Now that we’ve started this very huge slow moving ball rolling, I’ve had to make a litany of phone calls to get all my shit together for our next cycle. It was a bit of a roller coaster but I’ve made my peace with it and I’m ready to set up goals and get my body and mind ready for round 2.
First, I had to call the PGD clinic again to make sure everything was all set there. We had a really good talk and she said that they do accept my insurance and that I wouldn’t have to pay anything, they would bill my insurance. I was over the moon!!! Then when I got the email from her it said that they don’t accept HMO policies… which, of course, is what I have. I think at that point I figured out what the saying “taking the wind out of my sails” meant. That’s exactly what it felt like. But I took the day and dusted myself off. Called my clinic and had them switch me to another PGD lab. This one charges $2400 for 8 embryos and $250 for every embryo above that and then $350 for the courier fee. And the good news is that I can self submit a claim to my insurance and they’ll likely refund everything except the courier fee.
Then today my nurse told me that I had filled out some of the consent forms incorrectly and that my PCP sent over the wrong physical exam report. Fixed the consent form issue lickatty split but now I have to make more calls to the PCP to get them to send the correct forms.
And finally, my nurse requested that I do a karyotyping blood test. Not sure if I’m spelling that correctly. Anyway, luckily they can do that on Saturday so I’ll do that then.
So I feel like we’ve accomplished a bit this week and now I can set up some goals for the next cycle. I’m still really sad that the PGD lab takes PPO policies but not HMO and there was a PPO policy available but I didn’t take it because I didn’t understand the difference until now. Apparently PPO is more flexible but generally more expensive and I actually read somewhere that “If you prefer to have your care coordinated through a single doctor, an HMO plan might be right for you. If you want greater flexibility or if you see a lot of specialists, a PPO plan might be what you’re looking for.” Why didn’t I read this when I was signing up? ARrrggh!!! I was really sad yesterday, even writing it now is making me sad again and I need to look ahead so we won’t dwell on it too much.
I suspect it will take me about 2 months to save up the money so I’m going into super save mode again. I’ve done it before with our last cycle so I’m not too worried about it. I’ll also be out of probation at work I think I’ll be ready to talk to my boss about coming in late on monitoring days. Yes, it’ll take about 2 months to work up the nerve.
Here are my goals:
Save up the necessary money.
Successfully follow the ketogenic diet plan I’ve been trying to follow
Try Insanity workouts again (ugh, do I have to… okay that’s not the right attitude.. gotta hustle!!)
Plan at least 6 fun cheap things to do on weekends so I can keep my mind occupied. That’s about 1 thing every two weeks until we can start. Luckily we have things lined up for the next 3 weekends so that’s cool.
I think that ought to do it for now. 2 months isn’t far away. I think I can do it if nothing expensive comes up haha. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some subscription boxes I have to cancel *sigh*.
First things first, It hurt! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t do pain. I’m the one who takes pain killers as soon as she sees her period starts. That way I don’t have to deal with the pain when it comes. They told me to take 600mg of Ibuprofen, I took 800 and it was still unbearable. That being said, if you’re waiting to do a hysteroscopy, this is not the post to read. I am an outlier.
I arrived at the clinic and hour early of course and we got going almost right on time. Me, Dr G, new nurse and veteran nurse showing her the ropes. They were doing less nursing and more standing in the corner judging my loser behaviour. I did ask the doctor why we were just looking today and not going in there with a pair of scissors and lopping off whatever didn’t belong. He said that he’s not sure that there’s anything there in the first place and if it’s a fibroid they wouldn’t be able to “lop” it off anyway. The other procedure is like a surgery and it might not be necessary here. I guess he was right, so I let him continue.
The speculum didn’t hurt more than it normally does, the iodine (I think that’s what it was) was uncomfy. The camera going in was painless and then came the saline solution. Cue cramps and swearing. It just felt like really bad period cramps. But more sharp. Localized in my ass for some reason. Anyway, over the internal screams in my head, I kept hearing the doctor say “picture” … “you’re doing great, just 10 more seconds”… “picture” (10 seconds later) “just 8 more seconds” (what?!!) “you’re doing great”… “picture”… “picture”…”aand we’re done”. And that was it.
