next to me cursing at his laptop for some or other reason, just being all cute. I’m gonna go kiss him for a bit.

T-minus almost time for transfer. (I still can’t physically write down the date. lol).

xxx

Slow and steady wins the race

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We’re now on day 11 of estradiol pills. I had a blood draw on Monday and my estrogen was at 71.8. They want to see it at around 50 so they were happy with that and bumped me up from 1mg twice a day to 2mg twice a day.

I had another draw on Friday and my estrogen was at 158 which she sounded happy about. They then bumped me up to 2mg 3 times a day which I’m to continue until they tell me to stop.

I don’t have any crazy symptoms. I’ve been sleeping really well that’s mostly it. I do feel a little dizzy from time to time but nothing out of the ordinary.

My only real symptom I notice is that I am bruising terribly from all the needles. Acupuncture too which is weird.

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Everything is moving along slowly but quickly too, if that makes sense. The days themselves are dragging but, my goodness, we have 10 days left. One more weekend and it’s transfer time. Maybe this will be the longest week of my life.

Oh, I remembered another symptom that can be attributed to the asprin probably. I can’t drink anymore, which is greeeaaat! I’ve been trying to drink but I get tipsy way too quickly and not in a good way. I actually had to hand over my beer to the hub last night. Bittersweet.

Okay, I made him go get me cheesecake in the snow earlier and now it’s cheesecake time.

Mwah! Check in after my Wednesday blood work and ultrasound appointment!

In the Trenches

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So I’m feeling guilty after my last post about me keeping my FET to myself. Like people would be rolling their eyes while reading thinking “this girls thinks too much of herself, who needs her.”

Why did I feel the need to unburden myself or announce that I’m unfollowing people who have been supporting me through my journey. Why did I feel the need to make my problems your problems?

This certainly wasn’t my intention and I’m sure it wasn’t perceived that way at all. But as you can see, I tend to be self deprecating (my blog title says it all, really) and feel like I’m not good enough for people to care about. I guess now that I’m in the trenches I find myself hyper sensitive. I worry that this won’t work and we’ll be childless forever and I’m struggling to take it one day at a time.

Fuck you infertility. I’m furious that you’ve turned me into this person.

I just want to apologize again if I offended anyone and, honestly, I really can’t stay away, I have been reading all the ‘unfollowed’ blogs anyway just to make sure you’re all doing well. It just helps me not feel that pit in my stomach when I get the email alert. If I go find a blog to read on my own I feel like I have more control. All I want is control :).

So the lovely Eventual Momma suggested that I put my blogs on a delay so that way I can keep posting and keep my sanity so I don’t jinx this FET.

We’re on day 4 of Estradiol (generic Estrace) and we have a transfer date set which is crazy to me. Two more weekends. Wow. I’m taking 1 mg twice a day, 81 mg of low dose aspirin, a prenatal and 4 fish oil pills. Taking the fish oil because my skin is ridiculously dry this winter and it’s really helped in the past.

I’m not feeling any different but after acupuncture I noticed a bruise on my knee where one of the needles went it. I assume this if from the aspirin. I bruise like a peach anyway so I’m not too phased about it. I’m also badly bruised from my first blood draw but again, this is nothing new to me.

There’s nothing of import to report, though. Tomorrow is blood draw number 2. My clinic’s satellite office recently moved to another place in Providence and my usual ultrasound tech and blood draw person aren’t there anymore. I’m not happy about that. I didn’t know their names but I really liked them. The new blood draw person was sweet and the needle didn’t hurt at all going in but I can’t get a read on the new ultrasound tech. She asked me if I wanted to put the wand in myself. Um no thank you, I’m not going to do that in front of a stranger. This process is awkward enough. She seems nice enough, I guess, but I miss my buddy. Last year I had an ultrasound on Halloween and she was dressed as a sperm. I mean, come on! How do you not love her?!

Anyway, that’s enough from me. Thank you everyone for the support and understanding. I am forever grateful and I wish I had all your addresses so I could send you something.

Imagine a Protective Bubble, If You Will…

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So I think before I mentioned that I’m really superstitious. But I tend to invent my own superstitions based on my past.

Firstly, I don’t write my husband’s name or me new last name when I’m doodling. The reason is that in the past as soon as I’ve lovingly doodled the name of whomever I’m dating, the relationship came to an end very shortly afterwards. Within days… it’s clearly linked to me writing their name on a piece of paper. I haven’t written my husband’s name once and look how far we’ve come… Just sayin’…

I also don’t save my husband’s name under a pet name on my phone. Again, any written confirmation of a relationship spells doom. I always did this in the past and noticed that my brother didn’t do it with his wife and their relationship is perfect. The only reason they’ve been together for over 10 years is because of this fact :).