The pain went away immediately after he took everything out. There was a gush of saline solution. Awesome. And then he took his sweet time to tell me that he saw nothing. I was so relieved because there was a 10 second pause where he looked a bit worried. But there you have it. He said can start the next cycle with my next period. Woohoo!!
No not yet… there’s still the matter of payment. So it looks like we have to pay for PGD testing up front. It does get fully reimbursed which is great. So I really can’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but we don’t have 5K lying around so we have to make a plan for that. Hopefully we can find a quick solution. But that also brings me to my next issue.
So, luckily my clinic opens at 6:30 for monitoring appointments and Monday I had to do a blood preggo test but work starts at 7 and I rolled in at 7:20. I’m not happy about that. My boss is cool about coming in late. He said coming in around 7:15 is fine but I really wasn’t happy and it doesn’t sit well with me that I’ll have to do this almost every day for 2 weeks without a good reason (I know this is best reason but it’s too soon to share this with him). Especially since it’s a new job and I’m still on probation.
I’m eager to start my next cycle. I’m so ready. I’m so very ready, but I also want to make a good impression because I really love this job. Where do I find a balance? I feel like I should sit out the next cycle and try for November (if we get the funds). I’ll be out of probation by then and I’ll find out if my boss even wants me to stay. And also, We may have to save up for a long time too so this could all be a moot point.
Sorry this was a long rambling post. I apologize for being all over the place. Thank you for keeping me in my thoughts and sending well wishes. They all seem to have worked.
My RE called as I was buying a bag of highly overpriced airport Lay’s. Looks like I’m up for a hysteroscopy when I get back. He said it looks like there may be a polyp.
He wants to do it on day 5 of my cycle but I don’t think I’ll be back home by then. I’m willing my body to bleed late though. According to my period app I should be home on day 10. yeesh. Whatev’s, I’ll just go in in August.
He said half the time it’s nothing and half the time they have to to remove whatever is there. It does sound like the hysterscopy and the removal are 2 separate procedures which I’m not happy with. Why can’t he just do it in one go? I’ll have to ask when I call with day 1.
Oh dear, I just realized I’ll be on new insurance in August so maybe we’ll only be able to do this in September. Ugh.
The trip is going well. I picked up a lovely throat infection and I’m supposed to be working this first week so I’m in pj’s under the covers doing some work while my mum brings me food and meds. I can’t really be mad at that.
Hope everyone had a fantastic 4th of July weekend.
Well hello! I just wanted to do another quick pop in to let you know what’s going on.
I had a sonohysterogram today. It was not fun. The nurse practitioner and the sonographer were sweethearts, of course. I should have warned them that I am a big baby.
The appointment was at 11:45 but we got there at 11 which they were really happy about. I think the sono wanted to head out early today. I was hoping N could join me to hold my hand but they whisked him upstairs for his repeat SA which he was tight lipped about afterwards. He just said that they gave him the shitty room again. Ah, the mind wonders.
They did a baseline ultrasound first and had only good things to say about my uterus, which is always a strange compliment to get but I’ll take it. The NP was awesome at explaining all her steps and her attempts to make me as comfy as possible. The devil’s hand speculum was pre-warmed (whaaat?! awesome) but still hurt like a mofo going in. The catheter was even worse. The first time I had a catheter in my uterus was when I had the IUD put in a few years ago. I almost cried that time. This felt like that. Horrible cramps that I could feel in my butt and down my legs. I was given a little respite when she took the speculum out but then the wand went in. That’s too many things in my vagina. I wasn’t happy.
After that it wasn’t the worst. It hurt a little when they squeezed the saline solution in. She did 2 big syringes which she apologized profusely for. It was just unpleasant. Trying to look interested in what someone is saying while saline solution is dripping out of your nether region is quite a story. On to the results.
So there was something odd. Despite my uterus being shaped nicely. We all saw something which to me looked like a tiny wall at the end (or beginning… or top… or bottom) of my uterus that split it in two but both sections were filling up with liquid. The NP said that it looks like something but it could be nothing and the doctor will have to tell me more. Great.
And then it was over. They took everything out and had me raise my butt so they could slide another puppy pad underneath me. When I sat up it all came gushing out. I was given a bit of privacy to get dressed and use the thickest pad known to man. Great to day to be wearing a g-string huh, dummy.
I met N outside and waited a bit so he could get a few vials of blood drawn. There was a tiny mishap and he was dripping blood down his arm but a band-aid and an ice pack cleared that up right quick.
Afterwards we grabbed some lunch and ran a few errands and now I’m home not working even though I should be.
giant calzones!
I am of course Googling what I think I saw on my ultrasound. I have diagnosed myself with Asherman’s syndrome or it could just be a uterine synechia. The only reason I’m thinking Asherman’s is because my period only lasts for 2 days and there’s very little blood and those 2 days are cramp city. But those are the only 2 other symptoms. I doubt it’s that.
I have to be honest. I’m not too worried about it. It may be because whatever it is, we’ll get it sorted out. I’m not afraid of surgery or anything like that, I know that I have a great team working on this and it’ll get fixed and it’s just one step closer to a kiddo.
In other, more exciting news… I’m off to South Africa on Thursday for 3 weeks. I’m kinda bummed that I’m doing this trip solo. It’s the longest I’ll be without my dude since I came here. Kinda bummed is an understatement actually. I’m trying to cry just writing it. It’s weird bursting with excitement and sadness at the same time. I may need to up my chocolate intake.
I have to start packing right now because I don’t want to have to stress about it tomorrow as we have to leave the house at 2am on Thursday. I land at noon on Friday and then Saturday is wedding number 1. After that I’ll take the 7hr drive on Monday with my parents to Cape Town to visit family and friends until the 18th then it’s back to my home town for my brother’s wedding on the 25th. I get back here on the 28th then I’ll have my LAST THREE DAYS at my old job! Ack!!!
It’s all happening so quickly. Before I know it I’ll be starting IVF round 2. Yay! In the meantime I am going to make a concerted effort to blog more, even if it won’t be too much infertility stuff. I’ve completely abandoned my ttc instagram account. I try to pop in every now and again but I don’t feel connected to anyone there anymore and I fear when I’m ready to start a new round people will think I’m just there to take support but I wasn’t there to give support. Whatever, I like you ladies better anyway.
So there you have it. I hate that sonohysterograms are necessary. I hate that all this invasive testing is necessary, but it is and, again, it’s just one step closer to baby time.
I hope everyone is doing well. I’ll pop in again when I’m safe and surrounded by nieces and nephews. xx
Isn’t it funny how sometimes when you’re listening to music at work, there’s one song that comes on that puts into words exactly what you’re feeling and you end up tearing up right when your boss comes over to ask how the day’s going? No, not funny? Yeah, you’re right.
I’m learning so many new things everyday with the IVF process. Today’s lesson(s): Always check, double check, and triple check what your insurance carrier tells you vs what your clinic tells you. Do not, under any any circumstances, assume that what 2 people say is law. Do not trust anything that sounds too good to be true as far as your insurance carrier covering certain procedures. If you do this, you will most likely end up with a surprise bill that you in no way budgeted for and you will invariably find yourself at your desk listening to Adele ask the tough questions, with tears in your eyes playing it off as the end of big yawn so your boss would just go away.
I don’t want to go into too much detail because I’ve since made my peace with it and realize that fighting with my insurance company over a what someone told me over the phone in September is not going to make them reverse their decision or even investigate the matter. But I have 100% learned my lesson and I a wiser for it.. and a little more bitter.
“Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements?”… I don’t know, Adele.. That’s a good question. That’s how I felt on Tuesday after reading the bill and talking to the rudest lady in the collections department at the genetics lab. Just when I came to terms with moving IVF #2 out a few months. I’m now having to come to terms with pushing it out another few more months. And we all know how gut wrenching all this waiting is. I honestly didn’t even want to bother anymore.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I can’t deal with waiting. Why I break into a cold sweat just thinking about it. And it’s simply because I don’t like that feeling I get when someone I know personally gets pregnant. Don’t like is putting it mildly. We all know the feeling. But can I really live my life in fear while waiting? My friends are either trying to get pregnant, getting married so pregnancy is sure to follow at some point, or talking about baby number 2 and I am experiencing anxiety and depression even though it hasn’t even happened yet. I’m already depressed about pregnancies that are only in my head. I feel like I won’t recover if someone else I love becomes pregnant before me. Really? really?