And lastly and I’m not even sure if this qualifies as a superstition… I don’t tell anyone about when big tests come up where I have the potential to fail. I’m sure this isn’t that weird though but it’s rung true for me for a long time. So much so that my friends have adopted this one when I tell them to. I passed my drivers license test on the first try after not telling anyone except Mum because she paid and after my friend failed her driver’s test 5 times I told her to tell no one the 6th time  and she got it after that. 3 of my friends since then have passed their driver’s test on this theory so I believe in this one wholeheartedly.

I’ve also applied this to job interviews. I was unemployed for a year and a half when I got here and after countless failures when I came to this final interview I told no one except my husband and I was a shoe in.

And again, before that with regards to getting my green card. I told no one about my interview to get the 2 year green card which went off without a hitch. But then when I applied for my 10 year green card I told everyone and we got an RFE. That’s when they send you a letter to insinuate  that they think you’re lying about something on your application and they need more evidence to prove you’re not. I eventually got the green card after this but I was upset that I hadn’t stuck to my guns.

Of course, there’s not scientific evidence to prove any correlation but I think, practically, it has to do with the fact that the less people who know the less pressure you’re under. Whatever the reason, it seems to have worked in my life thus far.

I’m sure you know where this is going… We’ve decided to keep the FET process between just the 2 of us. Partly because of my superstition and partly because I’ve been very open about everything thus far with my friends and family and N and I haven’t really had much privacy throughout and while I’m okay with it, I think he would appreciate it.

I’ve also been going through a dark time as well, hence no real blogging and I hate to say this but I’ve had to unfollow some of my favourite blogs. Not unfollow, unfollow, but I’ve set it so that I don’t get instant emails anymore. Just until I can get a handle on my emotions. I’m feeling impatient and irritable and I need to go into protection mode for a while I think. I am also feeling not so confident about this FET and it’s exacerbating everything. My acupuncturist keeps repeating that I have to be as stress free and calm throughout this process as possible so I’m trying to follow that as best as I can.

Of course that means I won’t be blogging about the FET when it happens. I’ve said some things on my instagram account but I’m going to take an instagram break as well… if I can.

I think what I’m going to do is blog as we go along because I want to record it but I’ll start posting the blogs after we have the result.

Please know that I’m very happy for all the BFP’s but it’s hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would and it’s becoming a bit overwhelming. I’ll catch up on all the stories when I feel stronger.

Wishing everyone continued success. I hope we’ll be joining you soon. I love you guys and I know you get it :).

Sleepless in Massachusetts

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I had a terrible night last night and I fear there will be more to come. My husband left me this morning. No not like that :). He’s gone to St John for work until Saturday (sorry, if you think that joke’s in poor taste). I have trouble sleeping when he’s not there so last night I was already tossing and turning thinking about the lack of sleep I’ll endure when he’s gone. So it was a mixture of bitter sadness and extreme excitement.

Excitement because of this. I was working in the tv room last night and I heard my husband call me from the bed room, “Hun, did we ever find out the sex of the embryo?”

“No, I think we’ll ask the Dr G if we get a positive”

“…Oh… I know what it is…”

“WHAT??!!!”

“Yeah, they sent us the results of the PGD test and I accidentally read it”

“Oh my God, you know what we’re having??!!!”

“Yes do you want to know?”

“Yes!!! … No!!!… hmm yes!… Wait, you actually know what we’re having”

“Yes! it’s right here”

“Oh my God, I don’t know. But I don’t want you to know if I don’t know. Dammit! I had a plan. Of course I want to know. Why would they send us this? Okay tell me. No wait! Okay yes. Argh… Yes! what is it”

“It’s a XXXXX”

Queue several OMG’s, uncontrollable laughter, some more OMG’s, a very happy chair dance and a perma smile for the rest of the evening. I must’ve read the sex over a few times just to let it sink in. I even think we agreed on a name. And by the time we got into bed I’d decorated the baby’s room and sent mental gender announcements to everyone. I had to reign myself in a little bit. Okay, N had to reign me in. I asked him if he was excited and he said we have a long way to go still and he was saving his excitement. I said he was right but right now at that moment we had a little XXXXX. He cracked a smile. I know he’s excited too.