So I started to shift my thinking… In the time we started this journey 5 of my loved ones have become pregnant before me. 3 of them have given birth to beautiful little angels. And me? I survived through all of it. Was I devastated? Yes. Did I make it through? Absolutely.
The bottom line is that life goes on. People are 100% going to get pregnant before me and I will 100% be a broken mess for a few days (or weeks) and I will 100% get up and carry on. I cannot be afraid of something I have no control over. That’s no way to live. I have to start to live again.
Now I don’t know where we stand with IVF #2 anymore. I have a few things going on that I’m excited about and right now IVF #2 does not excite me. I almost can’t believe I’m saying that but it’s true. The way the genetics lab and my insurance carrier have handled this bill has left a very bitter taste in my mouth and I have two work with both of these entities again when I’d really rather just spit in their respective faces (especially that rude bitch on the phone).
I’m not giving up, Adele. And I’m not chasing pavements either. I am just going to try and regain control of my little world for now.
I’m afraid my blog is going to become decidedly boring if you’re only looking for TTC related posts. We do have a new plan for making a baby but it involves a hiatus of at least 5 months, which I’m finally okay with since I have a lot to do to prepare.
My WTF appointment went really well. He’s decided to start me on higher doses of meds (Menopur and Gonal F) in the beginning and then dropping me down after, if the need arises. That way we’re not catching up. He’s also going to make me get 2 different triggers (Lupron and a different one, I forget which) and then decide which to use based on follicle sizes at the end.
And because my insurance is as it is we have to redo some of the diagnostic tests. N’s SA, disease screening, etc. But a new test is the sonohysterogram. I’m obviously dreading this but it’s a long way away so no need to work myself up now.
I think that was all but of course, now there’s the wait. I’ve said this before but it bares repeating. My insurance only covers 2 cycles at 80%. The catch is that they count a retrieval and a transfer as two separate cycles. We had them cover our first retrieval and we paid for the transfer out of pocket. Now we’re going to repeat this process and have to save up the 20% for the retrieval and another 5ish grand for the transfer…
So there you have it. The wait is on.. again. I do have plenty of things to do in between then and now to keep myself occupied but I’m still not done hiding under the blankets. I’m not ready to start fighting yet. I think it’s because I’ve realized now how big of a fight it is. I know I can do it but it’s so much easier to stay under the blankets.
Blastocysts are graded on the basis of expansion/size, ICM (inner cell mass) and Trophectoderm (TE) and recorded by a string of FOUR letters. First two letters refer to the expansion/size of the blastocyst and the following two letters denote the quality of ICM and TE respectively.
Expansion:
Early Blastocyst (<50% cavity)=EB
Expanded Blastocyst (>50% cavity)=XB
Hatching Blastocyst=HB
ICM:
Based on the cohesiveness and the size, the ICM is (subjectively) graded as A (GOOD), B (FAIR) or C (POOR).
TE:
Depending on the number and microscopic morphology of cells in the trophectoderm layer, it is graded as A (GOOD), B (FAIR) or C (POOR).
As you can imagine I’ve been googling EBBB success rates and scrutinizing the picture they gave us. I’m just not sure. And another thing that’s worrying me is that when they thawed it it didn’t grow further. It didn’t degrade which is fantastic but it didn’t progress either.
On the other hand I have a few symptoms, I think. I have a constant cramp in my lower abdomen. I don’t know if this is good or bad. It’s not painful just constant. It feels like ovulation cramp just all the time but it goes away when I walk around. And every now and then I feel a tiny stab in my lower abdomen too. This is the only thing giving me hope as I’ve read about this happening.
Now I’m dealing with guilt for not having faith, despair because I don’t think this is it, hope because I’m crampy. I heard the tww was a rollercoaster but my goodness.
1 day down… 9 days to go. fml.