I spent the rest of my sleepless night buying clothing, setting up play dates and counting baby toes in my head. I was quite a bipolar night. One minute was soaring amongst the clouds with other happy mothers the next minute I was inconsolable thinking how would I recover if this embryo didn’t take. Part of me wishes I didn’t know because if it doesn’t work I wouldn’t be as attached. But part of me is so happy because this is the farthest I’ve ever let myself go with my daydreams and plans and I’ve actually let myself enjoy it.

I know that we’re nowhere close to being out of the woods. But right now, today, as I’m sitting here I’m a mom to a little XXXXX and I’m pleased as punch.

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I’m back :)

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Hello again, blog world!
It’s good to be back. I won’t keep you long, just wanted to update on my life so far.

We got back last Wednesday at 9pm. The flight was torture after such a magnificent holiday. We missed our connection home and had to wait another 2 hours for the next flight. And when we got home the friend who picked us up didn’t have our house keys we gave him so we had to get our backup set at another friend’s. I tell ya, it was torture staring at the couch from the window after a 31hr trip with minimal sleep. We eventually got in and I wish I could say we rested until today but I had to be at work the following morning followed by our EOY party at work. I found rest on Friday after work but that’s when I picked up this lovely throat infection.

The rest of the weekend was beyond uneventful. My darling was so great cleaning up and cooking and stuff. What a sweetheart.

Okay, okay enough boring-ness. Today was our follow up with the RE where we were going to find out how our 2 embryos fared. When Dr G finally called us in he took us to the tiny finance room first and my heart sat in my throat because he never does this. I thought he was going to tell us we had an outstanding payment and he can’t give help us til we pay up. Turns out it was a little worse. The genetics lab hadn’t forwarded them our results yet… Yes, really… almost a month after they got the samples. Dr G wanted to know if we could come back to see him after he called them when their office opened in an hour. I could almost see the tiny vein in my husband’s head pop.

His biggest gripe about this whole thing is the 2hr commute in nasty traffic that we have to take up to the clinic every time. Luckily he kept it together and asked if the RE could call us with the results instead because this trip is a nightmare. Dr G was visibly annoyed with the genetics lab and extremely apologetic and happily agreed to call us with the results. He then took us to his office to go over the 2 possible scenarios and to answer questions and come up with a plan.

We signed the FET consent forms in case we have an embryo to work with and talked about a redo if we did not. He said that my cycle went “about as picture perfect as it could get” and that he wouldn’t change anything next time around. I asked if there are any vitamins or supplements we could take to help next time and he said just the prenatal. I know that there are more supplements I can take but I have to do some more research first. I would be concerned that he didn’t suggest any other vitamins but I think most doctors would rather err on the side of caution.

I must say, I never felt a strong connection with Dr G before today. He seemed professional and kind which I liked and that was really all I needed. But today I think our shared annoyance with the genetics guys brought us a little closer together and he gave a good laugh at one of my chirps which made me very happy. I think we chose well.

So maybe and hour or 2 after getting home he called with the results. I swear, I was ready to another cycle in Feb. I made my peace with it. So you can imagine my surprise when he told us that we have 1 survivor! I am still in shock as I write this. I can’t believe it, really. Sadly, the other one has trisomy 16 and wouldn’t have made it past the 1st trimester, but the survivor is a grade BB (the other is an AA) and the doctor is happy with this grade. We have 1 little fighter. 1 tiny storm trooper. 1 lone survivor… I was in a tizz so didn’t ask what the gender was but I’m more than okay with finding out if I get pregnant.

So what are the next steps? Money money money!! We need 3 grand for either another retrieval or 2.5 grand for a frozen transfer. I’ve done some calculations and we should have it around mid Feb if no other financial complications arise. We have to let the clinic know what our decision is before January. I have to discuss a few things with the insurance but I think we’re going to put all our egg in one basket 🙂 and go with the FET in Feb with our rock star frostie. We’ll have to pay for this out of pocket because the insurance counts a retrieval and a transfer as 2 separate cycles so I’d rather they pay for the more expensive retrieval cycle where our coinsurance will be $2500. And our clinic charges $2500 for an FET if it’s out of pocket.

That’s where we’re at. Some good news over here today. I’m feeling beyond blessed right now. Ooh, I have to remember to blog about the lady my mom found for us. I’ll do that next I think. But for now, I have to get dinner going.

Thank you for sending out positive vibes and prayers for us. I still can’t believe it. I’m not sure if it’s Mac or Cheese who made it, so we may need a renaming ceremony.

Have a good evening!

p.s. I’m no photoshopper but I made this and I thought it was funny.

Lone Survivor