CHAPTER TWO:
I woke up in complete despair. I’m very fragile and husband mentioned that the clinic took $145 out of our account without notifying us. This was not what I wanted to hear. I woke up with no more cramps so that was already messing with me.
I had a nightmare last night. I don’t remember much but it involved my niece and nephew getting up out of bed and running to the door screaming. I don’t know why or what from but I could sense the fear and it stayed with me after I woke up. I had to pee and that felt a little reassuring because I don’t generally have to pee in the middle of the night and I didn’t have anything to drink too late last night.
But the drive to work was a nightmare. I was annoyed with this money story and just not feeling very positive about anything. It was very overwhelming and I almost cried.
I remember feeling like this when they told us we only had 2 embryos to test. It was a dark time. But I crawled my way out of it and was in a very good place. I was at peace with either outcome and I need to get there. I have to try and enjoy where I am right now.
I’m actually IM’ing a friend from back home about my dark mood and he’s helping a little. I’m feeling way better than I did this morning. To help matters the $145 wasn’t the clinic it was actually the double acupuncture appointment on Tuesday :). So I’m definitely better in that regard.
Although the constant cramp is gone and I’m a lot less bloated today, I’m still feeling very small tiny blips in my lower abdomen and I’ve had subtle heartburn since I had some chicken salad a few hours ago. The first time I’m enjoying heartburn.
In my head I’m singing the song Phoebe sang to the fetuses the day she got implanted with 5 embryos in that one episode of Friends! I love how she got implanted and got a positive test that very same day!! Ah if only.
CHAPTER THREE:
I am 4dp5dt.
The crazy fog has lifted. I think the universe was looking out for me. On Wednesday, in the midst of my funk, 3 bloggers made posts that spoke to me directly and really helped me to get a grip. A big thank you to girl4182 for this post, chels819 for this post, JENNIE for this post (and Caroline for the quote) and of course my husband for reminding me to remain positive. Each of you said something I absolutely needed to hear so really really thank you.
My next thank you is obviously to Shonda Rhimes (lol). Without giving too much away, Amelia has to a surgery but before she goes in she does a superhero pose… The theory is that if you stand in a superhero pose for about 2 minutes while breathing deeply and standing tall with your chest out, you will feel more confident and positive and your mood elevates… I googled it. It’s a real thing. So, yes, I dragged my ass off to the bathroom because I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of my colleagues and I stood in superhero pose for 2 minutes.
Did it help? A little. But only because I ended up chuckling at myself. I felt a little silly but I did feel better after.
My final thank you goes out to Earth Wind and Fire. Because how can you be in despair when listening to Earth Wind and Fire?
Yesterday at 3dpt I still didn’t have any symptoms but I was okay. I was thinking about where I was. 3dpt was further than I’d ever been in this journey and that in itself is amazing! I never thought I’d be here. One day at a time.
And now I’m here! 4dpt! I have a constant cramp on my left side since I woke up and while it’s not there anymore, my boobs felt heavy and my nipples were tingly. I keep jiggling my boobs to test but it’s definitely gone. I hope I’m not the only one out there jiggling her boobs during the tww :). The cramp is there though. There’s a part of me that’s worried about it being ectopic but I really can’t worry about that now. One stressor at a time please.
Anyway, This time last week I was saying this time next I’ll possibly be 3dpt and now I can say this time next week I’ll possibly be… argh, I can’t even write it. Damn you superstitions!
Hope everyone is doing well. Here’s some Earth Wind and Fire. Play this while doing the superhero pose if you’re feeling down. 🙂
CHAPTER FOUR:
The two week wait sucks
CHAPTER FIVE:
I almost tested this morning but I think the universe was looking out for me because I couldn’t find the bag of wondfo’s I bought just for this reason! Picture me with a full bladder running and dancing around the house this morning looking for them. It was pretty funny. I’m still not sure if I should test or not. N gave the thumbs up but I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for a BFN.
I still have no idea if this has worked or not. My symptoms are barely worth mentioning. It’s like my body is teasing me with symptoms. And I’m only quasi-moody. Yesterday I had a nagging cramp on my right side for solid 6 hours. I had to practically scootch all the way down in my seat to get comfortable then on the drive home my left butt cheek went numb. And then today, nothing. WTH!
In the meantime I’ve just been rubbing my belly and talking to my kid and kissing the picture of the embryo everyday.
8 days down… 2 more to go.
CHAPTER 6
9dp5dt and I was pregnant for a day.
I shouldn’t have tested. I’ll never do that again. Yesterday I found a test in my back pack from last year. I forgot I had it. The expiration date was 2016 so I thought it would be okay. That was my first mistake. On my way home I bought 2 dollar tree tests. That was my second mistake. When I walked in I just told N we’re doing this. I squeezed out a 7:30pm pee on the old test and immediately got a faint positive. I had never seen a positive in my life. We didn’t talk about it much. Just enjoyed the rest of the evening in silent elation. I couldn’t stop looking at the stick. I kept checking it every half hour just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things but there it was. We watched Tosh.O and the Empire finale (how good is this show, man! My new favourite) and half of Family Guy. Then I attempted to go to sleep. I obviously tossed and turned for hours. I was over the moon but still scared. I didn’t want to get too excited but I couldn’t wait for this morning’s test. Just to put me at ease.
I did not expect the glaring negative that appeared this morning. Not even a hint a line. Nothing. So much nothing. I’ve never hated an inanimate object so much. Confusion. Anger. Despair. Why did I test? What’s going on? a chemical pregnancy? A false positive on the other test? I’ll never know. I know false negatives are few an far between so I’ve given up hope. I still have a pain on my lower left side but it’s not as bad as the pain in my heart right now.
N tried to reassure me but I’m a little inconsolable right now. Also, we kind of knew this was a long shot and that we should try to take this round as a trial round but how can I not be a little distraught?
Infertility sucks my friends. But onward and upward. At least I can drink again.
Hi Baby!
Bye Baby…
CHAPTER SIX:
Well, there it is… The dreaded voicemail… Waiting until I get home so N can listen to it. I can’t bear it.
I’m 1dp5dt (1 day past 5 day transfer)… Wow, I never thought I’d get to write that ever. I’m in shock. Again, one of the many things I’m feeling. Here’s the blow-by-blow.
We got to acupuncture at 8:30. Dr L is so great he came in especially for me since he doesn’t open that early so that was greatly appreciated. I was relatively relaxed and had a hell of a lot more needles put in. It was a good session but was subsequently ruined when I saw a voicemail from the clinic. My heart was racing when I listened back but it was just them saying they’re definitely doing the transfer but pushed my time up to 11:45. I’m very glad that I made us get a move on early. We were up there by 10:30 and faffed around until 11:15 when I had to do my nervous pee.
My transfer was set for 12:45 but I had to come an hour early to start drinking water and take a valium and sign paper work. She said do 2-3 cups of water and to space it out since we had a lot of time. I forgot that I have a toddler’s bladder and I only got through a cup and a bit and I was bursting… and we still have 30min to go. I don’t listen to instruction well when I’m nervous. I asked the nurse if she knew if my child survived the thaw and she was like “Yes, that’s the only reason you’re here.”. The morning phone call is to tell us to come in or not. That made me feel really good but she said that the day 5 embryos always thaw perfectly and they have it down to an art :). Dr G gave us and 80% thaw survival rate. That 20% still had me up at night.
I was given a wrist band with my details on it and we were ushered into the room where the magic happens. I only had to undress the bottom half and neither of us had to wear the bonnets or shoe covers some people wear. The old doctor with the high waisted scrubs who did my retrieval was doing the transfer which makes me wonder what our RE’s job is if he’s not doing retrievals or transfers.
My bladder was ridiculous at this point. I really could barely deal but I was brave. The nurse said it was perfect and didn’t want me to go empty it a little. So, it was a party of five in there. Me, N, ultrasound nurse, old man doctor and cheerleader clipboard nurse who had very complimentary things to say about my uterus. She had me confirm my name to her twice to make sure we don’t get any embie mix ups. Then it was speculum time.
ultrasound nurse was so gentle I wanted to kiss her. So I didn’t pee all over Oldie. The speculum was as it always was, terrible. He also cleaned my cervix with the cheerleader smiling at my vagina creepily. The catheter was a breeze, I saw it on the ultrasound but didn’t feel it go in. I did start shaking though. I was getting very cold. So they brought me a warm blanket and life made sense again.
Then Ultrasound opened a side door and said “We’re ready”. 2 embryologists (I assume that’s who they were) appeared in unison with another clipboard and asked my name and checked my wrist band, then left and closed the door…in unison. Cheerleader said they’re just prepping and I should see it pop on the screen. 5 seconds later there it was.
I let out a really loud gasp and Cheerleader and Ultrasound said “awww”… So tiny and perfect. They took a pic for us. They said it thawed perfectly. I still can’t put into words what I was thinking or feeling. The screen went back to the ultrasound and we waited until the embryologist twins came in with my baby in a tube and silently left and we watched Oldie do his thing. It was over before I knew it. I didn’t get a picture of the little white line in my uterus that was my baby but seeing it was priceless.
After that, our new friends wished us luck and we were given all the necessary instructions. No bed rest, just take it easy and that was that.
Back at acupuncture I couldn’t really relax when I was on my back. My mind was racing and it was colder than usual but when I was on my stomach I was out like a light. It was awesome until the heating lamp thing dinged and startled me. I twitched really hard and pulled something in my lower back and felt a twinge in my abdomen. I’m really scared about that, but trying to put it out of my mind.
When we eventually got home, I’d hired 3 movies (Catching Fire, Delivery Man and Big Hero 6). Catching Fire and Delivery Man were trrrrash. Don’t bother. Big Hero 6 was awesome. We had a really late lunch/early dinner and I had halloumi cheese and olives as a 9pm snack. I’m going to write a post about my love for halloumi cheese. It warrants it’s own post. And then we went to bed and as I was dozing off N put his hand on my tummy thus making a perfect day even more perfect.
This whole transfer experience was surreal and awesome. And even if it doesn’t work out for us this round, I highly recommend it… well, you know… if you have to.
We’ve finally made it. It’s finally transfer day eve.
The call came at 3pm. Do they do that on purpose you think? Oh yes, let’s make them sweat until their about to snap and THEN call them *evil laugh*. I’m sure they have a process but man that’s a long wait. I took half of today off and went to get some socks to wear tomorrow. I was looking for ladybird socks but settled for cute pineapple ones. I also found very cute ladybird earrings. I also realised that I still have the t-shirt I wore on our first date, so I’m going to wear that too.
To say that I’m excited is beyond an understatement. Actually excited is one of the many emotions I’m feeling. I’m certainly not going to be sleeping tonight. I have my first acupuncture appointment at 8:30 then we take a long drive up to Lexington for noon. I’ll then drink water for an hour and take some yummy Valium. Transfer is set for 1pm after which I’ll go back to the second acupuncture appointment.
Unfortunately, I’ve taken no time off work. I have 2 weddings in July in South Africa and I have to save all my time off but depending on how I feel I may work from home.
So that’s it… 4 more hours til bed time. I’ve already cooked dinner. I made my favourite soup that should take us until Thursday. I don’t want to have to cook anything for a few days. Now how am I going to kill 4 hours? Maybe I should do my hair…
I’ll leave you with some pics of the stuff I got for the transfer. And a little painted stone ladybird from our yard. N’s grandmother painted it a while back and I forgot we had it.
We added Crinone to the mix. Things are ramping up. I’m still not feeling any side effects, though. I would be worried but all my tests are saying that everything is running smoothly. I have had to take a melatonin to help with sleep. But other than that I’m sound as a pound.
They told us when we started this process in November to abstain from sex until transfer… That’s over 3 months of no sex. That’s not realistic. But I think last night was the last for a while now that I’m doing vaginal progesterone suppositories. I mean that’s really not sexy. We did use a condom last night. It was weird to be using a condom for the first time in 5 years.
OMG! I just realized yesterday was our 5 year anniversary of knowing each other. Wow! I’ve never been in love with someone for 5 yrs nor have I have I fallen more in love as time progressed. Right now he’s sitting next to me cursing at his laptop for some or other reason, just being all cute. I’m gonna go kiss him for a bit.
T-minus almost time for transfer. (I still can’t physically write down the date. lol).
Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing 